xxsilverdragonxx Posted February 1, 2005 Share Posted February 1, 2005 There are three people involved in this situation. Me, my good guy friend, and his "girl". My friend told everyone and this girl that they weren't dating, but from my point of view and everyone else's, they were going through all the motions. All three of us were planning on getting a 3 bedroom apartment. I like this girl, maybe more than a friend, and I want to get closer to her. Lately they seemed to be drifting slightly, they aren't having sex, and he told me they haven't kissed in forever. It gets better. Well, my buddy calls me up today and says that last night she came into the bar where he was hanging out with another girl(holding hands and more) and well, a lot of drama happened. He told me she cried and cried, and this bothered me because I saw both of them as friends equally. She was very upset, and all my friend basically told her was that he they were not dating. A jerk move, even by my standards. Personally, I would have never done this to a girl especially one that genuinely liked me. He lead her on big time. He played with her emotions, and now she probably feels used. He told me to call her to see what she said about the whole ordeal. But what I am going to do is go by her work and talk to her. I think this a great idea and opportunity for me to maybe start a closer relationship with her, since well, if I were her and smart, I would never speak to him again. My question is, since I don't want to be seen as the nice guy friend coming in to comfort her, I want to be seen as the guy she really needs in her life, and I need advice before my window of time fades. For the seasoned pros on here(girls and guys), how should I approach her when I go and speak to her? I know I shouldn't go in blasting my friend for what he did, but thats how the conversation will start. And I also know I shouldn't comfort her at first, which in the past, I would have been doing in the hopes that she would magically fall in love with me. Should I play it safe and ask if she wants to go do something with me when she gets off work? Or should I leave it up to her whether she wants to do something, as in wait for a clue from our conversation, and if all goes well, go into mack mode? WHAT SHOULD I DO? Any ideas will help!! Link to post Share on other sites
andreautick Posted February 1, 2005 Share Posted February 1, 2005 Personally, if it was me (I'm a young, modern kind of girl) I would want your honesty. If I was the girl in that situation the ideal thing you could say to me to let me know your intentions or desires is something like this: "I'm really sorry for what you are going through, and I am here for you in any capacity in which you need someone. I do want you to know though, that even though I am happy being your friend, I see you as more. I've been holding this back because of your relationship with my friend, and I didn't want to be an interloper. But, now I just have to tell you how I feel. Take time to think on this and let me know what you think, and whatever happens, remember, I'm here for you and if you aren't comfortable being anymore more than friends, I understand." Honesty is the best policy. I personally love honesty, and if I guy had the balls and courage to tell me something like this, I'd reward him. Don't hold back. Don't sidestep or try to send her subliminal messages. If you want her to know how you feel, tell her. It's that simple. I think guys prefer that tactic sometimes, too, and in important situations such as this, too much is at stake to try other methods. At the same time, make it clear that you aren't just out for a booty call or wanting to be her rebound. If you like her, make sure she knows you like her on every level and that you are just *there* for her...she may need that right at that moment, and perhaps after she recovers a bit she can take the info you gave her with your honesty and make something happen with you. YOu can feel free to take this advice with a grain of salt, but just personally, it's what I'd do. Good luck, keep us posted! Andrea Link to post Share on other sites
Author xxsilverdragonxx Posted February 1, 2005 Author Share Posted February 1, 2005 Thinking on the previous post, here's what I have in mind to say to her, given our situation. "I really like being around you, and I don't want what happened last night to affect that." From her reaction to that statement, I will have all the info I need on whether she has any true feelings for me, or just sees me as a good friend. Either way I win, because I am being honest, and I am not trying to get anything out what I am saying. If she doesn't express any feelings, then I still have a good friend, and she will know I will be there for her. On the other hand, if this recent drama between her and my friend has soured that relationship for good, she may realize she is comfortable with me, and that could turn into any number of things. The thing I have to tell myself is that I am strong, and I have nothing to lose. In 30 minutes when I get off work I plan on going by her work, (its close to a best buy), and if her car is there I'll go in and talk. If not I need to go by best buy anyway to check out some stuff. I'll try to post how it goes later on. Link to post Share on other sites
Author xxsilverdragonxx Posted February 2, 2005 Author Share Posted February 2, 2005 She wasn't at her work, so I called her. I was honest and tried to let her know I still wanted to be around her even though her and my friend had a falling out. What I got in return was "i appreciate that a whole lot" and more similar type responses. She said she still wanted to do stuff with me, but it didn't seem as personal as I wanted. Honestly I expected this response, so like I said, I still have a friend, it just looks thats how it will stay. Good thing is she didn't speak the friend word once, so I figure she probably knew my intentions. I'm glad I got it out of the way. Link to post Share on other sites
andreautick Posted February 2, 2005 Share Posted February 2, 2005 Well, there's something to be said for a good ol' college try! I'm glad that you felt her out on her feelings, and it sounds like you were pretty perceptive about the whole thing (which is a good thing to be, no doubt!) I'm glad that you told her what you did though, and who knows what'll happen down the road:) Best of luck to you, your friend is lucky to know you...a guy who can see her as more than a love interest if it is for her best interest Link to post Share on other sites
kanga Posted February 2, 2005 Share Posted February 2, 2005 Are you still getting an apartment together? All three of you? You said "were planning." I assume you no longer are. Link to post Share on other sites
Author xxsilverdragonxx Posted February 2, 2005 Author Share Posted February 2, 2005 Originally posted by kanga Are you still getting an apartment together? All three of you? You said "were planning." I assume you no longer are. You would be correct. We are long longer going to get an apartment for the 3 of us. The guy friend still wants to move out with just me, but I don't know now that this has happened. The girl has had more experience in the apartment field, so I was hoping she would be there to make sure us guys don't make any bad decisions. Link to post Share on other sites
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