How long before the weekend do most people schedule a date?

[Northwestern1011]

Met the guy last weekend, had a nice time, we've texted every day all week just light banter, it's Wednesday night...and despite the constant communication, he hasn't made any moves towards asking to see me this weekend.

 

This is OLD--there's probably countless other girls. And if a man waits til last minute (read: oh it's Friday night lets do something tonight), I will say no just on principle. If you ask girl "spontaneously" to do something, to in my book it really just means your plan A girl fell through.

 

So, how long before the weekend do most people set up dates? If he hasn't said anything by tomorrow should I write him off?

[yxalitis]

Between 1 and 7 days

[PogoStick]

With my girlfriend of half a year, we suggested meeting this weekend, a week ahead of time, but left it open to change. I just called her tonight (Wed evening) to discuss, Friday or Saturday? We decided on Saturday.

 

If it was a very new girl, where the relationship wasn't certain, I would make weekend plans around the beginning of the week.

[PogoStick]

The better question is, Why don't you ask him out?

[Arieswoman]

Northwestern101,

I'd have written him off already - for this w/e anyway. If we were supposed to be going out Saturday then I would like to know by Wed. If nothing was on the horizon by then I would arrange something for myself, go and see that film I always wanted to see, have a night with TV and a pizza etc.

 

 

If it's OLD then you don't know what other girls they are dating.

 

 

And ffs stop all this texting business, what's wrong with picking up a phone and chatting properly?

 

 

"Light banter" is a waste of time, if he really wanted to see you he's be making a date IMO

[d0nnivain]

You don't have to write him off this week but if he hasn't mentioned anything by next week, assume pen pal not BF.

 

 

I was always a bit of a Rules Girl. I wanted to be asked out by Wednesday for a Saturday date. I wouldn't decline a later invitation but anybody who tried to date me learned early on that I had a busy like so last minute invitations were usually met with "I'm sorry I already have plans" and an alternative more than several days away.

[Northwestern1011]

Still nothing. I also agree the light banter is a total waste of my time if he doesn't want to meet up again. I don't need a pen pal, in the same town as me, who has no reason he can't see me.

 

The other thing that makes me think he's not really interested, is before we met--he CALLED twice. Like called me just to talk and explain a couple quick things. So I know tims in him--he's not a texting only person (like too many guys I've met). Yet...he's not calling now.

 

He's working on his dissertation right now, and working on top of that--so I know he's busy. But on the other hand, I work full time and take graduate classes myself as well, so it's not like I'm NOT busy either, yet there is enough time in a week to send me a text that says "hey can we meet up again?" Like very simple. Takes a few seconds.

 

I feel like if he were interested, or just wasn't downright saturated with other prospects, he would have asked me to make a plan by now for the weekend (or even something quick on a weeknight this week?). But he hasn't. In which case is it appropriate to send him a final text and be like, "hey, so you've never made a motion to see me again which is totally cool, but let's me know you're not really interested. Best of luck!" So that way it's over and done with? I'm getting too old and tired for ambiguity.

 

This really is the worst thing I'm finding from OLD apps--these guys find me and want to be my pen pal, and waste hours of my time messaging or get my phone number and text me til I'm blue in the face...but never suggest a date. And I'm tired of it. It didn't use to be like this with OLD, but it's getting that way now.

[jen1447]

If only there was some way to find out what he's thinking ....

[Northwestern1011]

If only there was some way to find out what he's thinking ....

 

Hahahahaaaaa Jen.

Yes. I know I could just ask him what the deal is, but I don't feel like I should have to. I feel like if he was interested, that interest would be apparent, and would be manifesting in the form of him asking me to do SOMETHING, or asking how my day was, or even complimenting me back when I said he was cute in a text. Simple, simple things. I don't think I realized in college that even NORMAL dating interactions would get harder and uncommon as I got further into my 20s!

 

I just realized valentines in Sunday. I realize that disqualifies half the weekend/makes it awkward, but that still leaves tomorrow night or Saturday. Yet...nothing.

[risjurad]

Huh... I was told NOT to ask a girl out within 1 week since even if she has no plans, it's embarrassing for her to admit she didn't have anything else lined up for the weekend. However, this was advice from the 90s, or even into 00s. While 7+ days doesn't seem to be "a rule" anymore, I would probably go with 3 to 7.

[bu2002]

If I wanted to see a girl again but was tied up the upcoming weekend, I would let her know that.

 

Since you mentioned OLD, then he's very likely talking to another girl, and might have something lined up this week and wants to see how that turns out before deciding. If he goes out with girl B and decides that's a no go, he will circle back to you, and indicate that he was "busy" that week but he'd love to get together. So he can't commit to you right now, but is likely just keeping contact with you in order to keep you at arms length.

 

It's the pitfall of OLD, where 90% of users just can't speak to one person at a time.

[angel.eyes]

If he can banter with you, he's not so busy that he can't schedule a date...even if that date is a few weeks in the future. Either he's not interested after your first date or you're now on the back burner as Plan B...D...or Z for when other options don't pan out.

 

In which case is it appropriate to send him a final text and be like, "hey, so you've never made a motion to see me again which is totally cool, but let's me know you're not really interested. Best of luck!"

Please don't do this! Not asking you on another date = not interested. Let it go. It was one date. Next time, don't become so emotionally invested in someone before you even go on a date. That was your mistake here.

 

To answer your original question, most guys ask me on the current date for the next date. Then they'll confirm details (reservations, etc.) within a day.

