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Ghosted after fourth date.


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This is becoming a reoccurring theme now and I'm totally fed up with it to be honest.

 

Met this girl, things seemed to be going really well, kissed on the first date, fooled around a little on the third and slept together on the fourth. Tried to sort out the fifth date, didn't get a response, left it three or four days and send another message and never got a reply.

 

When did this become acceptable behaviour? If she doesn't like me that's fine, these things happen and it's not that that annoys me. It's the fact she couldn't even pluck up the courage and do the decent and polite thing.

 

I really have lost all faith in modern day dating. It's in a sorry state of affairs.

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This is becoming a reoccurring theme now and I'm totally fed up with it to be honest.

 

Met this girl, things seemed to be going really well, kissed on the first date, fooled around a little on the third and slept together on the fourth. Tried to sort out the fifth date, didn't get a response, left it three or four days and send another message and never got a reply.

 

When did this become acceptable behaviour? If she doesn't like me that's fine, these things happen and it's not that that annoys me. It's the fact she couldn't even pluck up the courage and do the decent and polite thing.

 

I really have lost all faith in modern day dating. It's in a sorry state of affairs.

 

It's not acceptable to the people on the receiving end and it's best to just accept it. However, it shows you who they are -- ghosts -- empty shells who can cross boundaries seamlessly without feeling, empathy, respect or regard and have no place in heaven, hell or earth or in our lives.

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25 years ago: phone rings, Bonnie says to her roommate: "don't answer it, it might be Mike". Answering machine picks up "hey Bonnie it's Mike, give me a call when you get this." phone rings later: "Hey it's me Mike again, are you up for dinner tomorrow? Give me a call." Next day "hey it's Mike, I haven't heard from you, is everything OK? waiting here, I'll be home." phone rings two days later..."hey It's Mike, I take it you don't want to see me again. FINE I DON"T WANT TO YOU AGAIN EITHER!" click.

Bonnie "wheww thank god that's over".

 

35 years ago: phone rings, roommate picks up "Hey is Bonnie there?" roommate quietly covers the phone.."It's Mike, what do I say?" Bonnie replies "Tell him I'm not here" "Hi Mike Bonnie has stepped out, you want to leave a message?" "Ya tell her I called." Phone rings 2 hours later.."Hi is Bonnie there?" "No she isn't...who's this Bob or Mark?" "What???......never mind!"

 

Seriously nothing really has changed in dating. Just technology has.

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If this was a one off then maybe I could accept it, but it's not. In the 18 months since I've been single every single girl I've been involved with has done this. I wish I was exaggerating for effect there but unfortunately I'm not.

 

I swear people have lost their backbone in the last decade. When did people become so scared of honesty?

 

I have a good mind to call her out on her behaviour but I know that will solve nothing in the long run.

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If this was a one off then maybe I could accept it, but it's not. In the 18 months since I've been single every single girl I've been involved with has done this. I wish I was exaggerating for effect there but unfortunately I'm not.

 

I swear people have lost their backbone in the last decade. When did people become so scared of honesty?

 

I have a good mind to call her out on her behaviour but I know that will solve nothing in the long run.

 

You don't specify how long you were dating this girl, or what tool was used to meet her in the first place. Did you meet through online dating? Real life? Mutual friends?

 

It's par for the course in OLD, I'll say that much. There are tons of threads throughout LS that describe this exact scenario, for both men and women.

 

All you can do is take a break and get back out there with a renewed sense of confidence and re-evaluate what it is you are looking for and communicate that early on with the women you are dating.

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GR4 are you satisfying these ladies in bed????

 

My thoughts too. Ghost after sex every time?

 

For years it was always the men who were the players. At least women are included in that now too.

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My thoughts too. Ghost after sex every time?

 

 

I know seriously...who's the common denominator here.

 

Still no excuse for her just ghosting though.

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I feel bad for you but it doesn't seem like someone with a lot of character if she bailed without at least saying something after you have been intimate. Did you make it clear that you were looking for something more serious? How well did you get to know her intentions before you had sex?

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I know seriously...who's the common denominator here.

 

Still no excuse for her just ghosting though.

 

I realise I'm the common denominator here but I'm really not doing anything wrong when it comes to dating. And no, it's not after sex usually.

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I realise I'm the common denominator here but I'm really not doing anything wrong when it comes to dating. And no, it's not after sex usually.

 

Again, most people don't care and are cowards. Don't take it personally

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I realise I'm the common denominator here but I'm really not doing anything wrong when it comes to dating. And no, it's not after sex usually.

 

There really is no right or wrong when it comes to dating (unless you're farting or something lol)... it's about finding someone with whom you click and share romantic chemistry.

 

If your energy is such that you're not generating that feeling in the women you date... I have to wonder what exactly are you feeling toward them? Because chemistry is usually, if not always, mutual.

 

Do you feel a click with all these women.... strong chemistry? Or do you simply find them physically appealing, nice and someone you share some common interests with?

 

And then figure, what the hell, I will date them and see what happens?

 

Most women are looking for MORE than that....just so you know.

 

That may be the reason you're getting rejected. They're just not feeling it.

 

NOT your fault....it's very rare we find someone we feel that mutual click and chemistry with.

 

Try not to get discouraged....just keep going.

 

This is a cliché but it's a numbers game....

 

As far as ghosting... this has become so common these days.... I would try to shrug it off. Seriously.

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There really is no right or wrong when it comes to dating (unless you're farting or something lol)... it's about finding someone with whom you click and share romantic chemistry.

