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So I decided to try out OLD


Necris

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So far since I've joined I messaged somewhere around 100 women and still no positive responses.

 

Any advice? What has your experience been like?

 

Girls don't want to even talk to me let alone date me, the only few responses I got were from girls who felt the need to tell me they aren't interested. Though one was kind of funny from a black girl who says she prefers white guys (!?) and another from a white girl which basically said thanks but no thanks she also prefers white guys and then she blocked me. The rest just ignore.

 

Background:

 

As for some background, I'm a guy in my early twenties, black, college grad with a good job. Unfortunately I'm extremely nerdy (I'm a software engineer, and love scifi and fantasy) I'm also not super attractive though I wouldn't call myself ugly. I'm also not very interested in things alot of people find fun I don't drink, party, sing, or go clubbing.

 

I never had a girlfriend in my life, and a complete virgin. I do however approach women but I'm always rejected so I thought maybe things would be different online.

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100 women with no positive responses?

 

Those numbers are way off, you should have received at least a 10 percent positive response rate.

 

Either your profile needs a lot more work or you're too physically unattractive to garner the interest of any woman.

 

Or, you're aiming too high.

 

If you're rather selective about who you message, lower your standards a bit.. maybe a lot. Start with the real ugly fat women, from whom you'll almost definitely get a response. Then start working your way up the scale until the responses start dropping off.

 

Then you'll know what you're capable of attracting.

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One thing I said to myself during my awkward years was....if you can't beat 'em, then join them.

 

Don't be afraid to venture out of your comfort zone. Girls are naturally social creatures, so my advice is to go out and be sociable, and learn how to dance. I tell a lot of guys who would just sit on a bar stool, staring down at their beer.....if you dance you will get laid.

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So far since I've joined I messaged somewhere around 100 women and still no positive responses.

 

Any advice? What has your experience been like?

 

Girls don't want to even talk to me let alone date me, the only few responses I got were from girls who felt the need to tell me they aren't interested. Though one was kind of funny from a black girl who says she prefers white guys (!?) and another from a white girl which basically said thanks but no thanks she also prefers white guys and then she blocked me. The rest just ignore.

 

Background:

 

As for some background, I'm a guy in my early twenties, black, college grad with a good job. Unfortunately I'm extremely nerdy (I'm a software engineer, and love scifi and fantasy) I'm also not super attractive though I wouldn't call myself ugly. I'm also not very interested in things alot of people find fun I don't drink, party, sing, or go clubbing.

 

I never had a girlfriend in my life, and a complete virgin. I do however approach women but I'm always rejected so I thought maybe things would be different online.

 

Don't even bother with sites like OK cupid and POF. If you want to have any luck try apps like Tinder, or my favorite Bumble.

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Yes, have a look at page 9 of this discussion. I've composed a bullet point list of everyone who commented on my thread about what people hate seeing in profiles. It's about halfway down the page.

 

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/romantic/dating/567661-online-dating-profile-turnoffs-9.html

 

There's a good chance that you may have some of these on yours, especially after so little success. Are you sure your profile isn't hidden?

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Don't even bother with sites like OK cupid and POF. If you want to have any luck try apps like Tinder, or my favorite Bumble.

 

Yeah ok, just dismiss two of the largest most successful dating sites which also happen to be FREE just because one person had no success on them.

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There is no magic pill recipe that will suddenly make you so intriguing that women will be forced to write tomes to you in response to your messages or profile.

 

I tried to make my profile humorous--and I received messages from guys that said just that, but expressed no interest in getting to know me. I mean, what do you say when they do not indicate that they're interested enough to try to get to know you?

 

I spent a year on OKC and went on 5 dates; and with the exception of one--we're just friends and nothing more (his choice)--none of them panned out to anything. In my age bracket (56), I was inundated by scammers--so be happy that you at least aren't getting pounced on by catfish.

 

My only suggestion is to concentrate on yourself and developing who you are, socially. Learn about things outside of your comfort zone. Take up interests where you'll be around a lot of people. Don't rely solely on OLD to get dates. In a way, it's a lazy way of doing it and more times than not, it backfires because it's easier to reject on a computer than it is after you've established a rapport with someone in real time, face to face.

