QueenDafine Posted December 2, 2015 Share Posted December 2, 2015 Okay so I've been in two relationships so far where my boyfriend/s have gone to my best friend and talked about our relationship, or vent to her when we have a fight, ask her for advice, ask her things about me to find out more? My current boyfriend is ding this and I don't know how to feel about it. It's annoying and weird because I do tell her everything but then it's like she already somehow knows and it's uncomfortable knowing that some parts of my relationship I wouldn't even let out, he's gone and easily told her. I don't mind it that much but it's a privacy issue I guess? And it's like she comes to me telling me things my boyfriend has said about me (all sweet things) or things about our relationship he wishes he could work on blah blah blah. I guess he doesn't have many close friends he can openly talk to about our relationship and talking to another girl about it is different. He does this, I know, because we're in a long distance relationship at the moment and lately I haven't been too open abot things I guess. He told my best friend he needs to find out things about me and what's going on and 80% of their conversations are centered around me. It's annoying sometimes though because he cant come and tell me all of this stuff himself. Like they talk about me alot. But thing is he only really seems to go to her everytime we're fighting and has a cry to her telling her whats going on as if thats HIS best friend and not mine. I dont know if its because all his guy friends never talk about relationships or because he just needs a female perspective or some information on me but yeah. I haven't brought this up with him because it doesn't bother me too much but I don't know why guys would go to their girlfriends best friend talking about their relationship when there's a 99% Chance the best friend is going to tell the girlfriend everything! Oh, and one thing is that he will always try to talk to any girl when we are fighting or he thinks I'm ignoring him or whatever. I'm thinking of breakup up with him soon and no doubt has he probably already started complaining to my best friend but ohwell.. Link to post Share on other sites
casey.lives Posted December 2, 2015 Share Posted December 2, 2015 My ex wanted to smash my friend so that was the real reason for all the crab like movements. AND she covered him and never told anything.. she used it to get close to him and be of value. Weird though.. because she couldn't tell him anything about me .. because my relationships and what im like when im in love is very much a secret to ALL the outside world. SO.. that was an unfortunate experience .. and it's unlikely he learned much.. but those weren't his true intentions anyways.. It's juvenile and lacks seriousness.. i'd reconsider dating this person. Link to post Share on other sites
GreenEyed BlackCat Posted December 2, 2015 Share Posted December 2, 2015 My guess is that he wants to sleep with her. Link to post Share on other sites
kendahke Posted December 2, 2015 Share Posted December 2, 2015 (edited) 1. Your girl needs to respect and honor your privacy, too, not just him. She's letting your boyfriends know that she's there to be their shoulder to cry on about you. That's not cool. Are you sure she's your friend, or is she your frenemy? Has she ever once told them "you know, QD is my friend and I don't want to get in the middle of this. You really need to be talking to her and not me. I'm sorry, but I can't be your shoulder to cry on" ? That's really what she needs to be doing, not encouraging your boyfriends to come to her about you. 2. You need to be be more open and let him in. You can't shut down and then complain when he goes to her to find out what's up because you've allowed her all access and not him. It really should be the other way around. 3. Emotional intimacy (which is what she's doing with your boyfriends) precedes sexual intimacy. Just know that. Edited December 2, 2015 by kendahke Link to post Share on other sites
kendahke Posted December 2, 2015 Share Posted December 2, 2015 But to answer the question in the title of your post: because she allows them to come to her to talk about you. Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted December 2, 2015 Share Posted December 2, 2015 It's seems very weird. Because it's a pattern with you, you need to figure out why this continues to happen. In all my years, this has never happened to me. Sure people go to the BFFs for help picking out a present or throwing a surprise party but that's about it. I wouldn't tolerate my SO talking to my friends about our problems & if their SOs came to me I would not be an always available sympathetic ear. I think your BFF derives some pleasure / power from being a sounding board for your BFs. She must encourage this behavior in some way. She may be the problem. Link to post Share on other sites
Author QueenDafine Posted December 3, 2015 Author Share Posted December 3, 2015 Yeah i've come to find it to be really weird. My boyfriend craves attention from me all the time and gets pretty clingy whereas I'm really independent and i guess i probably lack giving him the attention he needs so he goes and vents to her all the time about us and me when he's feeling down. Its weird though because I ask her to send screenshots of what he says but she denies like there's something to hide? Like I know if that was me to her she would be pissed about her boyfriend doing that and pissed I wouldn't send screenshots if she asked. The thing is though it's not on a daily basis, mostly only when we are fighting or something. And to be honest I feel like it's a way to get back at me sometimes. Not only that guys, they used to be pretty close and at the start of our relationship I'm 100% sure he had a major crush on her until she ended up getting a boyfriend. So yeah I recognize that he keeps going to her like this because he feels welcome to so she's not exactly being a good friend here at all. I dunno if he has ulterior motives or he just really needs information about me? I'm not down anymore anyway I'm thinking of breaking it off really soon; and expecting all of our intimate relationship to come out, yay! Link to post Share on other sites
Author QueenDafine Posted December 3, 2015 Author Share Posted December 3, 2015 Donnivain, YES. It definitely boosts her ego, I know that, especially because her past boyfriends always tried coming on to me. But I try to look past that yah know? Link to post Share on other sites
RedRobin Posted December 3, 2015 Share Posted December 3, 2015 1. Use paragraphs. Endless text is hard to read. 2. Your friend is not your friend and your so called BF is trying to or already has got with your friend under the pretext of talking about you. I would dump them both and find people you can trust. Set better boundaries with the people you choose to bring into your life. Link to post Share on other sites
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