He asked me do you wanna have some fun at the end of the date,should I write him off?

[frus69]

It's Friday night and I just had a date this one guy from OLD. Was a good time,and he kissed me in the end. But he then asked "do you wanna have some fun ?"

 

I said I don't think it's a good idea. He goes "yeah , you are right. It's not a good idea" I asked what does he want? He said something typical " just enjoying whatever and if I meet someone special then it would be great"

 

We chatted a bit more then before I left he asked me to have some coffee/lunch on Sunday. I said sure,text me

 

Do you guys think I should write him off because he suggested sex on the first date? Does that mean he's likely not looking for a relationship? And is he only asking me out again because I haven't had sex with him yet?

[PegNosePete]

He showed his hand. He wants sex before a relationship. If you're looking to have it the other way around then yes, write him off.

[hippychick3]

Yes, write him off.

 

Let me tell you how my current LTR started. We had a wonderful 5 hour first date. He was pretty experienced with online dating and had dated A LOT before me (in between a couple long term relationships). He had several one night stands with women he wasn't really into but were attractive and who had no problem having sex on the first date. At the end of our first date, we sat in my car talking for another hour after the restaurant closed. We were super attracted to each other and the chemistry was amazing. You know what he said to me before he left? He said he wanted to kiss me so much but more so wanted me to know how much he was into me and wanted to see me again so would not kiss me yet. He wanted to show me that I was special and he was serious about pursuing me.

 

2 1/2 years later, we still talk about that first date and how much he actually really wanted to smash me in the back seat of my car.

 

The point is... Most men who are serious about wanting a relationship will not suggest sex on a first date.

[Gaeta]

If you are looking for someone with relationship potential it's not him. His offer for 'fun' also indicates in his eyes you are 'booty' material but not dating material. If he were interested in dating you he would have NEVER risk turning you off with such an offer.

[Popsicle]

He is one of the guys (which is MOST guys) who is open to both casual sex or a relationship. He will take either but didn't know which you wanted and thought he might lose you if he didn't ask (in case you wanted casual), so he asked you, which was dumb.

[losangelena]

I actually would not write him off JUUUUUST yet. As hippychick illustrated, most men, relationship-minded or not would love first date sex. You are really in the driver's seat as far as that's concerned.

 

I'd say, be aware, but go see him again on Sunday and see what happens. If he tries that again, then goodbye. The few times that happened to me, if the guy tried and didn't get sex, he disappeared. So either he'll just try again on Sunday, or maybe he'll be willing to hold off now that he knows you're not gonna jump into bed so easy.

[d0nnivain]

I take a single request for early sex as a bit of a compliment & as a guy testing me to see what kind of a woman I am / where my morals & boundaries are. As long as the guy takes no for an answer there is no need to completely write him off. Any attempt to pressure you for sex gets him the axe however.

[SwordofFlame]

He is one of the guys (which is MOST guys) who is open to both casual sex or a relationship. He will take either but didn't know which you wanted and thought he might lose you if he didn't ask (in case you wanted casual), so he asked you, which was dumb.

 

As a guy, I can confirm that I'm like this too, although I would never just straight out ask for it on the first date.

[katiegrl]

There are so many variables, it is impossible to know what the hell he was thinking. So to presume he is not looking for a relationship because if this is very unfair and off the mark.

 

Obviously he is attracted to you, and most, if not all, men when attracted are gonna desire sex (asap) ...so I would not hold that against him.

 

Perhaps he was testing boundaries, perhaps he wanted to determine what type of woman *you* are, perhaps he drank too much and woke up feeling like an idiot for suggesting it and is beating himself up now about it, who knows!

 

The point is you said no, you maintained your boundaries, he accepted it, knows you're not the type to jump in the sack with any joe schmo......and STILL asked you out again!

 

So I say yes, go out with him again!

 

Continue to maintain your boundaries, and gauge his reactions/actions.

 

If he continues to push, then okay feel free to launch. You are in the driver's seat about this, not him....

[Lois_Griffin]

I take a single request for early sex as a bit of a compliment & as a guy testing me to see what kind of a woman I am / where my morals & boundaries are. As long as the guy takes no for an answer there is no need to completely write him off. Any attempt to pressure you for sex gets him the axe however.

I think most guys ask this simply because they're hoping to get lucky, not because they're testing you.

 

I personally see guys like this as Neanderthals and would have no respect for him if he disrespected ME with that question only 3 hours after I met him.

 

I wouldn't see him again.

[Alamo657]

It's Friday night and I just had a date this one guy from OLD. Was a good time,and he kissed me in the end. But he then asked "do you wanna have some fun ?"

 

I said I don't think it's a good idea. He goes "yeah , you are right. It's not a good idea" I asked what does he want? He said something typical " just enjoying whatever and if I meet someone special then it would be great"

 

We chatted a bit more then before I left he asked me to have some coffee/lunch on Sunday. I said sure,text me

 

Do you guys think I should write him off because he suggested sex on the first date? Does that mean he's likely not looking for a relationship? And is he only asking me out again because I haven't had sex with him yet?

 

IMO, if things aren't clear beforehand (casual sex / relationship), then it's up to person who was asked on the date (usually the woman) to offer "more" (ie sex).

 

The man should keep quiet about the issue and be subtle enough during the date to notice wether the woman wants sex quickly or not. Then wait for the woman to offer something equally subtle ("wanna go have a drink at my place").

 

Rule of thumb: until the woman proposed something, the guy should just treat it like a regular date.

 

This guy didn't, for whatever reason (maybe you let things slip? i wasn't there), so he is either not very subtle (and horny), or doesn't fear potential rejection (=not that into you emotionally).

[dobielover]

A man who "tests" a woman with this question to see what kind of woman she is isn't a man worth seeing a second time, IMO. He's slut shaming in advance. No thanks.

 

And a man who asks for sex on the first date also isn't a man worth seeing again.

 

So yeah, no. Move on.

[katiegrl]

A man who "tests" a woman with this question to see what kind of woman she is isn't a man worth seeing a second time, IMO. He's slut shaming in advance. No thanks.

 

And a man who asks for sex on the first date also isn't a man worth seeing again.

 

So yeah, no. Move on.

 

If, in fact, he did ask her as a way to *test* her, I might be inclined to agree with you.

 

But since none of us are mind readers, and don't know what the hell was going on in his head.....hell he could have woken up today feeling like a total schmuck for suggesting it, too much too drink, nerves, who knows ..... I don't see the harm in going on one more date ...and playing it out.

 

Assuming in all other respects, she had a great time and found him respectful.

 

People say dumb things sometimes, when nervous, excited, drinking, whatevs.

 

She's in control here, not him.

 

It is quite possible he may be a total gentlemen next time and not bring the subject up at all.

 

OR, he may be an arse, and push it more, at which point OP, you simply walk away..since he already knows where you stand.

 

Remain open, remain FLEXIBLE, until such time he proves he is unworthy of your time and attention, then walk.

 

But not after this one stupid faux pas during the first meet...which *could* be nothing more than nerves.

 

I say give him a break about this, and go out one more time and see what happens.

 

Good luck and let us know!

[truth_seeker]

It's Friday night and I just had a date this one guy from OLD. Was a good time,and he kissed me in the end. But he then asked "do you wanna have some fun ?"

 

I said I don't think it's a good idea. He goes "yeah , you are right. It's not a good idea" I asked what does he want? He said something typical " just enjoying whatever and if I meet someone special then it would be great"

 

Hey, at least he asked. You're lucky he respected you to not to try anything after you said no.

 

Now, is he a scumbag? The jury is still out. If you feel in your gut something is not right with this guy, don't see him again. If you want to give it one more go, ie, another date, then meet with him and see if the first date was a slip up or he's just out for sex.

[thejabberwocky]

Tbh, this is just a typical man. They want to have sex first. Whether they want a relationship is something they think about afterwards.

 

He was respectful when you shot him down, so I wouldn't read too much into it. You let him know where your boundaries are and as long as he's not creepy or pressuring you, I wouldn't worry about it. See how dating goes.

[jen1447]

Seems like it would be based on a lot more than just this one thing. Does he give you a creeper or user vibe or anything or is he maybe just a guy who's horny? (It's not a crime. ) What's he like otherwise? Etc.

[truth_seeker]

Tbh, this is just a typical man. They want to have sex first. Whether they want a relationship is something they think about afterwards.

 

I beg to differ. First dates I meet, get to know the woman and see if there's chemistry. From there it's "is she dating material" or "marriage material". If dating only, then broach the subject of sex to see if that's what she wants. If I feel she could be the one, I take it slow and put sex on the back burner.

[preraph]

He has put having sex before "meeting someone special," certainly. He's probably too impatient to wait for sex. He may now just be going for the 3rd date and then if you don't put out (and I wouldn't in this case), he may dump you. But on the other hand you can hardly blame a guy for trying, except I always think the way to "try" is to just be such a good kisser that it's hard to say goodnight. Instead he tried to broker a deal for something "typical" which almost sounds like he's more used to dealing with hookers. I mean, you could go out again and fish around and see if there's anything else to him that's interesting besides him wanting to have sex. But be prepared because the scales are already tipped a bit.

[SwordofFlame]

I beg to differ. First dates I meet, get to know the woman and see if there's chemistry. From there it's "is she dating material" or "marriage material". If dating only, then broach the subject of sex to see if that's what she wants. If I feel she could be the one, I take it slow and put sex on the back burner.

 

I disagree. I don't try to take it slow nor do I push to have sex as soon as possible. It happens when both parties want to do it. It could be the 1st date, could be the 6th date. Doesn't make a difference to me.

[frus69]

Seems like it would be based on a lot more than just this one thing. Does he give you a creeper or user vibe or anything or is he maybe just a guy who's horny? (It's not a crime. ) What's he like otherwise? Etc.

 

We chatted for a week before this date. And he never mentioned anything even remotely sexual. He doesn't text much but has been pretty consistent with me and we were talking daily before going to bed.

During the date he doesn't give a creeper vibe, nothing like that. I could tell he wanted to kiss me but didn't work out the courage to ask? Eventually he asked. I thought it was sweet , until he asked about sex. I didn't see it going that way and was quite surprised and disappointed.

 

He only had one real relationship in high school and he's 24. The most recent one was few months ago (three dates with a girl he met through work. That's it)

[Buddhist]

Do you guys think I should write him off because he suggested sex on the first date? Does that mean he's likely not looking for a relationship? And is he only asking me out again because I haven't had sex with him yet?

 

No don't write him off. He offered you a second date and agreed with you when you said....bit too soon. He's just a guy, they've got to throw it out there if they think there's a chance. Doesn't always mean he's just after sex. Be a bit forgiving here.

[shyguy3543]

Who cares what he meant by it or whatever? The question is how did it make you feel. If it made you uncomfortable in any way at all, don't see him again.

[thejabberwocky]

I beg to differ. First dates I meet, get to know the woman and see if there's chemistry. From there it's "is she dating material" or "marriage material". If dating only, then broach the subject of sex to see if that's what she wants. If I feel she could be the one, I take it slow and put sex on the back burner.

 

Yes, but they just met. He wouldn't know if she's "the one" yet. He DOES know he wants to have sex. I don't think she needs to write him off just yet. He may develop stronger feelings as they get to know each other.

[frus69]

Yes, but they just met. He wouldn't know if she's "the one" yet. He DOES know he wants to have sex. I don't think she needs to write him off just yet. He may develop stronger feelings as they get to know each other.

 

I don't know how men think but I guess, Like few other people have said, he is just happy to get whatever so he took his chances?

 

Obviously he isn't actively seeking a relationship so he probably wasn't assessing if I was casual material or long term material at all.

 

On the other hand I think guys know such questions are a turn off so unless he just doesn't care , he wouldnt ask?

 

I think I will still go on Sunday unless he completely flake on me haha.I wish it wouldn't be a waste of time

[RedRobin]

A relationship oriented guy would never press for sex on the first date. I don't take it as a compliment when a guy does that. It does show me that our values aren't in line since I don't want a guy who has sex with strangers.

 

if you are looking for a relationship, then don't see him again.

 

If you are ok with him basically pushing you for sex with every 'date' from here on out and wasting your time for anything more...Or heck, just having a ONS then nexting him, go ahead.

 

Not sure why people think it's normal for all guys to press for sex with strangers and why they should be given more chances. He clearly doesn't care how is actions are perceived. In fact, I'd say even agreeing to go on another date encourages that kind of behavior. I say end it now and save yourself the hassle.