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Social Media: The Good & The Bad


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Old 21st November 2015, 1:21 PM   #1
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Social Media: The Good & The Bad

This is just a curiosity topic for discussion.

Good or Bad to look at people's social media profiles? Not so much people you know, but people you're interested in.

In the past I met a woman who seemed like a great catch. Pretty, smart, educated, went to a really good University which impressed me. I looked her up online to find out more and found her Facebook. She had over 1,000 FB friends, tons of clubbing pics, drinking, lots of guys on her page. It changed my perspective of her instantaneously. I lost interest in her as a serious relationship material and only saw her as fun dating material. It saved me from potentially liking her a lot and getting crushed by finding out about her partying lifestyle way down the road.

With so many players, liars out there, I use social media as resource to see if it's worth investing in getting to know people.

Thoughts?
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Old 21st November 2015, 1:29 PM   #2
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Given that prospective employers are looking at social media as a way to size up candidates, anyone who allows her profile to be publicly viewed clearly wants to make a public statement about who she is and how she liked to spend her time.

Fair game, imo.
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Old 21st November 2015, 1:36 PM   #3
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The woman I met in the past, I only knew her first name. I found out her last name and did the search. One friend said I was a creep for looking her up. Another friend said it was a good move to find out if she was legit, had any mug shots, appeared in a police blog, etc... I'm not saying FB tells the whole story of a person but it does give you sense of who they are and how they behave.
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Old 21st November 2015, 2:22 PM   #4
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I was put off a girl I was dating when she found me on FB and I saw that a lot of her previous profile pics were of her and a few previous boyfriends, some of which had her looking quite in love with them/kissing them on the cheek and also comments with her and her friends high-fiving over how hot the guy she had snagged was. I don't criticise her for that, everybody has a past, but after seeing her past there was something about those photos that I couldn't define and couldn't get past. I really liked her but any connection I felt took an irrepairable hit at that point.

That taught me that the social media profile of the girl you are dating is a pandora's box really. I think next time I will restrain my curiousity and keep my perception of them to what I can gauge from IRL interactions without being influenced by social media.
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Old 21st November 2015, 5:05 PM   #5
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That taught me that the social media profile of the girl you are dating is a pandora's box really. I think next time I will restrain my curiousity and keep my perception of them to what I can gauge from IRL interactions without being influenced by social media.
I agree with you to an extent. I think the woman I met was on her best behavior (wanted to make a good first impression) hiding her other side.

My friend told me at his work, some of the girls would talk about guys they thought were hot but didn't know them at all. They would look them up, check out their pics, see what they did for work, where they lived, see if they had money and so forth. I feel there's a double standard there as it comes across if a girl does it, it's girls being girls, but if a guy did that he would be labeled a creep.
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Old 21st November 2015, 5:22 PM   #6
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I think it's creepy that anybody does it, male or female. But I guess it served some purpose for you personally, regardless.

You keep referring to her as the woman from "the past" and that you had to find out her last name as you only knew her first. So I'll assume from that, that she probably wasn't classing you as "lets get serious" material either.

You can be educated and have good schooling and be smart and all manner of positive things and still like to have a good time! People generally tend to put the best aspects of their lives onto social media, doesn't necessarily mean she's out partying 24/7. If you looked at some of the photos of me and my friends out having a good time I'd probably look like a real drunken bum but I'm not like that at all.

So it can be a double edged sword I think, not really reliably accurate to sum up someones entire persona but if it disturbed you to a point where it completely changed your perception of her then you're probably best just letting the whole thing go.
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Old 21st November 2015, 5:40 PM   #7
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I'd say it's common practice these days, and nothing wrong if done within reason. If you spend hours searching every social network possible and googling their name, something's wrong. Not the person, but your confidence and stability.

It doesn't relate directly to the concept, but an example of looking into it too far:
I have a friend who unfortunately has OCD, and went through a rough breakup. She checks Facebook at least 4x a day to see when's the last time he was on, and whatever pictures he liked with females in them!
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Old 21st November 2015, 5:58 PM   #8
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You have to take the information with a grain of salt. While it may be valuable. It may also only paint a one sided picture.


