TheBullFrog Posted November 15, 2015 Share Posted November 15, 2015 So when a women starts to lose interest and possibly starts dating over guys what do you do? I have been on 5 dates with a women, last one was meeting her best friend and the women im dating cooking dinner for both me and the best friend. The best friend said the women im dating talks a lot about me If you act aloof and disappear you might lose the last bit of interest she has in you or upset her. If you act too desperate you will be seen as desperate and weak. Or not a challenge. Im thinking of maybe sending a text on monday night asking her how her weekend was, and then if that went well another on Wednesday night asking her out for a date Link to post Share on other sites
Author TheBullFrog Posted November 15, 2015 Author Share Posted November 15, 2015 I forgot to say a lot of people who are not her friend on facebook are still able to comment and like her photos - hence my belief she is seeing other guys Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted November 15, 2015 Share Posted November 15, 2015 I forgot to say a lot of people who are not her friend on facebook are still able to comment and like her photos - hence my belief she is seeing other guys What are you reading on FB, exactly? It's pretty risky to assume she's seeing other men without first talking to her. So much can be misinterpreted and communication is fundamental in these cases. You say you've been on 5 dates - how long have you known her? How often do you talk to each other? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
TaraMaiden2 Posted November 15, 2015 Share Posted November 15, 2015 So when a woman starts to lose interest and possibly starts dating over guys what do you do? I have been on 5 dates with a women, last one was meeting her best friend and the women im dating cooking dinner for both me and the best friend. The best friend said the women im dating talks a lot about me If you act aloof and disappear you might lose the last bit of interest she has in you or upset her. If you act too desperate you will be seen as desperate and weak. Or not a challenge. Im thinking of maybe sending a text on monday night asking her how her weekend was, and then if that went well another on Wednesday night asking her out for a date With reference to your comment in another thread, regarding multi-dating, and taking the above into account, you need to start being less 'passive' and be more assertive. Not 'aggressive', 'assertive'. State your opinions clearly and politely. "My opinion is", "Well, for myself, I think...", "You know, here's my policy...." and state your piece, unambiguously. (Also, could I just courteously point out that 'women' is plural. WomAN is singular..... Or we might think YOU multi-date!!) 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author TheBullFrog Posted November 15, 2015 Author Share Posted November 15, 2015 What are you reading on FB, exactly? It's pretty risky to assume she's seeing other men without first talking to her. So much can be misinterpreted and communication is fundamental in these cases. You say you've been on 5 dates - how long have you known her? How often do you talk to each other? I made a thread about her in this forum, check it out its bit of a read. We have known each other or talked to each other for nearly 12 weeks, but could only see each other 5 times. She has had a few crazy jobs were she was unavailable on the weekends e.g. a nanny on the week ends and now a cleaner who works long hours and on most week ends. She has been working hard the last month because she needs the money to get her VISA and to start the application process We agreed that after December 1 after she saves enough money for her VISA and its granted she will work less and we can try dating again more often. We try to text 2 or 3 times a week. Try to talk on the phone once a week Link to post Share on other sites
Author TheBullFrog Posted November 15, 2015 Author Share Posted November 15, 2015 With reference to your comment in another thread, regarding multi-dating, and taking the above into account, you need to start being less 'passive' and be more assertive. Not 'aggressive', 'assertive'. State your opinions clearly and politely. "My opinion is", "Well, for myself, I think...", "You know, here's my policy...." and state your piece, unambiguously. (Also, could I just courteously point out that 'women' is plural. WomAN is singular..... Or we might think YOU multi-date!!) Thats my problem i dont know how to be assertive, i have always ran away from confrontation. For example, i want to text her on Monday asking how her day went. If she cant talk for too long and is tired how do i be assertive without being needy? Do i ask her if its ok if we always allocate a time and day to speak once a week on the phone, or is that a bit too much after only 5 dates Link to post Share on other sites
TaraMaiden2 Posted November 15, 2015 Share Posted November 15, 2015 Don't text her asking how her date went. That's chit-chat for a f2f situation.... Text her saying "I have made plans for us for XXXX evening. I was thinking we could <do this>. Alternatively, we could consider XXX evening instead. When are you available?" Ask how her evening went, on your date. Link to post Share on other sites
Author TheBullFrog Posted November 15, 2015 Author Share Posted November 15, 2015 Don't text her asking how her date went. That's chit-chat for a f2f situation.... Text her saying "I have made plans for us for XXXX evening. I was thinking we could <do this>. Alternatively, we could consider XXX evening instead. When are you available?" Ask how her evening went, on your date. Is it too soon to ask her out on a date on monday? She did say she wants to become friends first then if its all good bf and gf, and apparently that's how her past relationships started.... Im so confused Link to post Share on other sites
TaraMaiden2 Posted November 15, 2015 Share Posted November 15, 2015 Is it too soon to ask her out on a date on monday? She did say she wants to become friends first then if its all good bf and gf, and apparently that's how her past relationships started.... Im so confused Oh please, stop.... I'm sorry, but you're behaving like a wuss. Think of something easy and casual for Monday evening. Think of something more detailed for later in the week. Just fekkin' CALL her (quit this damn texting!) and actually talk to her!! Jeesh, c'mon man, get a grip! 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author TheBullFrog Posted November 15, 2015 Author Share Posted November 15, 2015 Oh please, stop.... I'm sorry, but you're behaving like a wuss. Think of something easy and casual for Monday evening. Think of something more detailed for later in the week. Just fekkin' CALL her (quit this damn texting!) and actually talk to her!! Jeesh, c'mon man, get a grip! Its hard to explain my relationship with this girl..... Some days she picks up the phone and can talk for a long time. Other days she is busy and says she has to "go to sleep" - and give me the vibe that she is not interested in me. Some times i think she is stringing me along but after nearly 3 months and 5 dates i dont know what to think I know i wont get to see her on monday evening or any working day.She works to 7pm most nights and makes excuses that she is tired Link to post Share on other sites
TaraMaiden2 Posted November 15, 2015 Share Posted November 15, 2015 5 dates in 3 MONTHS - !? Jeesh, I didn't get that.... FFS, drop her and expand your horizons - you're not her date, you're a pastime, an infill! Jeesh man, get serious!! Link to post Share on other sites
Author TheBullFrog Posted November 15, 2015 Author Share Posted November 15, 2015 5 dates in 3 MONTHS - !? Jeesh, I didn't get that.... FFS, drop her and expand your horizons - you're not her date, you're a pastime, an infill! Jeesh man, get serious!! What happens if she is telling the truth, that she is really busy and after December 1 it will get better? On our last date (last week) she introduced me to her best friend and cooked dinner for both of us. her best friend said the girl always talks about me... i dunno sounded promising I have come so far, i guess waiting another 2 weeks wouldnt hurt? Link to post Share on other sites
TaraMaiden2 Posted November 15, 2015 Share Posted November 15, 2015 Let her contact you. Don't make a single move. Drop off her radar and let her come to you. That will tell you how serious she is. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Redfisher Posted November 15, 2015 Share Posted November 15, 2015 keep her on the side and date others...Really you need to do this. Link to post Share on other sites
sportygirl89 Posted November 15, 2015 Share Posted November 15, 2015 Have you even had the exclusive talk? She is free to date who she wants to until that happens. Don't be controlling. If you want her to yourself make it official. If she declines you know where she stands. Can't really complain if you haven't asked her out to be your girlfriend. But meeting friends is a pretty good sign. But 5 dates in 3 months no good. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted November 15, 2015 Share Posted November 15, 2015 Have you even had the exclusive talk? She is free to date who she wants to until that happens. Don't be controlling. If you want her to yourself make it official. If she declines you know where she stands. Can't really complain if you haven't asked her out to be your girlfriend. But meeting friends is a pretty good sign. But 5 dates in 3 months no good. I agree with all of this, OP. You have spent very little time together. For what it's worth, I am also an expat and have been through that visa process. It's certainly stressful, but it didn't stop me from going on dates with my now-boyfriend. I don't buy that. The other posters are right, you need to be more assertive if you don't want to miss your chance. If she doesn't respond positively, you know where her heart is at. Link to post Share on other sites
Author TheBullFrog Posted November 16, 2015 Author Share Posted November 16, 2015 Have you even had the exclusive talk? She is free to date who she wants to until that happens. Don't be controlling. If you want her to yourself make it official. If she declines you know where she stands. Can't really complain if you haven't asked her out to be your girlfriend. But meeting friends is a pretty good sign. But 5 dates in 3 months no good. I have asked if she is dating other guys, she said no as she is busy with work. I told her im only dating her. If we have another date or two I might bring it up that I want to be exclusive. But yeah 5 dates in 12 weeks is looking pretty bad. Its like a date every second week Link to post Share on other sites
Author TheBullFrog Posted November 16, 2015 Author Share Posted November 16, 2015 Let her contact you. Don't make a single move. Drop off her radar and let her come to you. That will tell you how serious she is. One final move by me. Sent a nice good morning text, a bit cheesy saying how she is a great person and hoped her day is going well. I thought she always calls me an amazing person so why not return the favour. But it (could) be my final move with her. After this I will wait for 9 or 10 days, if nothing then I might just forget about her. Problem is on the first week of December its my birthday and we discussed celebrating it together. See what happens I guess. The disappointing thing is that she has read the message and not replied, and even "liked" a few other pictures/quotes from funny facebook pages. I will play the waiting game Link to post Share on other sites
Author TheBullFrog Posted November 16, 2015 Author Share Posted November 16, 2015 I agree with all of this, OP. You have spent very little time together. For what it's worth, I am also an expat and have been through that visa process. It's certainly stressful, but it didn't stop me from going on dates with my now-boyfriend. I don't buy that. The other posters are right, you need to be more assertive if you don't want to miss your chance. If she doesn't respond positively, you know where her heart is at. Im confused, the advice im getting is to keep my distance while some one else is telling me to be assertive. I really don't know what my next move should be for this girl Link to post Share on other sites
Ic1 Posted November 16, 2015 Share Posted November 16, 2015 OP, I'm getting a sense she's a user. Keeps you on the back burner for when she's bored because she is definately going out more than once every other week I guarantee. You bend around her schedule, and she has so many variety jobs that probably pop-up out of nowhere sometimes... She might be cute, but she's probably not worth it. Link to post Share on other sites
LilaMarie Posted November 16, 2015 Share Posted November 16, 2015 Text her saying "I have made plans for us for XXXX evening. I was thinking we could <do this>. Alternatively, we could consider XXX evening instead. When are you available?" Ask how her evening went, on your date. If a guy did the above suggestion...I would melt like buttah. OP that is the problem with 'nice' guys like yourself...you confuse 'assertiveness' with 'confrontation' or like other guys, being an 'a--hole'. Link to post Share on other sites
Author TheBullFrog Posted November 16, 2015 Author Share Posted November 16, 2015 If a guy did the above suggestion...I would melt like buttah. OP that is the problem with 'nice' guys like yourself...you confuse 'assertiveness' with 'confrontation' or like other guys, being an 'a--hole'. Well maybe im too nice but that's my nature. I don't think I have been to pushy or an a-hole. I wish I read the above suggestions before texting her: I think I ruined this by testing this stupid message to her this morning. "You are an amazing girl. I have never met a girl like you who is always happy and positive. You have been through a lot yet you are always happy and smiling. I have never seen a young girl like you work so hard at a cleaning job, most girls would break down and quit. You are so different to most American girls I have met. And your smile is amazing - you have the prettiest smile I have ever seen. You are an amazing person" So yeah I have scared her away or friendzoned my self. Great.... Link to post Share on other sites
LilaMarie Posted November 16, 2015 Share Posted November 16, 2015 So yeah I have scared her away or friendzoned my self. Great.... Lol yes but be positive. This is not the first or last girl you will like. You live and learn. That's life. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author TheBullFrog Posted November 16, 2015 Author Share Posted November 16, 2015 Well its all over, her response to my msg: "can be sure that I just think good things from you too ... and for that reason thought about us this weekend ... I , Love your company, love be your friend, talk to you makes me feel good, and even worried about my visa could no longer put off thinking about this subject. We can't be together, and I'm sorry really, because I love you, but as a friend, and every day I'm more sure ... because I wanted to tell you my day, to talk, to go out, but not to kiss you or stay with you as a girlfriend. it hurts me because you have all the qualities I look for . I would love to continue to be your friend if you can, because you make me well. but I will understand if you do not want it. I am very bad about it, because I like you too, shame that so as a friend. Please don't be sad or angry with me. And I don't have other person, don't meet other guys, don't love other person, if important. Don't know more what to say." Should I continue being her friend? Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted November 16, 2015 Share Posted November 16, 2015 Well its all over, her response to my msg: "can be sure that I just think good things from you too ... and for that reason thought about us this weekend ... I , Love your company, love be your friend, talk to you makes me feel good, and even worried about my visa could no longer put off thinking about this subject. We can't be together, and I'm sorry really, because I love you, but as a friend, and every day I'm more sure ... because I wanted to tell you my day, to talk, to go out, but not to kiss you or stay with you as a girlfriend. it hurts me because you have all the qualities I look for . I would love to continue to be your friend if you can, because you make me well. but I will understand if you do not want it. I am very bad about it, because I like you too, shame that so as a friend. Please don't be sad or angry with me. And I don't have other person, don't meet other guys, don't love other person, if important. Don't know more what to say." Should I continue being her friend? No. You like her as more than a friend, so this will probably not go well for you. Consider it finished. Now you can redirect your energy into women who are more interested and available to you! Link to post Share on other sites
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