She finally noticed me! :o

[thebig-guy]

Hello all,

 

I just want to put this here to shed some light on my situation and get a few outside opinions as I don't think I'm acting naturally.

 

So I've adored a girl at work for the past 3 years, she's everything I go for in a woman, good looking and well spoken plus many other things. It was one of those situations where you know you'd never get her so you kinda just accept it and carry on as normal.

 

Anyway, to my luck, we ended up chatting for the first time on our coffee break just before christmas and turns out she loves the same things as me (mainly sports/travelling). She then suggested we go out cycling together in the new year.

Obviously I was blown away, thinking I had a chance. Anyway I played it cool and left things until very recently.

 

To my delight, last friday, she offered to exchange numbers sometime so I suggested doing it over Facebook after work. We also agreed on going cycling this weekend during this conversation at work.

 

So it's friday night, I decide to drop her a casual message on facebook saying 'send your number over ill give you a text over the weekend'. She read it but didnt reply. I then received a message on saturday night saying she wont be going out cycling in the morning as she will be hungover in the morning. This really annoyed me as she totally ignored my question of getting her number.

 

Today at work she apologised about the weekend and suggested rescheduling our cycling. So I basically said 'I'll let you arrange it this time'. She could tell I didn't look impressed and I swiftly made an exit.

 

I'm now feeling pretty upset and let down. I got various positive signals from her recently which lead me to believe she was interested. I'm now thinking that maybe she was just up for a bike ride and nothing else. It's hurt me quite alot.

 

So I guess I'm just wondering what your thoughts are on this situation? Am I over reacting? Should I pursue her still? Or leave it... I feel a bit helpless as we only ever really talk in person when we walk past each other. She rarely replies on Facebook. I'm afraid I'll ruin my chances if I contact her on Facebook as I'll only get little or no replies.

 

I've not felt this way about someone for many years, even the feelings in my last relationships were no where near this strong.

 

Thank you x

[d0nnivain]

Sadly I think you did the right thing which was dump the ball back in her court. I also wonder whether she will contact you to go cycling. Alas you can't dwell on it. You did all the right things. Her loss.

[smudge21]

Yeah, you run the risk of pushing her further away if you chase at this point. You did nothing wrong, don't think that for starters. Leaving it with her was the best/only option right now. She showed interest, she pushed back, she needs to be step up. Sadly it can still hurt when someone shows interest and then doesn't, even though there's really no reason to feel something for them at that point. Back away and see what happens, it's early days so who knows what may happen.

[preraph]

I agree with the above. Maybe she's just not very reliable, but putting the ball back in her court was the right thing to do. Don't huff up and get mad. She has a life outside work. You know that now. It should come as no surprise. Just be pleasant at work and casual. Don't act mad or it will make her wonder what's up with you. Hopefully she'll reschedule.

[Robratory]

It's impossible to know what's going on so far, but here's some advice that may save you from being in this spot next time.

 

So I've adored a girl at work for the past 3 years

 

If you just thought she was attractive, fine, but don't "adore" someone from afar. If she's triple-A (attractive, appropriate, and agreeable), don't waste time and go for it. If not, then put her out of your mind. It's not healthy to pine for unrequited love.

 

She then suggested we go out cycling together in the new year. Obviously I was blown away, thinking I had a chance. Anyway I played it cool and left things until very recently.

 

Don't play things cool or hot. Don't play them at all. On the rare occasion that a woman extends an invitation first, I'd say something like, "You don't have a boyfriend?" This does several things. Not only do you find out if she's available, but also you make the elephant in the room hard to ignore.

 

To my delight, last friday, she offered to exchange numbers sometime so I suggested doing it over Facebook after work. We also agreed on going cycling this weekend during this conversation at work.

 

Why do it over Facebook? Exchange numbers "some time?" What's wrong with right now? All one person has to do is dial the other person, and now each has the other's number. Likewise, why not arrange the date during the conversation?

 

Consider letting a few days go by, and then ask out for a drink or something to eat after work, and not some time but specifically today or tomorrow or whatever. There are only three responses she can have.

 

1.- Yes.

2.- Uh, I can't tomorrow but how about Wednesday?

3.- Something else that means "no" no matter what it sounds like.

 

If it's number three, then continue being civil and cordial when you see her, but don't socialize with her nor try to see her. Put her out of your mind.

 

If it's number one or two, then go out and this time, get her number and establish that you're attracted to her and not just being a work buddy.

[thebig-guy]

Thanks for replies guys. I just feel that shes hiding behind the whole sports topic. Because we only ever discuss doing sport related activities. So it makes me feel like shes not interested in me. I feel like if I asked her out for a drink she would just say shes busy.

 

I will admit im kicking myself now that i didnt get her number there and then... I was pretty shy and shocked when she said it so kinda caught me off guard.

 

So you think that just being straight up and asking her in a few days would be best? I guess it will tell me if she actually is interested and not just up for a 'bike ride'...?

[preraph]

Don't assume anything other than she wants a bicycling buddy and just stop thinking about the other and see how that goes. Don't just dump her because you don't know if she's "interested" in you. She didn't lead you on. She asked you for a bike ride. And remember, even if she only wants to bicycle doesn't mean she doesn't have 8 eligible attractive friends who might join you sometime.

[Zippy2000]

She sees you more as a friend than anything else.

 

You need to ask her out on a date not a cycling trip.

[Robratory]

I feel like if I asked her out for a drink she would just say shes busy.

 

So you think that just being straight up and asking her in a few days would be best? I guess it will tell me if she actually is interested and not just up for a 'bike ride'...?

