No contact in between

[Cali434]

Hey guys, I have posted a thread a few days ago about a guy not kissing me after 3 dates.

http://Http://www.loveshack.org/forums/romantic/dating/558840-no-kiss-after-3-dates

 

He asked a couple of days ago to hang out again in the weekend for dinner and he told to pick a restaurant. I haven't gotten back at him yet.

 

I think, quite positive actually, that he is definitely meeting with another girl or talking to another girl (just little hints and I don't want to list them here). This is totally fair since it is online dating. He used to initiate the texts, but he doesn't really anymore..

 

I think we are still at a good standing, but I don't know if he will still be interested since he is looking into other options now.

which is totally fine..but then idk if i should proceed and make the first move. I don't want to kiss him and made him choose me just because I kiss him. That doesn't seem to be fair to the otber girl too. I was about to make the first move, but now I don't think I should. Also, what is a good way to keep this guy interested?

[smackie9]

if it doesn't feel right, then it's not. If his behavior has changed in a negative way, then it's time for you to move on. You shouldn't have to fight for someone's attention, they should want to give you attention. Don't sell yourself short, you deserve to be treated better than this. Go find someone who treats you the way you want to be treated.

[SwordofFlame]

Also, what is a good way to keep this guy interested?

 

Initiate contact. Pick the restaurant. If he has done most of the initiating so far, maybe he's waiting for you to reciprocate? Or maybe he's just not into you anymore.

[katiegrl]

Hey guys, I have posted a thread a few days ago about a guy not kissing me after 3 dates.

http://Http://www.loveshack.org/forums/romantic/dating/558840-no-kiss-after-3-dates

 

He asked a couple of days ago to hang out again in the weekend for dinner and he told to pick a restaurant. I haven't gotten back at him yet.

 

I think, quite positive actually, that he is definitely meeting with another girl or talking to another girl (just little hints and I don't want to list them here). This is totally fair since it is online dating. He used to initiate the texts, but he doesn't really anymore..

 

I think we are still at a good standing, but I don't know if he will still be interested since he is looking into other options now.

which is totally fine..but then idk if i should proceed and make the first move. I don't want to kiss him and made him choose me just because I kiss him. That doesn't seem to be fair to the otber girl too. I was about to make the first move, but now I don't think I should. Also, what is a good way to keep this guy interested?

 

Read the thread you linked, and honestly, it just doesn't seem like there is much mutual romantic chemistry between you...

 

When there is chemistry, things just sort of flow easily and naturally ...all this anxiety over such a simple gesture as a kiss ...well it just means there is not much there as far as romantic interest ...which is probably why he is still on OKC searching for others.

 

Since you enjoy each other's company perhaps you could be friends.

 

From what you have posted...it appears that's all this is ....and I am not talking about just the no kiss after three dates.

 

It's everything combined, including his now apparently pursing another woman...?

 

Keeping you on the backburner in case that doesn't work out....just to have someone to go out with occasionally.

 

If you want more, just move on....

 

JMO.

[katiegrl]

There is nothing you can *do* to "make" a guy interested. He either is or he isn't.

 

And when he is, you'll know!!

[Cali434]

No, he is way better in person. He shows interest, drives out to see me, pays for dinner, listens to me(when I say I want to do something, we do it). I know this is online dating and he said he have only met with me before (which I believe since he have a busy schedule). He still attempts to make plans every week. However, I am quite sure he is talking to other girls. I am talking to other guys (but not in any romantic way). Sometimes when we eat together, I get a text and I am honest and say its from a friend I met on OKC. I just like being honest. I don't think i should drop him yet...but I guess the chemistry is not the best out of all the guys I have met.

[Cali434]

He just doesn't text. And when I say talk to you later, he just says ok. He used to say have a nice day all and all that stuff. I just find it weird that there is not much interaction in between dates.

