dmomar Posted February 12, 2016 Share Posted February 12, 2016 Things are ok between us but then he disappears sometimes for days. He claims to be busy with school but I'm in school, I work part time and I have family responsibilities. I'm 21, he's 23. I checked his facebook and he hung out with his friend who's a girl. He hasn't contacted me in 4 days. Besides this, everything else between us great. I'm just not sure if he's truly interested anymore. The last time he disappeared for 3 days he said he was stressing over school and how he was on the verge of failing a few classes. Is he too busy to date or is he just not interested in making me a priority? Link to post Share on other sites
Fruitee Posted February 12, 2016 Share Posted February 12, 2016 Sorry to say this but you are probably his side chick or plan b. No one is that busy that they dissapear for days. Everyone has smart phones that they use all the time. Even in toilet. Forget him and find a guy who is keeping tabs on you. If someone likes you and wants you he wont risk it. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Mikau Posted February 12, 2016 Share Posted February 12, 2016 I think an important question is, do you get in touch with him during those times? Or in other words, from his perspective, do you look to be disappearing as well? Maybe he's not disappearing so much, but used to less contact in between dates and you're not doing much if anything to show him you expect or want more? Not accusing you of anything, just throwing it out there. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Popsicle Posted February 12, 2016 Share Posted February 12, 2016 Too busy to date. Some people just are, they are not bad people though. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted February 12, 2016 Share Posted February 12, 2016 He doesn't sound overly interested, no. When he disappears, I assume you mean he's totally out of contact, correct? What happens when you try to get in touch with him? Link to post Share on other sites
Fruitee Posted February 12, 2016 Share Posted February 12, 2016 (edited) Yeah busy people are not bad people. For example I dont have sometimes time to meet my friends for weeks. But we do keep in touch every day. Even if someone works and studies etc. They have time for 10 minutes of texting or 30 min of talking on the phone. If guy doesnt text a woman for many days and he is not some where where phones dont work e.g. travelling in 3rd world country he is not interested. I would say if guy doesnt text for 2 days he is not interested. I have met guys who dont like to text but then they first text can I call and then we talk on phone. Or if they are busy then answer: I am busy now because of xxx and zzz I will call you later or at 18 or after I have finished here and so on. Edited February 12, 2016 by Fruitee Link to post Share on other sites
Author dmomar Posted February 12, 2016 Author Share Posted February 12, 2016 I think an important question is, do you get in touch with him during those times? I have contacted him first in the past. He acts super busy and takes longer to respond when I text first. So I decided to just let him reach out to me. We talked about it last time when he didn't contact me for 3 days. He said he wouldn't do it againow and he was just stressed. I think we need different things in a relationship so it's probably best to just leave it. Link to post Share on other sites
Author dmomar Posted February 12, 2016 Author Share Posted February 12, 2016 I texted him this morning asking him to call me later so I guess we'll see what happens. Link to post Share on other sites
Gaeta Posted February 12, 2016 Share Posted February 12, 2016 How long have you been dating? Has he done that since the beginning of your relationship? He's 23, which means in mental maturity he is 19. You are 21 which means in mental maturity you are 25. If you are looking for a serious relationship, a man to take home to mom & dad, someone you can lean on, a man that will have you back, then I suggest you date men a little older. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author dmomar Posted February 12, 2016 Author Share Posted February 12, 2016 We've been dating for only a few months so I guess yes he started doing it since the first 3 weeks of dating. Link to post Share on other sites
Northwestern1011 Posted February 12, 2016 Share Posted February 12, 2016 Things are ok between us but then he disappears sometimes for days. He claims to be busy with school but I'm in school, I work part time and I have family responsibilities. I'm 21, he's 23. I checked his facebook and he hung out with his friend who's a girl. He hasn't contacted me in 4 days. Besides this, everything else between us great. I'm just not sure if he's truly interested anymore. The last time he disappeared for 3 days he said he was stressing over school and how he was on the verge of failing a few classes. Is he too busy to date or is he just not interested in making me a priority? First of all, I want to say I'm sorry you're going through this. I also agree with the posters who say you're the side chick or the back up plan when things fall through. He's not so busy he can't make you a priority if he wanted to. You just said yourself you have more on your plate then he does, yet you make time for him. You make time for people who are a priority in your life. The fact he's had time to hang out with a friend--of either gender--tells me he isn't overwhelmed. Also...its early on in the semester. It's not even midterms, so what's his "overwhelmed" excuse? Stop dating this guy. The anxiety you must experience when he dips out for the better part of week wouldn't be worth it, in my opinion. You deserve better Han they. Everyone does. Next time he calls don't answer. Or if you really want closure and him to know what he did, shoot him a text saying you'll be busy for a few years due to his flakiness. He should get the message Link to post Share on other sites
Northwestern1011 Posted February 12, 2016 Share Posted February 12, 2016 How long have you been dating? Has he done that since the beginning of your relationship? He's 23, which means in mental maturity he is 19. You are 21 which means in mental maturity you are 25. If you are looking for a serious relationship, a man to take home to mom & dad, someone you can lean on, a man that will have you back, then I suggest you date men a little older. Just adding some more to say Gaeta I just saw this post and love it. She's spot on. Haha we just need you to make an age vs. mental maturity chart for those of us getting into our later twenties 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Gaeta Posted February 12, 2016 Share Posted February 12, 2016 We've been dating for only a few months so I guess yes he started doing it since the first 3 weeks of dating. What's <only a few months>? Is it 3 months or 9 months? Link to post Share on other sites
