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In a 4 year relationship, but always trying to impress/ thinking about other girls?


bigdog93

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I just graduated college and me and my gf have been together for over 4 years, so basically all of college. Im not the really romantic type, and we are more the going steady for a long time and we get along well and she would do probably anything for me and to make me happy. We are really similar people as far as our beliefs about virtually everything and I would say she is probably more into me than I am into her

 

The last year and a half or so I have caught myself doing a lot of things to impress other girls though. I try to always keep my car looking good, I started lifting, I shave every day not necessarily to impress my girlfriend but to get attention from other girls. I keep thinking about girls that I knew in college that I thought were really attractive and had crushes on, that also liked me back but nothing came of it cause I was in a relationship. and I daydream about running into these girls (who are scattered all over the country now after college) again pretty frequently. I would never cheat on my girlfriend. She is really sweet and I would never hurt her like that and Im not that kind of person..

 

But Idk if its normal at 22 to try to keep impress other girls or if its just my brains way of saying its bored of the relationship. This is my first real legit relationship so idk if its also maybe that I want to know what else is out there? Idk i need some help to figure this out!

 

Thoughts??

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Yes. IMO you wasted your time having a GF through college when you should have been single sowing your wild oats. You were teetering on the fence just enough to not let it be cheating, but your thoughts were running wild. Now you are at a point of possible regret for not fulfilling your urges to have different experiences. I'm afraid it's gonna stick with you for awhile, and possibly continue with co-workers, leading into emotional affairs.

 

So ya it's very possible you want to know what else is out there. You may want to reassess where you are going with your relationship with your GF. You may care for her deeply but not enough to be with her for the rest of your life. Just my 2 cents.

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Daisy-oliviaWentcher

Your gf deserves better than this. You may think your'e this amazing catch, trying to impress woman, but I bet you the moment you let go of this amazing woman you have, you'll miss being in a steady relationship. Mind you, she is wasting her love on someone who clearly does not love or deserve her. Break yup with her for sure, in order for her to be free to find someone deserving of her.

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There are grandpas married over 50 years, still trying to impress women. Suck in the paunch and puff out the chest, a little feminine attention does a lot for the male ego.

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Your gf deserves better than this. You may think your'e this amazing catch, trying to impress woman, but I bet you the moment you let go of this amazing woman you have, you'll miss being in a steady relationship. Mind you, she is wasting her love on someone who clearly does not love or deserve her. Break yup with her for sure, in order for her to be free to find someone deserving of her.

 

Ok, then how do i get these girls out of my head? If i felt like I didn't have options then Im sure i would not be thinking of these things. I didn't have these thoughts until girls who i consider very attractive took an interest, then I felt like I had options and started to overanalyze and think of what I have vs what i could have etc.. its not good cause i spend a lot of my time thinking about it

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Daisy-oliviaWentcher
Ok, then how do i get these girls out of my head? If i felt like I didn't have options then Im sure i would not be thinking of these things. I didn't have these thoughts until girls who i consider very attractive took an interest, then I felt like I had options and started to overanalyze and think of what I have vs what i could have etc.. its not good cause i spend a lot of my time thinking about it

 

Easy. Break up with the woman with your with. Allow her to find someone who is looking for a long term relationship and not someone who has an "urge" to satisfy. You obviously feel that you need to be with woman, otherwise you wouldn't be lusting over woman you can't have. But just be warned. You may find all these woman you've been obsessing about may not actually want you they may be interested in the game, have boyfriends of their own or screwing others. But for the sake of your " sweet girlfriend who is clearly more into you than you are into her" do the fair and just thing and let her go. She deserves a 100 percent better than a guy that is not into her and like I have mentioned, does not love her. If you loved her, then other woman would be like wallpaper as you would understand the value of commitment. You could say " but hey I'm a 22 year old man" I know 22 year old's who are engaged or married. It has nothing to do with age, it has everything to do with hormones.

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Daisy-oliviaWentcher

The last year and a half or so I have caught myself doing a lot of things to impress other girls though. I try to always keep my car looking good, I started lifting, I shave every day not necessarily to impress my girlfriend but to get attention from other girls. I keep thinking about girls that I knew in college that I thought were really attractive and had crushes on, that also liked me back but nothing came of it cause I was in a relationship. and I daydream about running into these girls (who are scattered all over the country now after college) again pretty frequently. I would never cheat on my girlfriend. She is really sweet and I would never hurt her like that and Im not that kind of person..

