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Am I over-reacting?

Eternal Sunshine

By Eternal Sunshine,
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Eternal Sunshine

Eternal Sunshine

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I was just on the third date with a guy from my previous thread. Well I spoke too soon on the no sex thing.

 

Today we had lunch and we had a nice time. I enjoyed the conversation and was attracted to him.

 

Then it all went wrong. Here is the text exchange.

 

Him: "Thank you for lunch :)"

Me: "Hope to see you again soon"

Him:"Do you want to? ;)"

Me: "Do you want to? ;)"

Him:"I do"

Him:"Don't answer a question with the question"

Him:"Next time you should cook us dinner at your place"

Him:"Show me what you can do in the kitchen" (:sick::sick::sick::sick::sick:)

Me: "I would actually prefer to go out"

Him: "Of course."

Him:"Do you cook?"

Me:"Usually I work late so no. I can cook when I want to"

Him:"Oh fair enough"

Me:"I also prefer to go slow when it comes to sleeping together...just so you know. :)"

Him:"I did not ask you to have sex. Have I even tried? No"

Me:"Suggesting hanging out at home usually implies sex. I like to be direct."

Him:"Well I guess you have been hanging out with wrong guys then. I am different."

Me:"lol. So you are cool with waiting a bit?"

Him: "Absolutely. I am not a kid anymore, I am not desparate for sex."

 

I didn't reply.

 

I absolutely hate it when guys invie themselves to my place. I hate it even more when they invite themselves over and then suggest that I cook them dinner.

 

If you want to try for sex, fair enough. But at least invite me to your place.I also know that I am not the right fit for guys who are into women that cook and clean. My idea of hell is having a relationship with a guy that expects this of me.

 

I really feel like I should move on :(

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Emilia

Emilia

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A very combative exchange of texts. I get what you are saying but he seems to annoy you more than anything.

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Eternal Sunshine

Eternal Sunshine

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I hate it when guys pretend that they are not after sex when they clearly are.

 

My mistake is wasting too much time on guys that instictively annoy me. Emilia is right.

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Emilia

Emilia

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The 'don't answer me with a question' would have got my hackles up - unless he was a friendly, teasing sort of guy. I think you just don't like him.

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Lorenza

Lorenza

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Inviting himself to my place and telling me that I SHOULD cook for him and show him my supposed skills would annoy me as well. But I don't think it would necessarily mean he is after sex (maybe expecting to get lucky, but doesn't have to be his only goal).

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RedRobin

RedRobin

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Ugh. That would be my idea of hell too... And I actually enjoy cooking. NWIH if it is 'expected' though.

 

So annoying... Sorry the netflix and chill thing ultimately came out. Gawd.

 

All I can say for both of you is please try not to have those conversations over text.

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Eternal Sunshine

Eternal Sunshine

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The 'don't answer me with a question' would have got my hackles up - unless he was a friendly, teasing sort of guy. I think you just don't like him.

 

He is not the teasing type. He is very serious, stiff and formal. I think he is just controlling.

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Emilia

Emilia

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He is not the teasing type. He is very serious, stiff and formal. I think he is just controlling.

 

Yep

 

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road

road

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I hate it when guys pretend that they are not after sex when they clearly are.

 

My mistake is wasting too much time on guys that instictively annoy me. Emilia is right.

 

 

Rude to answer a question with a question. Second, the only reason men date is to have sex. Men do not want a women for friends. They want a girlfriend that they hope will turn into a wife.

 

 

Men love it at the beginning if a woman offers to cook them a home cooked meal.

 

 

However I would never ask for a woman to cook me a home cooked meal. I would of invited her over to my place to cook a meal for her.

 

 

Two TV diners, Hungry Man for me, regular or kids for her.

 

 

We don't want her getting fat and no longer fitting into a size 2. :lmao:

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RedRobin

RedRobin

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He is not the teasing type. He is very serious, stiff and formal. I think he is just controlling.

Unfortunately, that kind of banter is some guy's idea of being a 'man'.