[katiegrl]

No, he is way better in person. He shows interest, drives out to see me, pays for dinner, listens to me(when I say I want to do something, we do it). I know this is online dating and he said he have only met with me before (which I believe since he have a busy schedule). He still attempts to make plans every week. However, I am quite sure he is talking to other girls. I am talking to other guys (but not in any romantic way). Sometimes when we eat together, I get a text and I am honest and say its from a friend I met on OKC. I just like being honest. I don't think i should drop him yet...but I guess the chemistry is not the best out of all the guys I have met.

 

Well, that is your choice of course, but if you still want to date him, I would suggest you respond back to his text asking you to dinner!

 

What are you waiting for?

 

On this next date, flirt with him! You said you talk a lot which is fine and dandy, but friends talk a lot too ...so you need to be sure you are sending him the right signals, to show you are interested in him romantically, not as just a friend....

 

Move close, mirror him, look straight into eyes, listen intently, touch him lightly, play with your hair lol (seriously, it's a flirtation technique!).....these things indicate attraction on your part ....and after doing all this, if he doesn't kiss you on your next date .....next him!

 

Good luck and keep us posted!

[Karine26]

I am talking to other guys (but not in any romantic way). Sometimes when we eat together, I get a text and I am honest and say its from a friend I met on OKC. I just like being honest.

 

Maybe this turned him off. I,myself, never understood why people go on dating sites for "friends". I even say in my profile not to contact me if only interested in friendship.

[katiegrl]

Maybe this turned him off. I,myself, never understood why people go on dating sites for "friends". I even say in my profile not to contact me if only interested in friendship.

 

I agree with this .... Cali when you date these guys, for the love of all things beautiful ...turn your damn phone off .....or don't answer it. And never ever tell a guy it's another guy you are talking to from the dating site!

 

What are you thinking?

 

Sheesh!

[Myragal]

There is nothing you can *do* to "make" a guy interested. He either is or he isn't.

 

And when he is, you'll know!!

 

Exactly. A recipe for disaster is this guy showing 'a bit' more interest. The gal gets excited.The the pattern continues or he shows interest until another option comes along. Meanwhile she has invested her hopes and emotions.

 

After a first date I want a man to be nuts about me. He spends his waking hours focused on me. Those centres of the brain have been activated like in the cartoons.

[Cali434]

I agree with this .... Cali when you date these guys, for the love of all things beautiful ...turn your damn phone off .....or don't answer it. And never ever tell a guy it's another guy you are talking to from the dating site!

 

What are you thinking?

 

Sheesh!

 

Well the guy's name popped up along with the text. He looked for a bit too so I just honestly told him.

[katiegrl]

Well the guy's name popped up along with the text. He looked for a bit too so I just honestly told him.

 

So you are both checking text messages while on YOUR date together?

 

Good lord, just move on girl, there is NOTHING there ...

[Cali434]

So you are both checking text messages while on YOUR date together?

 

Good lord, just move on girl, there is NOTHING there ...

 

No just me. Not him, although he did text someone back for a min.

[SwordofFlame]

No just me. Not him, although he did text someone back for a min.

 

As a guy, that and the fact you told him you were getting messages from other guys on OKC is a huge turn off.

[Gaeta]

Think about it for a moment.

 

This man drives 30 minutes each time to go see you because you don't drive. This man has paid all of your last 3 dates.

 

Meanwhile when you're with him you don't give him your full attention. You keep your phone close by, close enough for him to see other men texting you and you checking those text. On top of that, while he's spending gas money and dinner money on you, you have the audacity to tell him you chat with other men from OKC.

 

And you wonder why this relationship is not lifting off the ground?

[Zippy2000]

And never ever tell a guy it's another guy you are talking to from the dating site!

 

What are you thinking?

 

Sheesh!

 

I totally agree with Katiegirl. Not only is this disrespectful. It shows hes not priority and he is left as an option.

 

If I got told that by a girl I was seeing and paid for dinner. I would feel awful.

[Cali434]

Just got a text that he's free on Sat only and not tomorrow or Sunday. Guess he made plans with someone else. Still go or no?

