He's "fading"...

[xpaperxcutx]

I finally went on a date after more than 7 months of being single. It's so weird that I don't have any expectations from the guy that I met with although, I felt that he sounded like someone that was great on paper. He works for an Accounting firm, has his own car and recently bought his own place.

 

 

I went with an OLD app called "Coffee meets Bagel" and he was the my first bagel that I actually connected with and talked to for close to 2 months before finally meeting up with. I cancelled on him 3 times due to circumstance (ie. snowstorm), before meeting him this past Sunday. We had a mini date with pool and ended it then.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

The thing is, I don't know where this is going and I'm not exactly sure what his expectations of me are. So far, he has been in contact with me almost daily leading up to our meeting, with a day or two of no contact. And if I don't text him, he will text me to ask me how I am doing.

 

 

Our conversations are mainly in text and it's the usual friendly text about each other's day.

 

 

My reservations are that I am scared to open up. I've been fine with being single for so long, I feel complacent. My feelings haven't caught up to where I actually see myself with him, and I find myself overthinking about whether I should be more proactive or just let things be the way they are.

No, there hasn't been any talk of meeting up again. I've been busy with work and school and he is working out due to tax season. So yeah, am I crazy or I am perfectly normal?

[AMJ]

Ummm, I mean..do you like this guy? Do you want to go out with him again? It's hard to tell from what you wrote. I say it's only been one date, so you should relax a little bit. There's not much detail about how the date went, but if he's still talking to you, then he probably likes you. And if you want to see him again, ask him what he's doing this weekend.

[neowulf]

You sound ambivalent about him.

 

That's perfectly ok! He's the first date you've had in 7 months.

There's nothing to say that he's the "right guy" for you.

 

If you're not feeling any kind of magnetic "pull" towards him, then he's probably just not a great match for you. Seriously, don't make the mistake of trying to make something out of nothing.

 

I went *years* before finally meeting someone I couldn't get out of my head. Everyone else, I'd been very chilled and laid back about. Her? I couldn't stop myself thinking about her.

 

We didn't work out, but at least I wasn't left wondering how I felt about her or our situation.

 

Keep searching!

[Zippy2000]

I wouldnt say 7 months being single is along time.

 

I feel you are over thinking this as youve only had one date.

 

Give it time and a chnage to develop into something stronger.

[j0celyn]

My reservations are that I am scared to open up. I've been fine with being single for so long, I feel complacent. My feelings haven't caught up to where I actually see myself with him, and I find myself overthinking about whether I should be more proactive or just let things be the way they are.

No, there hasn't been any talk of meeting up again. I've been busy with work and school and he is working out due to tax season. So yeah, am I crazy or I am perfectly normal?

 

Perfectly normal, but then again I'm a certified overthinker myself I'd be the same way if I'd been single for 7 months and this was my first date, especially since we'd been talking for 2 months.

 

Do you think maybe the fact that you talked for so long before meeting up is tripping you up a bit? If you were to be honest with yourself, do you think you had any pre-date expectations that may have built up because of it that he didn't meet? Even something as small as sparks you thought you'd have but didn't or that your text/phone rapport or chemistry was there but missing when you finally met in real life?

 

I would just let things be the way they are and see where it goes. If you want to see him again, just tell him. I'd only be proactive I felt that magnetic pull that neowulf mentioned.

 

I think you also first have to figure out whether you actually like the guy or not vs. if it's your fear of opening up after being single for so long.

[Gaeta]

The thing is, I don't know where this is going and I'm not exactly sure what his expectations of me are. So far, he has been in contact with me almost daily leading up to our meeting, with a day or two of no contact. And if I don't text him, he will text me to ask me how I am doing.

 

Our conversations are mainly in text and it's the usual friendly text about each other's day.

 

My reservations are that I am scared to open up. I've been fine with being single for so long, I feel complacent. My feelings haven't caught up to where I actually see myself with him, and I find myself overthinking about whether I should be more proactive or just let things be the way they are.

No, there hasn't been any talk of meeting up again. I've been busy with work and school and he is working out due to tax season. So yeah, am I crazy or I am perfectly normal?

 

* 7 months single is not 'very long'

 

* It's normal to not know someone's expectation after 1 date or even your own expectations. You are both strangers still.

 

* It's too early to 'open up'. You met him once only. Spend time with him and get to know him before opening up.

 

* The first thing you need to know is what YOU want. Once you know you are looking for a serious relationship OR just casual dating then aim at meeting men that are looking for the same thing as you.

