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doesn't make sense this girl


fred123

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so we have been on 5 dates now. i bought her a birthday present from my holiday in florida. we kept in touch all holiday and we spoke on the phone when i was out there!

i went to hers last fri for takeout and film. her bro was in the house too. we chilled on bed the two of us but she was very cold and reserved. her arms and legs were folded and she weren't sitting next to me. i tried to say her come closer and out my arm around her and i did but she didnt even flinch or reciprocate or even move her hands towards me or anything.

 

i left and sent her a text saying this "I got the feeling yesterday u werent really interested. You seemed cold. Your body language was reserved. You didnt seem to want me physically next to you or to cuddle you or touch you etc.

 

Im gonna assume as a guy lol ur not really interested so i will back off.

Thought it be better i be honest with you x"

 

 

she replied "I just panic and I also felt a bit awkward in my house with my brother in etc. I am a cuddly person lol but I did just feel a bit awkward

 

I really enjoying hanging out and love Chatting too you

And if I wasn't interested or didn't I wouldn't I just panic"

 

 

iv known her for a month. we talk loads every day she initiates most of the time. i prefer calling her in the evenings and we talk for a while. she always picks up or calls me back.

 

we haven't had sex only made out because logistically i live at home and so does she. her parents have been away hence me going to hers last fri but they are also away this week but she hasn't invited me to hers to chill. it would be just nice to lie in bed and cuddle even if its not sex.

 

she mentioned at the beginning that she didnt want anything serious or looking for a boyfriend and i said thats fine. but i feel like a chat buddy and hanging out buddy but we she never gets physically affectionate with me.

 

my problem is is she genuine in that she was awkward and panicked or she just not attracted to me?

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she mentioned at the beginning that she didnt want anything serious or looking for a boyfriend and i said thats fine. but i feel like a chat buddy and hanging out buddy but we she never gets physically affectionate with me.

 

There's your answer.
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Have you even kissed her?

 

5 dates and no kiss, she probably friendzoned you.

 

I made the same mistakes when i was young, if you dont kiss a girl by the third date its time to bail. If not they friendzone you.

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With her brother in the house she probably didn't feel comfortable on her bed with you, her new guy. She told you as much. Unless you have other reasons to explain her behavior believe what she is telling you.

 

 

Now schedule date # 6.

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we have made out a couple of times

 

but we she never gets physically affectionate with me.

 

 

 

You need to be accurate with your circumstances or you may get inaccurate answers.

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I don't think that it is anything other than what she has told you. Having her brother present is a really awkward situation, hence the reluctance.

 

Especially if she hasn't had dates over before.

 

I would learn from this and not expect too much affection at her house until much later on when and if you two are more seriously established.

Edited by lilmissjava
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Hi so we have hung out on milkshake dates if ud call it. Wr have seen each other now for 6 weeks. Met up around 6 times. We speak on the fone a lot but im always the one calling or organising dates and she lets me know last minute.

 

She told me she doesnt want to commit and enjoys my company and hanging out and chatting. I do like her a fair bit.

 

On monday i said lets go for a walk in the evening on wed aftwr i finish work. She said yh thats kl. Yesterday we talked and i said i finish early on wed so we can hang out earlier. She said she might have to meet a friend now who got back from holiday

 

That has annoyed me cos i always initiate dates and ask and she never does. And wen i try to organise something in advance she does this!

What shall i do now?

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Hi so we have hung out on milkshake dates if ud call it. Wr have seen each other now for 6 weeks. Met up around 6 times. We speak on the fone a lot but im always the one calling or organising dates and she lets me know last minute.

 

She told me she doesnt want to commit and enjoys my company and hanging out and chatting. I do like her a fair bit.

 

On monday i said lets go for a walk in the evening on wed aftwr i finish work. She said yh thats kl. Yesterday we talked and i said i finish early on wed so we can hang out earlier. She said she might have to meet a friend now who got back from holiday

 

That has annoyed me cos i always initiate dates and ask and she never does. And wen i try to organise something in advance she does this!

What shall i do now?

 

Sack it off mate, that would do my head in as well, and there will be other girls who won't mess you around.

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You recognize her interest is lukewarm at best. She likes you well enough to let you chase her & have a few makes outs & spend money on her. But she doesn't like you well enough to reciprocate. How do you feel about that? If you are OK with it, continue on. If you are not, pull back. See if she chases you when you are not as available & accommodating. If she doesn't just end things.

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She said she wasn't looking for a boyfriend and that she enjoys hanging out. So her behaviour sort of matches how someone would act in that situation. But that being the case, she shouldn't let you pay for her.

 

What have you done for your dates?

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Iv asked her to go ice skating in december. She is busy weekends in novembe rprior commitments. I asked her to go for a walk one evening but she has resch3duled cos she was tired. Im makig effort to try and see her instead of messgaing her cos she likes to text loads. I prefer seeing her in person.

 

She hasnt asked me out on a date and im losing interest. I dont mind hanging out but we only kissed and she said holding hands is too soon. What shall i do? I liked her as well but how do i know if she genuinely is into me or just wants to fpcus on herself. I dont know if shes sexually atrrcated to me

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Hmmm.....

