Does a gentleman ask permission?

[IronZ]

I'm speaking of kissing of course. Smooching. Planting one on her.

 

Ladies, strictly on the first date, would you prefer a man to ask for a kiss at the end or to just go for it? I know most of you will say go for it because it's so much more romantic, but what if there hasn't been any buildup to that? I feel that unless there's some flirty or physical connection during the date, that it's weird to just slap your lips on hers at the end.

 

On a personal level I've had success with both. I just wanted to get another perspective on this.

[mrldii]

Asking my permission to kiss me? You mean, like, a 'grown-up' version of "Mother, May I"?!?

 

Nahhh. I'd prefer a man who's enough in-tune with social cues that he's [correctly] read my signs that I-am-more-than-interested in him kissing me.

[BrocasHelm]

I always do it this way: when I feel we've had a great time, that means lots of complicity and some physical contact, I just say nothing, look at her straight in the eyes with a smile (not too big a smile, just makes you look weird) and lean slowly closer to her face. At this stage, you just KNOW whether she's in for the kiss or not

[Wewon]

On a lot of college campuses a young man can get into some serious s#$% for not explicitly asking permission. And yes, I'm still talking about kissing.

 

Its not fair to assume that this some unfounded concern. This is the world that we're creating.

[BrocasHelm]

On a lot of college campuses a young man can get into some serious s#$% for not explicitly asking permission. And yes, I'm still talking about kissing.

 

Its not fair to assume that this some unfounded concern. This is the world that we're creating.

 

Let me guess... America?

[smackie9]

Honestly.....it's a big turn off for me. It shows me they lack any confidence in themselves to make a move. Also I like a man that understands a woman's body language that she wants to be kissed,etc.....I can't stand clueless men.

[littlez360]

Yeah, from experience. Confidence is the only thing... So asking permission would be exactly what you don't want to do.

I go into this situation knowing she wants me to kiss her at the right moment.

You'd be surprised how many kisses (and much more) a guy can get in one night armed with pure confidence...

[littlez360]

I was always confident with myself as a good looking guy. But when it came down to getting anywhere with women, it's like Smackie said, you need to be able to read her a bit, be the Alpha male of the situation and the opportunity always presents itself.

[JustGettingBy]

I always thought it was best to "go in a little", as in move your face closer to hers. That way, if she wants to be kissed, she'll go up to meet you, and it still gives her the chance to back or turn away slightly if she would rather not.

[runforafall]

Are you living in the 18th century and bound by social etiquette? Are you in infant school?

 

If the answer to both of those questions is no, absolutely do not ask her if you can kiss her. Unless, that is, you want to run the very large risk of turning her off instantly and sending her running to the hills, even if before that she thought you were a half decent sorta chap.

 

Learn how to read other peoples' body language, and how to use it yourself to secure what you want.

 

I agree, though, that if you have not flirted or had any physical contact up to that point, it could seem a bit out of the blue to try and kiss her. That's why you make sure during the date that there is opportunity for physical contact, even if it's innocuous (like putting your hand on her back and guiding her through a doorway or something) and that you have flirted with her plenty.

Edited November 26, 2015 by runforafall

[WaitingForBardot]

Honestly.....it's a big turn off for me. It shows me they lack any confidence in themselves to make a move. Also I like a man that understands a woman's body language that she wants to be kissed,etc.....I can't stand clueless men.

"Women do not like timid men. Cats do not like prudent mice." -- H.L. Mencken

 

I agree with you that men should be able to read body language and for the most part I can, or could when I was looking at least. The problem is that I was not correct 100% of the time. Given that some campuses, as alluded to above, have now mandated verbal assent before any physical contact, those few mistakes could have gotten me labeled a sexual predator or a felon. Ridiculous, yes, but it's the environment we're creating here in the US.

 

How do you feel about dating felons? ..lol..

[razze]

Asking for a kiss is the height of lameness.

 

Just go for it, if she isn't interested, you'll find out.

[NGC1300]

Are you living in the 18th century and bound by social etiquette? Are you in infant school?

 

If the answer to both of those questions is no, absolutely do not ask her if you can kiss her. Unless, that is, you want to run the very large risk of turning her off instantly and sending her running to the hills, even if before that she thought you were a half decent sorta chap.

 

 

If she 'runs for the hills' because you asked to kiss her, then no loss you're better off without someone that unstable. Besides, if something that minor sent her fleeing, it would have been something else next week anyway.

[NGC1300]

If you're good-looking, charismatic, and have money, little stuff like this will never matter.

 

You think a woman is going to run from a dream guy because he asked to kiss her? No, she won't give it a second thought.

 

Worrying about stupid little stuff like this is only for people who already have the deck stacked against them.

[misspond]

It's been my experience, as someone hard to read, that I've known that the man I'm with has wanted to kiss me but hasn't been brave enough to do so. If I've wanted a kiss to happen then I've either initiated it or just said, "Shall we just kiss now and see what happens?"

 

And if I've wanted him to kiss me and he has then yay for him. If I haven't wanted it then it's been a turn off.... I know, seems from the last few replies that I'm hateful for having an opinion on this.

[SwordofFlame]

Guys aren't supposed to ask. They're suppose to read the signs.

 

I have no sympathy for women who have to fend off unwanted kisses or don't get a kiss when they want it. If you expect the guy to read signs, mistakes can and will be made.

[razze]

Guys aren't supposed to ask. They're suppose to read the signs.

 

I have no sympathy for women who have to fend off unwanted kisses or don't get a kiss when they want it. If you expect the guy to read signs, mistakes can and will be made.

 

Your first paragraph and second paragraph are contradictory.

 

Are they supposed to read the signs or not?

[SwordofFlame]

Your first paragraph and second paragraph are contradictory.

 

Are they supposed to read the signs or not?

 

They are. I was just saying guys can misread the signs too. That's all.

[IronZ]

"Women do not like timid men. Cats do not like prudent mice." -- H.L. Mencken

 

I agree with you that men should be able to read body language and for the most part I can, or could when I was looking at least. The problem is that I was not correct 100% of the time. Given that some campuses, as alluded to above, have now mandated verbal assent before any physical contact, those few mistakes could have gotten me labeled a sexual predator or a felon. Ridiculous, yes, but it's the environment we're creating here in the US.

 

How do you feel about dating felons? ..lol..

 

lol good point. I'm a few years removed from college and it wasn't that bad then but I definitely hear about the nonsense going on all the time. As a male you do need to protect yourself. That's not to say anyone is out there to get you but who knows, anything could be a reason to label you as a bad guy. She might have had one too many drinks for all you know.

[IronZ]

If she 'runs for the hills' because you asked to kiss her, then no loss you're better off without someone that unstable. Besides, if something that minor sent her fleeing, it would have been something else next week anyway.

 

This is my take exactly. It's sort of a what do you have to lose scenario. The worst thing that happens is she does not want a kiss and you came across as a nice person for at least asking instead of assuming. Going for a kiss and getting rejected is much worse.

[losangelena]

Most of the time guys have just gone for it. The lean in half-way move is pretty effective. Though, I have been asked a time or two, and I don't really think anything of it. It can be kinda cute. I can be a bit closed off sometimes, so things like body language and "signs" might be hard for a guy to read. I wouldn't fault a guy for asking.

[Sunlight72]

Of course there are individual factors, but I like what someone asked me a while back - why are you waiting until the date is over?

 

You should be having fun and flirting during the date, and when the flirting is fun in the middle somewhere, just kiss her!

 

It's nice, because it doesn't need to be hugely significant, and then you'll have more time to be close for the rest of the date, likely with a little more kissing, and certainly with more hugging/playing/laughing.

 

Seems to relieve the tension, and then you get to enjoy an hour or two of sharing that uplifting fun feeling together.

 

And I would say, no don't ask, but I can picture a situation where it would be appropriate and sweet.

 

Realize though that you're not actually asking for her permission at this point, you're just letting her know in a formal, polite way that she's getting a kiss in 2 seconds, and she should prepare to jump and slap, or close her eyes and smile.

 

Unless she is giving you a cold stare, seems irritated or is frequently glancing at available exit routes, she is on a date with you hoping for fun. Kissing is the next part of flirting, and this is how grown-ups play. Don't let her down. Have fun with her

 

I think it's more important to Not make it a huge deal. Asking or not asking, it should be simple and fun.

[RedRobin]

I don't want a kiss on the first date unless I know him in some other context for awhile, and maybe not even then. I need to feel I am wanting a romantic connection, and know enough about him.

 

As far as the 'go for it' routine... If there haven't been any other forms of affection shared, then it is inappropriate.

 

Going for it without any other signals is an jerk move... Invited by women with poor boundaries. If you want a woman with poor boundaries (and lots of guys do, I guess) then go ahead and test the waters. When it has happened to me, that's the end of things. No second date. I don't want a man who makes a habit of kissing strangers or trying to sleep with woman ASAP.

[losangelena]

It's nice, because it doesn't need to be hugely significant, and then you'll have more time to be close for the rest of the date, likely with a little more kissing, and certainly with more hugging/playing/laughing.

 

Seems to relieve the tension, and then you get to enjoy an hour or two of sharing that uplifting fun feeling together.

 

Yeah, yep I agree with this. Looking back on my dating experience, I think the most fun was had on ones where we were like, let's get this out of the way now so we can stop stressing over it. If we're getting to know each other and are "feeling it," why wait until the end of the date?

[IronZ]

Yeah, yep I agree with this. Looking back on my dating experience, I think the most fun was had on ones where we were like, let's get this out of the way now so we can stop stressing over it. If we're getting to know each other and are "feeling it," why wait until the end of the date?

 

I'm reminded of a date where we were heavily flirting over text for a week or so before meeting. When I actually met up with her I just went straight for the kiss instead of a hug and she reciprocated. I know that's kind of a weird scenario but I think it just proves the point that when there is playful flirting going on it isn't weird to just go for it.

 

The only time I can think of asking is as you and some others have said, when there might not be significant clues or flirting to make it ok. Sometimes it is kind of a kind and cute way to get to it. I know I've had success several times when this was the case.