[Northwestern1011]

He texted me last night, a response to an ongoing joke (he was replying to my text...from 6 am. At 6 PM. Should tell you something right there). I finally wrote him back at 10, and said "hey I'm going to be honest, I get the vibe you're not interested and replying just to be courteous. Am I correct on that assumption?"

 

 

And he's never replied. Keep in mind he's told me himself he HATES it when people flake out, or women ghost, and he also is a night person--some items his texts come in routinely as late as midnight. So I figure he was awake.

[jen1447]

Good ^ now you know. His silence in response to your direct question says as much as anything else would.

 

Time to move on sister!

[Northwestern1011]

Good ^ now you know. His silence in response to your direct question says as much as anything else would.

 

Time to move on sister!

 

 

 

Agreed. I also think this is super #*%# from a guy who claims he hates people who ghost or flake out on HIM.

[losangelena]

Agreed. I also think this is super #*%# from a guy who claims he hates people who ghost or flake out on HIM.

 

Hey, pro tip, people who say things like that are often the ones who are worst at it. People who say, "I really value communication," are usually sh***y communicators. Good communicators just communicate. So if this guy was like, "I hate flakers," well it's no surprise that he is one. It sucks, I know, but just keep that in mind.

[jen1447]

Agreed. I also think this is super #*%# from a guy who claims he hates people who ghost or flake out on HIM.

 

Definitely. It's amazing how often ppl turn out to be the very thing they say they loathe the most.

[angel.eyes]

Sorry, but how can one ghost after a single date??? He didn't ask you on another date. That's all the evidence you need that he's not really interested in dating you again.

 

Flaking would be setting up another date and then cancelling last minute (or repeatedly) or outright standing you up. Again, no second date has been discussed, let alone set up. So, he can't stand you up or cancel at the last minute for a date that doesn't even exist.

 

A first date is simply a chance to meet someone and learn a little bit. It's certainly not a promise or an obligation of X number of future dates or a relationship. Your problem is that you built a whole future and fantasy with this stranger before you ever went on a date. That's why you're struggling with the fact that after meeting you, he's not interested in dating you again.

 

Next time, get to know the guy before you get so emotionally invested.

[Northwestern1011]

I don't feel like I got exactly "emotionally invested", but I did have higher standards for him.

 

He finally did text me back, shortly after I wrote that last post. When I didn't respond, he texted me again in the afternoon explaining he'd fallen sleep abruptly the night before and been swamped, and that he is indeed interested. He said he's struggling with his current work load--he's working full time, taking his last couple classes, his practicum, and working on his dissertation. I can genuinely understand that, and not hearing from him due to him being upside down on busy work right now....but.....

 

...then I decided to look him up on Facebook, just because. I've learned a person's friend list can tell you a lot about a person. I clicked on "recently added"....literally they were all like 7 undergrad girls at our university. If he's so busy, what is a 30 year old man doing adding 18 and 19 year olds left and right?!

 

Meanwhile, yesterday I did some talking to more men on the app myself. Got compliments that I'm funny, smart, etc. I notice how easy the conversations flow for me. And I abruptly realized....the poor texting patterns with this guy? He owns the problem. Not me.

[PogoStick]

BTW how old are you?

[Northwestern1011]

BTW how old are you?

 

Pogo,

I'm 25.

[PogoStick]

Just curious since you mention him being 30 and going after teenagers.

[Northwestern1011]

Just curious since you mention him being 30 and going after teenagers.

 

Am I the only one who thinks that's weird? I don't really know the guy--I don't know he pursues teenagers. But otherwise it's very mysterious how a glut of them end up friends with him on Facebook, especially when you don't work with/go to school with them.

 

I sent him a text last night. He never replied. I guess I have my answer.

This is the point where I wonder what I "did" hypothetically. i know rejection is normal, and healthy. And I know the disappointment of getting rejected fades out. But it seems like lately, each time I get rejected, it hurts worse than the last--like an allergic reaction that comes back stronger each time these days. I need to get my game back.

[brokengirl85]

Hi there. If a guy wants to meet you on a weekend, let's say Saturday, he should plan the date no more than a Wednesday. He has to take into consideration you might have other plans in mind, so if he wants to secure the date, he should make plans no further than Wednesday

[candie13]

Am I the only one who thinks that's weird? I don't really know the guy--I don't know he pursues teenagers. But otherwise it's very mysterious how a glut of them end up friends with him on Facebook, especially when you don't work with/go to school with them.

 

I sent him a text last night. He never replied. I guess I have my answer.

This is the point where I wonder what I "did" hypothetically. i know rejection is normal, and healthy. And I know the disappointment of getting rejected fades out. But it seems like lately, each time I get rejected, it hurts worse than the last--like an allergic reaction that comes back stronger each time these days. I need to get my game back.

think about it as a game, then it is a game. I just think if you stick to your end of the deal irrespective of how irregular his answers are, it'll become clear who's playing games. Because if he has a hectic schedule and you try to mirror that, and then he feels you're playing games and mirrors that... it's endless.

 

give short answers, reasonably quickly after the questions were asked. If the dude thinks you're too "approachable" because of that, well... his problem, not yours.

 

trying to psychoanalyze the dude... pfff.... maybe they're the best friends of his little sister or little cousin, I mean, you can't draw any conclusions from that. You can draw conclusions if he contacts you regularly. if he asks you out. If he doesn't flake out.

 

Best way to get to know a person is face to face. Anyways, if I were you, I'd check linkedin because a sound professional profile is much more telling then him adding a bunch of teenagers. Network, recommendations etc. Grown up style, you know...