Do women ever get out of the "friend zone" if a man has put them there?

[Andamillionmiles]

I've been wondering about this a lot lately. Probably a lot more than I should.

I have a friend. Literally everything everything I've ever wanted in a guy. That sounds trite but it's true. And I'd like to say it's the same for him too--I get him and care about him in ways other women haven't. The problem? I've been friend zoned.

We had a near miss about a year ago--that resulted in a heated make out after a long period of him not being involved with anyone, and he told me after that he basically didn't want to pursue anything. I was hurt and took my time away, planning to never really be friends with him again. And then we got back in touch. And we click like we always have. And in all the times we've talked or been together since, he's never been able to give me a reason why he didn't want to try to pursue anything with me. The physical chemistry is good, the attraction is still present on both ends, and he says it wasn't my personality. The best I can figure, he was chasing after and interested in a girl at the time (who we'd later learn) was really not a nice person to him.

 

I moved and the likelihood of anything ever happening for us is now unlikely. But I think of him every day. And I never saw our paths crossing the first time.

 

So guys, long story short, has a girl ever got out of the friend zone after you've placed her there? Have you ever changed your mind about a friend years later?

 

In the meantime, I'm dating someone casually. He's a nice guy. And the one thing that keeps me from committing? The thought that this friend could somehow come back into my life. Which I know sounds ridiculous. And I can't tell the guy I'm dating that--"oh I'm sorry, I can't be exclusive with you because I have a friend who rejected me and he's going to maybe change his opinion." Yeah. Right. It's like I'm in love with him or something.

[JustGettingBy]

I've had a few women where it took me a few years to develop feelings, but most who I see as platonic friends early on remain that way.

[Els]

If you've explicitly talked about it and he says he's not interested, then IMO the chances are close to nil and I would look elsewhere.

 

I have had a few cases where guys I thought were 'friends' came out and said they liked me, but in those cases there wasn't any friendzoning going on and we had never talked about it before.

[Glitters]

If a woman whom a guy has friend zoned but has had casual sex before, and in touch again, do I need to say further?

He will have sex with you again because he knows he can , then say he cant have a relationship with you but doesnt know why.

 

Its you now who needs to keep away or keep holding the torch till you become FWB.

[phineas]

Depends why he friendzoned you.

I've friendzoned attractive women I've met because of things I learned about them after I got to know them

 

Living situations, marital status, drinks too much, party girl, hid things from me that people looking to get into a relationship with them should know, no desire to work, ,ect.

Stuff I know would be an issue in a serious relationship.

Some I slept with and occasionally we hang out but don't have sex anymore.

Some I've never even kissed and hang out with regularly in a group and while i look at them and see a hot woman id sleep with i dont make the move even when they hit on me when their drunk because I know I won't want a relationship and don't want any drama in the group.

Sometimes they better themselves, improve their situations, grow up ect and I start to see them differently.

 

It really just depends why he friendzoned you.

[Andamillionmiles]

The only three "non personality/non looks" factors I can come up with:

1. He has a very rebellious streak and his parents (who've known me since I saw small (long story) really like me. That peeves him because he likes to be very non conformist with his parents ideals.

 

2. The night we made out, I'd shared with him earlier in the night a lot about myself, including the worst thing that has ever happened to me (which involved getting arrested, although my charges later got dropped). That's something I don't tell hardly anyone, but I have told guys I've dated that, and it's never resulted in a rejection (even from my ex who was a cop). One guy even cried when he heard what had happened to me (without sharing everything with the Internet, i was betrayed and beaten by someone very close to me)

 

3. At the time we made out/he rejected me, I was in a VERY unhappy place in my life. I was in professional school in a program I hated, and was miserable (hint: it's one of the less liked professions in America, so I don't know if he hates them too or what).

 

Those are the only 3 reasons I can come up. Reason 3 I've completely changed, reason 2 I will always carry with me as a scar, and can't change, and reason 1 sounds ridiculous.

[Toodaloo]

I think you need to concentrate on new guy and move on.

 

I know its hard but I really don't think this is going to happen.

 

Your guy friend sounds like he is rebelling and that will be against everyone including himself.

 

Get on with your life and let him get on with his.

[katiegrl]

The only three "non personality/non looks" factors I can come up with:

1. He has a very rebellious streak and his parents (who've known me since I saw small (long story) really like me. That peeves him because he likes to be very non conformist with his parents ideals.

