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Confronted Girlfriend about her behavior. Raged Out.


bullitt1017

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Original thread.

 

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/romantic/dating/567341-girlfriend-get-jealous-easily-found-out-she-checks-my-phone

 

I believe my gf has some anger issues. I changed the password on my phone the other day and she flipped out on me. Basically telling me that I hiding something if I don't show her my phone. I told her that it is my phone and my privacy that she does not need to worry about because I have nothing to hide and it's mine. I did not give in to her demand to unlock my phone. So she left.

 

This week she had a kidney stone, strep throat and a fever. She's had a tuff week. I have been running errands for her left and right. Buying food, cooking food, giving her rides to work, the doctor's office and took her to two movies, all in a week.

 

Last night I got off of work at 11p.m. amd I called to check up on her. She answered and was very short with me. I asked how she was doing and she said crappy. I asked her another question and she said abruptly "I have to go, bye." I said "wait a minute, why are you being so short with me?" Then she said she's sick and asked if that wasn't enough for me. She was very rude. And I just said fine, have a good night and we hung up.

 

After everything I've done for her this week I just felt pissed off. I've been bending over backward to help her and that what I get...

 

This morning she apologized through text for being short with me.

 

So, I took her to the doctor today. Then on the way home it was pretty quiet. I didn't really feel like talking. She gave me attitude and said "you can at least try talking to me"

 

It irratated me and I said "what is with you? I know your sick but you why do you have to be rude to me." She then became very angry and said "I'm sick!!!!" She began crying and hitting the door panel in my car. I told her I wasn't trying to make her feel bad but she was being rude to me and that I didn't deserve to be talked to like that. She didn't want to listen to my side of the story at all. She told me she hates me and that I'm the worst when she has a problem. I took her home and now I'm at work. I feel like I do so much for her but when I call her out on crappy behavior she doesn't want to hear it. And somehow it's my fault and I'm a terrible person. I get she's had a difficult week but damn, my stress level is through the roof. This is a person who won't work full-time. I pay for most of the food and I drive us everywhere. I almost feel like I'm just a convenience for her. She has these rage episodes of screaming g, hitting g my car and telling me she hates me every few months, usually only when she drinks.

 

Not sure if I'm in the wrong here or not. I feel like my soul is being sucked out of me.

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Roses are Red

Violets are Blue

She's a poor communicator

And sounds like she's skipping some meds too

 

I dealt with someone with a similar attitude. I was accused of being controlling for helping with the dishes, opening doors, and carrying the bulk of the groceries. You won't overcome the attitude and she will always be the victim and blame you. Geez...I just had a flashback haha jk. Get out of there before she dumps you. Then you'll be pissed that you even wasted time with someone like that. Best of luck!

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Jealous issues can be very bad. They usually become very apparent very quickly in any potential relationship. Unless she is getting serious therapy, they will not go away. They will only get worse. Is her behavior indicative of a person that you'd like to spend the rest of your life with? Sounds pretty awful to me...

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I would not tolerate that kind of childish and manipulative behaviour. It sounds to me like she has some deeper mental issues that you cannot solve. If this is a pattern, she needs help regulating her emotions and controlling her anger.

 

Stop enabling her. Don't driver her everywhere and pay for everything. You're essentially rewarding her rude attitude. You can see that even being a kind and generous boyfriend isn't doing a darn thing in terms of changing her terrible behaviour, so stop it.

 

Make it very clear to her that if she continues to mistreat you, the relationship is over. And stick to your guns. She won't change unless and until she wants to.

 

I dated a man who behaved a lot like her. It didn't get better. I would seriously reconsider dating her; you're probably going to be much better off without her. It's becoming too toxic.

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Let me guess. The more you do for her the worse she gets?

 

What happens next week when she is not sick but still being bitchy?

 

Definitely don't give in to her needs as much anymore when you got other things you could be doing especially with her recent behavior.

 

Yea btw she sounds like she isn't all about you to be honest... Maybe she is killing your confidence (I think girls do this without realizing it by continuously testing the **** out of you subconsciously trying to break you)?

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Where's the upside for you in dating her? She's rude & doesn't trust you. Being short once when your sick, maybe I can forgive but to not even be appreciative of all you can do & to hit your car, she too immature, unstable & angry for my tastes.

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It's really bothering me why she feels I'm not to be trusted. It makes me wonder if she's doing something that she doesn't want me to know about. Like deflection. Anyway, there are a lot of issues as you can see. Her behavior has really begun to make me question my relationship with her. I mean, I'm on this site after all. The way I see it I'm a stand up guy with a lot going for me. I don't think I have any major confidence issues.

 

She was a 4.0 college grad and after she graduated last year she didn't work until August. Now it's just part-time and partying with friends a few times a week. She's so irresponsible at times. I feel like she's a child somedays. Like when she has her rage episodes.

 

Plus, now she says that she doesn't want to work when we get married. She just want to pop out kids and homeschool them. That is a ton of pressure to throw at someone. I feel like I go broken half the time.

