Unsuretrying Posted November 27, 2015 Share Posted November 27, 2015 Hello, So this is my first post I am looking for advice on situation. I work with a guy who i really like, I've been working with him for almost a year now. All along I've been flirting with him but he either gets really nervous or just replies in one word. Over time, he talks to me more and more. I am the only person he talks to about matters other than work, at work. So one day after a chat with him, I go up and give him my phone number. He got super red and could barely say anything. He text me later that afternoon and we had plans to do something outdoors but the weather was bad so we ended up at my house playing video games. It was fun, I was nervous and he was nervous. He stayed like eight hours, we got take out, he had one beer and then he went home. I text him the next day and tell him I had a good time. He says he had a good time. So the following Friday I text him asking about the weekend. He says he has no plans, so we meet up for a hike. It goes good, and when we are done hiking, we stand at the car awkwardly for like ten minutes. I think maybe he wants to kiss me but he doesn't make a move so I give him a hug and leave. He texts me later says this is a new thing to him and he doesn't know what to do or say but will not elaborate further just says he likes spending time with me. Wednesday we have lunch together. I tell him to feel free to be in contact with me if he Wants to see me again. He sayshe will be in touch and texts me last night asking about something I talked about at lunch Wednesday. And then nothing. He didn't ask me what I was doing for the weekend or even seem like he was trying to lead the conversation towards that. So what should I do? He smiles at me A LOT. More so lately. His friend says hes never had a girlfriend as far as he knows. We are both mid-20's. Do you think he's interested? How would you take this? Link to post Share on other sites
BrocasHelm Posted November 27, 2015 Share Posted November 27, 2015 Looks like the guy's too shy to take any initiative, so if you want him, you're gonna have to push him a bit 1 Link to post Share on other sites
salparadise Posted November 27, 2015 Share Posted November 27, 2015 So what should I do? He smiles at me A LOT. More so lately. His friend says hes never had a girlfriend as far as he knows. We are both mid-20's. Do you think he's interested? How would you take this? Yes, I think he's quite interested. He's just shy and inexperienced. You need to take the lead for now to keep it going, but also start teaching him to lead and build up his confidence. The world needs more good women like you. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Unsuretrying Posted November 27, 2015 Author Share Posted November 27, 2015 Yes, I think he's quite interested. He's just shy and inexperienced. You need to take the lead for now to keep it going, but also start teaching him to lead and build up his confidence. The world needs more good women like you. So should i ask to see him this weekend? Even after I have initiated the last two times? I don't want to come on too strong, I know he knows I have had several bfs and that maybe he is nervous about his lack of experience. But I just don't want to do too much too soon because I did let him know that he should contact me this weekend and I feel like it's up to him to take the reins now. I don't want to wait too long for him to text me and then ruin the possibility for a date this weekend. Link to post Share on other sites
BrocasHelm Posted November 27, 2015 Share Posted November 27, 2015 It's Friday, wait till tonight and if you have no news, ask him about tomorrow night Link to post Share on other sites
Author Unsuretrying Posted November 27, 2015 Author Share Posted November 27, 2015 It's Friday, wait till tonight and if you have no news, ask him about tomorrow night Ok, I will try that. Thank you Link to post Share on other sites
littlez360 Posted November 27, 2015 Share Posted November 27, 2015 Yeah, see he's just not confident in the situation. Give him some more confidence, poor chap Tell him something very blunt, "hey, you know you can make a move right? feel free to be yourself around me" If it were me I would have made a move at work before you even gave me your number. But if he hasn't had any dating experience, and you like the guy, then give him a little boost! Link to post Share on other sites
BrocasHelm Posted November 27, 2015 Share Posted November 27, 2015 Yeah, see he's just not confident in the situation. Give him some more confidence, poor chap Tell him something very blunt, "hey, you know you can make a move right? feel free to be yourself around me" If it were me I would have made a move at work before you even gave me your number. But if he hasn't had any dating experience, and you like the guy, then give him a little boost! I thoroughly advise against that. Take the lead and show him he can be himself around you, but don't be so blunt as to tell him straight, this will only make him feel stupid. Link to post Share on other sites