 

This explains everything....

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  • 2 weeks later...

it's normal to fantasize and wonder "what if?" In every situation for life. However, your girlfriend should be more important than a hypothetical situation. My dad divorced my mom and regrets it to this day because he didn't realize all that he threw away. My best advice is putting a lot of love and affection towards your girlfriend, and to get over it. It's normal to want to impress the opposite sex, but not to ruin a relationship.

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OP, it is normal for a 22 year old guy to impress other girls or want to impress them. My gf likes to look good for not only me/ herself, but for other people to. I think it's completely normal, but you need to stop overthinking about it. It sounds like u have a wonderful girlfriend and if u don't want to hurt her then don't make something out of nothing. Nothing wrong with enjoying your (supposed) looks, but stop thinking so much about other girls. If u break up with your girl, the tables will turn and she will be all you think about bc you'll realize you messed with something great, something that could last. It's normal to not be emotional for s guy so I think it's part of that to. I've done that, and it sucked. Respect your girl, nothing wrong with wanting to look good but over analyzing and thinking will only hurt yourself

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My very honest opinion is that you haven't dated much, haven't really experienced other girls and you are very young. A lot of people go through this when they're in longer-term relationships from a young age. I believe you're probably outgrowing your relationship.

 

You need to ask yourself some questions: do you still feel a spark with your girlfriend, or are you more like friends than romantic partners now? Being honest with yourself, would you like to experience other women?

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Versacehottie

 

But Idk if its normal at 22 to try to keep impress other girls or if its just my brains way of saying its bored of the relationship. This is my first real legit relationship so idk if its also maybe that I want to know what else is out there? Idk i need some help to figure this out!

 

Thoughts??

 

I think it's normal. It is, however, kinda a tough position to be in. You may be outgrowing the relationship and it's natural to want to explore other people and grow yourself in ways you can't do if you have been with the same person for 4 years. That said, it is quite the dilemma. Your gf sounds great and maybe it's less of a problem with her and the relationship and just wanting to explore and grow yourself--you CAN do that and still be in a relationship with her but it doesn't always work out. Sometimes people working on their personal growth can grow together and sometimes they find themselves drifting apart.

 

I believe that some good relationships can sometimes be meant for a certain time in life and have an expiration date no matter how good they are, how good your partner is. Sometimes you just can't stop the fact that you need to grow apart to become the person you are meant to be.

 

I also think it could be that you think things with other girls are going to be more exciting. If you gf is as good as she sounds and you are close, most of this is in your head. Count yourself lucky, appreciate her and don't f*ck it up. That kind of person and connection is rare at any age. Good luck

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with all due respect OP, you are ovethinking and not thinking clearly. sounds like you are letting your thoughts run wild, and that u have got an amazing girl u should hold onto. its damn near impossible to find a loving loyal girl and you would be beyond dumb to throw it away for something u probably don't even ultimately want. most guys would kill for what u have

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Daisy-oliviaWentcher
with all due respect OP, you are ovethinking and not thinking clearly. sounds like you are letting your thoughts run wild, and that u have got an amazing girl u should hold onto. its damn near impossible to find a loving loyal girl and you would be beyond dumb to throw it away for something u probably don't even ultimately want. most guys would kill for what u have

 

MY THOUGHTS EXACTLY! look if you don't want her/love her then let her go. Go after what you want- ( play the field a bit ) if that's what you want and let her find someone that she can have the kind of relationship she wants.

 

Simple. But once you do let her go, there will be a possibility that you will regret your decision later. If you do decide that you want her after all, it maybe too late for a second chance because A) she's too hurt to give you one or B) she's move on.

 

Spend some time thinking about it before you leap into it. If you want to see " what else is out there" then go a head, but there are pros and cons to this decision. It's just sad that you have to let go of such a " sweet loving girl" for your raging libido and apatite for other woman that may not fulfill you in the way you'd expect. But it's your life and your decision.

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