 

2. The night we made out, I'd shared with him earlier in the night a lot about myself, including the worst thing that has ever happened to me (which involved getting arrested, although my charges later got dropped). That's something I don't tell hardly anyone, but I have told guys I've dated that, and it's never resulted in a rejection (even from my ex who was a cop). One guy even cried when he heard what had happened to me (without sharing everything with the Internet, i was betrayed and beaten by someone very close to me)

 

3. At the time we made out/he rejected me, I was in a VERY unhappy place in my life. I was in professional school in a program I hated, and was miserable (hint: it's one of the less liked professions in America, so I don't know if he hates them too or what).

 

Those are the only 3 reasons I can come up. Reason 3 I've completely changed, reason 2 I will always carry with me as a scar, and can't change, and reason 1 sounds ridiculous.

 

How about 4. He just doesn't feel enough romantic chemistry with you to pursue anthing other than a friendship? Or FWB if you're open to that.

[Ami1uwant]

Is leaving friend zone possible....absolutely.

 

If you known them over the years what they want may have changed. From a mans perspective a woman could have lost 100 pounds and thus alist more attractive.

[T-16bullseyeWompRat]

Meh, just keep focusing on yourself and put in to your relationship, which is a friendship with this guy, what you want to put into it because you care for him. Dont expected something in return from him. If he cares for you, he will continue to be there for you amd return those favors because he wants to.

 

Date around in the mean time and do your own thing. My dad and stepmom were friends for a long time in a singles dating thing at their church. They were close friends while dating around, then it finally hit them that they should try and date each other. They are almost at the 20 yr mark now.

 

So keep him in your life without expectations, but because you care about him. Then focus on you and have some fun. Date around and get out there. If it is meant to be with this fellow, he will act. You have shown your cards already.

[stillafool]

The only time I've seen a girl leave the "friendzone" is when they are 12/13, still wearing braces, knobby knees and scrawny; then 4 years later she's turned into a beauty and no one wants to friendzone her anymore.

[smackie9]

Friend zoned or not, I wouldn't want to be someone's second choice. Have some self worth and move on.

[Andamillionmiles]

Since writing this post, ive felt a lot better about the situation. Like let it go better. I promised myself I would let go completely after the one year mark of our incident.

 

Tonight was the one year anniversary of our make out incident. I remembered when I woke up this morning. I remembered the date. I thought about it off and on all day, didn't tell anyone, told myself tomorrow I'd be moving on. Told myself I'm being ridiculous.

 

And then tonight...I get a text: "A year ago we made out. I just Checked. How have you been?" My jaw dropped. We haven't talked in several weeks, so this was out of the blue. He doesn't have a long term memory like mine--he doesn't remember names and dates and birthdays.

 

This started s multi hour conversation that led to sexting, which he finally ended when it neared 5 am his time.

 

And then I did the unthinkable--I put my feelings out there and was straight with him. Said after all this time I "kind of" still like him. Even though I "know no part of him reciprocates."

 

The response was one I didn't expect either: "it's not true that no part of me likes you. I had some level of feelings for you, I've had some level of feelings for several girls over the past year. But having some feelings is not enough for me. I've only date when I'm borderline love, which is why I've only dated once...and I don't want s girlfriend at this point in my life anyways, I don't want to be tied down to anyone. And I think if you look closely, you'll see you're in the same position."

 

So I guess I have my answer. Maybe I was never really in the friend zone to begin with, I was just dealing with a man in his mid 20s who doesn't want to have a relationship with anyone. I'm still mind blown he remembered the day. What man does that?

[CosmicGate8]

Since writing this post, ive felt a lot better about the situation. Like let it go better. I promised myself I would let go completely after the one year mark of our incident.

 

Tonight was the one year anniversary of our make out incident. I remembered when I woke up this morning. I remembered the date. I thought about it off and on all day, didn't tell anyone, told myself tomorrow I'd be moving on. Told myself I'm being ridiculous.

 

And then tonight...I get a text: "A year ago we made out. I just Checked. How have you been?" My jaw dropped. We haven't talked in several weeks, so this was out of the blue. He doesn't have a long term memory like mine--he doesn't remember names and dates and birthdays.

 

This started s multi hour conversation that led to sexting, which he finally ended when it neared 5 am his time.

 

And then I did the unthinkable--I put my feelings out there and was straight with him. Said after all this time I "kind of" still like him. Even though I "know no part of him reciprocates."

 

The response was one I didn't expect either: "it's not true that no part of me likes you. I had some level of feelings for you, I've had some level of feelings for several girls over the past year. But having some feelings is not enough for me. I've only date when I'm borderline love, which is why I've only dated once...and I don't want s girlfriend at this point in my life anyways, I don't want to be tied down to anyone. And I think if you look closely, you'll see you're in the same position."

