No kiss after 3 dates

[Cali434]

Me and this guy met on OKC and have went out 3 times already. First time, we went to this restaurant and kind of just made small talks. Before departing, he asked if I still want to meet again and I said sure because I thought he is super cute. Second time, we went to the movies together (which was a bad choice because we didn't make much conversation). There was a kissing scene and he seemed to be a little nervous and I didn't looked at him at all. Third time, we went out to eat and then went for coffee (We talked a lot). He lives 30 mins away and he drove out each time to see me because I do not drive. So far, he haven't kissed me at all and just gave me small hugs in the end. He didn't even hold my hand! I think we are still seeing each other since he said that we should check out this place next time.

I noticed that he is still active on OKC but he took two pics and added a new one, then took down the new one. Now he just have his profile picture up. I haven't disabled my account yet but I am not active anymore.

 

Might be my fault because when I first met him, I told him I like to take things slow. He is also really shy and maybe that is another reason why? I also told him I am meeting other OKC guys (in a friendly way, not romantic) because I wanted to be honest. However, I am also thinking that maybe he doesn't like me and just wanted to keep me around while he find someone else? I just feel that no matter how shy a guy is, he will make a move if he is interested .

 

P.S. Don't know if this is important, but he insist on paying for all of the dinners. So...is this just being friendly or do I have a chance with this guy?

[Cali434]

He is not a big texter to be honest. He doesn't text everyday even before we met in person, but sometimes he will text first and I will text first. When he does text though, he replies very fast and no short answers.

[SwordofFlame]

If there's a next time you two hug at end of the date, don't let go and look him in the eyes. If he doesn't kiss you then, you may have to initiate the kiss yourself or conclude that he just isn't into you.

[Cali434]

I am also meeting other okc guys and none of them tried to kiss or hold my hand either (which I am glad). It is just very friendly and I can see myself being friends with some of them. I just don't know because I feel wronged to go out with these other guys (Like 5 of them) when I like this one. Some of them clearly wants relationship and I don't know how to tell them I just want to be friends. I live at NY most of the time so I do have a good selection of quality guys. I just feel bad for meeting other OKC guys because I am seeing this guy...but also not really seeing.

[ravfour4]

I didn't kiss my most recent ex until the 4th/5th, she was weird though. She wouldn't make eye contact often, she was super shy and that's my usual sign to go in for the kiss. On the 4th or 5th date I went to her place and we made out for like an hour, a few dates later we did more and a few more after that we had sex.

 

Make eye contact as people siggested, touch his face, look at his lips, look into his eyes, nudge his face with yours when lying down - all these are the obvious signs I've gotten from other women.

[Ami1uwant]

I'm betting you are very hard to read snd combined with what you said snout slowness it will now be up to you yo initiate anything.

 

Were I one of the guys I'd be afraid to try to initiate because you would likely be pissed at me for trying something.

 

A way to initiate is by sticking your hand out and initiate holding hands. That naturally sends a message of some interes when it comes to kidding.

[Cali434]

I'm betting you are very hard to read snd combined with what you said snout slowness it will now be up to you yo initiate anything.

 

Were I one of the guys I'd be afraid to try to initiate because you would likely be pissed at me for trying something.

 

A way to initiate is by sticking your hand out and initiate holding hands. That naturally sends a message of some interes when it comes to kidding.

 

Would totally do that but I cannot read him either! I don't want to stick my hand out and then have him give me the "oh sorry, thought this is just a friendly date".

[ravfour4]

You must take a risk for a reward. And actually, I just remembered I def would have went for a kiss on the 3rd date, she was holding my hand and putting her leg on me during the show, but It looked like she had a cold sore.....later found out she def did. Glad I didn't kiss her haha

[pcs13]

Funny, all the successful dates I've had where it leads to something more serious are those with guys didn't kiss me on 3rd date. So far, 3 guys. All of them seemed to know about the "3rd date rule" and texted me after the date explaining why they couldn't do it (one was sick, one was too nervous and one was having an unsolved situation with another girl). I have kissed on first date as well but it often goes wrong. I'm always prepared for kisses though

[SwordofFlame]

I hate to say it but this relationship between two shy people probably won't work unless one of you is more assertive.