 

I really care for this girl but I feel like my happiness is not paramount in this. I feel like I'm limited with things I can/want to do in my life.

 

I feel like she's a different girl from the one who asked me out 2 years ago. She can be very supportive and kind.

 

Another thing, we haven't had sex since May of last year. She has turned hardcore Church on me. I respect her choice and her faith. We're both Christians. But I don't wear the bible on my sleeve. So I constantly feel like I'm being rejected in that aspect. We're were active for over a year before this.

 

Sorry, at this point I feel like I'm venting too much.

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The other posters have made really good points. But I think it's thoughtless to call a sick person at 11pm. They should be sleeping or resting.

 

I think your timing leaves a lot to be desired.

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Original thread.

 

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/romantic/dating/567341-girlfriend-get-jealous-easily-found-out-she-checks-my-phone

 

I believe my gf has some anger issues. I changed the password on my phone the other day and she flipped out on me. Basically telling me that I hiding something if I don't show her my phone. I told her that it is my phone and my privacy that she does not need to worry about because I have nothing to hide and it's mine. I did not give in to her demand to unlock my phone. So she left.

 

This week she had a kidney stone, strep throat and a fever. She's had a tuff week. I have been running errands for her left and right. Buying food, cooking food, giving her rides to work, the doctor's office and took her to two movies, all in a week.

 

Last night I got off of work at 11p.m. amd I called to check up on her. She answered and was very short with me. I asked how she was doing and she said crappy. I asked her another question and she said abruptly "I have to go, bye." I said "wait a minute, why are you being so short with me?" Then she said she's sick and asked if that wasn't enough for me. She was very rude. And I just said fine, have a good night and we hung up.

 

After everything I've done for her this week I just felt pissed off. I've been bending over backward to help her and that what I get...

 

This morning she apologized through text for being short with me.

 

So, I took her to the doctor today. Then on the way home it was pretty quiet. I didn't really feel like talking. She gave me attitude and said "you can at least try talking to me"

 

It irratated me and I said "what is with you? I know your sick but you why do you have to be rude to me." She then became very angry and said "I'm sick!!!!" She began crying and hitting the door panel in my car. I told her I wasn't trying to make her feel bad but she was being rude to me and that I didn't deserve to be talked to like that. She didn't want to listen to my side of the story at all. She told me she hates me and that I'm the worst when she has a problem. I took her home and now I'm at work. I feel like I do so much for her but when I call her out on crappy behavior she doesn't want to hear it. And somehow it's my fault and I'm a terrible person. I get she's had a difficult week but damn, my stress level is through the roof. This is a person who won't work full-time. I pay for most of the food and I drive us everywhere. I almost feel like I'm just a convenience for her. She has these rage episodes of screaming g, hitting g my car and telling me she hates me every few months, usually only when she drinks.

 

Not sure if I'm in the wrong here or not. I feel like my soul is being sucked out of me.

 

I don't give a damn if she's sick with whatever she has, there's no excuse whatsoever in this world to be rude to anyone. Calling someone out for their crappy behavior isn't a problem in my eyes. You care enough about her to address those bad qualities in her. Also, that isn't fair that you do so much for her but she doesn't for you. I also don't care if she tells you she hates you when she drinks, to me that's just abusive.

 

You deserve better, again, doesn't matter if she's sick. What if she's not sick and still behaves like that, what excuse will she have then?

 

Also, considering there's trust issues and I've been on both sides of that, why be with someone that doesn't trust you? especially when you did nothing to them for them to not trust you at all? If you're busting your neck for her, why put up with it? I really hope I'm not coming off as rude or anything, but I don't see any positives in dating her, it seems more stressful than anything.

Edited by VintageWine
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The other posters have made really good points. But I think it's thoughtless to call a sick person at 11pm. They should be sleeping or resting.

 

I think your timing leaves a lot to be desired.

 

I can understand your point, however. She's typically up till 1 a.m. I always call after work, as does she. It just how we work.

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I don't give a damn if she's sick with whatever she has, there's no excuse whatsoever in this world to be rude to anyone. Calling someone out for their crappy behavior isn't a problem in my eyes. You care enough about her to address those bad qualities in her. Also, that isn't fair that you do so much for her but she doesn't for you. I also don't care if she tells you she hates you when she drinks, to me that's just abusive.

 

You deserve better, again, doesn't matter if she's sick. What if she's not sick and still behaves like that, what excuse will she have then?

 

Also, considering there's trust issues and I've been on both sides of that, why be with someone that doesn't trust you? especially when you did nothing to them for them to not trust you at all? If you're busting your neck for her, why put up with it? I really hope I'm not coming off as rude or anything, but I don't see any positives in dating her, it seems more stressful than anything.

 

 

No you're fine. I really appreciate your honesty :)

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OP, especially in light of your further description of this situation, I think it's time to end the relationship.

 

It sounds pretty miserable for you. You two are not a match anymore.

