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Texting personality vs. IRL personality


SweetCharity

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So I have a bf of two months. I wrote a different post about him here.

 

But I've also noticed something else which is a little more trivial. His texting personality is way different than how he is IRL.

 

For example, he'll always text me "good morning beautiful, mi amore, etc." He'll text me cutesy, cheesy things and compliment me. He'll even send emoticons. Heck, he even sent me something saucy once. ;)

 

But in real life, it's like I'm dating a completely different person. He's more reserved, doesn't say cutesy anything, is barely affectionate, and gives me an ambiguous look when I crack a joke. He does lighten up but good luck getting any compliments out of him. And don't even get me started on his cutting sarcasm. In fact, it's impossible reading him sometimes in real life.

 

Is this normal? I feel like I'm dating Dr. Jekyll and Hyde. Are all people like this? Maybe I'm just overthinking things. Or maybe it's just harder for him to express himself in real life. I have no idea.

 

Thoughts? No one is responding to my other post. lol.

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I don't think it's unusual to show different parts of ourselves in text/email than in real life. It's exactly the reason we tell people to not get too excited about someone who they haven't met in person yet.

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fitnessfan365

I'm surprised to read this. In your other thread, you'd mentioned finally connecting with a guy, that he's your BF, etc.. Yet now you're saying you'd rather be dating the text version of him. Unfortunately, what truly matters is the real life version.

 

But this is usually more of an issue for people when they're first dating someone. Especially online. People email/text non stop and then the personality is 180 in person. Mainly because people feel more comfortable/confident at a distance. True confidence comes from how you interact in person.

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Some people are more comfortable communicating through text, and aren't shy to give compliments or be romantic. While in person it freaks them out.

 

I used to be like that, I used to be cutesy and romantic on text then in person I couldn't say anything (I wasn't rude or sarcastic, I just hid my face a lot and didn't look people in the eye).

 

Your boyfriend might just be shy as well (but with his own way of showing it). If he is, I can't really give advice since the longer I'm with boyfriends the more I open up in person.

 

Best thing you can do, is confront him about it. If anything he will be made aware of how you feel and he can try improve it, don't try to change him though.

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So I have a bf of two months. I wrote a different post about him here.

 

But I've also noticed something else which is a little more trivial. His texting personality is way different than how he is IRL.

 

For example, he'll always text me "good morning beautiful, mi amore, etc." He'll text me cutesy, cheesy things and compliment me. He'll even send emoticons. Heck, he even sent me something saucy once. ;)

 

But in real life, it's like I'm dating a completely different person. He's more reserved, doesn't say cutesy anything, is barely affectionate, and gives me an ambiguous look when I crack a joke. He does lighten up but good luck getting any compliments out of him. And don't even get me started on his cutting sarcasm. In fact, it's impossible reading him sometimes in real life.

 

Is this normal? I feel like I'm dating Dr. Jekyll and Hyde. Are all people like this? Maybe I'm just overthinking things. Or maybe it's just harder for him to express himself in real life. I have no idea.

 

Thoughts? No one is responding to my other post. lol.

 

Relative to this subject, Jekyll and Hyde is, perhaps, a little bit of an over-characterization.

 

This, to me, is maybe a little bit more like Cyranno DeBergerac. He can write sweet nothings to his beloved, but maybe isn't as confident emotionally in real life. I'd just continue to observe his IRL persona and decide whether that persona works for you.

 

It's only been two months with him and you are calling him your boyfriend? Have you two actually had that conversation? If so, it's the in person guy you need to evaluate, not the texting persona.

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I think I'm kind off like your BF. The last girl I dated was surprised when she noticed I was shy irl. (We met on Tinder) It's easier for me to be completely myself while texting, I don't know why I guess less pressure. But usually after a while, I become more comfortable and confident irl with the girl and I slowly turn into the same guy she's texting with.

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So I have a bf of two months. I wrote a different post about him here.

 

But I've also noticed something else which is a little more trivial. His texting personality is way different than how he is IRL.

 

For example, he'll always text me "good morning beautiful, mi amore, etc." He'll text me cutesy, cheesy things and compliment me. He'll even send emoticons. Heck, he even sent me something saucy once. ;)

 

But in real life, it's like I'm dating a completely different person. He's more reserved, doesn't say cutesy anything, is barely affectionate, and gives me an ambiguous look when I crack a joke. He does lighten up but good luck getting any compliments out of him. And don't even get me started on his cutting sarcasm. In fact, it's impossible reading him sometimes in real life.

 

Is this normal? I feel like I'm dating Dr. Jekyll and Hyde. Are all people like this? Maybe I'm just overthinking things. Or maybe it's just harder for him to express himself in real life. I have no idea.

 

Thoughts? No one is responding to my other post. lol.

 

How did you guys meet?

 

This for me is why for example when I meet a guy online or even out in person, I prefer phone calls to be included in our communication rather than only texts. Texts can hide so much or allow you to seem way more interesting than you are, esp since you have time to filter yourself and think and come up with things, whereas on the fly in a phone conversation, I've found that's more the person's real speed, real personality, real conversation skills etc.

