etherealbliss Posted February 13, 2016 Share Posted February 13, 2016 Hi, I've been dating this guy for a month and talking to him for two months. We've met at least 10 times and things have been well. He is a gentleman, sweet, initiates contact, respectful, etc. Tomorrow i'm taking him with me to a party where he'll meet many of my good friends. Problem is he has many groups of friends which he sees each week and he hasn't brought up me meeting any of them yet. I don't know if i'm imagining but he doesn't appear too eager for me to meet them or he half heartedly asked if I want to tag along once or twice which I said no. I rather be properly invited. He also has many female friends. Tonight he's going to a female friend's who is having a house party. He did not ask me to go! I feel a bit hurt because i'm taking him to my party tomorrow where he'll meet many of my friends. He told me his parents and some of his friends know about me! Then why can't he introduce me? Am I being impatient? I feel like after dating for only a month i'm not in the position to bring this up and should go with the flow. I kind of regret inviting him to my friend's party since he didn't reciprocate it. Should I be concerned about this? Or the fact that he has many female friends? Should I give it more time? Is it ok for guys to hangout with their female friends without inviting their girlfriend? We're both in early 30s but i've never dated a guy with lots of female friends I haven't met before! Thanks! Link to post Share on other sites
Gaeta Posted February 13, 2016 Share Posted February 13, 2016 We all have our own speed when it comes to introducing friends and family. Some people feel very comfortable doing so quickly and don't put much importance in the meaning of it. Other people wait months before introducing their gf-bf because they put a lot of meaning in it. My ex-boyfriend introduced me to his friends something like 3 weeks after we met. I thought it was crazy but I went. I still took my time and waited 3 months to introduce to him my adult daughter and 6 months to introduce my parents and siblings. So yes, I think you are worrying way too much about this. Take him to your party, have fun, and what will be - will be. When he's ready to introduce you to his friend he'll do it at his own rhythm. I don't see anything wrong with having female friends as long as it's done in the respect of the relationship. I am sure this party he's going to is not a party of 2, they'll be plenty of people. Nothing wrong with that. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted February 13, 2016 Share Posted February 13, 2016 Well, don't take him to yours then! He's not ready, so you shouldn't be ready. Link to post Share on other sites
Author etherealbliss Posted February 13, 2016 Author Share Posted February 13, 2016 Well, don't take him to yours then! He's not ready, so you shouldn't be ready. I have already invited him so it might be weird if I say sorry changed my mind..But yes kinda regret it Link to post Share on other sites
Author etherealbliss Posted February 13, 2016 Author Share Posted February 13, 2016 We all have our own speed when it comes to introducing friends and family. Some people feel very comfortable doing so quickly and don't put much importance in the meaning of it. Other people wait months before introducing their gf-bf because they put a lot of meaning in it. My ex-boyfriend introduced me to his friends something like 3 weeks after we met. I thought it was crazy but I went. I still took my time and waited 3 months to introduce to him my adult daughter and 6 months to introduce my parents and siblings. So yes, I think you are worrying way too much about this. Take him to your party, have fun, and what will be - will be. When he's ready to introduce you to his friend he'll do it at his own rhythm. I don't see anything wrong with having female friends as long as it's done in the respect of the relationship. I am sure this party he's going to is not a party of 2, they'll be plenty of people. Nothing wrong with that. Thank you..reading this made me feel better about the situation.. I do feel he is worth the wait. Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted February 13, 2016 Share Posted February 13, 2016 In only a month, you can't be upset that you haven't met all of his friends. DH & I have been married for 8 years and we both have old friends the other hasn't met. So relax. However, him not inviting you to a party with his friends is an issue. You need to bring it up. I'd be direct & admit to your hurt feelings. I'd say something like "I know it's only been a month but I'm kind of hurt that you are going to a party with your friends & you didn't ask me to come along. Is it me? Is it them?" Link to post Share on other sites
