Junhua Posted November 30, 2015 Share Posted November 30, 2015 My boyfriend is amazing! He is very sweet and attentive. When we hang out at his place he always cooks us a really nice meal. I am always extremely thankful because his meals are always very good. The only problem is he is always offering me way too much junk food afterwards. A typical meal that we will have includes: steak, potatoes, and green beans. Usually, after that I am stuffed as I typically don't eat large portions of food. However, as soon as we finish dinner, he will offer me chocolate bars, a whole bag of candy, cookies, and ice cream (all of which he will eat. This is at 10pm btw). I jusy say no, but he gets this weird look on his face like he feels defeated or he feels bad for asking. Afterwards, he will stop asking and just start putting spoons full of ice cream or Nutella in my face, trying to feed it to me while he eats it. He works out quite a bit, so I suppose it's okay for him to eat chocolate, a bag a candy, and a whole carton of ice cream after dinner. That won't work for me. I get a moderate amount of excercise and monitor what and how much I eat. This is how I have maintained my petite figure (I weigh 110 pounds)and it works for my busy lifestyle. It's almost like he has no self control, so he works out a bunch to compensate. He will eat an entire cake by himself in a night. When I don't want any, he starts to feel bad that he ate the entire cake alone. I have mentioned it before, but it's still the same. I also get the feeling that he will just tell me to work out more as he has said things like "if you did squats, you would have an even better butt." Then he will make me a coffee cake and offer me chips too, so I'm thinking, "wtf, dude!" He also always tells me how many sit-ups he did or that he measured his BMI and it's amazing. It feels like he is trying to tell me something, but then he will start eating a box of ice cream and chips again. At the same time, he is shoving all this junk in my face too. "I bought you some ice cream," "try these cookies," and so on. I feel bad sometimes because he got the ice cream for me or made the cake for me. So, I just have a few bites, but I really don't like eating all that sugar, and it's becoming more frequent. I feel like I'm getting mixed messages from him. Plus, I know his eating habits and comments about excercising are affecting me, but I am not sure what to do. Link to post Share on other sites
PrettyEmily77 Posted November 30, 2015 Share Posted November 30, 2015 Hang out less at his place and offer to cook for him at yours, possibly along with friends so he has a better grasp of your eating habits, if that's an option? Difficult to tell from the one post whether he is controlling, or whether it's his way of showing he is looking after you but either way he just needs to be told a firm and unambiguous 'no thanks' to whatever it is you don't want to eat or do, especially if it makes you uncomfortable. Link to post Share on other sites
PegNosePete Posted November 30, 2015 Share Posted November 30, 2015 Well, I was going to say it's how he is, you have to accept him and simply keep on saying "no thanks" until he gets the message. But then... he will stop asking and just start putting spoons full of ice cream or Nutella in my face WTF. That is the point where I would get up and walk out. If he wants to eat it's his choice, and you have to respect that. But doing that to you is incredibly rude and disrespectful (not to mention disgusting). 11 Link to post Share on other sites
kassy Posted November 30, 2015 Share Posted November 30, 2015 The sugar will catch up with him at some point. Like when he gets an injury. But the force feeding you to justify himself eating shows that he actually has some issues with food. Personally I would leave this relationship. There is the poor eating habits, the negative comments about your body and the pressure for you to eat poorly with him. I wouldn't be able to accept this. 6 Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted November 30, 2015 Share Posted November 30, 2015 My boyfriend is amazing! He is very sweet and attentive. When we hang out at his place he always cooks us a really nice meal. I am always extremely thankful because his meals are always very good. The only problem is he is always offering me way too much junk food afterwards. A typical meal that we will have includes: steak, potatoes, and green beans. Usually, after that I am stuffed as I typically don't eat large portions of food. However, as soon as we finish dinner, he will offer me chocolate bars, a whole bag of candy, cookies, and ice cream (all of which he will eat. This is at 10pm btw). I jusy say no, but he gets this weird look on his face like he feels defeated or he feels bad for asking. Afterwards, he will stop asking and just start putting spoons full of ice cream or Nutella in my face, trying to feed it to me while he eats it. He works out quite a bit, so I suppose it's okay for him to eat chocolate, a bag a candy, and a whole carton of ice cream after dinner. That won't work for me. I get a moderate amount of excercise and monitor what and how much I eat. This is how I have maintained my petite figure (I weigh 110 pounds)and it works for my busy lifestyle. It's almost like he has no self control, so he works out a bunch to compensate. He will eat an entire cake by himself in a night. When I don't want any, he starts