 

* In this case here you took months to meet face to face, you rescheduled 3 times, it sounds like both of you have low interest.

[xpaperxcutx]

I had to cancel 3 times due to family. He was very understanding. And another time was due to the big snowstorm that hit us on the East Coast. He also had to dig his car out.

 

We are both very busy people. He is busy with tax season and has been traveling on business trips. He actually met me the day after his trip to Ohio despite being incredibly jet-lagged.

[xpaperxcutx]

He hasn't contacted me today. Granted he doesn't contact me everyday, but I almost always get a text from him asking me about my day.

 

 

Prior to me going to bed last night, I straight up and asked him if he was looking to date me or if he was looking to be my friend. We were kind of having a light teasing conversation in text. But I didn't want him to get the wrong impression of me as an girl who'll just flirt and tease so I wanted to get a clear idea of where our almost daily conversations were leading us.

 

 

His response to my question was " Idk yet. It takes a while to figure out, no?".

 

 

I replied back that I do know that. And I ended our conversation by telling him to get better from his cold and I went to bed.

Today, I didn't text him at all, but I got a little anxious at why he hasn't contacted me.

I absolutely have no expectations, but I guess I'm lying if I say that I don't want a relationship. I know for a fact that after what I've been through with my ex, I want and expect a healthy relationship. And because I know what I'm looking for, I avoid people who are wishy-washy and those who I know aren't who I want to bring home to meet my parents.

I guess this guy, whom I've been talking to for the past two months has too much on his plate to contemplate me as someone he could date. His response made me felt like an option, like he needed to test drive a car before signing the lease.

 

 

I don't think I did anything wrong. I am not ready to put my eggs in one basket especially knowing that he hasn't offered to see me again. Am I logical in my thinking? I decided to continue online dating because I realize he hasn't made an attempt to go out with me again.

[Ami1uwant]

How old are you guys and gave you met face to face yet?

[Gaeta]

Prior to me going to bed last night, I straight up and asked him if he was looking to date me or if he was looking to be my friend.

 

I don't think I did anything wrong. I am not ready to put my eggs in one basket especially knowing that he hasn't offered to see me again. Am I logical in my thinking? I decided to continue online dating because I realize he hasn't made an attempt to go out with me again.

 

Oh dear.

 

You only had 1 date. This is not the type of question you ask after 1 date. He's right it's too soon to know.

 

You are also contradicting yourself. First you feel anxious enough about this man to ask him, after 1 date, if he wants to date you THEN you make a statement that you don't want to put your eggs in one basket.

 

I don't think you scared him away. I think he was not into you and he's fading away. When a man is interested he's quick to make the second date happen.

[babycrapgreen]

Everyone on here, including myself, has been in your position. It's only been a day, don't throw in the towel just yet.

 

But, don't also initiate contact, either. He'll contact you and if he doesn't within 3-4 business days, I say yeah, you scared him off. But, how long were guys talking anyway?

[xpaperxcutx]

We're both 26 and we met on a dating app. We met this past Sunday, but I don't think he considered it a "date".

[xpaperxcutx]

Oh dear.

 

You only had 1 date. This is not the type of question you ask after 1 date. He's right it's too soon to know.

 

You are also contradicting yourself. First you feel anxious enough about this man to ask him, after 1 date, if he wants to date you THEN you make a statement that you don't want to put your eggs in one basket.

 

I don't think you scared him away. I think he was not into you and he's fading away. When a man is interested he's quick to make the second date happen.

 

Sorry I know it seems like I'm contradicting myself but when I said I wasn't putting all my eggs in one basket, I meant, I've begun to talk to other guys online now. When I first started talking to him, I only talked to him exclusively. I wasn't multi-dating and I wasn't jumping around trying to find other options. I thought he had a lot of qualities I liked in a person, and I was trying to get to know him.

[Gaeta]

Sorry I know it seems like I'm contradicting myself but when I said I wasn't putting all my eggs in one basket, I meant, I've begun to talk to other guys online now. When I first started talking to him, I only talked to him exclusively. I wasn't multi-dating and I wasn't jumping around trying to find other options. I thought he had a lot of qualities I liked in a person, and I was trying to get to know him.

 

Yes you definitely go back online.

 

You met last Sunday. We are Friday night and he has not booked any time with you for this weekend. That doesn't sound promising.

[xpaperxcutx]

Everyone on here, including myself, has been in your position. It's only been a day, don't throw in the towel just yet.

