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When did you give your gf/bf your home keys?


Gaeta

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I am curious to know after how long dating you've given your SO your home keys or maybe you're the type to never give keys?

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I am curious to know after how long dating you've given your SO your home keys or maybe you're the type to never give keys?

 

The answer is variable per person. Whenever it has made life easier for them to have them, because they're coming to my home frequently, or I need them to go to my home when I am not there to do something.

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There's no way I'd give my keys if we don't plan to live together. Why should I? They can call me if they want to come over.

 

Talking about a second set of keys. I don't mind lending my keys for an evening after about 6 months.

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From what I recall, I've always had keys to their home within about 1 month or 2, and they've had them to mine after about 2 or 3 months. 1 boyfriend never had keys to mine, because we were hardly ever at my home.

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We've only been dating 2 months but we spend a decent amount of time together. We live on opposite end of the city. I get home at 18h. That puts him in the middle of rush hours (1h + to get to me). If he leaves a little earlier to avoid the rush hour then when he gets to my place he has to wait for me in his car. Middle of winter here, -20. I would like him to be able to come in and not wait for me outside but I hesitate. Not that I don't trust him, I do. I just feel it's an important gesture to give someone your home keys.

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I don't give out my keys. I don't want to have to change locks if things don't work out and I don't know why anyone needs to be at my house when I'm not there.

 

That said, several bf's have given me keys to their places, even after I've expressed that I don't need/want them. This could partially explain the drawer full of keys I have... several of which I have no idea what they unlock! :laugh:

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We've only been dating 2 months but we spend a decent amount of time together. We live on opposite end of the city. I get home at 18h. That puts him in the middle of rush hours (1h + to get to me). If he leaves a little earlier to avoid the rush hour then when he gets to my place he has to wait for me in his car. Middle of winter here, -20. I would like him to be able to come in and not wait for me outside but I hesitate. Not that I don't trust him, I do. I just feel it's an important gesture to give someone your home keys.

 

I'd give them, but I don't see it as a big gesture, because it has always been driven by need or ease, rather than signifying anything.

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Last time I dated someone, he gave me his keys after 2-3 months - I was hanging out more at his place, it was closer to my work. I took my time and I was about to give him my key - month 5 to 6. My cleaning lady canceled on me last minute so I failed to get it back. The next time we met - when I was meaning to give him my key, we had a huge huge fight out of the blue, broke up with him and never saw him again in my life. I've mailed him everything, clothes, books, cups and key.

 

My big learning: these things matter to me. I am glad I took my time. It means something, so I want to give my keys to someone special. I would have felt terrible if I had given him the keys and had to take it back. Like a double failure. Make sure you're not making it harder on yourself, on the long road.

Edited by candie13
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Gaeta, you have said many times on this forum that a man is *on probation* for first 3-4 months. During that time, you are getting to know him and developing trust.

 

You have been dating your bf for only two months. What changed your mind about what you believed previously?

 

Would you advise another woman dating her bf two months to hand over her keys?

 

If this is your idea, and your idea ONLY, and presuming you trust him implicitly with your life and all that entails, including material possessions, then it's worth considering IMO

 

My ex gave me a set of keys after six months. I was practically living there anyway, so it made sense..

Edited by katiegrl
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Gaeta, you have said many times on this forum that a man is *on probation* for first 3-4 months. During that time, you are getting to know him and developing trust.

 

You have been dating your bf for only two months. What changed your mind about what you believed previously?

 

Would you advise another woman dating her bf two months to hand over her keys?

 

If this is your idea, and your idea ONLY, and presuming you trust him implicitly with your life and all that entails, including material possessions, then it's worth considering IMO.

 

What changed my mind (bothering me) is knowing he's waiting outside in the cold.

 

The only material possession I have that I care about is my dog. If my dog got away under his care I would never forgive him.

 

My other option would be to leave a key outside for him when I know he'll be earlier then I. He would not keep that key.

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If this is your idea, and your idea ONLY,

 

Yes this is my idea. He never mentioned anything or even complained about waiting outside.

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What changed my mind (bothering me) is knowing he's waiting outside in the cold.

 

The only material possession I have that I care about is my dog. If my dog got away under his care I would never forgive him.

 

My other option would be to leave a key outside for him when I know he'll be earlier then I. He would not keep that key.

Be honest, if it's only 15 min or half an hour, that is do-able, he can wait because he knows and he has been warned in advance.