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My gf had a cold recently. I went to her place with food. I cooked her a nice meal. I rubbed her back to help her relax. We watched a movie and had a nice time. She couldn't stop thanking me. She looked into my eyes like a puppy in love.

 

THAT is how a good gf reacts when you do a lot for her. She isn't short with you or rude and doesn't blame you for silly things. She doesn't take you for granted or start crying and damaging your property (the car panel) just because you call her out on childish behaviour. I think we all know this relationship of yours is doomed. I hope you can see it too.

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It's really bothering me why she feels I'm not to be trusted. It makes me wonder if she's doing something that she doesn't want me to know about. Like deflection. Anyway, there are a lot of issues as you can see. Her behavior has really begun to make me question my relationship with her. I mean, I'm on this site after all. The way I see it I'm a stand up guy with a lot going for me. I don't think I have any major confidence issues.

 

She was a 4.0 college grad and after she graduated last year she didn't work until August. Now it's just part-time and partying with friends a few times a week. She's so irresponsible at times. I feel like she's a child somedays. Like when she has her rage episodes.

 

Plus, now she says that she doesn't want to work when we get married. She just want to pop out kids and homeschool them. That is a ton of pressure to throw at someone. I feel like I go broken half the time.

 

I really care for this girl but I feel like my happiness is not paramount in this. I feel like I'm limited with things I can/want to do in my life.

 

I feel like she's a different girl from the one who asked me out 2 years ago. She can be very supportive and kind.

 

Another thing, we haven't had sex since May of last year. She has turned hardcore Church on me. I respect her choice and her faith. We're both Christians. But I don't wear the bible on my sleeve. So I constantly feel like I'm being rejected in that aspect. We're were active for over a year before this.

 

Sorry, at this point I feel like I'm venting too much.

 

I am speechless and it doesn't happen often.

 

So you are with this person because she is kind and supportive SOMETIMES and the rest of the time you run around for her, endure her anger outburst, pay for her, and get no sex at all.

 

End this. It's not even worthy of being called a relationship.

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I have to ask why are you protective with your phone? If you really had nothing to hide you would let her see your phone. An old boyfriend and I got into a huge fight over his phone. He refused to let me use it to look at movie times when mime had died. I found out 2 weeks later he had been sleeping with my friend and obviously had things in his phone he did not want me to see.

 

This is silly. If you dont want her to see your phone you are hiding something,

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I have to ask why are you protective with your phone? If you really had nothing to hide you would let her see your phone. An old boyfriend and I got into a huge fight over his phone. He refused to let me use it to look at movie times when mime had died. I found out 2 weeks later he had been sleeping with my friend and obviously had things in his phone he did not want me to see.

 

This is silly. If you dont want her to see your phone you are hiding something,

 

The Hell I am. Just no. Protective? My conversations with my friends and family. No. She does use it. She has been using it. I recently founded out it's for more than movie times... what has she discovered... nothing. Because that's what there is. Nothing. Maybe you should trust people.

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Dude are you afraid of being single? Admit it.

 

I don't think that's true. I've had multiple LTR's. Most of them broken off by me. I'm trying to see if this will work. That's why I'm asking for advise. Not your blind judgement.

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She sounds borderline. Get out. I'm impressed how you've stood by your boundaries and not taken any crap from her. Good for you. But you're stalling now. You know the answer, but you can't quite give up yet without one last hope. But admit it, in your gut you have a bad feeling....

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I have to ask why are you protective with your phone? If you really had nothing to hide you would let her see your phone. An old boyfriend and I got into a huge fight over his phone. He refused to let me use it to look at movie times when mime had died. I found out 2 weeks later he had been sleeping with my friend and obviously had things in his phone he did not want me to see. I

 

This is silly. If you dont want her to see your phone you are hiding something,

 

I disagree. Your phone is your phone. These people who demand to see their partners phones are usually either cheating or thinking of it, consciously or not.

If you don't set a boundary about a simple thing like they just get worse.

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hello...the girl has a kidney stone and you are moaning that she is not being nice...

Kidney stone pain is one of the worst pains anyone can have, she will be in some state, without the strep throat and a fever too, and all you can think about is why isn't she being nice to me?????

 

I get that there are other issues here too, but the girl is very ILL, and cannot be expected to nurse your sensitivities at the same time.

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I don't think that's true. I've had multiple LTR's. Most of them broken off by me. I'm trying to see if this will work. That's why I'm asking for advise. Not your blind judgement.

 

I'm not sure what type of advice we can really give if your girlfriend won't meet you half-way.

 

We already suggested you stop enabling her bad behaviour. You do a lot for her and sounds like you get very little in return.

 

You can't change her behaviour but you can change the way you respond it, ie stop rewarding her bad behaviour. Personally, it doesn't sound like this relationship has legs anymore. She stopped getting intimate with you, screams and cries and hits things when she's mad. My ex-boyfriend was very similar, apart from the lack of sex. That was always there. But his temper tantrums were horrible.

 

Nope. Not for me

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