Contacted after a year & a half...guys, shed some light

[Karine26]

I dated this guy in the summer of 2014 and we (he) ended saying he wasn't happy financially but he wanted to stay friends and if something happened down the line so be it. My interpretation: He found someone else he wanted to pursue and wanted to keep me on the back burner in case she didn't work out. So I said I wasn't interested in being friends and immediately moved on with life (got a new job, new social circle).

 

Fast forward to yesterday he begins texting me and wanting me to meet up with him. I declined, politely at first, until he started the constant calling and texting. Who the hell does this? Do guys actually think before they contact women months/years later? How do people have the nerve to contact someone after over a year and have an expectation that we are supposed to jump and meet them after 2 texts? My blood was boiling. I told him that I was insulted that he assumed I was still single (lol) and still thinking about him over a year later to the point where I would drop plans to meet him, that he probably just got dumped and is using me to fill a void and then I told him to get over himself bc its not happening. Also, I let him know that I am happily dating and I'm very happy with my life right now (which I really am).

 

I really don't understand how anyone with common sense thinks reaching out and pretty much demanding to meet up is ok. What is the best approach? I tried to ignore but then I just got so irritated with what seemed like cockiness which led me to write the response that I did.This has happened to me with multiple guys that is why I am asking these questions.

 

Thanks!

[Buddhist]

Sometimes they bounce back, usually when they realise what they've lost. I had an ex-bf try and come back 2yrs later. I did agree to meet with him and I'm glad I did that because when I saw him from a distance I went.....

 

WTH was I thinking?

 

Yeah that reunion killed all lingering doubts and any feelings as well. It was a good way to put the final nail in the coffin of that relationship.

 

But back to your post, to be honest I think your response just told him how sensitive you still are on the topic of him. The best response would have been ignore, second best choice would have been sorry I'm in a relationship, all the best. Your rant just highlighted the fact you still have feelings on the matter, the very worst case scenario relationship wise is when someone just has no feelings at all.

[aussietigerwolf]

I think she was just rightfully ticked off at the rudeness. I've had that happen and yeah I replied my opinion of that sort of behavior. Did he think I was still interested in him after that? Don't know, don't care. Never talked to him again after that.

[Karine26]

Sometimes they bounce back, usually when they realise what they've lost. I had an ex-bf try and come back 2yrs later. I did agree to meet with him and I'm glad I did that because when I saw him from a distance I went.....

 

WTH was I thinking?

 

Yeah that reunion killed all lingering doubts and any feelings as well. It was a good way to put the final nail in the coffin of that relationship.

 

But back to your post, to be honest I think your response just told him how sensitive you still are on the topic of him. The best response would have been ignore, second best choice would have been sorry I'm in a relationship, all the best. Your rant just highlighted the fact you still have feelings on the matter, the very worst case scenario relationship wise is when someone just has no feelings at all.

 

yea I thought about that. But I did ignore for the first few hours after he said he wanted to meet up and he kept going. I have an older phone now bc I dropped my iphone so I couldn't block him. The rant definitely wasn't bc I still have feelings for him it was bc I'm tired of guys overall trying to come back like nothing ever happened. To put it bluntly it's just really annoying. I would have acted that way with whoever contacted me in the same manner.

Edited February 11, 2016 by Karine26

[SmartDude]

I am a guy and have done something like this before.

Why? Because at the time I was dating someone and condtions were not right.

 

What is so wrong in making a phone call or texting much later to see if things have changed? Is everyone's relationship supose to be love at first sight?

 

It is a little weird I know but I still would consider it a neutral action.

[Versacehottie]

I am a guy and have done something like this before.

Why? Because at the time I was dating someone and condtions were not right.

 

What is so wrong in making a phone call or texting much later to see if things have changed? Is everyone's relationship supose to be love at first sight?

 

It is a little weird I know but I still would consider it a neutral action.

 

I actually agree with all 3 comments on here about this subject. Even though they offer differing opinions. I agree smart dude, it is a neutral action. It could be even a positive action coming from the right person, ie in that one WOULD want to date that person again, thanks for asking.

 

I also can see what one person said that best response, no matter how you FEEL, is to just not reply OR say that you are dating someone and take care.

 

I also that agree with OP that depending on how it is done, it can be quite presumptuous of the person---and especially if they are blowing up your phone and not even taking your life 2 years later into consideration, it require some feedback that puts them in their place.

 

Here's what I would do if I was in your shoes: be flattered and tell it as a humorous story to select people who would understand it that way

[Emilia]

I think some people have really poor impulse control and don't like no

[Jabron1]

It's not just men that do this.