 

And understand: no woman owes you attention just because you sent her a message. Once you get out of the "she owes me because I'm interested" mindset, you'll probably have better luck.

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A couple things jump out......

 

1 OLD tends yo dies older to those 30s and older. If you are around 24-26 you could meet more svailable people thru friend networking either they work IR college friends.

 

2. At your age, women also tend to have issues dating younger men. They prefer someone older than them, thus your age range is in that 29-24 college see range. You don't have many at this age on OLD do look at college bat areas.

 

3. What site are you using? You will find the sane people on the sites.

 

4. If the dating diet is profile based with you writing sonething and pictures--you nay have problem in your pics or what you say in the profile.

 

5. How do you approach trying to talk to women? Is it 1-2 lines, 2 paragraphs??? Understand if the woman is attractive she likely gets 10-20 messages a day. Thus you are lost.

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Yeah ok, just dismiss two of the largest most successful dating sites which also happen to be FREE just because one person had no success on them.

 

It's a waste of time. Maybe it was a good idea 5 years ago..but not anymore.

 

Girls get so many messages. The chance that she'll even read yours has to be 1 to 10...chance she'll respond...1 to 20. Not worth my time. I like apps where the woman actually has to put some effort into it. You still might not get any messages but If you do you they have a much better shot at being genuine matches.

 

Tinder and Bumble are free. I'll even put it in all caps for ya "FREE"...of course you have to have a smart phone. But most people do these days.

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It's a waste of time. Maybe it was a good idea 5 years ago..but not anymore. .

 

You have no clue how others might be doing on those sites, you're making a sweeping generalization based on nothing more than your own experience.

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AverageJoe1986

Necris, I have a couple of threads on here about my own experience and experiments I did with different photos. You may interpret what I found differently than I have but for what it's worth I think that if you're a man who is not conventionally good looking your options on an online dating site will be extremely limited. You need to find someone you're attracted to, compatible with and who is geographically and chronologically appropriate. If you're only going to get 1 or 2 half hearted responses every few months (my experience) the odds of you finding said woman are astronomical. However, if you have a thick skin and can tolerate feeling invisible for months on end, who knows you might get lucky.

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And understand: no woman owes you attention just because you sent her a message. Once you get out of the "she owes me because I'm interested" mindset, you'll probably have better luck.

 

I never said women owe me any attention I'm just pointing out the fact that after talking to 100 women not 1 is the least bit interested.

 

Tbh, I don't think I'll ever actually find someone.

While it does get lonely sometimes, and I occassionally feel an odd sadness wash over me, and it feels awkward when people wonder why you don't have or never had anyone in your life the single virgin life isn't all that bad if I think positively I realize I got money to spend, no drama, and I can do my own thing I guess.

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AverageJoe1986

 

And understand: no woman owes you attention just because you sent her a message. Once you get out of the "she owes me because I'm interested" mindset, you'll probably have better luck.

 

Why are you assuming he feels entitled? Nothing about what he wrote suggests he thinks that way. He'll have better luck if he gets advice that responds to what he said rather than what people want him to have meant.

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AverageJoe1986
I never said women owe me any attention I'm just pointing out the fact that after talking to 100 women not 1 is the least bit interested.

 

Tbh, I don't think I'll ever actually find someone.

While it does get lonely sometimes, and I occassionally feel an odd sadness wash over me, and it feels awkward when people wonder why you don't have or never had anyone in your life the single virgin life isn't all that bad if I think positively I realize I got money to spend, no drama, and I can do my own thing I guess.

 

If you like sci-do and fantasy, go to conventions and that sort of thing. That'd be far better than OLD for you.

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Give us some background on some of the women you messaged and exactly what you said and maybe we can help you. I don't think anyone can divine the problem just based on what you said though man.

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AverageJoe1986
If you like sci-do and fantasy, go to conventions and that sort of thing. That'd be far better than OLD for you.

 

Sci-fi even I'm close to smashing this kindle fire into little pieces.

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100 women with no positive responses?

 

Those numbers are way off, you should have received at least a 10 percent positive response rate.

 

Either your profile needs a lot more work or you're too physically unattractive to garner the interest of any woman.

 

Or, you're aiming too high.

