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Younger guy --- do I go down that road?


StBreton

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So...following in the lead of a few people on this forum, I thought I'd give OKcupid a try. Had my profile up for about 10 hours. I deleted it.

 

Many normal looking guys around my age ... my dating range is mid 40s to mid 50s. Got about 10 messages from that age range ... but no guys I would go out with...not into tattooed biker guys. I don't present as a biker chic but whatevs.

 

Most of the guys who contacted me were young guys ...like in their 20s to 30s! The 20s guys were really working the cougar thing. I'm not the cougar type. What is up with that? Is it the OKcupid thing? I've renamed it "OKcougar" lol

 

But there was this attractive 40 yr old guy...intelligent, articulate, and tired of dating young girls. So he's really interested in me. We chatted on the site ... we have a lot in common as we're in the same field.

 

The reason for this thread: I put him off for a bit because I promised myself I'm only going to date guys that are close to my age. My exH was about 9 yrs younger than I and I just don't want to go down that road again. But this guy and I just click and we have soooo much in common.

 

Should I just overlook the age thing? When I look at his pix he's hot...and young (my ex actually looks older than I)...but so mature and intelligent. I do not want to feel like a cougar...I don't want to look like a cougar either ...I think most people would notice the age difference.

 

He gave me his phone number. Should I contact him?

Edited by StBreton
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I don't see the harm in talking to him and going out on a date. My ex was 10 years older than me and I rebounded after her with a woman 9 years older. The age difference never bothered me, but it seems to make women insecure and possessive in my experience, like they are always waiting for you to dump them and go for someone younger.

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I think you should. The fact that you've been down hat road, means you can. I read that whether or not you can, depends on your birth order.

Anyway, life's too short to mind people talking about cougars or whatever. You're past raising a family so this is just between two people. It's hard to meet a kindred soul, why not give it a try?

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I prefer +/-5 years, but would stretch it up to 10 years (reluctantly). Beyond that, it's just too much of an age gap and won't work for me.

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The reason for this thread: I put him off for a bit because I promised myself I'm only going to date guys that are close to my age. My exH was about 9 yrs younger than I and I just don't want to go down that road again. But this guy and I just click and we have soooo much in common.

 

Should I just overlook the age thing?

 

Yes. As we get older, our dating pool shrinks. That's just how it is, so there's no sense in limiting ourselves. Unless you have a lot of other prospects going, why decline an opportunity to enjoy the opposite sex?

 

We should limit our deal-breakers to attitudes and appearance. If we can basically stand how they look and they're decent people, why not see what happens?

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Go for it!

 

Hi MMB! Now how did I know you'd say that:)

 

Actually I read your post on here about a younger guy a few days ago and I thought "now why doesn't a hot young guy come into my life" and bam! There he is.

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I would definitely meet him.

 

You can see where you want to go after that.

 

Satu you're such a voice of reason on here and I appreciate your input:)

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Yes. As we get older, our dating pool shrinks. That's just how it is, so there's no sense in limiting ourselves. Unless you have a lot of other prospects going, why decline an opportunity to enjoy the opposite sex?

 

We should limit our deal-breakers to attitudes and appearance. If we can basically stand how they look and they're decent people, why not see what happens?

 

Well as it seems a lot of guys my age want to date younger women...the financially emotionally unstable ones seem to be really popular...my dating pool is smaller. I just had my head set on not going out with a younger guy again...you see my exH met someone his age...and divorced me...so I'm a wee bit sensitive to dating younger again.

 

This guy has a great attitude...that's for sure. That is what draws me to him. Appearance...he's very cute but that's not what leads me.

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No, I say go even younger. :D

 

My boys are 12/14...I think they'd freak out if I did that. :rolleyes:

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IMO if he doesn't throw any immediate red flags, see how it goes. Since he's been dating younger women it's hard to know if he's over that or not. If he also has children and is co-parenting, logistics could be an issue. Those issues could present regardless of age. Getting on the same page for a first date usually is telling. Hope it works out!

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StB.....you are both in your 40s. .........I say, as long as you're both in the same decade....no problem!

 

He is a different man from your ex .....try to not judge him negatively because of that.

 

Go for it! Life's too short.

 

Good luck and let us know! :)

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IMO if he doesn't throw any immediate red flags, see how it goes. Since he's been dating younger women it's hard to know if he's over that or not. If he also has children and is co-parenting, logistics could be an issue. Those issues could present regardless of age. Getting on the same page for a first date usually is telling. Hope it works out!

 

 

Ok so there's the other red herring ... not going to call it a flag yet. He's never been married nor had children. He's open to marriage he said, but his work and education are his children. He has nephews that he sees as his kids. I usually don't date guys that haven't been married nor had kids before. Geez do I sound picky:o

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StB.....you are both in your 40s. .........I say, as long as you're both in the same decade....no problem!

 

He is a different man from your ex .....try to not judge him negatively because of that.