 

It all depends on how you look at it. You can look at giving out keys practically - and it makes logical sense. But the reality is, giving away keys has an importance and denying it or ignoring it usually comes from fear to set healthy boundaries.

 

Do you want him to have your key? are you happy to give him your key? Do you trust him to give him your key? Did he ask or hint at you giving him your key?

 

Are you sure you're not trying to push this relationship to the next level ;) ?

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I didn't get a key to my ex's place until about six months in. He'd leave it in our secret hiding place before then if I was gonna be over before he got home.

 

I would say every couple is different, so if you're comfortable doing so, I don't think it's a problem. It doesn't have to be capital-S significant, it often is a matter of logistics.

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What changed my mind (bothering me) is knowing he's waiting outside in the cold.

 

The only material possession I have that I care about is my dog. If my dog got away under his care I would never forgive him.

 

My other option would be to leave a key outside for him when I know he'll be earlier then I. He would not keep that key.

 

*If* your dog got away? That right there shows you are not 100% sure that would not happen under his care.

 

Unless you can say with 100% certainty that he would NEVER allow anything bad to happen to your dog, I wouldn't advise giving him your keys just yet.

 

As far as him waiting in the cold, Gaeta you are not his mum. He is a grown man, he knows how to take care of himself.

 

If he does not want to wait in the cold, he could leave his home a bit later, or wait in the car (with heat) till you get home.

 

Let HIM figure it out, again you are not his mum.

Edited by katiegrl
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Do you want him to have your key? are you happy to give him your key? Do you trust him to give him your key? Did he ask or hint at you giving him your key?

 

Are you sure you're not trying to push this relationship to the next level ;) ?

 

I don't feel any kind of joy related to giving him my key. I trust him yes. No hinting on his part, nothing.

 

Good point, maybe I am trying to escalate this relationship.

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I still haven't given my wife a key yet and have been married almost 9 years.. :laugh:

 

We use garage door openers... ha

 

In the past..I have always given a garage door opener as soon as the need for them to be there when I wasn't there, in the beginning the opener would be left on the kitchen counter after they were done and after a while it just became theirs..

 

The cool thing about those is the code can be changed in like 10 mins...

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I still haven't given my wife a key yet and have been married almost 9 years.. :laugh:

 

We use garage door openers... ha

 

In the past..I have always given a garage door opener as soon as the need for them to be there when I wasn't there, in the beginning the opener would be left on the kitchen counter after they were done and after a while it just became theirs..

 

The cool thing about those is the code can be changed in like 10 mins...

 

Yep. I have a keypad entry on the garage door, and it's super easy to change.

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I don't feel any kind of joy related to giving him my key. I trust him yes. No hinting on his part, nothing.

 

Good point, maybe I am trying to escalate this relationship.

This so cute :love:. It's ok, it happens to the best of us. Now you know, you are aware, so you can adjust your behavior and allow this RS to evolve naturally, without pushing it in any direction. Be patient and enjoy the ride :) .
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I still haven't given my wife a key yet and have been married almost 9 years.. :laugh:

:confused:

 

aaaarrrgghhhh, you sure you have no intimacy issues ?

 

:laugh:

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*If* your dog got away? That right there shows you are not 100% sure that would not happen under his care.

 

Unless you can say with 100% certainty that he would NEVER allow anything bad to happen to your dog, I wouldn't advise giving him your keys just yet..

 

I don't trust anyone with my dog lol. Not even my own daughter. He would not let anything bad happen to my dog but when you're not a dog owner you don't think of the importance of shutting doors behind you right away. That's how my brother let my dog out by accident last summer and all hell broke loose!

 

 

As far as him waiting in the cold, Gaeta you are not his mum. He is a grown man, he knows how to take care of himself..

 

By curiosity, would it be acceptable for a man to let his gf wait outside in the cold?

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As soon as practical and necessary. If I give him my vagina, sure as hell I can give him keys. It has never occured to me to change locks, what sort of people do you all date? :confused:

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I don't trust anyone with my dog lol. Not even my own daughter. He would not let anything bad happen to my dog but when you're not a dog owner you don't think of the importance of shutting doors behind you right away. That's how my brother let my dog out by accident last summer and all hell broke loose!

 

 

 

 

By curiosity, would it be acceptable for a man to let his gf wait outside in the cold?

 

Why is anyone waiting in the cold? I am not getting that.

 

Leave your home later, or wait in the car.

 

Both men and women.

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