online date

[123123]

Hi, I am female and in my late twenties and successful in my career and in graduate school so am also very busy with work and exams. So, I met this guy online. We had one date. I kind of like him. During the date he held my hand and we kissed. After the date he texted me "I had a nice time" I texted back "me too" since then he hasn't been in touch. This was like three days ago. During the date I told him I would be traveling for work this week and had an exam Monday so wouldn't be able to meet again until the next weekend. I don't know if this was a turn off for him or something.

 

Should I text him? He also looked at my profile after the date. When he didn't text me yesterday I looked at his profile to sort of indicate my interest.

[d0nnivain]

You told him you would not be available. Given that why would you think he would contact you?

 

Yes you can call him. Or you can wait until after Valentine's Day to see if he calls next week.

[123123]

I feel like if he was interested he would send a text to say hi...even though I said I was busy until next week. In truth I could see him over the weekend (If I study all day). Wish I said that instead.

 

Also we planned to meet at a bar in the cool downtown area, but when he said he was on his way I said I didn't feel like coming out then said I could meet him at a restaurant near my house (so I wouldn't have to drive).

[angel.eyes]

A better way to have handled it, would have been:

 

I can't on these days, but how about the following week on these days? Would any of these work for you? I'm definitely interested in seeing you again.

 

As you handled it, it's a polite blow-off, and he's probably taken the hint.

 

At this point, wait until Monday or Tuesday, then contact him mentioning that your deadlines are now over, and you're hoping to see him again.

[Cinnamonstix]

There is nothing wrong with what you said or did. I'd let him contact you. When a guy is interested, he will. For now, forget about him and continue dating!

[123123]

But I looked at his profile yesterday. That's a big hint. I'm actually on the rebound so maybe I should just text him and let it blow up in my face, atleast I'd feel more in control.

 

Also, I am caucasian and I thought he was too. But, I sort of remembered it saying he spoke Spanish in his profile. During our date he asked me if I was Irish. (Which I'm not) then I asked him what he was. He avoided the question then finally answered (did not say he was spanish). Then when I looked at his profile I saw it did say he spoke spanish. So I think its kind of weird he lied about being spanish, like he thought I was racist or something.

[angel.eyes]

I feel like if he was interested he would send a text to say hi...even though I said I was busy until next week. In truth I could see him over the weekend (If I study all day). Wish I said that instead.

 

Also we planned to meet at a bar in the cool downtown area, but when he said he was on his way I said I didn't feel like coming out then said I could meet him at a restaurant near my house (so I wouldn't have to drive).

 

So you were flaky even going into the first date? No wonder, he's not doing anything. I wouldn't either. If you want to date, seem interested and engaged. If you prefer one and dones, your approach is a good one.

 

Anyway, if you want to see this guy again, get proactive and contact him.

[123123]

So you were flaky even going into the first date? No wonder, he's not doing anything. I wouldn't either. If you want to date, seem interested and engaged. If you prefer one and dones, your approach is a good one.

 

Anyway, if you want to see this guy again, get proactive and contact him.

 

I feel like it would be a bad way to start off. Maybe I should just be less flaky with the next guy. Also, I did look at his profile so he knows I'm feeling him. And I kissed him.

[Cinnamonstix]

Coming out of a relationship, you're probably in a fragile place right now. This might be causing you to become overly invested after one date. Just treat dating as fun and try not to worry too much. When you start over thinking everything, it starts to become calculated and unnatural. It was good that you weren't too available.

 

Next time around, I'd avoid looking at a guy's profile after a date, even if he looks at yours. Once things move into real life, keep it there.

Edited February 12, 2016 by Cinnamonstix

[angel.eyes]

I feel like it would be a bad way to start off. Maybe I should just be less flaky with the next guy. Also, I did look at his profile so he knows I'm feeling him. And I kissed him.

 

Flakes play these games. People interested in dating focus on dating, not coming up with excuses to avoid the next date and then sending mixed signals.

 

I don't think you're ready to date yet. That's what I get from your behavior. Take a little more time to recover from your breakup.

[fitnessfan365]

Well you did tell him you were traveling and that you had a school exam all going on next week. Since it's a guy you just met, he's probably trying to give you the space to do what you need to do. I mean he isn't your BF. So there's no reason why he should be in constant contact. Especially when you're going to be out of town.

 

This is how I'd handle it in the guy's shoes. Good first date on Tues. She says she'll be traveling/busy with school stuff the next week. I'd follow up right after the date like he did. Then I'd shoot a quick text right before she left just to tell her to have a good trip and that I'd see her when she gets back. Then I'd say to drop me a line when she's back. After that I'd leave it alone until I heard from her and re-confirm the weekend then.