 

Well, find out for sure, and then you'll know. If she or you are not the type to have a drink after work, then invite her to something else. Maybe something to eat, or maybe a walk through the cool little bookstore down the street. The thing is to get her outside the work environment and establish the fact that you're attracted to her.

 

That pretty much means you'll have to tell her. But what's the alternative?

[Erik30]

You should just ask her if she wants to go out for some drinks. She might ignore you, or give some excuse like she's busy, but at least you'll have your answer. From my own experience I can tell you that it's a bad sign that she rarely replies on Facebook.

 

The bike ride sounds more like a friends thing, especially since she cancelled on you because she was drinking the night before, (Maybe with some guy?) and you two only talk about sports. But you did good by leaving it up to her if she wants to go some other time.

[thebig-guy]

You should just ask her if she wants to go out for some drinks. She might ignore you, or give some excuse like she's busy, but at least you'll have your answer. From my own experience I can tell you that it's a bad sign that she rarely replies on Facebook.

 

The bike ride sounds more like a friends thing, especially since she cancelled on you because she was drinking the night before, (Maybe with some guy?) and you two only talk about sports. But you did good by leaving it up to her if she wants to go some other time.

 

I agree the lack of replies is a very bad sign. Now I'm never usually the type to continue something after a knock back like that. Offer to give me your number then ignore me when I ask? Don't waste my time.

 

Difference here is she keeps making the effort to talk to me when ever she can. Its frustrating because Im really shy in this instance. Usually quite a jokey guy but struggling here.

 

Kind of agreeing that an actual date is probably the best approach as the cycling could quite well 'friendzone' me. Although probably best to wait a while than jumping back in with offers? I've already been cancelled on and told to wait 2 weeks. Last thing I want her knowing is that im readily available when ever she likes. Don't wanna be 'that guy who wont leave me alone at work'.

[Scarlett.O'hara]

Based on what you have said, it doesn't sound like she is interested in more than a casual friendship. Ignoring your attempts at getting her phone number isn't a good sign, neither is brushing you off at the last minute.

 

I know you like her a lot, but if she doesn't reciprocate your interest then you need to weigh up whether it is worth continuing to pursue her.

[thebig-guy]

Yeah I guess it is kinda obvious that shes not interested in anything more than a friendship. I think im just gonna leave it for now. :\

[Toodaloo]

She sees you more as a friend than anything else.

 

You need to ask her out on a date not a cycling trip.

 

I am kinda thinking this too...

[LoveRefreshed]

I can be harsh, but I have a one strike policy on new girls. I'd just be curt or brief and cordial. I wouldn't go out of my way to ask her to do a single thing and possibly the next time she asked me to do something, I'd turn it down.

 

If you're interested in this girl, that's what you have to do or you're walking your way into the friendzone. She doesn't sound interested. If she asked you to do something, I'd decline, and then in a couple days ask her on a date. That way she knows you're interested in something more than a fahrrad friend.

[truth_seeker]

Don't assume anything other than she wants a bicycling buddy and just stop thinking about the other and see how that goes. Don't just dump her because you don't know if she's "interested" in you. She didn't lead you on. She asked you for a bike ride. And remember, even if she only wants to bicycle doesn't mean she doesn't have 8 eligible attractive friends who might join you sometime.

 

Eh, I have to say, this is where girls play games. Everything is set up as a friendly cycling trip. I see it as a test. She gets a feel for him, to see if she likes him. If not, it was just a friendly cycling trip to her. She doesn't put herself out there.

[truth_seeker]

I then received a message on saturday night saying she wont be going out cycling in the morning as she will be hungover in the morning.

 

That part would have been a major turn off for me.

[truth_seeker]

I agree with the above. Maybe she's just not very reliable, but putting the ball back in her court was the right thing to do. Don't huff up and get mad. She has a life outside work. You know that now. It should come as no surprise. Just be pleasant at work and casual. Don't act mad or it will make her wonder what's up with you. Hopefully she'll reschedule.

 

I agree, don't get mad or show any signs at work she's getting to you. It's tough, but be a good actor.

 

Outside of work, vent on this forum, to a friend or punch a heavy bag.

[thebig-guy]

Thanks, yes these replies are helping. She stopped me again today to see how i was, and to say that she went out again last night. I laughed hard and said she loves nights out, she looked a little guilty. Im getting the impression that shes a bit all over the place, with all the nights out drinking. Not really what Im looking for in a woman...

 

Ive made the decision to not ask her on a date, I think im going to let things settle. Especially me, as when ever I see her my heart starts pounding and I stop talking. Ill give it a week and see if she suggests the bike ride. Hopefully then I wont have these intense feelings built up. If nothing is mentioned ill assume she isnt interested at all.

[thebig-guy]

Just a final update guys.

 

Had a pretty quiet week of not really seeing her at work, or the gym. Maybe she was avoiding me I don't know. She said the occasional 'hi' when walking past. Nothing like the previous week (stopping me all the time to talk).

 

Decided to leave her a message on FB, saying we could sort something out next week. She read and didn't reply.

 

So that's it, I'm gonna leave this here, before I become a complete pest. Maybe she's already signed me off as that. Maybe she quickly realised I was more interested in her than a bike ride which sent her running to the hills, or that she's recently taken on a relationship... I'll probably never know.

 

As from now I'm feeling that bitter I just want to avoid saying any form of hello or acknowledgement towards her. Probably also just delete her from my social networks as it would be pointless having her on. I do genuinely feel offended from this. Really wish I didn't have to feel this bitter towards her but then again I've never really got to know her.

 

Time to wipe the slate clean and carry on with life.