littlez360 Posted November 27, 2015 Share Posted November 27, 2015 I thoroughly advise against that. Take the lead and show him he can be himself around you, but don't be so blunt as to tell him straight, this will only make him feel stupid. It would make me feel stupid, but keep in mind, this guy has stated he's new to this, he doesn't feel comfortable. I'm totally serious, if you tell him straight up, hey, "im into you, I know you're shy, I am too, let's get past that and make a move" He's obviously not going to make a move... it's best for him to learn to just go for it when the situation calls for it. She can help him with that. He probably already feels stupid. He's still in the picture though, and a little embaressment isn't gna kill him. If I was his friend, I'd have him tossin those her jeans across his room this weekend. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Unsuretrying Posted November 27, 2015 Author Share Posted November 27, 2015 It would make me feel stupid, but keep in mind, this guy has stated he's new to this, he doesn't feel comfortable. I'm totally serious, if you tell him straight up, hey, "im into you, I know you're shy, I am too, let's get past that and make a move" He's obviously not going to make a move... it's best for him to learn to just go for it when the situation calls for it. She can help him with that. He probably already feels stupid. He's still in the picture though, and a little embaressment isn't gna kill him. If I was his friend, I'd have him tossin those her jeans across his room this weekend. Love the last sentence, haha! I do really like this guy. I don't usually have a problem making moves on any guy I'm interested in but because I like this guy so much it's making me feel nervous too. The next time we hang out I decided I will try to kiss him, I'm just hoping the next time will be this weekend. Link to post Share on other sites
littlez360 Posted November 27, 2015 Share Posted November 27, 2015 Make it happen then! "Hey, we gotta hang out this weekend, something I gotta tell you" Build the suspense for him. Make it the weekend you guys decide to kick things off. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Unsuretrying Posted November 27, 2015 Author Share Posted November 27, 2015 Make it happen then! "Hey, we gotta hang out this weekend, something I gotta tell you" Build the suspense for him. Make it the weekend you guys decide to kick things off. He would FREAK if I told him that lol. He'd be so scared. Link to post Share on other sites
brokengirl85 Posted November 27, 2015 Share Posted November 27, 2015 Have you thought the possibility of him being gay? Maybe he not interested in women but he doesn't feel easy about this, so he wants to do some effort Link to post Share on other sites
littlez360 Posted November 27, 2015 Share Posted November 27, 2015 Exactly!! Build the suspense!! When it happens he'll be on cloud 9! Link to post Share on other sites
littlez360 Posted November 27, 2015 Share Posted November 27, 2015 Have you thought the possibility of him being gay? Maybe he not interested in women but he doesn't feel easy about this, so he wants to do some effort Lol, I see your point. But he told her that he's new to this and hasn't really had much experience. He really may just be a shy poor chap that needs to get his foot in the door with being comfortable with women... Link to post Share on other sites
littlez360 Posted November 27, 2015 Share Posted November 27, 2015 But really, if he were my friend, and I knew of this situation. He would be one suave cat this weekend... Maybe you can talk to one of his friends on the side and mention that you really like him and want him to make a move but wondering why he isn't, ask if he can find out why. That might kickstart things... Link to post Share on other sites
brokengirl85 Posted November 27, 2015 Share Posted November 27, 2015 Love the last sentence, haha! I do really like this guy. I don't usually have a problem making moves on any guy I'm interested in but because I like this guy so much it's making me feel nervous too. The next time we hang out I decided I will try to kiss him, I'm just hoping the next time will be this weekend. I think this is exactly what you should not do. Why would you make a move and have the potential to be rejected? I honestly think there's no shyness on his part, something else is going on. If he wanted to be with you he'd make clear. Being shy is not an obstacle. He knows you're into Jim, so that should clear the shyness away. No, it's not shyness. Maybe he's not into you but he's very polite so he continues your game. Because,so far, he's not initiated anything at all. I'd say leave this man alone. But you will continue chasing him. So I'd say go ahead and see what happens though I think you'll not get what you want. You know. I've dealt with the shy type all my life. It's not they're why, they're polite. I've suffered rejection only to the the shy guy making advances on other females in front of me. Just my advice Link to post Share on other sites
brokengirl85 Posted November 27, 2015 Share Posted November 27, 2015 Lol, I see your point. But he told her that he's new to this and hasn't really had much experience. He really may just be a shy poor chap that needs to get his foot in the door with being comfortable with women... I get your point. How shy a guy can be? Stupidly shy? Guys are not stupid, when they have a chance to get laid, they go for it and forget the shyness. I think you all want to make the fairy tale here when there's a big chance this poor guy just wants to find the exit door ASAP. Link to post Share on other sites