[d0nnivain]

If he's shy & you said you wanted to go slow, he's giving you exactly what you asked for. Complaining about it is not fair.

 

Take his hand when you walk so he learns it's OK to break the touch barrier.

 

Act like you want to be kissed.

[Cali434]

Do you guys think he likes me though? I got an after date text about how he had a lot of fun. Should I really initiate?

[Riptide91]

Do you guys think he likes me though? I got an after date text about how he had a lot of fun. Should I really initiate?

 

If you want to kiss him, then do it! You literally have nothing to lose. I doubt he thinks of this as a friend date, especially now that you two have gone out 3 times. I've never understood why women find it so hard to initiate. I hate to say it but sometimes you all can be very confusing for us men, especially when you say you want to take it slow. Slow is a relative term, my slow might be different then yours so he probably has no idea when to initiate.

[Myragal]

I've never had a man did not try and kiss me after a first date.

 

I expect him to take the initiative. I like affection and a man who us open with his affection.

 

This would not be a man I would be content with regardless how I initially felt.

[JustGettingBy]

Wouldn't it be a shame if he was out there somewhere posting on some other forum "why hasn't she kissed me?"

[Shanex]

Wouldn't it be a shame if he was out there somewhere posting on some other forum "why hasn't she kissed me?"

 

Or better yet someone in this thread responding what are you waiting for? Make a move !

[RedRobin]

If you are both seeing other people, I think it is perfectly acceptable that you are not kissing. You are perfect strangers to each other.

 

 

Even if you weren't seeing other people, you are still strangers.

 

 

3 or 4 dates are like, what, a couple of weeks?

 

 

A couple of weeks ago, you didn't know this guy existed and vice versa. I wouldn't worry so much.

 

 

I had a relationship where the guy didn't try to kiss me for, oh, at least a month. He said he wanted to go slow and said he had a history of getting into things too quickly once the kissing started...

 

 

It was refreshing....

 

 

Heck, before our first kiss, I'd met his sister, gone on a road race with him, was invited to a party with his friends... lots of 'get to know you' things. It was perfect.

 

 

Then came Halloween. I wore a 'dirty school girl' outfit, complete with short skirt, knee socks... it was all over. He scooped me up, planted a big 'ol kiss on me, and we basically made out right in front of everyone at the bar. It was hot.

 

 

We still didn't have sex for awhile after that (we did the STD testing, etc)... but you know, a lot of people want to build a sincere emotional connection in advance and get to know someone... not just get it on ASAP with a near stranger. I see no reason to kiss someone you hardly know until you are sure you have a genuine romantic connection.

[d0nnivain]

Do you guys think he likes me though? I got an after date text about how he had a lot of fun. Should I really initiate?

 

He is reaching out.

 

If you don't initiate it will be more of the same. If you are OK with this snail's pace, then continue to wait for him but since you posted you are not OK.

 

When you said that you wanted to go slow, he heard don't touch me & no kissing. If that is not what you meant, clarify your position.

[Myragal]

He is reaching out.

 

If you don't initiate it will be more of the same. If you are OK with this snail's pace, then continue to wait for him but since you posted you are not OK.

 

When you said that you wanted to go slow, he heard don't touch me & no kissing. If that is not what you meant, clarify your position.

 

Perhaps.

 

What if you give him that look, close your eyes , he kisses you?

 

Then what? I personally am not interested in a man I have to guide around like a dog on a leash. I want him to sweep me up in his arms and never let go.