 

A take charge, get in the kitchen and make me a sandwich, b*tch, kinda guy...

 

Yea, my guess is that he is used to women inviting him over sooner or he's a third date rule kinda guy...

 

This is one main reason I tell women to wait. Not because sex is bad... But because the little baby, spoiled brat antics come out reeeelly soon when guys like that aren't getting their way. Or things are different then what they are used to.

 

It's right about this point where the little passive aggressive tells start to leak out. Good job ES!

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Kamille

Kamille

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I hate when guys invite themselves over. They want to see me in an intimate setting, they can cook dinner!

 

I think it's natural that you would lose interest in him after such a gauche move on his part.

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hippychick3

hippychick3

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The "don't answer a question with a question" comment would be enough for me to next him. I don't like him. lol

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Wewon

Wewon

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Maybe its just me, but isn't this the problem with having a conversation composed entirely of text? The whole thing sounded a little clumsy and like both parties were intentionally trying to put the other on the defensive. From the suggestion of cooking to the quick turn into waiting for sex.

 

In real life I think that it wouldn't have sounded nearly as bad.

 

But even when you hack through all of the weeds its pretty clear that the two of you aren't compatible, even if the conversation had been charming.

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Art_Critic

Art_Critic

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I felt my hackles rising at "don't answer a question with a question," too.

 

This is his best behavior?! Ick.

 

Yeah... putting your best foot forward to make an impression.. he just forewarned her of his future behavior.

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Eternal Sunshine

Eternal Sunshine

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Maybe its just me, but isn't this the problem with having a conversation composed entirely of text? The whole thing sounded a little clumsy and like both parties were intentionally trying to put the other on the defensive. From the suggestion of cooking to the quick turn into waiting for sex.

 

In real life I think that it wouldn't have sounded nearly as bad.

 

But even when you hack through all of the weeds its pretty clear that the two of you aren't compatible, even if the conversation had been charming.

 

That's the thing. You can assume that he was 100% serious. He doesn't tease. He isn't sarcastic.

 

He really did invite himself over and asked me to cook for him.

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RedRobin

RedRobin

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What's really sad is this guy totally turned around a positive date and you saying you were looking forward to seeing him again to... THIS. I mean, you just told him you wanted to see him again... And he's asking 'do you?' Jeez. What an azz.

 

What's even more sad is how often guys shoot themselves in the foot this way. They feel a little insecure or unsure, then the Neanderthal comes out.

 

Very sorry, ES. ((Hug))

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Eternal Sunshine

Eternal Sunshine

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What's really sad is this guy totally turned around a positive date and you saying you were looking forward to seeing him again to... THIS. I mean, you just told him you wanted to see him again... And he's asking 'do you?' Jeez. What an azz.

 

What's even more sad is how often guys shoot themselves in the foot this way. They feel a little insecure or unsure, then the Neanderthal comes out.

 

Very sorry, ES. ((Hug))

 

Even the "do you want to?" WTF I just told him I do.

 

I had a nice time and was happy to see that he already texted. I wasn't feeling combative at all. If he invited me over and offered to even order a takeway or something, I would have been tempted.

 

But this....:sick:

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lilmissjava

lilmissjava

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Him:"Don't answer a question with the question"

 

I would have said to him "Don't boss me".

 

Nothing spells indecisive tendencies like "Do you?"

 

Next!

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Httm

Httm

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Talk about over analyzing texts. Did you enjoy the dates or not? That is all that matters. Sounds like you are angry. So, move on then.

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Gaeta

Gaeta

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I have dropped every man that have invited themselves over to my place. It's totally inappropriate. I called them on it. It's inappropriate for a man to invite himself to a woman's house. You wait for her to invite you, it's basic courtesy. You're not the type of man i am looking for, good bye.

 

I have never regretted dumping them.

 

Makes me laugh when he says he has experience. He's 32 for goodness sake. He has no idea what being a gentleman is about.

 

Sunshine: turn to your other prospect.

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