HansonGirl Posted November 30, 2015 Share Posted November 30, 2015 George Costanza said it best: Does anybody else have this problem? It's almost agonizing. Maybe more so than having NOBODY like me. because there is the guilt factor too. I ask for love, and i get someone who is into me, but I am just not interested. Then i feel so greedy about it, as is I should feel bad because I'm not interested because hey, this is what I wanted right? How do people even get together? It's lost on me. The last few people I've gone out with I wasn't into remotely. One of them texted me happy thanksgiving and I could care less. (and that sort of makes me feel guilty... again with the guilt). But come on, I really want to have my interests and the other person's interests allign. Is that even possible or is it hopeless? Am I only attracted to people out of my "league" or something? if anybody else has had this problem and has figured a way out of it, please share! 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Gaeta Posted November 30, 2015 Share Posted November 30, 2015 It's the exact same thing for everyone out there looking to make a connection. It's like throwing the dices. You can throw them a couple of times and get a double 6 or you can throw the dices 100 times before you get that double. Link to post Share on other sites
kassy Posted November 30, 2015 Share Posted November 30, 2015 Have been having the same problem lately, been on quite a few dates with great guys, good looking, good jobs, perfect on paper but there is just no attraction at all on my side. Was beginning to think the problem was me. On Friday I went on a date with a guy and had an awesome time and was amazingly attracted to him. Think he may not be attracted to me though. We have sort of arranged a second date activity but not time, he's away this week. Said he'd be in touch... Monday morning and haven't heard from him since our texts just after the date (pre date he was mister super chatty on messaging). Think he's gone for the fade. Anyway I was thrilled that I found someone again I was attracted to, hopefully next time the feeling is mutual. I don't buy into the concept of leagues. Anyway that probably didn't help you, but it was nice for me to vent ha 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author HansonGirl Posted November 30, 2015 Author Share Posted November 30, 2015 Have been having the same problem lately, been on quite a few dates with great guys, good looking, good jobs, perfect on paper but there is just no attraction at all on my side. Was beginning to think the problem was me. On Friday I went on a date with a guy and had an awesome time and was amazingly attracted to him. Think he may not be attracted to me though. We have sort of arranged a second date activity but not time, he's away this week. Said he'd be in touch... Monday morning and haven't heard from him since our texts just after the date (pre date he was mister super chatty on messaging). Think he's gone for the fade. Anyway I was thrilled that I found someone again I was attracted to, hopefully next time the feeling is mutual. I don't buy into the concept of leagues. Anyway that probably didn't help you, but it was nice for me to vent ha No, it did help me. It just makes me realize we gotta just go on dates with as many guys as possible, til we make a connection. I'll never understand those people who it seems like relationships just fall into their laps. they're always in a relationship it seems. I'd be a serial monogamist too if i could just get to that stage. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
regine_phalange Posted November 30, 2015 Share Posted November 30, 2015 I don't date much really. And I've never multidated. But most of the times that a man stood out in my eyes we ended up together. I think this is because I need stimulation or else my interest wanes. And the way for someone to stand out in my eyes is to have a certain kind of verbal and non-verbal communication with me. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author HansonGirl Posted November 30, 2015 Author Share Posted November 30, 2015 I don't date much really. And I've never multidated. But most of the times that a man stood out in my eyes we ended up together. I think this is because I need stimulation or else my interest wanes. And the way for someone to stand out in my eyes is to have a certain kind of verbal and non-verbal communication with me. wow that's awesome. what do YOU do when someone stands out? there are guys who stand out to me, but it's not mutual apparently! Link to post Share on other sites
Islander19 Posted November 30, 2015 Share Posted November 30, 2015 I've had the exact same problem this year. I made it a point to go out on more dates this year, which I did, but nothing came of it. 3 girls were really into me, but there just wasn't a connection there for me. There were 3 girls who I would have definitely gone out with again, but they weren't interested. Then a couple others that the lack of attraction was mutual. I just can't seem to catch a break. Hopefully 2016 will be a better year. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