 

So I guess I have my answer. Maybe I was never really in the friend zone to begin with, I was just dealing with a man in his mid 20s who doesn't want to have a relationship with anyone. I'm still mind blown he remembered the day. What man does that?

 

 

 

this is really the guy who is "everything you want"?? Where are the positive qualities that none of us can possibly see?

 

 

let's be honest here, is there any reason for why you want to be with him that doesn't revolve around the fact that he doesn't want to be with you?

[Glitters]

He wants some. Ball is in your court !

[Andamillionmiles]

this is really the guy who is "everything you want"?? Where are the positive qualities that none of us can possibly see?

 

 

let's be honest here, is there any reason for why you want to be with him that doesn't revolve around the fact that he doesn't want to be with you?

yeah. His positive qualities are numerous. The fact I got friendzoned is an unfortunate reality.

[oberkeat]

As everyone who follows my posts knows, I'm a single male and I have been busting my balls to find a girlfriend without success. That's why I'm shocked when I read threads where girls put up with or are pursuing men who take them for granted. This isn't too different from the threads about women who want save their relationships with guys who refuse to have sex with them.

 

Here you are pining for a man who has little or no interest in you, while there are plenty of single guys out there who are more than capable of giving you a fulfilling relationship. To me, that makes no sense.

 

I can tell you what I've learned from experience, though: if you like someone more than they like you, they are not the right person for you, and wasting one second more thinking about them is just not worth it. That goes for men and women. Forget him and move on.

[oberkeat]

In the meantime, I'm dating someone casually. He's a nice guy. And the one thing that keeps me from committing? The thought that this friend could somehow come back into my life. Which I know sounds ridiculous. And I can't tell the guy I'm dating that--"oh I'm sorry, I can't be exclusive with you because I have a friend who rejected me and he's going to maybe change his opinion." Yeah. Right. It's like I'm in love with him or something.

 

You're right, it is ridiculous. This part here really bothers me. You shouldn't be dating somebody while you have these intense unresolved issues for somebody else. That isn't fair to this guy at all, and is pretty selfish imo.

[LoveRefreshed]

To answer OP title question: The short answer is No. The reason why you are in the friendzone is either you're not attractive enough for him or you lack/possess some trait that is a deal breaker for him. Unless you change or he realizes it's not an important thing, then it's always no.

 

 

The long answer is possibly, but it's the same for either gender.

 

 

Three cases: Girl is nice kind and smart, but extremely over weight and has low self esteem. Another girl is very attractive, but extremely emotionally volatile. Another girl is attractive, but incredibly selfish and rude.

 

 

I wouldn't date either, but if girl 1 lost some weight and changed her attitude on herself then I'd let her out of the friend zone. When girl 2 gets older and deals with her emotions and starts looking for stability, I'd might let her out of the friend zone. Girl 3 is never a friend and maybe a girl I'd bang on a drunken evening.

[Andamillionmiles]

Is it unusual for a guy to remember the date of something like that though? Like I have another male friend, and we kissed once--I certainly don't remember the date, and even if I could, given it was a mistake, I would never remind him of it.

 

I told my brother this and he's like "I can't even remember my own anniversary. How does someone remember the time they kissed a friend?"

 

Is it uncommon for a guy to remember something like that?

[casey.lives]

Yes you can get out of the friend-zone. What you have to do is stop being his "wingman" ..stop being his dudette or clingy evil sneaky "minion".. stop being his bestfriend... and become his girlfriend. To become his girlfriend ... he needs to see you as princess.

[kismetkismet]

Is it unusual for a guy to remember the date of something like that though? Like I have another male friend, and we kissed once--I certainly don't remember the date, and even if I could, given it was a mistake, I would never remind him of it.

 

I told my brother this and he's like "I can't even remember my own anniversary. How does someone remember the time they kissed a friend?"

 

Is it uncommon for a guy to remember something like that?

 

You are focusing on the wrong thing. He has very clearly told you multiple times that he is not interested in pursuing any kind of romantic relationship with you. He has shown you through his words and his actions that that is the case.. Don't obsess over the ONE small positive detail and blow it up into more than it actually is.

[Mystique01]

How about 4. He just doesn't feel enough romantic chemistry with you to pursue anthing other than a friendship? Or FWB if you're open to that.

 

^^THIS!!!!

 

 

I'm sorry OP, but I agree with Katiegrl and others on here who say that it's definitely time to move on, and I'm glad that you seem to be taking steps to do so.

 

Although this guy may have WONDERFUL unmentioned qualities that you find desirable, the MOST important fact is, he's NOT interested in you in the way a man should be interested in a woman if he wants a ROMANTIC relationship with her. Also, he's not pursuing you for a relationship. Immediately those 2 things should make you get turned-OFF from him romantically, not obsessed with asking even MORE questions about what his texts/actions/behavior could "possibly mean".

 

Believe me, it's a HUGE waste of time!

 

Not too long ago in the past a few years ago, I used to crush on guys who weren't interested in me as much as they should also. In fact, I would OBSESS about it. Somehow I felt like I would be able to "prove" to them that I was a catch and they would end up liking me later on down the line. Trust me when I say, that I NEVER had a relationship with any of these guys. Not a healthy long-lasting one at least. It's honestly a HUGE waste of time.

 

It was only when I came to LOVE myself more that I didn't find those types of guys attractive anymore. Oh sure, I can recognize a guy is attractive, see his good qualities, appreciate the type of person he is, and maybe even develop a slight crush on him. But the MOMENT I sense/realize that he's not interested in me, or isn't taking any steps to try to date me/get to know me better, I immediately turn my feelings OFF and move on. Now, a guy NOT being interested in me is a turn OFF and a big red flag telling me to STOP! and move on.

 

 

I suggest you do the same.

 

 

 

Since writing this post, ive felt a lot better about the situation. Like let it go better. I promised myself I would let go completely after the one year mark of our incident.

 

Tonight was the one year anniversary of our make out incident. I remembered when I woke up this morning. I remembered the date. I thought about it off and on all day, didn't tell anyone, told myself tomorrow I'd be moving on. Told myself I'm being ridiculous.

 

And then tonight...I get a text: "A year ago we made out. I just Checked. How have you been?" My jaw dropped. We haven't talked in several weeks, so this was out of the blue. He doesn't have a long term memory like mine--he doesn't remember names and dates and birthdays.

 

This started s multi hour conversation that led to sexting, which he finally ended when it neared 5 am his time.

 

And then I did the unthinkable--I put my feelings out there and was straight with him. Said after all this time I "kind of" still like him. Even though I "know no part of him reciprocates."

 

The response was one I didn't expect either: "it's not true that no part of me likes you. I had some level of feelings for you, I've had some level of feelings for several girls over the past year. But having some feelings is not enough for me. I've only date when I'm borderline love, which is why I've only dated once...and I don't want s girlfriend at this point in my life anyways, I don't want to be tied down to anyone. And I think if you look closely, you'll see you're in the same position."

 

So I guess I have my answer. Maybe I was never really in the friend zone to begin with, I was just dealing with a man in his mid 20s who doesn't want to have a relationship with anyone. I'm still mind blown he remembered the day. What man does that?

 

But see here you go analyzing again. Honestly dear, it's best just to move on. This guy is telling you point blank that he does NOT want a relationship with YOU. When a guy says he doesn't want a relationship, he really means he doesn't want a relationship with YOU. Because if he really wanted a particular woman, he would be in a relationship.

 

It doesn't matter that he remembered the anniversary of your kiss together, or the fact that he never really "Friend-zoned" you (in the true sense).... The ONLY thing that matters is that he's NOT pursuing anything romantic with you. What his reasons are don't matter at all.

 

You deserve a guy who likes you as much as you like him. It sounds like you have a wonderful bf who loves you and wants to be exclusive. You should honestly focus your attention on HIM as opposed to this guy friend of yours who's only going to break your heart (at worst) or string you along and turn you into a FWB (at best). But if you're truly NOT into your bf, he deserves the common decency of you letting him go so that he can pursue a girl who IS into him.

[introverted1]

 

The response was one I didn't expect either: "it's not true that no part of me likes you. I had some level of feelings for you, I've had some level of feelings for several girls over the past year. But having some feelings is not enough for me. I've only date when I'm borderline love, which is why I've only dated once...and I don't want s girlfriend at this point in my life anyways, I don't want to be tied down to anyone. And I think if you look closely, you'll see you're in the same position."

 

This is the "it's not you, it's me" variant of friend-zoning.

 

For whatever reason and, yes, in spite of the fact that he remembers the date on which you made out, he is NOT interested in you as a gf. Consider this closure.

 

Time to cut loose the guy you're currently dating but luke-warm about and move on with your life.

[Andamillionmiles]

Trying to do the let go thing. I also realize if the guy I've been casually seeing made me very happy, I wouldn't be thinking of this guy.

 

Would it make any difference in the aforementioned situation if I told you this guy and I are also geographically far apart now? He couldn't just ask me hang out on the weekend even if he wanted to. i moved. But I own property where he's at.

 

This weekend he spent 45 minutes at my place fixing things for me, across the country. Even if he's just my friend, I'm thankful.