 

Wow.... Well, I can see why you are losing interest. If a guy acted that way towards me I'd lose interest too! :(

 

 

Imo, she seems like she likes you a little bit (I can't even imagine going on a date with a guy 5 times, let alone making out with him several times if I didn't like him or feel attracted to him at least a LITTLE), but I don't think she's serious.

 

She's already told you from the get go that she doesn't want anything serious and she's not really looking for a bf. Honestly, I would let that be your guide. Usually when people start off with this "disclaimer", it never leads to anything long-term or serious. Usually people mean what they say. And if I really liked a guy, there is NO way I would tell him that from the beginning. I would want him to continue dating me...not scare him off telling him I'm not even looking for a bf!

 

Anyway...it's up to you if you want to continue to pursue this or not. But honestly, her behavior clamming up and being so reserved would sort of be a turn off to me as well. I say, go on a 6th date, but if she doesn't warm up considerably, I'd cut it off. There are too many OTHER women out here who are actually open, warm, and affectionate. Maybe this girl has been burned and hurt in the past. Maybe that's something you can ask about and she can give you more of an insight into her actions/behavior. Otherwise, I think I would move on.

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Can i ask if she stayed over or was intimate with the last guy she dated. She told me about him. They went on 3 dates. Iv been on 7. She told me she is slow and doewnt like holdong hands etc. But if i find out she did more with him than me means she not into me

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DrReplyInRhymes
Can i ask if she stayed over or was intimate with the last guy she dated. She told me about him. They went on 3 dates. Iv been on 7. She told me she is slow and doewnt like holdong hands etc. But if i find out she did more with him than me means she not into me

 

Let me summarize your situation as best I can,

You have a woman you like, but you're in the palm of her hand.

You initiate dates, you take her limbo-ness in stride,

But her disinterest is obviously affecting your pride.

 

This girl isn't take it slow, and it's not like you're trying to smother,

But rather, she's multi-dating and even cutting your dates off for others,

Have some respect for yourself, move on and find someone new,

Someone who would be actually excited to go on a date with you.

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Shes not multi dating i know this. Im just comparing myself with the previous guy. They only wentbon 3 dates and he fizzled out. She drove twice to his amd he lived 1 and half away.

I wanna know things like if i lived that far away would she still drive to see me. Btw we live 5 mins away. I wanna know if she was ok with putting her arm around him when she freaked out when i did it

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DrReplyInRhymes
What u mean please explain

 

In my experience, when someone likes and wants to spend time,

They don't lead you around into walls like a dog who is blind,

They don't make you "wait" because romance is a natural flow,

And they certainly don't tell you "I'm not looking for a bf"...you know?

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In my experience, when someone likes and wants to spend time,

They don't lead you around into walls like a dog who is blind,

They don't make you "wait" because romance is a natural flow,

And they certainly don't tell you "I'm not looking for a bf"...you know?

 

AMEN.... And the voice of reason speaks...

 

 

 

Honestly OP, this girl sounds like a lot of WORK. Even if it's just that she's had some baggage in the past that makes her act the way she does, it's up to you whether or not you are willing to be patient enough to work AROUND that.

 

Idk....something just doesn't seem right. I know if I were into a guy and he were trying to get closer to me, I would NOT flinch I tell you that lol. :p

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AMEN.... And the voice of reason speaks...

 

 

 

Honestly OP, this girl sounds like a lot of WORK. Even if it's just that she's had some baggage in the past that makes her act the way she does, it's up to you whether or not you are willing to be patient enough to work AROUND that.

 

Idk....something just doesn't seem right. I know if I were into a guy and he were trying to get closer to me, I would NOT flinch I tell you that lol. :p

 

so you saying the brother thing excuse is just that- an excuse? u think the other guy before me she was more into (as she told me she did like him but he disappeared) she did more physical stuff with him and let him? shall i just ask then i can get an answer then decide if she's playing me?

 

cos if only knowing him 3 dates and she did more that would tell me wat she's telling me is bull**** and we went on way more dates

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DrReplyInRhymes
so you saying the brother thing excuse is just that- an excuse? u think the other guy before me she was more into (as she told me she did like him but he disappeared) she did more physical stuff with him and let him? shall i just ask then i can get an answer then decide if she's playing me?

 

cos if only knowing him 3 dates and she did more that would tell me wat she's telling me is bull**** and we went on way more dates

 

I once had a girl who told her man she was with her sister,

When in reality, she was with me, and wanted me to kiss her,

I told her very plainly, does she think it's ok?

To tell her boyfriend one thing, then come to me for a lay?

 

Could this be similar, could it be true?

Could this same situation really apply to you?

Or could she be taking it slow, knowing what she did before was a ruse?

Maybe she's not doing it this way because she actually really does like you?

 

Be more aggressive with scheduling a date.

Ask very plainly if she wants to go for a skate.

If she isn't excited, then you have your answer my man,

Find someone else who is happy to go skate hand in hand.

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Yes i agree. A part of me wants to believe what she says. I like her a lot.

U still think i should ask her about the other guy?surely that will give me a good indicator of what shes like with a guy shes into?

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