ShyGirl Posted January 27, 2005 Share Posted January 27, 2005 Need some hlp here with this situation... really need some suggestions! I'm kind of the awkward type... don't really know how to say what's on my mind. It either all comes flying out and scars the hell outta people or I just hold it in (usually I just hold it in...). I need to find a happy medium with this particular sit. Let's start with this... what the hell is "dating" & "seeing" this day 'n age? I'm not from a time where you need to define things... What I know... is if you're kissing someone, it's a given that you're kissing only them... granted - I'm not hip to 2005 - and I'm sure the person I'm kissing IS hip to the rules of 05. I've been "kissing" this person for a couple months... we've been kissing and touching and hanging out, we talk on the phone occasionally thoguhout the week (usually it's me doing most of the contacting - but not all the time... I get called out of the blue also). In my mind things are going along well, then suddenly "oh, BTW I got a job offer in another state. Have not decided if I'm going to relocate or not, but thought you should know"... K, it was not said just like that... it was a lot lighter and few more ummms in between. I'm dumbfounded... what do you say to that? Ummmm geez I'm really happy for you - do you have a bag big enough for all the pieces of my heart that you just broke and will be taking with you? Ok, so I'm not in love, but I do LIKE this person... was hoping to see where it would go. etc... Neither of us have stated our intentions or verbally expressed our feelings for one another... And of course I have a really hard time knowing what to say or how to say it or WHEN to say it... Life decides to throw me a curb ball and put me in a position where I can wish the person the best (risk leading them to believe I'm not "that" interested)... or say how I feel and hope that a "decision" has not already been made... and hope I can find the right words so as not to scare this person. What was the purpose of telling me? I could have been strung along until it was time to go... I don't even remember what I said when it came up or if I said anything... all I know is we've not talked since. Do I call, do I wait - what the hell??? Why did this have to come up? I need some help... I want to express my interest but at the same time I don't want to fall in the catagory of totally selfish! I want this person to be happy and succeed... But I also want to bring this person happiness and assist in success... I've been in this position before... I really liked someone and they decided they were moving over seas... Rather than state my feelings, lay it on the line... I told the person I was soooo happy for them and wished them the time of their life... Yep - kept all my own personal feelings bottled up.. never said so much as I'll miss you... you can bet this person did not know that i cared.... HELP! Link to post Share on other sites
kypepeo Posted January 27, 2005 Share Posted January 27, 2005 You know that you somehow have to tell him what you fel because it cost you the last time you kept your mouth shut. He'll probably think that you don't care he's moving away and both of you will have a lot of what ifs. Saying how you feel, putting yourself out there is definately the worst part of relationships but it has to be done. Make it very short and somewhat vague (if that's possible) and hopefully he'll take it from there.Whatever you do,tell him Link to post Share on other sites
kanga Posted January 27, 2005 Share Posted January 27, 2005 I guess I'd first ask yourself what you want? Do you want this person to know how you feel in the hopes that he will not move away? Would you want to go with this person? Try to start/maintain a long-distance relationship? It doesn't sound like a relocation is anything personal against you. It's a tough world. People need to go where they can get a better job. I'm sure it's sad for you, but you can't hold this against him or think he did it to purposely hurt you. It's hard to say -- based on your description -- what the two of you are, in terms of a relationship? Kissing and hanging out does not = automatically mean boyfriend/girlfriend. I'm a pretty ambiguous situation right now. But if my interest were to say he's moving away, my reaction would be of sadness, but I'd always be supportive of his decision. I would not bring up my deeper feelings. I'd maintain contact with him after the move and see what happens then. Maybe I'd realize after he left that he wasn't quite right. Maybe his absense would make me like him more. Now, if he hasn't yet decided to move, and if asking what to do -- then perhaps that'd be a more appropriate time to mention feeligns and a reason for him to stay, etc. But it sounds like he's already made his choice. Link to post Share on other sites
Devildog Posted January 27, 2005 Share Posted January 27, 2005 I get the impression he might be fishing to find out your feelings. If he was hesitant and doing a lot of "ummm, well, uhhhhh" kind of things he was nervous about bringing it up. If he didn't think there was anything really there he would have told you "Hey, by the way, I got a job offer in another state 2,000 miles away, isn't that cool?" I would tell him you are happy that he has this opportunity and that things work out the best for him, but also tell him you will miss him alot if he goes. Link to post Share on other sites
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