littlez360 Posted November 27, 2015 Share Posted November 27, 2015 Not to jump to conclusions. But I'd have to predict that the relationship wouldn't last long unless he really comes out of his shell... You may like him now, but knowing women, you have to continue to enjoy your day to day life with him and have enthusiasm in your day. If he's always closed up I would only imagine you'll lose interest even if things go well this weekend. Then again he might totally open up with you and become very social... Just be prepared that even if it does take off, that it may die down. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Unsuretrying Posted November 27, 2015 Author Share Posted November 27, 2015 Have you thought the possibility of him being gay? Maybe he not interested in women but he doesn't feel easy about this, so he wants to do some effort He's definitely not gay. Back when I was dating someone he was interested in a girl at work but was too scared to approach her. I found out she had a bf and told him to spare him the embarrassment. Link to post Share on other sites
littlez360 Posted November 27, 2015 Share Posted November 27, 2015 I get your point. How shy a guy can be? Stupidly shy? Guys are not stupid, when they have a chance to get laid, they go for it and forget the shyness. I think you all want to make the fairy tale here when there's a big chance this poor guy just wants to find the exit door ASAP. Again, good point, he may just want to back out of it, but being coworkers he may just be trying to stay on good terms. However again, he stated that he's new to this... I think he would have worded it differently stating he's "not ready" or "not a good time" or something if he wanted the exit door. Absolutely true, most men that have had atleast some experience women eventually learn to just attack like a lion if there's a sign he can get busy with her. But some situations require a little finesse as well, and he's not experienced, so if she is interested in him enough, then I think he just needs a fire lit under his rear... Link to post Share on other sites
Author Unsuretrying Posted November 27, 2015 Author Share Posted November 27, 2015 Not to jump to conclusions. But I'd have to predict that the relationship wouldn't last long unless he really comes out of his shell... You may like him now, but knowing women, you have to continue to enjoy your day to day life with him and have enthusiasm in your day. If he's always closed up I would only imagine you'll lose interest even if things go well this weekend. Then again he might totally open up with you and become very social... Just be prepared that even if it does take off, that it may die down. Every time I hang out with him he talks more and more. And we had no dull silences the last time we hung out. I only know one of his friends and they're more like acquaintances. I don't know his social circle outside of work. He said he's pretty much "always free" leading me to believe that he doesn't have many friends either. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Unsuretrying Posted November 27, 2015 Author Share Posted November 27, 2015 Again, good point, he may just want to back out of it, but being coworkers he may just be trying to stay on good terms. However again, he stated that he's new to this... I think he would have worded it differently stating he's "not ready" or "not a good time" or something if he wanted the exit door. Absolutely true, most men that have had atleast some experience women eventually learn to just attack like a lion if there's a sign he can get busy with her. But some situations require a little finesse as well, and he's not experienced, so if she is interested in him enough, then I think he just needs a fire lit under his rear... He specifically told me he wanted to continue spending more time with me. I don't think he would've said that if it wasn't true, especially since it was thru a text and as far as I know no one was holding a knife to his throat. Link to post Share on other sites
SoThatHappened Posted November 27, 2015 Share Posted November 27, 2015 I've been that shy guy. And I believe based on what you've described that he is truly shy. Go for it! You need to take the lead and he will follow. Sometimes guys just have no game... until you get them into bed... lookout for that shy guy if you're still dating and get physical in a few weeks. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
VeveCakes Posted November 27, 2015 Share Posted November 27, 2015 I think this is exactly what you should not do. Why would you make a move and have the potential to be rejected? I honestly think there's no shyness on his part, something else is going on. If he wanted to be with you he'd make clear. Being shy is not an obstacle. He knows you're into Jim, so that should clear the shyness away. No, it's not shyness. Maybe he's not into you but he's very polite so he continues your game. Because,so far, he's not initiated anything at all. I'd say leave this man alone. But you will continue chasing him. So I'd say go ahead and see what happens though I think you'll not get what you want. You know. I've dealt with the shy type all my life. It's not they're why, they're polite. I've suffered rejection only to the the shy guy making advances on other females in front of me. Just my advice I'm going to take a wild guess and say you have never been shy yourself - for those of us that have - you can see he is probably just very new to this experience. OP I say definitely make the first move. Try and make it in a way that gives him a bit of warning though, and when he is feeling really comfortable. Link to post Share on other sites
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