smackie9 Posted February 12, 2016 Share Posted February 12, 2016 It's not serious hun....you know it, and we know it. If this isn't what you are looking for being a part time GF, just simply stop seeing him and meet someone else. Link to post Share on other sites
sin miedo Posted February 12, 2016 Share Posted February 12, 2016 How long have you been dating? Has he done that since the beginning of your relationship? He's 23, which means in mental maturity he is 19. You are 21 which means in mental maturity you are 25. If you are looking for a serious relationship, a man to take home to mom & dad, someone you can lean on, a man that will have you back, then I suggest you date men a little older. I'm curious to what you mean by this, Gaeta. Are you talking about this particular situation or for men/women in general? The latter seems a little sexist and untrue to me. I guess the reason I would take offense to that is because I'm a 23 y/o man who is completely capable of a loving and committed relationship (doing it right now!). Not all young men are lizard-brained brutes looking to spread their seed to as many women as possible. If you're talking about this particular guy, then I concur - he seems like an immature young man who has taken the OP for granted. Link to post Share on other sites
Gaeta Posted February 12, 2016 Share Posted February 12, 2016 I'm curious to what you mean by this, Gaeta. Are you talking about this particular situation or for men/women in general? The latter seems a little sexist and untrue to me. I guess the reason I would take offense to that is because I'm a 23 y/o man who is completely capable of a loving and committed relationship (doing it right now!). Not all young men are lizard-brained brutes looking to spread their seed to as many women as possible. If you're talking about this particular guy, then I concur - he seems like an immature young man who has taken the OP for granted. In general men have 4 years less in maturity than their age and women 4 years more. I did not invent this, it's from several studies."In general" does not mean 100% of people but "generally" so yes some younger men show a lot of maturity and some older ladies will show astonishing amount of immaturity. I have never insinuated young men are lizard-brained brutes. I have simply stated a general fact about maturity. There are all types of maturities also, we're talking emotional maturity. A 21 yo man can hold a full time job, pay all of his bills on time, take care of a younger siblings, finish school at night and all but still lack emotional maturity to fully participate in a romantic relationship. Link to post Share on other sites
Author dmomar Posted February 12, 2016 Author Share Posted February 12, 2016 We've been dating for only 2 which tells me he's not serious at all. He's been avoiding my message because I told him we needed to talk. The same exact thing happened with my ex. Idk why the guys I date just stop contacting me. Link to post Share on other sites
Fruitee Posted February 12, 2016 Share Posted February 12, 2016 So you have been dating 2 months? 3 weeks were ok? Whats the story with your ex? What happened with him? Why are you still waiting on this guy to call you? Call him. If he dont pick up. Move on. Link to post Share on other sites
Author dmomar Posted February 12, 2016 Author Share Posted February 12, 2016 Yeah only 2 months. Well after 3 weeks he disappeared for 3 days. We talked about it and he said he was taking anxiety medication. He apologized and I forgave him but he said he wouldn't do it again. For the next 5 weeks things were great. We even hung out three days in a row. Now it will be 5 days since he hasn't contacted me. My ex did the same thing where he would disappear for days without contacting me. I put up with him long but I have no idea why. I'm nervous about calling him. I was going to wait til the end of the day and delete and block him if he didn't call. Link to post Share on other sites
Fruitee Posted February 12, 2016 Share Posted February 12, 2016 Anxiety medication dont put people into coma. So even if he was taking medication it dont mean he couldnt pick up his phone. I am taking medication like that and i do all usual and normal stuff. How do you keep in touch? Can you see that he has read your messages? So is he ignoring you (being online and talking to others)? Have you been to this guys place? Met his friends? Link to post Share on other sites
Author dmomar Posted February 12, 2016 Author Share Posted February 12, 2016 We text primarily but we used to talk on the phone at least once a day. I've met all of his friends and he even wanted to introduce me to his brother. He always responds if I text him first but he acts like he's super busy and weird. When he contacts me first he acts like his usual self. I think a month before we got together he was in a serious relationship for almost 4 years. He broke up with her because he said she ruined his life. Link to post Share on other sites
Fruitee Posted February 12, 2016 Share Posted February 12, 2016 But have you been to his place? Link to post Share on other sites
Gaeta Posted February 12, 2016 Share Posted February 12, 2016 I think a month before we got together he was in a serious relationship for almost 4 years. He broke up with her because he said she ruined his life. There's your answer. It was fun and dandy at first because you kept his mind away from his ex. Now the novelty has run off so he's not that interested anymore. Never never ever date guys just out of RS,. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author dmomar Posted February 12, 2016 Author Share Posted February 12, 2016 Yes I've been to his house several times. Link to post Share on other sites
Fruitee Posted February 12, 2016 Share Posted February 12, 2016 Ok if you been to his house then I agree with Gaeta. You were his rebound. Sorry. You deserve someone who is ready to commit to you and not just keep you as bandaid. Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts