We like each other but it's complicated...(like honestly complicated)

[Mac1993]

Okay so the basics of the story is this I'm 22 and work with a foreign girl who is 24. We had started "dating" about a month ago and things were going well all things considered. I say "dating" because we never saw each other out of work... And although we made plans to go out, outside forces always seemed to arise right before we could. For example, one night we were supposed to go to the zoo and see the Christmas lights but a few days before the date our office notified us that there was a mandatory Christmas dinner happening that same night. However, due to the nature of our job, she and I would come in during the other's shift to spend time together(we deal with customers over the phone and online, not in person. Also there's usually only one person working at a time which is how we had our privacy). Then afterwards we would close the office and lay down together on the sofa in the office to watch Netflix on my iPad, often times falling asleep together for an hour or two.

 

However lately she's been dealing with the fact that she may have to move back to her home country this summer which she doesn't want(She's an ordinary French citizen, so she simply prefers to be here. She's not running from anything). In addition to the fact that her family has been pressuring her to get married if she wants access to the things her grandmother left her in her will. Not to mention she's had a bunch of unexpected bills. As a result of these things she's been extremely stressed and had been pushing me away, telling me she really likes me(which I believe) but doesn't think now is a good time to start a relationship. To which I said "okay, I understand".

 

A few days goes by without us talking before i end up working alone with her one night. After work as we're walking to our cars she tells me she's planning on marrying some US soldier she hasn't met, but that her friend knows. Saying that you doing that she gets citizenship & access to the will and the soldier gets a bump in pay & doesn't have to live on base. I responded by telling her I think it's crazy and that I hope she knows what she's doing because the government has a process to avoid marriages like these.

 

The next morning I send her a text about how I think she deserves to marry someone who thinks of her as more than a bump in pay and a way to live off base. Saying that if it comes to it I would even marry her and if she ever needs help that I'll be there(It hit me a few hours later how crazy what I just said was but even now several days later I realize that I meant what I said), she says thank you for the kind words and she appreciates it. Later that night she sends me a text asking how work was, which I took as a big deal because we hadn't been texting at all lately(besides that morning text).

 

So now I'm at this point where I feel she let's me in at times but then quickly decides to stop. For example she'll start texting me about something and halfway through she'll try to kill the conversation. Then last night I said we should get a hotel one night, order drinks and let me "relax her" to which she replied she doesn't think that it's a good idea right now and that it would just lead to more confusion. I then let her know that sometimes we need to do what feels right not what we think is right and that I'm not confused about anything. She's already mine, she's "just on layaway for the time being". To which she never replied

 

I'm just curious as to how I should be handling this? There's something about each other which we like, which is funny because we couldn't be anymore different. We're like opposite sides of a corn with hardly anything in common yet it works. I even find myself trying to be more mature now.

[Mac1993]

I should mention that I'm a mix of terrified and confused about this whole situation, yet I find myself hating to see how sad she's become and that I'd do anything to cheer her up

[road]

Run, Forest, run, for the hills and get away as fast as you can. There is no justification for you to marry her.

[Mac1993]

Run, Forest, run, for the hills and get away as fast as you can. There is no justification for you to marry her.

 

I know there isn't a real justification for me but honestly the thought of running hasn't ever crossed my mind. All I see is her in need of help and me wanting to be the one to help her. I never even entertained the thought of marriage before this happened, I was always the attractive guy who loved three things: politics, Motorsport and money. You combine those three things with the fact that I'm at least decently attractive and women become a disposable commodity. Something you trade in for the newest youngest model every couple weeks

[ExpatInItaly]

My first thought?

 

She's not single and she already has this soldier boyfriend. Hence why you've never seen her outside work, why she resists planning a date and why conversations seem to die suddenly.

 

Also, did you actually tell her she's already yours but on layaway? Not a wise move.

[Mac1993]

My first thought?

 

She's not single and she already has this soldier boyfriend. Hence why you've never seen her outside work, why she resists planning a date and why conversations seem to die suddenly.

 

Also, did you actually tell her she's already yours but on layaway? Not a wise move.

 

She is single I know that for a fact. I've overheard her talking to her friends before and she's mentioned how she's single. And when I say I haven't seen her that's true in the sense that we haven't been on a date before. But I have been to her house several times where we've had sex. Not to mention that I make sure I get the job done several times every time we have sex.

 

As far as the layaway part then yes I really said that ?. I may have been slightly drunk when I sent that...I hope she knows what I mean though. She's mine just not yet.

[MidwestUSA]

She's mine just not yet.

 

Actually, she's not. And she's told you so.

 

This unknown soldier thing is fishy and disturbing. Don't get her pregnant whatever you do.

 

First you said you've never seen her outside of work, now you've been to her house and had sex? There's enough fishiness here for Good Friday in a Catholic Church.

[ExpatInItaly]

Actually, she's not. And she's told you so.

 

This unknown soldier thing is fishy and disturbing. Don't get her pregnant whatever you do.

 

First you said you've never seen her outside of work, now you've been to her house and had sex? There's enough fishiness here for Good Friday in a Catholic Church.

 

Exactly. The whole story is confusing. I understood that "we never saw each other outside of work" meant just that. OP, can you clarify?

 

Anyway, she isn't yours. She was clear about that. For you to lay claim to her even after she told you she can't be in a relationship with you is very off-putting so I'm not surprised she didn't respond.

 

And I don't think it's wise to get wrapped up in whatever legal mess she's about to make for herself. This soldier story is suspicious and I would bet any money he's not a stranger to her, even he in fact exists. She's actually doing you a big favor by keeping you out of it - you don't want to get involved in a marriage of convenience to any extent.

 

Chalk it up to experience and move along, I say.

[xcupid]

There's something about each other which we like, which is funny because we couldn't be anymore different. We're like opposite sides of a corn with hardly anything in common yet it works. I even find myself trying to be more mature now.

 

It sounds to me like you're in love with a fantasy. How do you even know you're compatible with each other? Just because you have sex with her and "feelings" for her doesn't mean you're compatible. I'd steer clear of this situation if I were you.

[Glitters]

Instead of proper dates, you are having sex at her house ? If you want a serious relationship, then keep sex aside in the beginning. Keep it for later. Those that begin with sex , usually crash.

 

She wants to think before doing anything while you want to jump and then think. Both are important , depending on situation. You both are opposites , as you say. For some it works best. Some want to be with their clone !

 

What do you mean by , she is mine ?