stellastar2345 Posted November 25, 2015 Share Posted November 25, 2015 I'm in my early 20s, female, and am paranoid that I am going to end up alone. All I want is a somewhat successful guy who I get long with and will love me. I can offer the same. I've had really bad luck in relationships, and I just want something that will last. How do I counter this thinking? I've been depressed the last few months thinking I will be alone forever. Link to post Share on other sites
Truth34 Posted November 26, 2015 Share Posted November 26, 2015 You can come live with me if you'd like Seriously, the mind is the trick. As hard as it is sometimes to be positive, you must try your very hardest to harbor good thoughts. Music is what enables me to do the same, although its not always sunny and 70. Minimize the depressing thoughts and expand 9n what is good, what can come to you if you work at it. The worst part about thinking how you are currently is that you will have a tough time attracting what you are so desperately yearning for. And what a catch 22 that is, huh? I have my days. I have my down times. But I have overcome the constant sour attitude and that is the first step for you dear. Link to post Share on other sites
Oregon_Dude Posted November 26, 2015 Share Posted November 26, 2015 You're an early-20s chick. You'll be fine. If you're overweight, lose it. You will find a man - I promise you. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Krieger Posted November 26, 2015 Share Posted November 26, 2015 I'm in my early 20s, female, and am paranoid that I am going to end up alone. All I want is a somewhat successful guy who I get long with and will love me. I can offer the same. I've had really bad luck in relationships, and I just want something that will last. How do I counter this thinking? I've been depressed the last few months thinking I will be alone forever. I know the feeling try being 32 with noting to show for it. The only thing I go going for me is I am going back to college. I just wish I did is sooner and did not wait to go back so late but I know what I want to do so I am making it happen. It just seems all the woman in my age rang are taken it sucks. On top of that I do not want to be a 40 year old dad. I want to be a dad and still be young some what. I do not want to be 50 years old with a 10 year old koid I might not have the energy left. Link to post Share on other sites
Oregon_Dude Posted November 26, 2015 Share Posted November 26, 2015 As far as the depression, you should find a psychiatrist, and possibly get on an AD. Medication and talk therapy are key. Link to post Share on other sites
Riptide91 Posted November 26, 2015 Share Posted November 26, 2015 I think we all worry about that sometimes. I'm in my mid 20s and I ponder why it's so hard to find a girl who will just let me love her but you have to remember you don't want to be in a relationship for the fact of being in a relationship. You want to find someone who complements you and adds to your journey in life. I would much rather be alone than be with someone who didn't deserve what I bring to the table. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
SwordofFlame Posted November 26, 2015 Share Posted November 26, 2015 I'm in my early 20s, female, and am paranoid that I am going to end up alone. All I want is a somewhat successful guy who I get long with and will love me. I can offer the same. I've had really bad luck in relationships, and I just want something that will last. How do I counter this thinking? I've been depressed the last few months thinking I will be alone forever. Try online dating. I'm sure you'll find plenty of suitable options there. Link to post Share on other sites
adiamond Posted November 26, 2015 Share Posted November 26, 2015 I'm in my early 20's too and sometimes I feel those feels. It's not about just finding SOMEONE. I want to find someone who loves me a lot, who will have a good career, faithful, funny, and we mesh well. I want to be attracted to them too. I'm worried I won't be able to meet someone like that, and who likes me back. Link to post Share on other sites
neowulf Posted November 26, 2015 Share Posted November 26, 2015 I can understand this fear. I'm 37, with no long term relationship in sight. I often lament not finding someone sooner. That if I want to start a family, I'm going to end up a much older Dad than I'd have planned. In the end, we can't deal with what we wish life was like. We have to deal with what is. Not all of us are going to get the "ideal" we had planed for ourselves. A lot of us are going to end up far away from where we intended to land. Yet, we are where we are. The goal is to make the best of the situation we find ourselves in. Just because life doesn't go to plan, doesn't mean life is empty, or meaningless. We just have to find a new path to walk. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
burnt Posted November 26, 2015 Share Posted November 26, 2015 I know the feeling try being 32 with noting to show for it. The only thing I go going for me is I am going back to college. I just wish I did is sooner and did not wait to go back so late but I know what I want to do so I am making it happen. At first, most likely: you will suddenly feel 'alone' around your classmates, because they are so full-of-life and free and 'kid-like' at 19-20 and you will suddenly feel very OLD at 32. You will also feel very discouraged to discover that the 'kids' are much 'sharper' than you and pick things up very quickly without effort, and you feel like a clumsy slug and comparatively cognitively impaired. You will feel sorry for yourself because you will think those 'kids' are 'on time' and on the right track and you missed the boat. Then by surprise, you will discover the hidden advantage of being an older student--that by the mid/end of the semesters you are actually one of the strongest students simplify because 'things didn't come easy to you' which forced you to work harder. You will actually be admired and looked up to by your 'kids' classmates and by your professors. You will actually be an asset to the whole class. The most dedicated and hard-working students are often the ones who don't enter into college right after high school; they go into 'life', then later decide they WANT to pursue something and then start college with a GOAL and ambition and, above all, appreciation and dedication. (you know how the tortoise and rabbit story goes …?) Now, about the actual topic of fear of being alone, so ironically though, I think the people who have experienced loneliness for a long time, waiting and waiting for 'life to begin', are the ones who learn to appreciate the value of being in love a lot more. Like a man walking in a desert for far too long, finding far too many mirages and being disappointed is the man who deeply appreciates and awaits just a few drops of water the most--far more than the one living by the river with fresh water all his life. The more time passing, the more you are aware of what you are missing and the more desperately you want what you don't have. It's awful, looking back into the past, seeing a track-record of disappointments and things missing, and then looking forward into the future, seeing fear of the same being repeated ad nauseam, and then looking into the present, realizing despite your efforts, a thin layer of your optimism is getting peeled off a day at a time and what's starting to settle is a thin dusty layer of bitterness. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
littlez360 Posted November 26, 2015 Share Posted November 26, 2015 If you simply have female organs... You're going to have an easier time finding a rich loving partner than any guy here... You'll figure it out. Early 20's wasn't a good time for me to be in a relationship personally. Link to post Share on other sites
Gaeta Posted November 26, 2015 Share Posted November 26, 2015 How do I counter this thinking? I've been depressed the last few months thinking I will be alone forever. When you catch yourself thinking negative turn it around. Each morning you get up may be the day you will meet the love of your life so fix yourself up, go out there and always be your best. Tell everyone, your friends, colleagues, family, that you are looking. People will offer you to introduce you to others. Get online, give it a try. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
littlez360 Posted November 26, 2015 Share Posted November 26, 2015 There's always somebody out there that would love to be with you. If you really desire being with in a relationship then keep in mind that it's usually a trial and error kinda thing for a while... I've been in a lot of relationships, some long, some short, about 1/2 were ended by me, the other 1/2 by them. One thing I've learned is to not overanalyze it... Strive to love yourself and be happy as yourself regardless of your interactions with other human beings. People will often think they're completely compatible with somebody for years and years, then life shows them otherwise. We can't rearrange the stars, we can only accept that they are where they are (which isn't scientifically accurate, we see where they were thousands of years ago due to the time it takes light to reach earth at that distance). LOL When I go through relationship quarrels and feel alone, I get another dog... Link to post Share on other sites
littlez360 Posted November 26, 2015 Share Posted November 26, 2015 I would also encourage you to think more independently and just work your way through life... I've gone through times where I felt like I'm never going to find the right person, I've even gone a year thinking I would always need heroin to get through my day. I've learned that in life, I can learn lessons as I go through each current moment. But I can't go backwards or forwards. I always have to learn to be happy with the life I have at the current moment. Humans have a certain perspective of what time is, and it's been proven over and over that it's very false. There is no past, there is no future, there is always only the present moment. The world and the people/things on it don't make us feel comfortable and content, our mind does. Link to post Share on other sites
littlez360 Posted November 26, 2015 Share Posted November 26, 2015 I'm not a particularly religious person. At all really... But, if there is a heaven/hell, I believe it to always be in our present lives. Because we're all capable of looking at our existence as "hell on earth" or "heaven on earth". We can "live in the light" or "live in the dark". I've been through dark times, and I've been through wonderful times. In the end, it's my perspective that made my life special and good. Link to post Share on other sites
littlez360 Posted November 26, 2015 Share Posted November 26, 2015 I've been through a lot of crap in my life. I've realized that there's been no evidence that suggests a loving wife, kids, or family would be the ultimate achievement in life... Remembering this reminds me that only I can determine if I should be happy with where I am, if I'm not happy, I simply work on changing my perspective. Keep throwing "what if" into your perspective until you're content and grateful for where you are in life. It can be SO MUCH worse... Link to post Share on other sites
Author stellastar2345 Posted November 26, 2015 Author Share Posted November 26, 2015 You can come live with me if you'd like Seriously, the mind is the trick. As hard as it is sometimes to be positive, you must try your very hardest to harbor good thoughts. Music is what enables me to do the same, although its not always sunny and 70. Minimize the depressing thoughts and expand 9n what is good, what can come to you if you work at it. The worst part about thinking how you are currently is that you will have a tough time attracting what you are so desperately yearning for. And what a catch 22 that is, huh? I have my days. I have my down times. But I have overcome the constant sour attitude and that is the first step for you dear. Where do you live? haha I know, I need to let it go and love will find me, but it's just a constant thought. I'm going to see a therapist, so hopefully things will get better. Link to post Share on other sites
Author stellastar2345 Posted November 26, 2015 Author Share Posted November 26, 2015 You're an early-20s chick. You'll be fine. If you're overweight, lose it. You will find a man - I promise you. i had myself rated anonymously online, and I usually get 6-7/10 ratings. So, I'm just average. I'm not fat, but I'm not skinny. I'm trying to lose 20 lbs, but aren't we all? I haven't had a real relationship in a long time. I was just a placeholder for my last bf (years ago). I just want something real. It makes me really unhappy at times that I can't find this, but other people my age are getting married. Link to post Share on other sites
Truth34 Posted November 27, 2015 Share Posted November 27, 2015 Where do you live? haha I know, I need to let it go and love will find me, but it's just a constant thought. I'm going to see a therapist, so hopefully things will get better. Minnesota! I hope you can deal with the cold! And I hear you on the thought part. Trust me, I think about it too. But I also know that being down about it will attract the energy I dont want. It's and endless cycle until you break the mold and decide "hey, I'm going to listen to some good music, accomplish some tasks, meet a friend, and make today a good day". Fake it till you make it, but just choose to focus on good things. I am not saying you cant be realistic or acknowledge the truth, but it needs to come from a place of perspective rather than emotion. And the days that you are just feeling down and lousy, let those days ride. But the next morning you must start new. Depression, imo, creeps in when you languish in a mood for too long where it becomes you. It becomes your facial expression, your body language, and it ends uo destroying your enthusiasm. Once you get in that rut you will need a lot more effort to turn it around. Take it a day at a time. But you must must must find little things of positivity to keep yourself from being overcome by lifes challenges. Link to post Share on other sites
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