 

But, don't also initiate contact, either. He'll contact you and if he doesn't within 3-4 business days, I say yeah, you scared him off. But, how long were guys talking anyway?

 

We talked on and off for almost 2 months. I didn't push for anything because I was really busy and so was he.

[brokengirl85]

Mmmyes. I would get scared off myself if a guy asked me that straightforward, but just because actions talk louder than words.

My guess is, you like this guy, you got a little anxious and tried to secure things even though it was just too soon.

 

Next time, act casual. Never pressure things or put the guy in such an uncorfortable situation, essentially because it makes you look either desperate, or scarring. You know how guys act, they are weird creatures. Let them be.

[kendahke]

I straight up asked him if he was looking to date me or if he was looking to be my friend.

I absolutely have no expectations, but I guess I'm lying if I say that I don't want a relationship.

I know for a fact that after what I've been through with my ex, I want and expect a healthy relationship..

 

Um, you do have expectations.

 

You need to get clear as to what you want because you went back and forth with us in this first post.

 

If you have no expectations, then why are you expecting him to behave like a boyfriend after only one date? Two months talking is meaningless, unless all of that talking was done face to face. OLD and you not meeting face to face is pretty much living it out in your head.

 

Sure, we've all been in your shoes and the way we've mucked it up was assigning expectations before the involvement develops the legs to run the marathon which is "the relationship".

[xpaperxcutx]

Yes you definitely go back online.

 

You met last Sunday. We are Friday night and he has not booked any time with you for this weekend. That doesn't sound promising.

 

Well I forgot to mention that he works OT on Saturdays due to tax season so he needs to work 6 days a week. Sundays are his only days off so he sleeps in.

 

 

I just don't know where our conversations are going because lately we're having light flirty conversations but I do not want to give him the wrong impression of me and think I'm easy. So far, our conversations have not escalate into talks about sex.

 

 

I have boundaries and I'm setting rules.

 

 

And I don't regret asking him last night's question because I'm not one who plays games.

[brokengirl85]

Well I forgot to mention that he works OT on Saturdays due to tax season so he needs to work 6 days a week. Sundays are his only days off so he sleeps in.

 

 

I just don't know where our conversations are going because lately we're having light flirty conversations but I do not want to give him the wrong impression of me and think I'm easy. So far, our conversations have not escalate into talks about sex.

 

 

I have boundaries and I'm setting rules.

 

 

And I don't regret asking him last night's question because I'm not one who plays games.

 

What you don't get is that it's not about games. you came up too strong! If I were the guy, I'd just think the word "desperation" and "lack of other options"

 

Sometimes, being mysterious is a good thing. you did put your eggs in one basquet. And it's noticeable.

[xpaperxcutx]

Mmmyes. I would get scared off myself if a guy asked me that straightforward, but just because actions talk louder than words.

My guess is, you like this guy, you got a little anxious and tried to secure things even though it was just too soon.

 

Next time, act casual. Never pressure things or put the guy in such an uncorfortable situation, essentially because it makes you look either desperate, or scarring. You know how guys act, they are weird creatures. Let them be.

 

I wasn't trying to come off as desperate, but yes, since because he is the first guy since my ex that I have taken interest in, I do like him a little.

 

 

I hadn't wanted to multi-date. If I'm trying to know one person, then out of respect for myself and for them, I try to understand whether we're compatible before I decide that we're not and move on.

 

 

By me asking him that question, I was trying to understand whether he wants to pursue something with me. Additionally, our conversation last night ended up about massages. I guess he was playfully insinuating that I should start giving massages, but I said I don't. That's when I asked him said question because it seems that he wanted to escalate our conversation to something sexual, but I don't want to go there until I know exactly where we stood.

 

 

My point is, I really don't want ANY guy to treat me like a piece of meat. I never want to give anybody the impression that I was easy, and I have not acted or said anything in anyway to make it seem like I'm easy. Hence, if my asking him that question seems like putting pressure on him, then I suppose I did the right thing because then I know what his intentions were.

[brokengirl85]

I wasn't trying to come off as desperate, but yes, since because he is the first guy since my ex that I have taken interest in, I do like him a little.

 

 

I hadn't wanted to multi-date. If I'm trying to know one person, then out of respect for myself and for them, I try to understand whether we're compatible before I decide that we're not and move on.

 

 

By me asking him that question, I was trying to understand whether he wants to pursue something with me. Additionally, our conversation last night ended up about massages. I guess he was playfully insinuating that I should start giving massages, but I said I don't. That's when I asked him said question because it seems that he wanted to escalate our conversation to something sexual, but I don't want to go there until I know exactly where we stood.