 

Go for it! Life's too short.

 

Good luck and let us know! :)

 

Ok I'll let update.

 

Just for an update on the LDR guy from Seattle...I've definitely decided I'm not a good fit for guys who haven't had a formal education. When a guy says he feels intimidated because he'd never be able to win an argument with me because of my level of education etc., holy smokes ... so this guy is very educated which fits me very well.

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If you accept that it can be fun but might lead to nowhere or heartbreak... yes go for it and have some fun.

 

Been there, done that. Eventually they realize they are just not ready, or want someone their age or younger.

 

Sorry don't mean to be a downer... just my experience :/

 

Btw I put in my profile that I block all 20s and early 30s yo guys who write me. A ton still do. Ugh.

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If you accept that it can be fun but might lead to nowhere or heartbreak... yes go for it and have some fun.

 

Been there, done that. Eventually they realize they are just not ready, or want someone their age or younger.

 

Sorry don't mean to be a downer... just my experience :/

 

Btw I put in my profile that I block all 20s and early 30s yo guys who write me. A ton still do. Ugh.

 

Thanks edgy...I do appreciate your pointing that out. Sometimes younger people don't know what they don't know. They haven't lived it...and while this guy says he wants to give it a go...he won't know how he feels until he gets there. Sometimes people don't know everything about themselves...that johari window thing.

 

Oh that's a good thing to put in my profile...but ya I can see young guys just ignoring it. I'm off okc now anyway but in case I go on it again.

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Exactly... they are super excited in the first months... until real life gets in the way. Not saying it can't end well, there are cases out there where things work out, but I've had two experiences that ended badly and therefore traumatized a bit.

 

For some reason I like okcupid better than paid sites. Craft your profile smartly and you'll get guys 40-50s writing you. There are quite a few... the problem is finding the ones who are not in weird situations in life... they are all divorced and jaded or eternal bachelors with emotional or commitment issues :(

 

You seem like an awesome woman (love your posts!) and you deserve to find a cool man!

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Ok so there's the other red herring ... not going to call it a flag yet. He's never been married nor had children. He's open to marriage he said, but his work and education are his children. He has nephews that he sees as his kids. I usually don't date guys that haven't been married nor had kids before. Geez do I sound picky:o

Seems to me you're overthinking this and making excuses why it won't work. Go for it and find out what he's like. Good luck.

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Ok so there's the other red herring ... not going to call it a flag yet. He's never been married nor had children. He's open to marriage he said, but his work and education are his children. He has nephews that he sees as his kids. I usually don't date guys that haven't been married nor had kids before. Geez do I sound picky:o

I can appreciate your trepidation and frankly, having a George Clooney male friend (same age and looks and never married), I can see why. However, this guy is only 40 not 54 so perhaps not as serious into red flag territory, though it does explain a bit better his recent, or longer, penchant for younger women.

 

IMO, whatever red flags his lack of marital experience will throw up will occur early, so my bet is you'll know at first meet or at most second or third date if things are destined to go sideways. If he's good company, see how it goes. Have a little fun for the V-day period.

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Seems to me you're overthinking this and making excuses why it won't work. Go for it and find out what he's like. Good luck.

 

Ok waving the white flag...I'll give it a chance. We've texted a few times and he went out for Thai food for dinner (my fave place after he asked me about it)...because it was on my profile as one of my favorite cuisines and he wanted to think of me ... geez guys say the silliest things sometimes.

 

Oh then he asked me what I'm up to and I said I'm looking at properties on the beach in FL on the net...then he said his family has a beach house in San Diego...and adds "well you've have the best of both beaches then" oh my he's really laying it on thick:rolleyes:

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I can appreciate your trepidation and frankly, having a George Clooney male friend (same age and looks and never married), I can see why. However, this guy is only 40 not 54 so perhaps not as serious into red flag territory, though it does explain a bit better his recent, or longer, penchant for younger women.

 

IMO, whatever red flags his lack of marital experience will throw up will occur early, so my bet is you'll know at first meet or at most second or third date if things are destined to go sideways. If he's good company, see how it goes. Have a little fun for the V-day period.

 

Great recommendation Car :) ...I'm just going to be very casual and have a little fun and get myself through Vday ... though I'll be out of town with my kids and riding group that weekend...it'll be nice to have a date when I get back.

 

In fact...just going out with a guy who's in such good shape will motivate me to workout like crazy the next few weeks ... if nothing comes of this guy...I'll be in better shape for the next guy:)

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Ruby Slippers

I get messages from younger guys often, but I avoid them for the typical risks. I started a thread here a while back about the subject, and 85% of the guys admitted a strong preference for a younger woman, suggesting they'd give an older woman a spin as an experiment. No thanks.

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+/- 5 years for me.

 

Red flag? Him saying he is tired of dating younger women. If he's seriously not caring about the age, it wouldn't have come up..

 

meh, I think he's just messing around... All these grand declarations scream player to me.

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