DoesntGetIt Posted November 30, 2015 Share Posted November 30, 2015 It is just life. Truth be told, relationships in the past were not typically each person 100% in love with each other. They were people who could manage and work well together, and sometimes the love came later. Now that society has advanced so much, and people don't NEED a partner as much as want one, the game has changed. We all want true love, and that is incredibly hard to find. I keep wondering myself if people I've passed over, because I wasn't feeling that strongly in love, but enjoyed them as people and friends, were mistakes. That I shouldn't give up on that just to find that missing feeling, because maybe I never will and will have given up good opportunities. And the first person I've thought maybe I have those feelings for has been a really difficult relationship so far. All we can do is try not to end up with too many regrets in the end. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Qboro90 Posted November 30, 2015 Share Posted November 30, 2015 This is common for everyone. 99% of the time the two people won't have their interests or feelings match up so things won't work out. That's the whole point of dating and why marriage exists. When we find that person who loves us as much as we love them and want the same things in life, we make a commitment to be with them forever. So until you find the person you want to marry, then just expect the people you meet to eventually fade away. It's nothing personal against either person. Just like when you feel bad or guilty when you don't feel the same way about a guy that likes you. I'm sure that the guy feels bad when he doesn't like you as much as you like him. I've felt that way before. Been out with a lot of girls who were really into me and wanted to date or get more outta me and even though I liked them as people and enjoyed being around them, I just didn't want to continue romantically seeing them for whatever reason. It's tough to deal with that when you know they are nice people but that's just part of life and maturing. Don't stress it. If you keep having missed connections or no spark, then the only thing I can suggest is to be a little more selective with who you go out with and go after. Look for guys who aren't just attractive to you. Talk to them and get attracted to their personality and what they stand for and I think you'll have more success in finding better matches. It's fine to like a challenge. I do too. Never dated a girl that I could easily get. I'd like her more if she said no to going out with me 6 times before finally saying yes a year or two later after she sees I've matured or done something that makes her wanna give me a shot. Just make sure that the challenging guys you go after aren't challenging because they're players, or drama filled, or don't treat girls with respect. There's a different between a challenge, and a guy who you think you can change. Trust me, you're not going to change us, so don't make that your challenge. Link to post Share on other sites
regine_phalange Posted November 30, 2015 Share Posted November 30, 2015 wow that's awesome. what do YOU do when someone stands out? there are guys who stand out to me, but it's not mutual apparently! It's probably because of our interactions? I don't stay attracted for long to people who don't engage me When I was younger I had crushes to people who weren't into me all the time. But since my late teens I just don't give a disinterested person importance, doesn't matter how good looking or awesome they are. It's not some kind of tactic, I just find myself asking for stimulation, either through body language, through bantering, you name it. So, a guy may stand out physically or personality wise, but he just won't stand out for long if nothing else happens. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
oberkeat Posted November 30, 2015 Share Posted November 30, 2015 I've had the exact same problem this year. I made it a point to go out on more dates this year, which I did, but nothing came of it. 3 girls were really into me, but there just wasn't a connection there for me. There were 3 girls who I would have definitely gone out with again, but they weren't interested. Then a couple others that the lack of attraction was mutual. I just can't seem to catch a break. Hopefully 2016 will be a better year. Me too. I went on dates with 8 different women this year. Probably messaged, approached or conversed with dozens more than that, and nothing came of any of it. I need some luck at this point. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Oregon_Dude Posted November 30, 2015 Share Posted November 30, 2015 This is the story of my dating life, and a big reason I get so INTO IT when I date someone who feels the same way I do about them. It is so f*cking RARE. A lot of this, however, can be explained by the simple fact that people usually aim for dates out of their own "league"... we all want to feel like we can snag a hot person. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
mystikmind2005 Posted November 30, 2015 Share Posted November 30, 2015 I dunno..... move to a country that still has arranged marriages?? lol Link to post Share on other sites
oberkeat Posted November 30, 2015 Share Posted November 30, 2015 (edited) It's the exact same thing for everyone out there looking to make a connection. It's like throwing the dices. You can throw them a couple of times and get a double 6 or you can throw the dices 100 times before you get that double. Yep, more and more, I'm coming to think that luck has more to do with it than anything else. There ain't a damn bit of advice in the world that can put a singleton into a relationship. Who finds love and who doesn't is an invisible mathematics that we have no control over. Nothing we say or do to try to influence it matters. The universe will decide if and when we get into a relationship, and that's just the way it is. Edited November 30, 2015 by oberkeat Link to post Share on other sites
mystikmind2005 Posted November 30, 2015 Share Posted November 30, 2015 Yep, more and more, I'm coming to think that luck has more to do with it than anything else. There ain't a damn bit of advice in the world that can put a singleton into a relationship. Who finds love and who doesn't is an invisible mathematics that we have no control over. Nothing we say or do to try to influence it matters. The universe will decide if and when we get into a relationship, and that's just the way it is. Then the universe must really dislike some people more than others! lol Actually, you know what, that makes sense.... A bully will single out specific individuals for persecution and leave everybody else alone.... the universe is an 'ant bully'. Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts