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Crushing while in a relationship


Iwdb123

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I have been in a semi-long distance relationship with a guy for a little over 2 years now. He is in college 3 hours away and his hometown is an hour away from where I live. He is a great guy, incredibly handsome, a hard worker, kind hearted and caring. But lately we've hit a bit of a rough patch and I'm not sure how to take it. We only see each other every two weeks. I'm used to it because it's been this way for 2 years. But lately, we barely talk and when we do it's very short/confrontational. I've talked to him twice about how we need to communicate better and it has slightly improved, but our conversations are not nearly as long or fun as they used to be. When I see him, I don't get the same butterflies in my stomach feeling. However, I have been developing a crush on a guy that I have known for many years over the past few months. We have a class together this year and every time I see him I get nervous. He snapchats me every day and flirts with me. I want to flirt back but I feel so guilty because I feel like I'm going behind my boyfriend's back. The guy has asked me about my boyfriend and I told him about how we barely talk anymore and I feel a lot more distanced from him nowadays. The guy is so sweet, funny and cute. Not to mention he's my age and lives in the same town as me. I love my boyfriend very much but I've been having a lot of doubts over the past few months. I feel like I can't talk to my mom about it because she loves my boyfriend and truly thinks that it was God's plan for us to be together. I feel like she'd be really mad and disappointed in me if I told her I liked another guy. I felt that way (the whole God's plan thing) for a long time too but I'm only 18 and I'm about to go off to college. I'm not saying that if we break up I will end up with my guy friend, but I feel like since I'm having second thoughts it may be time for me to start finding myself and maybe dating other people. Any advice?

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Well what you're experiencing is normal for every relationship that ever makes it past the honeymoon stage. You will lose butterflies for everyone, guranteed. That is a temporary thing that only exists because you don't know the other person. Do NOT ever make a relationship decision based on that. You will regret it.

 

IMHO its super creepy of your mom to tell her 16yr old daughter its Gods plan for you to be with anyone. Thats so weird. But if you want to date other people then break up with your boyfriend first and date them. Personally I think if Prince Flirty didnt turn up you wouldn't be wondering if you should go play the field? Am I right? If I am then you should stick it out with your boyfriend and work through this rough patch.

 

Its really common also for young people to assume that there is always somethng better out there. Maybe there is, and maybe there isnt. The three relationships I had after my first one were much, much worse than the one I had. And even though I sstill think moving on from him was the right thing to do, it just goes to show that things do not always get better, they can get worse. You don't know Prince Flirty, he could be a giant arse and cheat on you. You do however know your current boyfriend.

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Well what you're experiencing is normal for every relationship that ever makes it past the honeymoon stage.

 

I slightly disagree with this statement. Its not normal after the honeymoon stage this happens. If you read up on pyschology books the next phase after the honeymoon phase is attachment.

 

The attachment phase hasnt here happend due to the OP and her boyfriend not speaking for long periods and when they do its short and confrontational. Havent you eard of the phrase never end the day on a bad note with your partner? If you do then itsd always the bad things people remember and not the good more often than not.

 

People usually look elsewhere where there is flaw int heir current relationship.

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I slightly disagree with this statement. Its not normal after the honeymoon stage this happens. If you read up on pyschology books the next phase after the honeymoon phase is attachment.

 

. It is normal to lose the butterflies. No-one stays in that state past the very early stages. Hell I lose it after the third date, not a lot of attachment has happened by them. Familiarity with someone is enough to not feel butterflies which is just an anxiety symptom. I didnt say her relationship was without problems but show me any 2yr + relationship that doesn't have them. One shouldn't make relationship decisions based on how anxious they feel when around their love interest, its just not good sanity practice.

 

When you have a relationship problem the best thing isnt to go and flirt with someone else. Its to try and solve the problem. If she wants to play the field, then she should do so, she's only eighteen. But theres no guarantee she'll find a better mate than the one she has and it wouldn't hurt to develop some relationship skills along the way by attempting to make the one shes got better first.

Edited by Buddhist
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