Gaeta Posted February 13, 2016 Share Posted February 13, 2016 we both have old friends the other hasn't met. So relax. However, him not inviting you to a party with his friends is an issue. You need to bring it up. I'd be direct & admit to your hurt feelings. I'd say something like "I know it's only been a month but I'm kind of hurt that you are going to a party with your friends & you didn't ask me to come along. Is it me? Is it them?" omg let me disagree. He is entitled to introduce his friends when he is ready to do so, especially they only have been dating 1 month!! It doesn't have to be about her, or about them. It's just too soon for him, nothing else. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted February 13, 2016 Share Posted February 13, 2016 omg let me disagree. He is entitled to introduce his friends when he is ready to do so, especially they only have been dating 1 month!! It doesn't have to be about her, or about them. It's just too soon for him, nothing else. You are right but if it's bothering her, she needs to tell him. It's really unfair for her to be upset about this & not discuss her concerns with him. If he still doesn't want to introduce her to friends, then armed with that decision & knowledge, she gets to make an informed decision about how she feels about his style / time table. This party is already happening. It seems like the most natural reason / setting to introduce her. It feels to me like he is keeping her from an important part of his life & in her shoes I would want to know why. Link to post Share on other sites
Gaeta Posted February 13, 2016 Share Posted February 13, 2016 I think it's normal to not introduce friends after 1 month dating. She is the one who got carried away with inviting him. Now that she got carried away he should get carried away? no. She knows she did something too soon. She should not expect him to follow her step. He is being normal. She needs to accept she invited him to come along too early in the relationship and following that things have to continue evolving naturally between them which means no more introducing people for another month or so. Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted February 13, 2016 Share Posted February 13, 2016 "normal" is such a loaded word. I am advocating communication which is what is really missing here. They have to talk about this because it's upsetting one of them. Link to post Share on other sites
Gaeta Posted February 13, 2016 Share Posted February 13, 2016 "normal" is such a loaded word. I am advocating communication which is what is really missing here. They have to talk about this because it's upsetting one of them. Communicating is not about blaming: Why aren't you inviting me to meet your friends. Communicating would be: Next time I'd love you to invite me to meet your friends. Link to post Share on other sites
SwordofFlame Posted February 13, 2016 Share Posted February 13, 2016 I probably wouldn't introduce a girl I'm dating to my friends until around the three month mark. The relationship is too new and anything can happen in those early months. Link to post Share on other sites
Httm Posted February 13, 2016 Share Posted February 13, 2016 I generally keep my partners separate from friends... Link to post Share on other sites
Author etherealbliss Posted February 16, 2016 Author Share Posted February 16, 2016 Thank you all for your input... He did come with me to my party and met 20 people I know a few of which are close friends and even my brother was there. So he really got the VIP treatment. I told him half jokingly that it's his turn next time and he said he'll take me sometime but no specific date. He did ask if I want to go on a double date with one of his co-workers too sometime but again the question was not specific and sounded half-hearted. We had a great valentine's day together alone but met one of my friends for half hour or so as we were in the same place. Today he went to see some of his friends and again he did not invite me. It wasn't a party but I was hoping he'd at least causally ask. He's also been a bit distant since this morning. I don't want to push the subject or force him to introduce me and yes I probably jumped the gun introducing him to so many people. I guess it's my own fault that now I feel a bit insecure because if we don't work out he has nothing to lose but i'll have to give explanation to a bunch of friends and acquaintances who actually really liked him too.. Link to post Share on other sites
LydiaLong Posted February 16, 2016 Share Posted February 16, 2016 He sounds like a player to me. Link to post Share on other sites
Gaeta Posted February 16, 2016 Share Posted February 16, 2016 I don't want to push the subject or force him to introduce me and yes I probably jumped the gun introducing him to so many people. I guess it's my own fault that now I feel a bit insecure because if we don't work out he has nothing to lose but i'll have to give explanation to a bunch of friends and acquaintances who actually really liked him too.. You don't owe an explanation to anyone. Just say it didn't work, nothing else. You have to let go of him talking you along soon. You've just started dating, there is no rush, let this idea go for now. Link to post Share on other sites
Author etherealbliss Posted February 16, 2016 Author Share Posted February 16, 2016 Why do you say that @LydiaLong? Link to post Share on other sites
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