[Ami1uwant]

There is nothing you can *do* to "make" a guy interested. He either is or he isn't.

 

And when he is, you'll know!!

 

 

From a guys perspective....there is a lot.

 

Given the no kiss he likely had trouble reading her and her level of interest. He was probably the type ehich wanted her to initiate dome signal she was interested because he wasn't going to play done Dort of chase game.

 

He also likely has dated others during this time so if he stopped texting he probably had a second interest and see where that went so you were a fall back option.

[SwordofFlame]

Just got a text that he's free on Sat only and not tomorrow or Sunday. Guess he made plans with someone else. Still go or no?

 

Go if you plan on changing your behavior on this date to convey obvious romantic interest. If you don't change, the result will probably end up the same as your previous three dates with him. Because if he's as shy as you think he is, he probably won't make a move.

[katiegrl]

From a guys perspective....there is a lot.

 

Given the no kiss he likely had trouble reading her and her level of interest. He was probably the type ehich wanted her to initiate dome signal she was interested because he wasn't going to play done Dort of chase game.

 

He also likely has dated others during this time so if he stopped texting he probably had a second interest and see where that went so you were a fall back option.

 

So you're saying a man's interest in a woman is determined only by how interested SHE is in HIM? Or how much she demonstrates her interest in him?

 

Not sure I agree with that. What that would do is cause an *already interested* man to feel more confident in stepping things up more ...kissing her ....asking for more dates, etc.

 

But if he had no interest to begin with, it wouldn't matter what she did to demonstrate her interest, if he's not interested ....he's not interested, period.

 

Same for women. If she's not interested in a man, it wouldn't matter if he moved mountains for her, interest isn't determined by that. Not in my opinion anyway.

 

It's about chemistry...that spark, that feeling you get in your solar plexus that tells you this person is special and you want to pursue it ...together. Including kissing!

 

Based on what she has posted, especially in the thread she linked, it just doesn't sound to me like there is much chemistry there....and never was from the beginning. Seems like a friendship...IMO.

 

I could be wrong though, I don't know him... He could very well be interested and waiting for a clear signal from her to proceed forward. Like kissing her!

 

But if he is not interested in her, in a romantic way, it wouldn't matter how many signals she sends, it is not gonna *make* him become intersted in her....if he isn't already.

 

Romance doesn't work that way.

 

Again, what it would do is give him the confidence to step it up! Assuming he is *already* interested! Which he very well may be! I don't know him.

Edited November 27, 2015 by katiegrl

[Gaeta]

Just got a text that he's free on Sat only and not tomorrow or Sunday. Guess he made plans with someone else. Still go or no?

 

 

Lady, if he is having dates with other women he is not doing anything wrong. It should not be your concern at this point. Your concern right now is to decide if you want to pursue this man or not. He's done all the initiating, pursuing and paying up to now. What have you got to show?

 

You accept his invite and tell him this date is on YOU and you be generous and not let him touch his wallet! You flirt and show your interest and give him the biggest green light he's ever seen.

 

OH and put that phone away in your purse and leave it there the entire date!

[katiegrl]

Lady, if he is having dates with other women he is not doing anything wrong. It should not be your concern at this point. Your concern right now is to decide if you want to pursue this man or not. He's done all the initiating, pursuing and paying up to now. What have you got to show?

 

You accept his invite and tell him this date is on YOU and you be generous and not let him touch his wallet! You flirt and show your interest and give him the biggest green light he's ever seen.

 

OH and put that phone away in your purse and leave it there the entire date!

 

Agree, and not to mention, SHE gets the *Saturday night* date...so not sure what she's all in a twist about!

 

You know, the more I think about this, the more I think this guy is VERY interested in her ...but doesn't have a clue how she feels, or even if she wants him to kiss her!

 

Cali, I now think you need to step it up, do what Gaeta suggested above and what I suggested in my previous post....flirt with him and yeah....leave the phone in your purse and turn it off!

Edited November 27, 2015 by katiegrl