Mjm1014 Posted November 26, 2015 Share Posted November 26, 2015 Please read before responding! No, I'm not breaking up on thanksgiving let me say that first lol. I've been thinking about breaking up with my girlfriend for awhile...its just not working for me, and I'm thinking I may move back to the same city my parents live. Problem is our schedules never match up and I don't want to end things before she goes to work (usually when I see her). We never get to spend quality time with eachother, and if we do it's always an inconvenient time to end things. I work for the airlines so am gone half the month, then when I'm "home" she's working. At the 6 month mark, it's just not feeling right. Obviously tomorrow (actually today now that's it's 2am lol) she wants me to come over to her house for thanksgiving with her family. It's putting me in an odd place because she's expecting me to be there if I don't work (I'm on call to fly). Normally with any other girl I would say, no way, especially if I'm breaking up with her, but I do care deeply about her as a person and we have become good friends-that's the problem, it's turned into a friendship type of relationship. All her relatives will be there that I never met. To turn around and break up with her makes me feel like a piece of crap though. Again, if we do break up, I don't want her out of my life as a friend. Thanksgiving a bad move? I think I already know the answer... Link to post Share on other sites
Buddhist Posted November 26, 2015 Share Posted November 26, 2015 Of course its a bad move. you don't go and have a family dinner and break up with her in the same night. Pick another time. Jesus even breaking up wuth her before work is a better time. Link to post Share on other sites
mystikmind2005 Posted November 26, 2015 Share Posted November 26, 2015 That's a tough one, If you break up with her before hand, she will have a crappy thanksgiving. If you break up with her afterward, then you will be going under false pretenses, which is not good either. Well, why don't you just talk to her? Tell her your having doubts about the relationship, who knows, perhaps she feels the same? and you can both remain friends? Link to post Share on other sites
Buddhist Posted November 26, 2015 Share Posted November 26, 2015 Tell her you were called to fly then break up with her afterwards, Link to post Share on other sites
hippychick3 Posted November 26, 2015 Share Posted November 26, 2015 Don't break up with her on Thanksgiving...That is just cruel. I would make up an excuse not to go. Say you're flying today. Meeting her family members right before breaking up with her is just wrong. Link to post Share on other sites
littlez360 Posted November 26, 2015 Share Posted November 26, 2015 Yeah man... After six months, you can wait a couple days to break it off. It's not like Valentines day or anything lol. But may as well avoid the holiday if possible. It all depends on the dynamics of the relationship as far as you remaining friends. AFTER the holiday, lol, just have a honest conversation with her about it and if you're both rational people then there's no reason to assume there couldn't be a friendship at the end. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
CarrieT Posted November 26, 2015 Share Posted November 26, 2015 Tell her you were called to fly then break up with her afterwards, Do this, please. Link to post Share on other sites
losangelena Posted November 26, 2015 Share Posted November 26, 2015 Again, if we do break up, I don't want her out of my life as a friend. Thanksgiving a bad move? I think I already know the answer... Well ... don't bank on this. I don't mean to come off harsh, but it always sounds a bit selfish when someone says they want to keep so and so around as a friend after a break up. My ears hear that as, "I don't want to feel so bad about hurting you; be friends with me so I can feel better about myself and like not so much of a jerk." And umm, yes breaking up around the holidays is always a sh*tty move. I mean, if you're REALLY not feeling it, do it next week. Otherwise, can ya shine it on until January? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Mjm1014 Posted November 26, 2015 Author Share Posted November 26, 2015 I don't think a single person read what I wrote. I explicitly said in sentence TWO that I'm not breaking up with her on Thanksgiving. Thanks for the responses? Link to post Share on other sites
bubbaganoosh Posted November 26, 2015 Share Posted November 26, 2015 Then give her an excuse that you have to fly, wait a couple days and have a sit down talk with her and lay your cards on the table. You owe her that and to yourself too. It's not fair to you to stay in a relationship that you feel isn't going anywhere and it isn't fair to her either. If she gets angry and doesn't want to be friends any longer, then at least you were somewhat honest with her and didn't drag this out any further. Understand that no one likes to be on the receiving end of a break up so you can expect her to be unhappy. Link to post Share on other sites
razze Posted November 26, 2015 Share Posted November 26, 2015 Don't break up with her on Thanksgiving, that's just mean. Link to post Share on other sites
acrosstheuniverse Posted November 26, 2015 Share Posted November 26, 2015 It will humiliate her if you go meet her extended family then break up with her shortly after. Don't do that to her. Jerk move. Make up an excuse to avoid the meal, say you're flying or sick or whatever. Then break up with her the next time you see her. As for not wanting to do it before work, it's not gonna be nice whatever time you do it so just rip the plaster off already. You can temper it slightly by sending her a message a few hours before you see her just saying 'we need to talk when we see each other'. Everyone knows that's not good and it's less cruel to do that than it is to spring a surprise break up on someone who thinks things are great right before work. Just don't send it much more than a couple hours beforehand as leaving her hanging for hours wondering if you're gonna dump her is cruel too. Link to post Share on other sites
losangelena Posted November 26, 2015 Share Posted November 26, 2015 I don't think a single person read what I wrote. I explicitly said in sentence TWO that I'm not breaking up with her on Thanksgiving. Thanks for the responses? Ha, yeah, close reading can be a little scattershot around here. Although, you do confuse the issue with the title of your thread, which has the words "break up" and "Thanksgiving" in it. So what do you want to know? Whether you should go to her house for Thanksgiving? Because going and then breaking up with her will make you feel like a jerk? You seem very concerned with mitigating your feelings of guilt around this. I say that's unavoidable in this situation. If it'll make you feel like a jerk to go, then don't go. You don't necessarily need to lie and tell her you're flying if you're not, though. Like I said, jerkdom is unavoidable—you either get out of Thanksgiving by lying, you refrain from going and raise a big red flag for her and she spends the day worrying, or you go and then turn around and break up with her. Unfortunately you're in a bit of a hard place. If minimizing your feelings of guilt are most important for you, then I'd say do what's most comfortable. There is probably no way to avoid hurting her. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Mjm1014 Posted November 27, 2015 Author Share Posted November 27, 2015 Thanks for the response losangelenia! I caved and went over though :x Link to post Share on other sites
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