 

If your energy is such that you're not generating that feeling in the women you date... I have to wonder what exactly are you feeling toward them? Because chemistry is usually, if not always, mutual.

 

Do you feel a click with all these women.... strong chemistry? Or do you simply find them physically appealing, nice and someone you share some common interests with?

 

And then figure, what the hell, I will date them and see what happens?

 

Most women are looking for MORE than that....just so you know.

 

That may be the reason you're getting rejected. They're just not feeling it.

 

NOT your fault....it's very rare we find someone we feel that mutual click and chemistry with.

 

Try not to get discouraged....just keep going.

 

This is a cliché but it's a numbers game.... good luck.

 

I hate terms like chemistry and the like but with this girl especially it felt great. I didn't have to try hard in front of her, I could just be myself and we had a great time. If people saw as together they'd probably assume we were a couple who had been together for a while already.

 

What do I know though... She clearly doesn't feel the same.

 

It's very hard not to be discouraged in all honesty. I'm at that age now where every friend I have is either in a serious relationship, engaged, married or has kids. I feel like I've fallen massively behind and maybe missed the boat. I'm clearly not very good at love and dating.

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No response has always been around in the history of mankind. In past centuries great men have written beautiful letters with the quill pen and never got a response. But people used to take it better.

In my generation, people would just say, oh I guess she's not interested. We HAD dating before there was internet, you know. And sometimes people did stop responding. But no such widespread terms as ghosting and fading.

I don't think people stop responding more than before. I think people these days are less tolerant when things falling short of their expectations. These are signs of a stressful society.

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No response has always been around in the history of mankind. In past centuries great men have written beautiful letters with the quill pen and never got a response. But people used to take it better.

In my generation, people would just say, oh I guess she's not interested. We HAD dating before there was internet, you know. And sometimes people did stop responding. But no such widespread terms as ghosting and fading.

I don't think people stop responding more than before. I think people these days are less tolerant when things falling short of their expectations. These are signs of a stressful society.

 

See I'd say part of the problem is social media, dating sites and the digital age we live in. There is so much choice out there that people are always looking for the next best thing. People are never happy with what they've currently got.

 

Dates and relationships are almost seen as disposable now with all the options out there. I really worry if I'll ever meet someone to be honest.

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Girls don't ghost after we have sex. It's more like "Wow, when can I see you again?"

 

If I was ghosted once, I'd shrug it off. Multiple times and I'd be questioning myself.

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See I'd say part of the problem is social media, dating sites and the digital age we live in. There is so much choice out there that people are always looking for the next best thing. People are never happy with what they've currently got.

 

Dates and relationships are almost seen as disposable now with all the options out there. I really worry if I'll ever meet someone to be honest.

 

Who knows, maybe that's Cali for you. LA with all the models and actress dreams. There's always another hot person around the corner. At least here in the Midwest, girls are married and having kids by age 23.

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It's not acceptable to the people on the receiving end and it's best to just accept it. However, it shows you who they are -- ghosts -- empty shells who can cross boundaries seamlessly without feeling, empathy, respect or regard and have no place in heaven, hell or earth or in our lives.

 

Dang, this is deep! Saving this one for the ol' quote book.

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babycrapgreen

Dates and relationships are almost seen as disposable now with all the options out there. I really worry if I'll ever meet someone to be honest.

 

I think that's why people are getting married later and later. But, that's with online dating.

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See I'd say part of the problem is social media, dating sites and the digital age we live in. There is so much choice out there that people are always looking for the next best thing. People are never happy with what they've currently got.

 

Dates and relationships are almost seen as disposable now with all the options out there. I really worry if I'll ever meet someone to be honest.

 

I agree with you there. There's this "next!" attitude, plenty of fish in the sea, etc. But getting back to your complaint of ghosting. The reason you are upset, let's be very very honest, is that things didn't work out. You can't fault her for rejecting you, so you fault her for not telling you in explicit words. The end result is the same.

 

Never ever start to see yourself as a victim, as being "ghosted" by someone. Calling her names like coward and weak or whatever, because she didn't say the words "I don't want to see you anymore"? No, the bitterness comes from the rejection itself, not from being denied a formal rejection.

 

Once you go down the bitter victim road, it defines who you are, and messes with your confidence, and your attractiveness to the opposite sex goes way down.

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It's very hard not to be discouraged in all honesty. I'm at that age now where every friend I have is either in a serious relationship, engaged, married or has kids. I feel like I've fallen massively behind and maybe missed the boat. I'm clearly not very good at love and dating.

 

Well don't worry. In a few years most will either be divorced or complaining about their partner and their lack of a sex life. I'm only half kidding.

 

But as to your problem, I'd say it's either

 

You are coming across as a bit overly keen (I only say this because you mentionn what your friends are doing...personally I don't care what they are doing. I do me)

 

Or (and others touched on this)

You are not satisfying them in bed...

As you seemed to be saying they all ghosted after sex. Is this right?

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OP I am glad you brought this up because I am as perplexed as you.

 

It has happened to me as well.

 

Normally around 2/3 weeks or 4-6 dates.

 

Judging by the convulsions the sex is not the problem. Judging by the laughter etc the company is not the problem.

 

I can only assume that they have multiple women on the go or have met someone else.

 

It sucks like a dyson doesn't it! :(

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I hate ghosting! Hate it!

 

For me I'm angry not because of the rejection, but the lack of respect. Why leave me wondering... Just tell me we didn't connect, you met someone else, you don't think we make a good match, I came off as having issues, I'm too eager and it has scared you....

It will even be helpful in future dating.

 

But just disappearing... It's mean and it's selfish.

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