I wouldn't make decisions only on what I saw on social media but that information could go into the mix.
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Old 21st November 2015, 6:11 PM   #9
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this creepy BS is why my profile is on lock down.
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Old 21st November 2015, 6:17 PM   #10
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well i just deleted my account because i'm looking for a job, but i personally am the type to search for people i'm dating. I am also an addictive personality so if i really like someone i do it, every angle i can think of, to get information. so i have a *new* policy called (if i go back on facebook) "don't add anybody i'm interested in"

I can't stop myself from looking them up

and personally i don't think it can be considered "creepy" just to look someone up because that information is PUBLIC. if they didn't want people to look at it, they should consider what's public and what's not. If there is a breach of privacy, yes, creepy, but i don't think typing in someone's name is creepy.
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Old 21st November 2015, 9:07 PM   #11
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I'd say it's common practice these days, and nothing wrong if done within reason. If you spend hours searching every social network possible and googling their name, something's wrong. Not the person, but your confidence and stability.

It doesn't relate directly to the concept, but an example of looking into it too far:
I have a friend who unfortunately has OCD, and went through a rough breakup. She checks Facebook at least 4x a day to see when's the last time he was on, and whatever pictures he liked with females in them!
That's a bit much. She sounds heartbroken and seriously distressed.
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Old 21st November 2015, 9:08 PM   #12
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well i just deleted my account because i'm looking for a job, but i personally am the type to search for people i'm dating. I am also an addictive personality so if i really like someone i do it, every angle i can think of, to get information. so i have a *new* policy called (if i go back on facebook) "don't add anybody i'm interested in"

I can't stop myself from looking them up

and personally i don't think it can be considered "creepy" just to look someone up because that information is PUBLIC. if they didn't want people to look at it, they should consider what's public and what's not. If there is a breach of privacy, yes, creepy, but i don't think typing in someone's name is creepy.
I think nowadays creepy is being lumped into the word snooping. Taking a look at a public profile is creepy? I should then be creeped out if women are checking out my LinkedIn profile? My Facebook through mutual friends? Doesn't bother me. If it did, I would remove all of them.
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Old 21st November 2015, 9:27 PM   #13
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I think it's creepy that anybody does it, male or female. But I guess it served some purpose for you personally, regardless.

You keep referring to her as the woman from "the past" and that you had to find out her last name as you only knew her first. So I'll assume from that, that she probably wasn't classing you as "lets get serious" material either.

You can be educated and have good schooling and be smart and all manner of positive things and still like to have a good time! People generally tend to put the best aspects of their lives onto social media, doesn't necessarily mean she's out partying 24/7. If you looked at some of the photos of me and my friends out having a good time I'd probably look like a real drunken bum but I'm not like that at all.

So it can be a double edged sword I think, not really reliably accurate to sum up someones entire persona but if it disturbed you to a point where it completely changed your perception of her then you're probably best just letting the whole thing go.
Eh. If people can do it to me and it's public info, then I can do it to them. What's the difference? We're both creeps. I think snooping via Google for public profiles is fine. It's when someone knocks on my door or follows me around.

I do agree that a FB profile doesn't represent the person as a whole. It's just funny / eyebrow raising if you see a LinkedIn profile that is very professional, but then see the person's Facebook and they come across as a booze bag.

Years back, I was set up on a blind date with this girl. One of the guys setting us up immediately showed me her Facebook. Told me she's a great girl, very family-oriented, her pics seemed to tell that story, I was optimistic. The date went horrible. She was desperate to start a family, as in she was multi-dating to find her husband and needed to have children right away. The family photos that came off nice were an illusion. She told me how her family had lots of problems. I remember putting the glass of wine down and grabbing the bottle. So, to your point, a Facebook profile isn't entirely accurate to sum up a person's persona.
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Old 21st November 2015, 10:15 PM   #14
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After I've been on a few dates with a guy, I may look at his Facebook out of pure curiosity. But I preserve my privacy for as long as practically possible and rarely add men to Facebook myself. I use a fake surname on Facebook as I have an unusual first name (sometimes people find me anyway).

I haven't done a full scale social media snoop before as I can't be bothered and would rather get to know him in person.

I try not to 'facebook stalk' the guy too much as it may lead to getting the wrong idea about something and just open up a can of worms. Plus it spoils the mystery a bit.
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Old 21st November 2015, 10:30 PM   #15
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Originally Posted by HansonGirl View Post
well i just deleted my account because i'm looking for a job, but i personally am the type to search for people i'm dating. I am also an addictive personality so if i really like someone i do it, every angle i can think of, to get information. so i have a *new* policy called (if i go back on facebook) "don't add anybody i'm interested in"

I can't stop myself from looking them up

and personally i don't think it can be considered "creepy" just to look someone up because that information is PUBLIC. if they didn't want people to look at it, they should consider what's public and what's not. If there is a breach of privacy, yes, creepy, but i don't think typing in someone's name is creepy.
I am the same way when it comes to looking someone up. I have a very curious mind and it does love getting answers. BUT as you've mentioned, everything I find is all public records, nothing sneaky or "creepy".
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