DeeLee898 Posted November 28, 2015 Share Posted November 28, 2015 I'm at my wits end. My relationship has changed me from a bright, bubbly, happy, helpful, friendly person to a depressed, tired, physically sick all the time blob of a human being. And yet, here I am, still in it. Why? I don't know but I do have a theory. Its almost been a yea . I'm 27, he's 31. I was super happy before we started dating. I was single for over a year. I was so happy being single and had no interest in a relationship. I was also planning to move out of state when I graduated college. I also built my life around helping people which made me happy. Then I met him. While I was not interested in a relationship I still went on dates just to see what was out there. I met him online. At first I ignored him for a couple months but he was persistent and his messages stood out more than most. They seemed very sweet and heartfelt. He was also very attractive so after he found me on Facebook and started messaging me I decided what the heck. I'll go on a date with him. The next thing I knew he was my boyfriend. Everything with us happened extremely fast. Faster than I knew what hit me. I went from happily living alone with my cats to within two months he was moving in despite owning two of his own houses. Him and his 7 year old daughter that is (during his visitation). The agreement was that he would rent out his house while he fixed up the other one to live in and the arrangement would be temporary. A few months. Here it is almost a year and he's still there. Not to mention he only pays $100/month. He manipulates that situation by saying "I'm only here to be with you so if I need to pay more, I'll just move out" And speaking of money, he only works in the summer so last winter when he wasn't working I paid for everything and gave him money. Some of which he paid back, some he didn't. Now, I'm in a bind with having been in the hospital, paying for stuff for him all the time, and other things, and he has lots of money right now but he will still gladly let me pay for everything. He gets mad when I get upset about it. I just thought he would return the favor. My first red flag should have been when I questioned why he would not get his daughter anything for her birthday and Christmas and he tells me that he decided to "teach her life lessons rather than buy her anything." I make sure she has something, though. Other things he does is say mean things that he admits are meant to cut such as "so and so cared more about me because she let me eff her up the a", "What if I cheated on you with a really skinny girl", "sex with so and so was really good",. Even though I am only 121 pounds, he knows I have low self esteem so that's why he says those things. Also, he admitted to making other comments throughout our relationship that sounded nice but were meant to covertly keep my self esteem down so that I wouldn't leave him. I am a person that has had low self esteem for a long time. I was getting better while I was single and working on myself but now its completely wrecked. When we got together he told me absolutely everything there was to know about his ex girlfriends, ex fiance, and ex wife . I've seen texts, naked photos, ect of the ex fiance which was the most recent. Also, many other girls since in between serious relationships he sleeps around and makes women think he is serious when he has absolutely no intention on being serious with them. However, god forbid I should ever bring up ANYTHING about my past. I mean anything. I even get accused if I like a song, that I like it because of an ex. Anyway, I feel that I know way too much about his past now. He has compared me, he says things to me that I know we're said to her. I've learned from this that some talk of the past is okay because without it, we wouldn't be who we are but there is absolutely a limit. He is also very jealous and controlling. I have lost all of my friends. IF in the rare even I want to see one of my girlfriends its a barrage of interrogations to the point that I just don't even try anymore. If I show up 5 minutes early to work when a male is working I take heat. I can't wear clothes that are too tight or revealing and leggings are out of the question. The list of craziness involving the jealousy goes on and on. He also, regularly goes through my phone which has me a bit nervous to even post this. As well as I'm a terrible liar so when I get home tonight and he asks me what I did at work I don't know what to say. The answer is, I typed this out. All in all I wonder if I can't leave because my self esteem is in the ground and he is a master manipulator. I never thought I would be the girl in a situatuon like this. My family says I have changed. I have recently started therapy because I don't know what else to do. Of course he claimed that if I go to therapy it will be the end of us and questions me about what I tell them. Its also, he claims, why his fiance left him. There is So. Much. More. Where this came from but I should really get back to work. Sorry for typing so much. I really needed to vent. I'm super sorry. Link to post Share on other sites
Author DeeLee898 Posted November 28, 2015 Author Share Posted November 28, 2015 I'm also on my phone so I didn't even realize just how long it was until I posted it :/ Link to post Share on other sites
Author DeeLee898 Posted November 28, 2015 Author Share Posted November 28, 2015 I'm also on my phone so I didn't even realize just how long it was until I posted it :/ Link to post Share on other sites
LilaMarie Posted November 28, 2015 Share Posted November 28, 2015 People only take as much as they are willing to take. You are the CEO of your own love life. Link to post Share on other sites
Author DeeLee898 Posted November 28, 2015 Author Share Posted November 28, 2015 People only take as much as they are willing to take. You are the CEO of your own love life. Yeah, it's funny... I used to be the person openly wondering why people stay in awful relationships. I said the same kind of things and I wasn't quiet about it. That bus, until I was actually where I never in a million years thought I would be. So I get where you're coming from with that truly. Until one goes through it, its a hard thing to comprehend. I've been there and now I'm here. Link to post Share on other sites
Scarlett.O'hara Posted November 28, 2015 Share Posted November 28, 2015 If you are struggling to end this toxic relationship then perhaps you could start with small steps to remove him from your life. If he has already threatened to move out if you ask him to contribute more, I would start there. You need to get him to move out. Having your own space will help regain some independence and hopefully some peace of mind. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Yookie Posted November 28, 2015 Share Posted November 28, 2015 ... Also, many other girls since in between serious relationships he sleeps around and makes women think he is serious when he has absolutely no intention on being serious with them. There's a lot going on here but this quote stood out because of the irony. How serious do you think your boyfriend is about your "relationship?" Seems like the only thing he is serious about is how far he can push you to give up everything you have for his benefit... including your sanity. Link to post Share on other sites
Author DeeLee898 Posted November 28, 2015 Author Share Posted November 28, 2015 There's a lot going on here but this quote stood out because of the irony. How serious do you think your boyfriend is about your "relationship?" Seems like the only thing he is serious about is how far he can push you to give up everything you have for his benefit... including your sanity. Yeah, I know how that sounds, believe me, and obviously the chances are high that he could be lying but I don't think he is. Just as he wanted me to give everyone and everything up for him, he has done it by his own choice. Maybe to set the standard. If he has cheated he deserves a Grammy but I don't shut out the possibility at all. However, with the other girls it was come over, have sex, tell them some things about relationships (which is all bs and not what he practices), get their hopes up, have them leave. Rinse and repeat with a different girl the next night. Link to post Share on other sites
Author DeeLee898 Posted November 28, 2015 Author Share Posted November 28, 2015 Well, update anyway, odd that it happened now (maybe it had to do with my typing this out last night) but we broke up. After a fight, then a terrible nights sleep because I let him and his daughter sleep in my bed while I took the couch (long story), things came to a head and we're over. While I know its the right thing to do, I'm still wanting to talk to him but haven't despite his text of professing his love. (While I was typing this he texted me and said "you must be crazy") wtf. Anyway, I hate this relationship. Here's to staying strong and not opening the door for him to manipulate me back into his life Link to post Share on other sites
Scarlett.O'hara Posted November 28, 2015 Share Posted November 28, 2015 Well, update anyway, odd that it happened now (maybe it had to do with my typing this out last night) but we broke up. After a fight, then a terrible nights sleep because I let him and his daughter sleep in my bed while I took the couch (long story), things came to a head and we're over. While I know its the right thing to do, I'm still wanting to talk to him but haven't despite his text of professing his love. (While I was typing this he texted me and said "you must be crazy") wtf. Anyway, I hate this relationship. Here's to staying strong and not opening the door for him to manipulate me back into his life Did he move out? Link to post Share on other sites
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