to feel bad that he ate the entire cake alone. I have mentioned it before, but it's still the same. I also get the feeling that he will just tell me to work out more as he has said things like "if you did squats, you would have an even better butt." Then he will make me a coffee cake and offer me chips too, so I'm thinking, "wtf, dude!" He also always tells me how many sit-ups he did or that he measured his BMI and it's amazing. It feels like he is trying to tell me something, but then he will start eating a box of ice cream and chips again. At the same time, he is shoving all this junk in my face too. "I bought you some ice cream," "try these cookies," and so on. I feel bad sometimes because he got the ice cream for me or made the cake for me. So, I just have a few bites, but I really don't like eating all that sugar, and it's becoming more frequent. I feel like I'm getting mixed messages from him. Plus, I know his eating habits and comments about excercising are affecting me, but I am not sure what to do. Sorry, but I would not tolerate that. I'd tell him to take me as I am or bugger off. He has issues with food and body image. Don't allow him to project that on to you. It's not your problem that he feels bad for eating an entire cake. Don't allow him to force you to eat anything. Someone putting spoonfuls of food in my face after I've already declined would seriously tick me off. Boundaries need to be respected, wherever they are. 6 Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted November 30, 2015 Share Posted November 30, 2015 I agree with most of what has been said so far. This guy has some serious food issues combined with a lack of boundaries. What he puts in his body is his own business, but forcing it on you is completely unacceptable. As for the comments about your butt, that's not ok either. You need to set some very firm boundaries with him. And if he can't respect those boundaries, you need to leave him Link to post Share on other sites
Gaeta Posted November 30, 2015 Share Posted November 30, 2015 Saying 'no' isn't enough. Some men are like 12 years old boys and think it's funny to keep on annoying you even after you said 'no'. I suggest you tell him this: Look at me - I am being serious - this is the last time you annoy me with food - next time I will get up and leave - your attitude aggravates me that much - do you understand? And if he does it again get up and leave. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Toodaloo Posted November 30, 2015 Share Posted November 30, 2015 Your boyfriend is trying to show you he loves you and that is his way of showing you that he adores you. Next time just say that you adore him and because you adore him and because he is such a good cook you prefer not to eat all the junk food after and save your stomach for the really good food which he has made himself. Tell him that you appreciate that he wants you to have yummy things but you also want to keep being able to wrap your legs round his ears and that his cooking is actually far more tasty than anything junky and that you prefer that. Guys can sometimes be idiots. They say things that can be really dumb with out meaning to. This guy is just trying to include you in the things he loves and that is his way of showing you he loves you. Hence the high carb and encouraging you to do squats... Try to gently encourage him to alter the way he shows you. I usually find that if you tell him a particular behavior is sexy or it makes you feel hot towards him when he does XYZ (even if it is pushing a hoover round) works wonders! 8 Link to post Share on other sites
Lois_Griffin Posted November 30, 2015 Share Posted November 30, 2015 Your boyfriend is trying to show you he loves you and that is his way of showing you that he adores you. This has NOTHING to do with love. This guy is an ass. Trying to shove food down your throat while telling you, "if you did squats, you would have an even better butt." I repeat. This guy is an ass. Who the hell devours a whole CAKE in one sitting? Talk about an eating disorder. He'd get ONE more warning to knock it the hell off. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
salparadise Posted November 30, 2015 Share Posted November 30, 2015 I'm with Toodaloo on this one. He's just trying to be nice by offering things he loves, but he's not getting that you have different dietary preferences. Just minimize it rather than turning it a relationship issue. Kiss him on the cheek and say, "boyfriend, haven't you figured out yet that I don't do sugar after a meal?" If he persists just excuse yourself from the table and pick up a book to read or something. Once he understands that you aren't receptive it will change, because he really just wants to please you, even if he doesn't quite get the boundary part. I think it's hilarious that people are telling you to dump him over it- how many ways can you spell clueless? 4 Link to post Share on other sites
loveweary11 Posted November 30, 2015 Share Posted November 30, 2015 Be blunt. Make a joke out of it. Next time you see a particularly unattractive, fat lady on tv or whatever while he's behaving like this say, "No! (in a forceful, but smiling way) Do you want me to look like _insert name of nasty lady._, because I'll look exactly like her if i eat these extra calories!!" Link to post Share on other sites
Toodaloo Posted November 30, 2015 Share Posted November 30, 2015 (edited) This has NOTHING to do with love. This guy is an ass. Trying to shove food down your throat while telling you, "if you did squats, you would have an even better butt." I repeat. This guy is an ass. Who the hell devours a whole CAKE in one sitting? Talk about an eating disorder. He'd get ONE more warning to knock it the hell off. If its good cake I know several men and women who would. Just the same as I can eat a whole tub of Pringles or big bar of galaxy chocolate or bag of popcorn. Just because someone likes food doesn't mean that they have an eating disorder. This guy clearly has a sweet tooth and also likes to go to the gym which helps counter act that. He enjoys both so wants to do the things he enjoys with the person he cares about. He also wants her to feel good about herself. Blokes are not really as in tune with emotions as women are. So A comment like "hey your great ass would be even greater with some squats" is what comes out when he wants to say "I would really love you to come to the gym and work out with me because its fun!". I also want to point out he hasn't actually said that - OP just doesn't want him to... I love horse riding. I frequently take my mother when I go. She loathes horses. Same principles apply. I want to enjoy my time with her and I want her to be happy and have fun! This guy is a doufus, not an a-hole. We are all entitled to be doufuses every now and then its called the human condition... Edited November 30, 2015 by Toodaloo Link to post Share on other sites
Ic1 Posted November 30, 2015 Share Posted November 30, 2015 This boy's intentions are what would define him as a dick or a dull one. Control issue of being your 'feeder', or feeding you to show he cares? Either way he doesn't understand your different metabolisms. He's a definitely a meathead and you should leave him if he can't stop it. No matter what his intentions are. Link to post Share on other sites
SwordofFlame Posted November 30, 2015 Share Posted November 30, 2015 Tell him you can't work out enough to offset a really bad diet. Unless you train like an Olympian. Tell him you'll get fat and I'm sure he doesn't want that to happen. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
smackie9 Posted November 30, 2015 Share Posted November 30, 2015 I would stop being nice about it and have a concerning conversation about his eating habits, and like the other have mention, point out his eating disorder/body image issues.....Address it! or GTF out! Link to post Share on other sites
lchf Posted November 30, 2015 Share Posted November 30, 2015 Honestly I had to chuckle because I recognise some habits I share with your bf. Coming from someone who loves to eat and is serious about training, and who has a girlfriend who is half my body weight and doesn't eat that much, I feel a lot of this comes out of love and is in many ways just innocent habitual behaviour. You clearly haven't voiced it loud and clear that it annoys you that he tries to feed you crappy food, but he clearly has a pretty severe sugar addiction and that seems like the main issue here. I'd be expressing a lot more concern over that rather than comments about squats and your ass etc. Honestly I use those types of comments to motivate my girlfriend to train harder, and it works for her, but I've worked out what motivates her and I don't have some narcissistic ulterior motive to get her to train more. I want to train with her because I love her and it's fun, so don't take it so personally. Also, working out does not compensate for a sugar addiction. Sugar is total poison for you and training doesn't negate its negative physiological and psychological influences. At the end of the day OP, it's his body (and yours is yours). If it pisses you off, lay down the law to stop presenting you with junk food. Also make sure you express your concern over his sugar addiction. But with all things you can only lead the horse to water, and not make him drink. Link to post Share on other sites
hotpotato Posted November 30, 2015 Share Posted November 30, 2015 I can relate. Maybe he thinks the food is making you happy...? I think hes coming from a good place. Sometimes guys dont think about how mens and womens bodies process foods different. My bf works out and has a physically demanding job. He eats all day and often has dessert at night. Ill never forget the time we went out to eat. He got a big cookie and gave me half. I had to very nicely give some back! My bf is a sugar freak. Ive known a bodybuilder or two who were sugar freaks. I can relate to being converned abt his sigar intake. I guess my point was try being a little more firm. My bf knows i train, and he says stuff abt my body, too. If its bothering you, you should tell him. i dont think your bf means harm. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
AspenBaldwin Posted November 30, 2015 Share Posted November 30, 2015 Feed him laxatives. Link to post Share on other sites
joseb Posted November 30, 2015 Share Posted November 30, 2015 How old is he? He won't be able to get away with this kind of eating for long, no matter how much he exercises. Honestly, if I ate half a cake I would vomit. Our bodies are not able to handle anything like that much fat and sugar on a regular basis. Other people say he is doing this because he loves you. Maybe he thinks he does. But if you love someone, you shouldn't try to force an extremely unhealthy practise on them. Explain to him clearly that you think eating that much junk is unhealthy. Tell him to stop trying to force his habits on you. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
mystikmind2005 Posted November 30, 2015 Share Posted November 30, 2015 I think it's hilarious that people are telling you to dump him over it- how many ways can you spell clueless? Hahahaha, love this! Yea i have wondered how there can be any relationships at all if some of the attitudes on this forum were the norm? lol Link to post Share on other sites
lop98 Posted December 1, 2015 Share Posted December 1, 2015 You guys just need to have a serious conversation about it, he needs to know it is bothering you and it's no joke for you and you should also tell him that you're concerned about his eating habits, like someone said, he may get away with it now (providing he's not obese) but sooner or later, life will get busier and he won't have the time to compensate working out so he will be fat and most likely this issue will slowly spill over onto other issues. When I lived with my boyfriend, he used to do similar things, he's more mature, we are in our late 20s so no force feeding me crap or anything like that but he loves cooking and when he'd cook he'd put insane amounts of food on my plate, I remember one time he served two huge chicken breasts, a ton of gravy with almonds and a huge bowl of pasta, and of course salad that I had done to help out. It was one of our first meals together and I ate it because it didn't even cross my mind to leave that on the plate, it seemed rude after he had been all loving and cute doing it... fast forward 4 hours, I still had a huge belly and couldn't move, I was too tired even to have sex and my digestion was completely off the next days. This went on for about a week until I realized I was 100% eating like a man! I eat 1/3 of his intake, I like junk food too but I just don't crave it and there's definitely not that much room in my stomach, he'd all muscles so lucky him he sends all that in the right direction, if I eat like a pig, most likely I will look like a pig in no time. I took control over the kitchen for a while (he was always hungry afterwards) and finally we kind of synched each other on the matter, we talked about how I need vegetables always, and a lot less on my plate, he was very understanding, guess he just needed to be told, and we got on fine. To be honest, I still think it's crazy how many men seem to wake up at a random hour like 3 or 4 am and eat something like cold leftovers... I just can't relate, but to each their own! and guys have to understand women eat differently too and are not just being vane, body-conscious divas. Link to post Share on other sites
mrs rubble Posted December 1, 2015 Share Posted December 1, 2015 My solution to a similar problem (bf likes to eat lots of fatty stuff and push it on me too!) my body just doesn't tolerate it- I eat too much fat- I vomit uncontrollably for days, and he has to run around after me and wait it out for my libido to return. Too much sugar can cause an awful headache......which could lead down the same path. Link to post Share on other sites
Smilecharmer Posted December 1, 2015 Share Posted December 1, 2015 You are your own person. Act like it. Your bfs are not your diet counter. What are you thinking? Live your own life. Link to post Share on other sites
GemmaUK Posted December 1, 2015 Share Posted December 1, 2015 I would really not appreciate having food shoved in my face. Ugh! I had a bit of a problem with an ex who couldn't understand the quantities I ate. From day one I stuck to my guns and just ate until I was full as I always do. If that meant a pile of food was left on my plate so be it - and it was always the case if he served up. Let him serve up and just eat until you are satisfied which will probably mean you leave some of the main meal. Anytime he offers you anything else just say you're not hungry so don't need anything else. I weigh the same as you OP, I don't diet nor watch what I eat particularly but overeating will make me gain weight and will stretch my stomach so I need more to feel full. I have never been one to eat sugary foods anyway. There's just no nutrients in them. Your man definitely has a sugar addiction going on there though. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
guest569 Posted December 1, 2015 Share Posted December 1, 2015 Just because someone likes food doesn't mean that they have an eating disorder. This guy clearly has a sweet tooth and also likes to go to the gym which helps counter act that. He enjoys both so wants to do the things he enjoys with the person he cares about. He also wants her to feel good about herself. Blokes are not really as in tune with emotions as women are. So A comment like "hey your great ass would be even greater with some squats" is what comes out when he wants to say "I would really love you to come to the gym and work out with me because its fun!". I also want to point out he hasn't actually said that - OP just doesn't want him to... Toodaloo, what a load of rubbish. "your arse would look better if you did squats" means exactly what it means. And if a person is consistently eating exorbitant amounts of junk food every night that is their problem, but pushing it onto someone else really sucks. Perhaps I am crazy but I would go as far to call it abusive. Link to post Share on other sites
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