 

I met a woman on a training course back in May of last year. I chatted her up and got her number. But, she starts acting flaky when it came to getting her out on a date. I just forget about it.

 

Then, on Boxing day, I get a text from her:

 

"Hi this is my new number. Love, Claire xxx"

 

Seven months later. I was bemused at that, and I didn't respond. I'm still a bit shocked at the bloody cheek this girls got thinking I'm going to chase her now.

 

My brother joked that I should text back on Boxing day next year. At this rate, we'll have our first kiss on New Years Eve 2035.

Edited February 11, 2016 by Jabron1

[Saracena]

I am a guy and have done something like this before.

Why? Because at the time I was dating someone and condtions were not right.

 

What is so wrong in making a phone call or texting much later to see if things have changed? Is everyone's relationship supose to be love at first sight?

 

It is a little weird I know but I still would consider it a neutral action.

 

I totally agree. I know a married couple who rekindled their relationship two years later. Earlier timing was essentially off!

[Emilia]

It's not just men that do this.

 

I met a woman on a training course back in May of last year. I chatted her up and got her number. But, she starts acting flaky when it came to getting her out on a date. I just forget about it.

 

Then, on Boxing day, I get a text from her:

 

"Hi this is my new number. Love, Claire xxx"

 

Seven months later. I was bemused at that, and I didn't respond. I'm still a bit shocked at the bloody cheek this girls got thinking I'm going to chase her now.

 

My brother joked that I should text back on Boxing day next year. At this rate, we'll have our first kiss on New Years Eve 2035.

 

She saved her contact list and texted everyone from her new phone

[Jabron1]

Yeah, I don't think so either.

 

That text has 'chase me' written all other it.

[sandylee1]

Your response was fine.

 

I'd have just said..I'm in a relationship now so please don't contact me and good luck with things.

 

That's straight and to the point.

[Jabron1]

I should point out, with regards to the Boxing Day text, that this girl has been on and off again with her boyfriend for the whole of last year, which was the reason behind her flakiness to begin with.

 

Also, I'm experienced enough to know that 'mistakes' like this don't happen, and to know bait when I see it.

 

With regards to the OP, I don't think it's a good idea to ever respond. Guys generally believe they can talk a woman around with enough persistence. That's impossible if you give them nothing to work with. The only clear message is silence.

[contel3]

With regards to the OP, I don't think it's a good idea to ever respond. Guys generally believe they can talk a woman around with enough persistence. That's impossible if you give them nothing to work with. The only clear message is silence.

 

I disagree. The only clear message is blocking them, especially the persistent ones.

 

This happened to me on several occasions. Usually the dudes were disrespectful to begin with.

 

Better not to lose too much sleep on this and just assume that some people are

A: full of themselves

B: have no boundaries

C: have the IQ of a chicken and don't think before they text

 

There's really no need to try and analyse it further =)

[Emilia]

i completely totally disagree with your post

Based on your thread, yeah you would

Yeah, I don't think so either.

 

That text has 'chase me' written all other it.

 

Sorry man, a lot of people keep contacts and forget who the people are in the list. On a smart phone they back it up somewhere and send a text to everyone once they have a new number. You read far too much into it.

[Karine26]

I disagree. The only clear message is blocking them, especially the persistent ones.

 

This happened to me on several occasions. Usually the dudes were disrespectful to begin with.

 

Better not to lose too much sleep on this and just assume that some people are

A: full of themselves

B: have no boundaries

C: have the IQ of a chicken and don't think before they text

 

There's really no need to try and analyse it further =)

 

Haha I like this

 

I guess I'm naive then in thinking if its really meant to be a couple would never have to part ways. For me, once I lose interest I never re gain it. I have never gotten back with an ex. Ever. I take my lesson from that relationship and move on to bigger and better. But I think you have a good point that most times guys who go that far (demanding I meet with him the same day he decided to text me-a year and a half later) are usually no good anyway. I could understand reaching out and being sincere.... There's this funny saying "If you love someone let him go, if he comes back-it's because no one else wants him" haha I kind of believe that. I believe that lots of guys come back out of sheer boredom, not because they genuinely miss you.

 

I found out lots of stuff AFTER we broke up, though. He was/is a compulsive liar/borderline alcoholic. Sounds like a complete narcissist too. So there you have it lol

Edited February 11, 2016 by Karine26

[katiegrl]

I don't think there is anything wrong with reaching out months or even years later, when the timing is better... or whatever.

 

But there is a way to reach out without sounding like an arrogant arse.