 

If you're rather selective about who you message, lower your standards a bit.. maybe a lot. Start with the real ugly fat women, from whom you'll almost definitely get a response. Then start working your way up the scale until the responses start dropping off.

 

Then you'll know what you're capable of attracting.

 

I'm probably not very good looking seeing as how my numbers are no different than it is with talking to women in person.

 

I'm also not very selective on who I choose to message though if a girl is looking like Precious I'm sorry I just can't.

 

As for your strat if I do that wouldn't I just be leading the girls I don't want on a bit? And based off my in person experience girls that I think are unattractive generally aren't attracted to me as well so I'm not sure if that would accomplish anything, though it sounds logical at first.

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Ruby Slippers
Tbh, I don't think I'll ever actually find someone.

See my signature. I've found it's absolutely true.

 

Have you ever noticed that when you go out into the world in a great mood, it seems like everything is wonderful? And when you go out in a sour mood, everything gets on your nerves?

 

I just started a new job with a difficult boss, and I've been practicing approaching her with different attitudes. The more I let her get to me and sour my mood, the more she brings me down. The better my attitude, the less annoying she is and the better our interactions are.

 

If you believe you won't find someone, you probably won't. Try improving your attitude. Your thoughts about your life and circumstances are really the only thing you have much control over.

 

Also, make sure you're using good English in your messages. At least 50% of guys fail with "how r u" type messages. I don't respond to text-speak.

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I'm probably not very good looking seeing as how my numbers are no different than it is with talking to women in person.

 

I'm also not very selective on who I choose to message though if a girl is looking like Precious I'm sorry I just can't.

 

As for your strat if I do that wouldn't I just be leading the girls I don't want on a bit? And based off my in person experience girls that I think are unattractive generally aren't attracted to me as well so I'm not sure if that would accomplish anything, though it sounds logical at first.

 

I don't know you and I haven't seen your dating profile, but if your avatar on here is anything to go by, as well as the name you have chosen for yourself, it is all a little bit creepy and scary. The Undead are not really very romantic.

If you are bringing the same "weird" vibe to your dating profile, then I guess most women are not going to want to know.

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AverageJoe1986
I don't know you and I haven't seen your dating profile, but if your avatar on here is anything to go by, as well as the name you have chosen for yourself, it is all a little bit creepy and scary. The Undead are not really very romantic.

If you are bringing the same "weird" vibe to your dating profile, then I guess most women are not going to want to know.

 

Ah the vibes are back. It's always the vibes.

 

Strangely I can find no threads on here where someone is complaining that they're really good looking but can't get anywhere in OLD because of the vibes his profile gives off.

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I don't know you and I haven't seen your dating profile, but if your avatar on here is anything to go by, as well as the name you have chosen for yourself, it is all a little bit creepy and scary. The Undead are not really very romantic.

If you are bringing the same "weird" vibe to your dating profile, then I guess most women are not going to want to know.

 

Oh my name and image?

 

At the time I thought undead were cool as I liked being a lich in D&D plus I thought this was funny: http://i3.kym-cdn.com/photos/images/original/000/998/096/4a3.jpg

 

So I just kept it.

 

As for my dating profile, I don't have lich pics or any mentioning at all about death in any shape or form I guess I could do that if I really wanted to find the wierd girls :lmao:

 

More than likely I'm not putting off wierd "vibes" (I make guy friends without much difficulty at all) something about me just isn't sexually appealing to women at all, and I have no idea at all how to be sexually appealing to women.

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Rejected Rosebud
Ah the vibes are back. It's always the vibes.

 

Strangely I can find no threads on here where someone is complaining that they're really good looking but can't get anywhere in OLD because of the vibes his profile gives off.

I assure you that if a guy with creepy vibe is very good looking sure, he might get more initial interest. And then girls will dump him.
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I remember from when you posted your pics awhile back that you aren't unattractive, so I wouldn't say it's your looks per se. How are your pictures? Are they clear and portray you in your best light? Do you look happy in them? How is your profile? Have you had any female friends take a look at it to give you input? What are you messaging to the women? Can you maybe give us an example?

 

There are a lot of things that go into being successful at OLD. Maybe we can help narrow down what your problem might be if you give more info.

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