 

However, the point is, it's been two months, it shouldn't take this long to warm up esp if he is your boyfriend. How did it even get to that point? I can understand being all awkward and shy after 2 dates but even for me, I'm gonna give it 3 dates, but beyond that, I will conclude we simply are not a good match if I feel like you are all awkward, reserved, don't get my jokes, aren't affectionate etc. The real life personality is far more important than his texting persona. You have to decide if you're willing to put up with this being his personality or not. It's only been 2 months, life's too short to date someone with whom you con't click in person and who isn't providing the level of communication and affection you want, esp since other men are out there with whom you can have that.

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On the other hand I know a few people that are chatty in real life but crap texters. I think people can have different personalities. I think it is nice that he says these things that he might be too shy to say IRL.

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So I have a bf of two months. I wrote a different post about him here.

 

But I've also noticed something else which is a little more trivial. His texting personality is way different than how he is IRL.

 

For example, he'll always text me "good morning beautiful, mi amore, etc." He'll text me cutesy, cheesy things and compliment me. He'll even send emoticons. Heck, he even sent me something saucy once. ;)

 

But in real life, it's like I'm dating a completely different person. He's more reserved, doesn't say cutesy anything, is barely affectionate, and gives me an ambiguous look when I crack a joke. He does lighten up but good luck getting any compliments out of him. And don't even get me started on his cutting sarcasm. In fact, it's impossible reading him sometimes in real life.

 

Is this normal? I feel like I'm dating Dr. Jekyll and Hyde. Are all people like this? Maybe I'm just overthinking things. Or maybe it's just harder for him to express himself in real life. I have no idea.

 

Thoughts? No one is responding to my other post. lol.

Because people find it easier to not be themselves through text. In person they get stage fright.

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I'm surprised to read this. In your other thread, you'd mentioned finally connecting with a guy, that he's your BF, etc.. Yet now you're saying you'd rather be dating the text version of him. Unfortunately, what truly matters is the real life version.

 

But this is usually more of an issue for people when they're first dating someone. Especially online. People email/text non stop and then the personality is 180 in person. Mainly because people feel more comfortable/confident at a distance. True confidence comes from how you interact in person.

 

I'm not saying I rather date the text version of him...it's just hard to reconcile both sides of him. I did have an honest connection south him and we met in person. It's just something I've noticed as time goes on.

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Oh, I do not find this weird at all. I notice it with my friends all the time, both females and males. My guy friends can be confident tough guys in text, IRL you can barely get a word out of them. Girls can be super talkative and witty, but IRL they're shy and insecure. This guy probably has something like that. Talking via text is just easier and you have more time to think.

 

I would just talk to him about it, since it seems to be an issue for you. Just ask him that you noticed, and that you like all the sweetness, and that if he's comfortable with it, he can do it IRL too, because you would love it.

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How did you guys meet?

 

This for me is

However, the point is, it's been two months, it shouldn't take this long to warm up esp if he is your boyfriend. How did it even get to that point? I can understand being all awkward and shy after 2 dates but even for me, I'm gonna give it 3 dates, but beyond that, I will conclude we simply are not a good match if I feel like you are all awkward, reserved, don't get my jokes, aren't affectionate etc. The real life personality is far more important than his texting persona. You have to decide if you're willing to put up with this being his personality or not. It's only been 2 months, life's too short to date someone with whom you con't click in person and who isn't providing the level of communication and affection you want, esp since other men are out there with whom you can have that.

 

We met at a party through my sister. They work at the same company, I'm different departments. We agreed to be bf and gf after the second date.

 

I don't know what happened. I think he just has a wall up because of his former relationship. He was married for several years and his wife left him 9 months ago for someone else. Not only that, she won't t him see his step son, whom he loves more than anything. I could see why it would make someone introspective.

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Just keep in mind that not unlike social media, Texting not only is somewhat impersonal, but there is rarely if ever any real life consequence for what we produce over it.

 

I mean by that the worst somebody can do if they make a crack on social media is block somebody or just not communicate with them at all. Just like through texting

 

On the other hand, if your BF is paying you alot of compliments through text it also stands to reason that the impersonal nature of it allows him to say things to you he may not yet feel comfortable saying to you in real life. So since this relationship is fairly short in duration currently, don't worry too much. He is just feeling his way with you and he probably means alot of what he texts you. Don't overanalyze it yet.

 

I know it's hard for many to reconcile the two, Texting is just another vehicle where we can spell out our feelings. the drawback is always in discerning exact tone through text.

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We met at a party through my sister. They work at the same company, I'm different departments. We agreed to be bf and gf after the second date.

 

I don't know what happened. I think he just has a wall up because of his former relationship. He was married for several years and his wife left him 9 months ago for someone else. Not only that, she won't t him see his step son, whom he loves more than anything. I could see why it would make someone introspective.

 

Sorry we replied simultaneously so I did not see this.

 

Given what you posted here, he is taking things very slow. You may be right that he does not want to get too enamored with you yet as he may be expecting a disaster of some sort. Not your fault, he just has had a lot on his plate with his child and recent dissolution of his marriage that would give anyone pause when jumping back into a relationship.

 

But again, don't overanalyze it. You are not at fault and are not doing anything wrong.

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