 

From what the OP has written, this bozo contacted her 1.5 years later and expected that she would just drop everything and meet him. Presuming she had nothing else going on and was waiting for him to contact her again with bated breath. 1.5 years later! That is the ultimate in arrogance.

 

She *did* ignore but apparently he didn't "get it" and kept bombarding her with his arrogant expectations that she should meet him.

 

OP ...I say good for you for the way you responded! He needed to be knocked down a bit, and your response accomplished that.

 

The reason why guys do this ....is because sooooooo many women *don't* have anything else going on .... and *will* meet up with him. It usually ends badly, but that doesn't stop it from happening.

 

Again, good for you OP. Hopefully, he got the *message* and won't be bothering you again!

[Karine26]

Hahahaha Kategirl I am in the office laughing so hard to myself while reading "this bozo" and "arrogant arse". You are so funny and my favorite poster. I feel like we are almost the same person. I agree with 99.99% of the things you write. If you live near Los Angeles I'd pay you to be my personal life coach!! Lol:lmao:

[truth_seeker]

Based on your thread, yeah you would

 

Sorry man, a lot of people keep contacts and forget who the people are in the list. On a smart phone they back it up somewhere and send a text to everyone once they have a new number. You read far too much into it.

 

I doubt it. This is the woman excuse "contact list" she knew what she was doing... sending out a feeler.

 

Another failed woman trick.

[truth_seeker]

Haha I like this

 

I guess I'm naive then in thinking if its really meant to be a couple would never have to part ways. For me, once I lose interest I never re gain it. I have never gotten back with an ex. Ever. I take my lesson from that relationship and move on to bigger and better. But I think you have a good point that most times guys who go that far (demanding I meet with him the same day he decided to text me-a year and a half later) are usually no good anyway. I could understand reaching out and being sincere.... There's this funny saying "If you love someone let him go, if he comes back-it's because no one else wants him" haha I kind of believe that. I believe that lots of guys come back out of sheer boredom, not because they genuinely miss you.

 

I found out lots of stuff AFTER we broke up, though. He was/is a compulsive liar/borderline alcoholic. Sounds like a complete narcissist too. So there you have it lol

 

Amazing how time and time again women are falling over and in love with compulsive liars, alcoholics, drug addicts... this will never end.

[Karine26]

Amazing how time and time again women are falling over and in love with compulsive liars, alcoholics, drug addicts... this will never end.

 

I say the same thing about all my guy friends and coworkers who claim to hate drama but date and fall for nothing but over the top drama queens who are also liars and sometimes addicts

 

But anyway I have worked on myself and grown a lot since I dated him and as I said I took that lesson (learning the listen to my intuition and pay more attention to red flags)and moved on and am a better dater because of it. I am now dating a wonderful respectful guy who has not given me any reason to doubt his interest and intentions.

[truth_seeker]

I say the same thing about all my guy friends and coworkers who claim to hate drama but date and fall for nothing but over the top drama queens who are also liars and sometimes addicts

 

But anyway I have worked on myself and grown a lot since I dated him and as I said I took that lesson (learning the listen to my intuition and pay more attention to red flags)and moved on and am a better dater because of it. I am now dating a wonderful respectful guy who has not given me any reason to doubt his interest and intentions.

 

Good for you. I've had my share of bad experiences, and the best thing to take away from those experiences is learning from them and not repeating them.

 

For a lot of people: repeating them is the challenge.

[Karine26]

Good for you. I've had my share of bad experiences, and the best thing to take away from those experiences is learning from them and not repeating them.

 

For a lot of people: repeating them is the challenge.

 

Thank you!! The best thing I have ever done was to take time off of dating until I felt that I could date with confidence,which meant knowing I was a good catch. For me that meant building a better social life (volunteering, painting, museums instead of clubbing & bar hopping) working out and balancing my emotions (managing anxieties and insecurities). It took about 8 months but I'm SO much happier. That is why I feel I am attracting men if better quality. I'm also able to walk away from guys the first time I feel something is "offl without ever looking back. It's a great feeling!!!

[truth_seeker]

Thank you!! The best thing I have ever done was to take time off of dating until I felt that I could date with confidence,which meant knowing I was a good catch. For me that meant building a better social life (volunteering, painting, museums instead of clubbing & bar hopping) working out and balancing my emotions (managing anxieties and insecurities). It took about 8 months but I'm SO much happier. That is why I feel I am attracting men if better quality. I'm also able to walk away from guys the first time I feel something is "offl without ever looking back. It's a great feeling!!!

 

I like your mind set. Very positive, perceptive, no time for drama.

 

I root for people like you.