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Mixed signal?


Jsing

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Here is what happened,

I have been volunteering at this non-profit and met a girl who works there.

We chatted few times and had good rapport, but my tenure there is ending so i asked her directly today: xxx, are you single? She said she is, then i said i wanted to ask her out and would love to have her number, then she told me to grab her card at the front desk, it has her email "so we can chat"

What I found out is the email is a group email address, not her personal/individual email address so anything I sent probably will be seen by everybody who works there.

I don't know at this moment whether she just made a mistake or it was a subtle rejection. It was an office and we were surrounded by people when we had the conversation so there were legit reason she didn't want to write down her number or email.

What is your guys take on it?

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Here is what happened,

I have been volunteering at this non-profit and met a girl who works there.

We chatted few times and had good rapport, but my tenure there is ending so i asked her directly today: xxx, are you single? She said she is, then i said i wanted to ask her out and would love to have her number, then she told me to grab her card at the front desk, it has her email "so we can chat"

What I found out is the email is a group email address, not her personal/individual email address so anything I sent probably will be seen by everybody who works there.

I don't know at this moment whether she just made a mistake or it was a subtle rejection. It was an office and we were surrounded by people when we had the conversation so there were legit reason she didn't want to write down her number or email.

What is your guys take on it?

 

You asked for her number. She didn't give it to you. Seems pretty straightforward to me.

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You asked for her number. She didn't give it to you. Seems pretty straightforward to me.

 

The thing is she did not strike me as someone who would play tricks like that.

I'd rather to get a more direct rejection, or maybe girls are like that.

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What tricks?!?:confused: She's direct! You just don't like the meaning and want excuses to continue "bugging" her.

 

She refused to give you her number when you asked. It's irrelevant that she chose not to leave you feeling mortified when you asked her in front of everyone at the non-profit. Being compassionate doesn't mean she likes you. No thanks, still means no. Whether she says "Hell to the no, you can't have my number" or "email me at the non-profit group email," the meaning is still the same--nope...not interested, so not giving you my number.

 

You don't have her number after the exchange, right? Unless you stalk her, you have no way of communicating with her outside this non-profit? Mission accomplished.

Edited by angel.eyes
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Well, I don't know. Maybe she doesn't want to share her number because she feels she doesn't know him well enough or something. I see no reason he can't just keep it simple and stay in touch for a short amount of time and see what happens. I mean, he's not volunteering there anymore. She will either write him back or she won't.

 

I will add this. If she's the person who is responsible for getting the volunteers, it's a different situation. A friend of mine got a nice handwritten card from the lady running the place he volunteered at and got all excited about it. I warned him that she was likely just a fundraising socialite type and it was probably normal for her to be extra nice and send thank you notes like that to anyone helping her for free. But he couldn't believe that, so he asked her out and got flattened, unfortunately.

 

But if it's just someone volunteering like you, can't hurt. Just don't have high hopes because she did not give you her number for some reason. If her interest and availability (just because she's single doesn't mean she isn't pining after someone) were high, she'd have given your her number.

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She refused to give you her number when you asked. It's irrelevant that she chose not to leave you feeling mortified when you asked her in front of everyone at the non-profit. Being compassionate doesn't mean she likes you. No thanks, still means no. Whether she says "Hell to the no, you can't have my number" or "email me at the non-profit group email,"

 

It is the way she said it, she looked me directly in the eye and said "we can chat" in a very sincere way. She was not avoiding eye contact or appeared uneasy.

 

I blame myself for not preparing better, I did not have a pen or notepad or anything to write on, and if I started to look for something to write on, it would have been suspicious. I was literally whispering to her at that moment.

 

I thought it went well until I saw the email address.

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Well, I don't know. Maybe she doesn't want to share her number because she feels she doesn't know him well enough or something. I see no reason he can't just keep it simple and stay in touch for a short amount of time and see what happens. I mean, he's not volunteering there anymore. She will either write him back or she won't.

 

Well, she didn't pick the volunteers, but she "managed" us, like assigning tasks, collecting reports etc. That was also why I waited till the end to ask her so there would be no conflicts.

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It is the way she said it, she looked me directly in the eye and said "we can chat" in a very sincere way. She was not avoiding eye contact or appeared uneasy.

 

I blame myself for not preparing better, I did not have a pen or notepad or anything to write on, and if I started to look for something to write on, it would have been suspicious. I was literally whispering to her at that moment.

 

I thought it went well until I saw the email address.

 

In other words, the way she said it made me think for some reason she wanted to start contact via email

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And once you saw the email she actually gave you, it was crystal clear she wanted to keep things "professional." She deflected giving you any personal information.

 

It happens sometimes. Good on you for trying. Unfortunately, not everyone you ask will reciprocate your interest. Lots of other fish in the ocean, though. Try elsewhere.

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dreamingoftigers

I would keep in touch for a very short while to see if her delivery was a little off.

 

But that's just me and don't extend that for very long.

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What was your initial reaction at the end of the conversation? Have you asked a girl out and been turned down before?

 

You usually know in your gut whether or not they're into you. That is, unless they're playing games.

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I would keep in touch for a very short while to see if her delivery was a little off.

 

But that's just me and don't extend that for very long.

 

I just called the office and spoked to her, I asked her directly about the email address, in a joking way. She admitted she made a mistake, but again refused to give me her #, instead asked for my email and said she will email me. She sounded happy to get my call, not startled or anything

 

I have never met a girl who would only give out her email, i guess Preraph might be right, she might have felt that she doesn't know me well enough, i think email only also gives her more control, it can be written and answered anytime.

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dreamingoftigers
I just called the office and spoked to her, I asked her directly about the email address, in a joking way. She admitted she made a mistake, but again refused to give me her #, instead asked for my email and said she will email me. She sounded happy to get my call, not startled or anything

 

I have never met a girl who would only give out her email, i guess Preraph might be right, she might have felt that she doesn't know me well enough, i think email only also gives her more control, it can be written and answered anytime.

 

Huh. That doesn't bode particularly well

.....

 

It makes me wonder if she isn't actually single if it isn't a straight-out rejection.

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What was your initial reaction at the end of the conversation? Have you asked a girl out and been turned down before?

 

You usually know in your gut whether or not they're into you. That is, unless they're playing games.

 

Quite positive, I thought she just wanted to start contact via email,

From what I can tell, she is one of those conservative introvert type, so i was not surprised.

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Huh. That doesn't bode particularly well

.....

 

It makes me wonder if she isn't actually single if it isn't a straight-out rejection.

 

I actually like the current situation which is more clear.. if she never emails me, that is a direct rejection to me, I will just move on,

Edited by Jsing
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I actually like the current situation which is more clear.. if she never emails me, that is a direct rejection to me, I will just move on,

 

I think you've got the right idea here. Good luck!

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