 

 

My point is, I really don't want ANY guy to treat me like a piece of meat. I never want to give anybody the impression that I was easy, and I have not acted or said anything in anyway to make it seem like I'm easy. Hence, if my asking him that question seems like putting pressure on him, then I suppose I did the right thing because then I know what his intentions were.

 

I get what you say. Yet, no need to say it. your actions will speak alone.

 

for now, forget about him and see if he contacts you again. Reading your last post I'd say he might be interested in something light and casual.

[Gaeta]

One date is too early to ask a man if he wants to pursue with you.

 

Several times after only 1 date I didn't know if I wanted to see the man again or not and I need a good 3 dates to know if see myself dating him or not.

 

So next time don't ask this type of questions before a 3rd date. Not only for the guy but for yourself. You don't know these dudes after 1 date, give yourself time to meet them a couple of times before envisioning dating them.

 

How long does he work in a day? can't he grab a bite with you after office hours? Even if Sunday he sleeps in it's not an excuse for not meeting you for a short get together.

[xpaperxcutx]

One date is too early to ask a man if he wants to pursue with you.

 

Several times after only 1 date I didn't know if I wanted to see the man again or not and I need a good 3 dates to know if see myself dating him or not.

 

So next time don't ask this type of questions before a 3rd date. Not only for the guy but for yourself. You don't know these dudes after 1 date, give yourself time to meet them a couple of times before envisioning dating them.

 

How long does he work in a day? can't he grab a bite with you after office hours? Even if Sunday he sleeps in it's not an excuse for not meeting you for a short get together.

 

I asked because conversations were escalating somewhat sexually. I really thought I did the right thing thought, even now in hindsight.

 

 

Since my breakup I learned to be a straightforward person. I am honest in telling people what I would like from another person or expect from a relationship. With him, it should be no different. If he actually took offense to me for saying that, then better sooner than later.

 

 

Lately, he's been working more than 8 hours a day. And he's getting ready for a trip down to Louisiana with his boss.

 

We both work in different areas. I'm in Manhattan while he works in an area in Queens; we're in different boroughs although we live about 15 mins apart by car. I don't expect him to drive out to see me after a hard day of work.

 

 

Anyways, he has texted me. I guess I haven't scared him away at all.

[Gaeta]

I asked because conversations were escalating somewhat sexually. I really thought I did the right thing thought, even now in hindsight.

What do you mean conversation was escalating sexually?

 

 

Since my breakup I learned to be a straightforward person. I am honest in telling people what I would like from another person or expect from a relationship. With him, it should be no different. If he actually took offense to me for saying that, then better sooner than later.

Yes that is a great way of leading your life but in dating I would like to make a suggestion. When you meet a man for 1 date and you like him, you can ask him 'what he is looking for' as a general question. You want to know if he's online to find something casual, sexual or something serious but it's not really the right time to ask him 'what he is looking for with you'. That he doesn't know yet and yes it will scare men away.

 

 

Anyways, he has texted me. I guess I haven't scared him away at all.

How did that go?

[xpaperxcutx]

What do you mean conversation was escalating sexually?

 

 

Yes that is a great way of leading your life but in dating I would like to make a suggestion. When you meet a man for 1 date and you like him, you can ask him 'what he is looking for' as a general question. You want to know if he's online to find something casual, sexual or something serious but it's not really the right time to ask him 'what he is looking for with you'. That he doesn't know yet and yes it will scare men away.

 

 

How did that go?

 

I don't know if he was playing playful but he kept bringing up massages. I think anybody who has the audacity to bring up the topic of massages is trying to imply something sexual. Granted we were talking about his back issues. He made mention of having spinal stosis(?) or something, and I had to google that.

 

So last night, after he texted just to say hi, he brought up the massage thing again. We texted about his work and he is said he did more reading than crunching numbers at his accounting firm. So I made a joke that if he wanted help I could help him with a dictionary. He replied " Well, google would be faster. I am looking for massages."

 

 

My only response was "Well, you can always use Google maps to find the best massage parlour in our area".

 

 

I also straight up told him that I don't know what he was trying to imply but I will not be giving any massages.

 

 

And he played it off saying that he was trying to get me to crack?

 

 

My response, "haha, and I was just about to block you because you kept bringing it up".

 

 

So yes, I am beginning to get a little disheartened that he kept pursuing something that I have no interest in.

 

 

Maybe he isn't boyfriend, let alone dating material.