Saying ILY

[newheart]

So, I know everyone is different, but I am curious for those of you whose relationships have progressed into the "love" stage:

 

When in the relationship did you feel like you loved him/her?

How did you know?

When/how did you tell him/her?

 

For me, sadly, I have never been in a relationship where I felt like I loved the person before they had already told me. Meaning, they said ILY, and I wasn't there yet, even close. Ever. In fact, I think I kind of forced it and it wasn't true love back as a result.

 

This time around, I feel like I am there, but we haven't officially said it yet, and I am not rushing things.

 

[smudge21]

I've said it foolishly a few times in the past thinking that I was, but that's the thing, a lot of us never truly know when we are, or even what love is. We can have crushes on people and think it's love, or even just lust after them. The closest I've been in a long time is to tell someone I have strong feelings for them. I believe love, true love, should be equal with both parties feeling the same way. Otherwise there runs a risk it's one person wanting the other so much that they overthink and start to believe it's love.

 

 

If you think you've found love then good on you and just carry on as you are. Enjoy the journey rather than thinking about the destination.

[newheart]

I've said it foolishly a few times in the past thinking that I was, but that's the thing, a lot of us never truly know when we are, or even what love is. We can have crushes on people and think it's love, or even just lust after them. The closest I've been in a long time is to tell someone I have strong feelings for them. I believe love, true love, should be equal with both parties feeling the same way. Otherwise there runs a risk it's one person wanting the other so much that they overthink and start to believe it's love.

 

If you think you've found love then good on you and just carry on as you are. Enjoy the journey rather than thinking about the destination.

<3 This

 

Good points ... there have been many times I have cared about a person I've dated very much where in the moment, I felt like it may have been love, but in retrospect after the relationship I ended, I realized it was something else entirely. However, that makes it really challenging to know (or think you know) when it is the 'real thing'.

[Renae]

I will be following this thread. I haven't felt that way in a long time about a guy but keep catching myself watching him do something innocent and just thinking I really love him.

[d0nnivain]

I have said it at various stages: quickly, some middle ground, after a long time & inadvertently.

 

It's a combo of caring, of peace, of lust and of just wanting to be around the person.

 

You say it when you feel it. Whatever that time frame is.

[smudge21]

Just always try to be true to yourself. If the love is not returned and things go wrong, well at least you were being honest and did what you thought was right.

[sin miedo]

I knew I was in love after ~4-5 months with my SO. Funny story - we were at a wedding and I caught a nasty case of food poisoning that didn't hit until we got back to our hotel room. Things were getting hot and heavy until I had the uncontrollable urge to get to the bathroom...I didn't make it and body fluids literally surged out of my main orifices.

 

I was so embarrassed until she rushed over to me and said, "there, there, it's okay, we'll get you cleaned up." And proceeded to wash me off in the bathtub.

 

If cleaning literal **** off your SO isn't love, I don't know what is.

[newheart]

I knew I was in love after ~4-5 months with my SO. Funny story - we were at a wedding and I caught a nasty case of food poisoning that didn't hit until we got back to our hotel room. Things were getting hot and heavy until I had the uncontrollable urge to get to the bathroom...I didn't make it and body fluids literally surged out of my main orifices.

 

I was so embarrassed until she rushed over to me and said, "there, there, it's okay, we'll get you cleaned up." And proceeded to wash me off in the bathtub.

 

If cleaning literal **** off your SO isn't love, I don't know what is.

 

OMG - that IS love! I am so sorry that happened to you, but it does make for a good story!

[GottaBeBoosted]

I don't remember exactly when I knew I loved him. But, I am sure that I do. I still haven't said "I love you" yet because I am terrified he won't feel the same way. So I am interested to hear the responses on this thread as well!

[getsmartie]

I knew for sure I loved him 11 months into the relationship when I thought there was a small chance I was pregnant. I was worried and anxious, I'm sure he was too but didn't show it....he calmed me down and told me he wasn't going anywhere.

[newheart]

I don't remember exactly when I knew I loved him. But, I am sure that I do. I still haven't said "I love you" yet because I am terrified he won't feel the same way. So I am interested to hear the responses on this thread as well!

 

How long have you been together? I am in the same boat - will not say it first for that reason (and scared, I've never said it first!). I am not particularly in a rush because I feel loved, if that makes sense, but it will be nice to hear and say when the time is right!

[carhill]

So, I know everyone is different, but I am curious for those of you whose relationships have progressed into the "love" stage:

 

When in the relationship did you feel like you loved him/her?

 

Generally, at a point after exclusive dating occurred and where intimacy and bonding progressed sufficiently that the person, lady in my case, was 'always on my mind' as Willie Nelson used to sing.

How did you know?

It felt right

When/how did you tell him/her?

IME, it usually occurred after a particularly intimate encounter or date when I was bidding the lady good evening.

 

 

 

For me, sadly, I have never been in a relationship where I felt like I loved the person before they had already told me. Meaning, they said ILY, and I wasn't there yet, even close. Ever. In fact, I think I kind of forced it and it wasn't true love back as a result.

 

That's OK. We aren't clones. You feel what you feel. It's not required to love anyone, or they to love you. It's voluntary. Sometimes timing is off or it's a miss entirely. I've loved plenty of women who didn't love me back. Part of life.

 

This time around, I feel like I am there, but we haven't officially said it yet, and I am not rushing things.

 

 

Hope it works out for you. All I can share is that you won't die from expressing your feelings in a few words. In contrast, it can be incredibly freeing.

 

In my case, ILY's always preceded any sexual activity because that was my personal style. That varies widely as people have their own style of attachment and sexual expression. Do what works for you. If a dating partner is on the same page, it goes. If not, it ends.

[getsmartie]

He didn't say ILY for 13 months. It was a long wait but I knew he did by his actions. When he finally did say it I was on cloud 9 all evening.

 

OP....how long have you been together?

[newheart]

He didn't say ILY for 13 months. It was a long wait but I knew he did by his actions. When he finally did say it I was on cloud 9 all evening.

 

OP....how long have you been together?

 

Only 4 months!

[GottaBeBoosted]

How long have you been together? I am in the same boat - will not say it first for that reason (and scared, I've never said it first!). I am not particularly in a rush because I feel loved, if that makes sense, but it will be nice to hear and say when the time is right!

Well we've been seeing each other for 2 years. The first year, he worked out of town so we just kept it pretty simple. We didn't see anyone else, but didn't really put a lot of pressure on a "relationship". But we've been dating for a year now & are living together. I agree with you, I feel like he shows me he loves me. I guess I'd just like to hear it. I've never said it first either. How long have you guys been together?