 

Unlike in he movies, men are who they are. The unaffectionate silent type most likely stay that way...especially 2 years down the road. A 14 year old boy may need encouragement to kiss me on the cheek. I don't want a 24 or 44 year old male to be passive in taking the initiative. I want my man to lust after me and want more than a kiss goodnight. I'll make him wait for more than a kiss until I am certain of things but he will have a hunger for me in his eyes. I will not be in a relationship with a man who is 'sort of ok with me'.

Edited November 24, 2015 by Myragal

[d0nnivain]

I personally am not interested in a man I have to guide around like a dog on a leash. I want him to sweep me up in his arms and never let go.

 

I agree with you but we're not the OP. She TOLD this guy to go slow & she already knows he's shy. When you add her instructions to his personality, it seems perfectly understandable that this guy hasn't kissed her yet.

[Oregon_Dude]

I was in a very similar situation recently. First date, girl told me she takes things slow. So I didn't kiss her at the end. Then I texted her after that I wanted to. She was like, "That's flattering, but just know that I take things slow!" I kissed her at the end of the second date. She texted that she was glad I did.

 

Anyway, if you've given him the "slow" speech, OP, you really have no one to blame for him not kissing you than yourself. So, in this case, YOU need to make the move, since you've already put him on guard / in nice-guy-land.

[Cali434]

I was in a very similar situation recently. First date, girl told me she takes things slow. So I didn't kiss her at the end. Then I texted her after that I wanted to. She was like, "That's flattering, but just know that I take things slow!" I kissed her at the end of the second date. She texted that she was glad I did.

 

Anyway, if you've given him the "slow" speech, OP, you really have no one to blame for him not kissing you than yourself. So, in this case, YOU need to make the move, since you've already put him on guard / in nice-guy-land.

 

Like i said, he is still on the website and I don't want to feel obligated to pick me just because I kiss him. I want him to kiss me because he want too. I have no idea if he is meeting other girls though. He asked me if I want to do something this weekend, but it is because I mentioned it before we part last time

[d0nnivain]

Like i said, he is still on the website and I don't want to feel obligated to pick me just because I kiss him. I want him to kiss me because he want too. I have no idea if he is meeting other girls though. He asked me if I want to do something this weekend, but it is because I mentioned it before we part last time

 

Because you insisted on slow which he interpreted to mean no kissing he may very well want to kiss you but is refraining because you said "go slow"

 

Do go on this next date. Act like you want to be kissed and inquire about whether he's multi dating or not but unless you are prepared to be exclusive which some people find incompatible with slow, you can't press too hard.

[IronZ]

"I also told him I am meeting other OKC guys"

 

I kind of just assume this is the case with OLD. I date other girls and I know they date other guys. Still.. I don't want them to tell me that on a date. It's a little rude.

 

Anyways as far as kissing goes just go for it. He might be shy.

[RedRobin]

Perhaps.

 

What if you give him that look, close your eyes , he kisses you?

 

Then what? I personally am not interested in a man I have to guide around like a dog on a leash. I want him to sweep me up in his arms and never let go.

 

Unlike in he movies, men are who they are. The unaffectionate silent type most likely stay that way...especially 2 years down the road. A 14 year old boy may need encouragement to kiss me on the cheek. I don't want a 24 or 44 year old male to be passive in taking the initiative. I want my man to lust after me and want more than a kiss goodnight. I'll make him wait for more than a kiss until I am certain of things but he will have a hunger for me in his eyes. I will not be in a relationship with a man who is 'sort of ok with me'.

 

 

So, you prefer a relationship where he has to read your mind?

 

 

Or you prefer men who don't respect your boundaries...

 

 

That's not a real man to me. Real men communicate and take what I say seriously... they aren't prisoners of their sexuality. They own and control their own sexuality... they don't expect me to control it for them... which includes not trying to kiss strangers just because someone told them they should.

 

 

I'm not a fan of dangling carrots ie 'making him wait'. If he is emotionally healthy, he will have his own reasons to wait. Like, he doesn't sleep around, he wants to make sure we share the same values, and that we are looking for the same things.