[brokengirl85]

Hi, I am female and in my late twenties and successful in my career and in graduate school so am also very busy with work and exams. So, I met this guy online. We had one date. I kind of like him. During the date he held my hand and we kissed. After the date he texted me "I had a nice time" I texted back "me too" since then he hasn't been in touch. This was like three days ago. During the date I told him I would be traveling for work this week and had an exam Monday so wouldn't be able to meet again until the next weekend. I don't know if this was a turn off for him or something.

 

Should I text him? He also looked at my profile after the date. When he didn't text me yesterday I looked at his profile to sort of indicate my interest.

 

Do not text him, and do not look at his online profile. You'll look desperate and without other options.

If he hadn't contacted you is because he's probably not interested enough. It happens. Move on. Three days is enough time and he decided he doesn't want to text you so far.

[fitnessfan365]

Do not text him, and do not look at his online profile. You'll look desperate and without other options.

If he hadn't contacted you is because he's probably not interested enough. It happens. Move on. Three days is enough time and he decided he doesn't want to text you so far.

 

Not necessarily though. I mean she told him that she was dealing with a school exam (which he probably figures she'll be studying for) and traveling all of next week (wants to leave her alone).

 

In the end it's a guy she had one date with. So someone you barely know doesn't want to bother you when you have a lot going on. I'd give it through the weekend, to see if he reaches out wishing her well on her trip.

[123123]

To be honest I think I am going to text him. I am lonely and don't really care that much, plus I am on the rebound. Of my pics, I have cute ones smiling and one in a bikini top and this guy liked the photo in a bikini. So maybe he just wanted to hook up with me? Also, he made a joke to the waitress that I was a "lightweight" regarding etoh (alcohol) (I had one glass of wine).

 

Also, I have other options, I am a good looking girl with a good job on match.com heh. There are like five other guys who want to meet.

[fitnessfan365]

Also, I have other options, I am a good looking girl with a good job on match.com heh. There are like five other guys who want to meet.

 

To be honest, I don't really buy the indifferent attitude. If that was the case, would you have come on here to ask why he hasn't reached out? I think this is the guy you like and you're trying to convince yourself otherwise.

 

Since you have other options, just make dates with the other guys. Then if you still want to see this guy, make plans when he reaches out. No use sitting around waiting. Live your life.

[123123]

No I really don't like him, I am just lonely and my interest is sparked because he didn't text me. Also he stared at my chest a lot during the date.

 

If I went out with one of these other guys I would more than likely be into one of them, especially if they didn't text me. One of the guys just called me and asked me to go out tonight and I said I would, but I am studying. I told him we could get coffee if he drove here (study break). he said "you don't drink" so I might go out with him. Honestly. my focus is school. I can see a lot of reasons why he didn't get in touch.

[123123]

To me sitting around waiting would be not texting him. If I text him and he doesn't reply then I have my answer. But, I kind of get the sense he plays games.

[123123]

ok so he just texted me (I didn't text him). He is really into looks. Its sad his culture values women just based on how they look. he says: hey gorgeous, I hope you had a nice rest of the week. I'll give a quick call tomorrow night to say hi.

[fitnessfan365]

No I really don't like him, I am just lonely and my interest is sparked because he didn't text me. Also he stared at my chest a lot during the date.

 

If I went out with one of these other guys I would more than likely be into one of them, especially if they didn't text me. One of the guys just called me and asked me to go out tonight and I said I would, but I am studying. I told him we could get coffee if he drove here (study break). he said "you don't drink" so I might go out with him. Honestly. my focus is school. I can see a lot of reasons why he didn't get in touch.

 

The mistake you're making is thinking that someone else can fill a void in your life. Until you're fine with being alone, you'll never be happy with someone else. Eventually when the "honeymoon excitement" wears off and you're left with that empty feeling, you'll keep moving from guy to guy.

 

My advice for what it's worth is to focus on school and to find a few hobbies that you can be truly passionate about. Once you can be happy with your life outside of dating and be fine with being single, then you'll have much better luck in dating. I mean look at what you're saying right now. You want to see a guy again because he stared at your chest and didn't text you back? You obviously shouldn't be dating yet.

[jay1983]

ok so he just texted me (I didn't text him). He is really into looks. Its sad his culture values women just based on how they look. he says: hey gorgeous, I hope you had a nice rest of the week. I'll give a quick call tomorrow night to say hi.

You posted a picture in a bikini top. And What do you mean his culture?

[Spikiera]

I think it's better to take other posters' constructive criticisms rather than getting all defensive. If you go out and date just because you are lonely, that's just not cool. If some dude dates you because he's just bored and feels indifferent, how would you feel?