Girlfriend has crush on someone else.

[whodat11]

So my girlfriend (22) met some guy (41) who is actually a real big shot. I mean millionaire and highly respected on a big scale. Now I can't say I'm insecure because I'm confident that I am making something big of myself as well and know my current worth as a person.

 

He doesn't live around us, but she does have his contact info and all that. She met him at some business conference and ended up opening up to him about very very personal stuff that she had only told me about. I gave her the exact same advice, but she listened to him when he said it.

 

But anyways, it was odd because she was so impressed with what this guy is doing/accomplishing and kept talking about how important he is and what not. After a day or two of this I asked if she liked him and then I saw a red flag in the shape of her face. She didn't want to admit it but eventually did. This guy is married and has kids, but my gf was just SO impressed by him. She said she would never ever think about trying anything with him, and I wouldn't worry if she did because he wouldn't reciprocate and I'd leave her. I can;t say I don't think she would try if she could.

 

Anyways, she broke down big time and has tried to make these nice gestures and puts effort into proving to me that she wants me and only me.

Now I don't care about what's happening with this guy particularly, but I am worried about the fact that she developed some feelings for him after 3 days while her and I have been together for over a year.

 

 

A little background.

She comes from a broken home (what she opened up to him about).

She jumped from guy to guy pretty fast before me but never had 2 at once.

Did have a **** buddy at one point.

 

*About a week or two before meeting the guy she mentioned that she felt like we were drifting and our communication wasn't as good as it used to be. Now, she hasn't been in any serious relationship before me. I have been in multiple serious relationships and seen many more from the outside. Our relationship is going really well and I still pretty directly communicate my feelings towards her, but her not so much towards me.

 

She worries that I am going to leave her, end up getting mad at her for everything, or become very controlling. Though I have never shown any signs of that and when I ask her if I have she says no and her worries dissipate.

I wonder if the fact that I'm her first can be causing her to not know how to handle the limerence wearing off.

 

 

She says it's like a celebrity crush, but this is a guy she knows she has access to and met in person (on a deep level at that). She makes sure to remind me that she would never act on the feelings that don't even compare to what she feels for me.

Should I really be worried, or do you think this is normal and she truly wouldn't act on any little crush? Also, does this say anything about her love for me?

[whodat11]

Also, this guy can supposedly offer her some serious opportunities in her career. She kept reiterating that he is a millionaire with connections and how she hopes he will contact her one day and offer some kind of opportunity. (All before she admitted to having a crush on him of course)

[smackie9]

No you shouldn't be worried about this guy in particular, but I would worry about her crushing on someone who is available in the future. She is young and immature.....she is still learning about life. You already addressed it and it seems to have her feeling bad about it. Shrugs you did all that you can do.

[madjac74]

I'm more worried about you that you haven't dumped such a superficial person.

[Glitters]

If she keeps coming in contact with this guy with the same attitude, then she is in for trouble.He is going to pick up the signals ( she is too young and immature) and might end up using her.

I would advice you to re evaluate your relationship with her.

[Maxtor]

So my girlfriend (22) met some guy (41) who is actually a real big shot. I mean millionaire and highly respected on a big scale. Now I can't say I'm insecure because I'm confident that I am making something big of myself as well and know my current worth as a person.

 

He doesn't live around us, but she does have his contact info and all that. She met him at some business conference and ended up opening up to him about very very personal stuff that she had only told me about. I gave her the exact same advice, but she listened to him when he said it.

 

But anyways, it was odd because she was so impressed with what this guy is doing/accomplishing and kept talking about how important he is and what not. After a day or two of this I asked if she liked him and then I saw a red flag in the shape of her face. She didn't want to admit it but eventually did. This guy is married and has kids, but my gf was just SO impressed by him. She said she would never ever think about trying anything with him, and I wouldn't worry if she did because he wouldn't reciprocate and I'd leave her. I can;t say I don't think she would try if she could.

 

Anyways, she broke down big time and has tried to make these nice gestures and puts effort into proving to me that she wants me and only me.

Now I don't care about what's happening with this guy particularly, but I am worried about the fact that she developed some feelings for him after 3 days while her and I have been together for over a year.

 

 

A little background.

She comes from a broken home (what she opened up to him about).

She jumped from guy to guy pretty fast before me but never had 2 at once.

Did have a **** buddy at one point.

 

*About a week or two before meeting the guy she mentioned that she felt like we were drifting and our communication wasn't as good as it used to be. Now, she hasn't been in any serious relationship before me. I have been in multiple serious relationships and seen many more from the outside. Our relationship is going really well and I still pretty directly communicate my feelings towards her, but her not so much towards me.

 

She worries that I am going to leave her, end up getting mad at her for everything, or become very controlling. Though I have never shown any signs of that and when I ask her if I have she says no and her worries dissipate.

I wonder if the fact that I'm her first can be causing her to not know how to handle the limerence wearing off.

 

 

She says it's like a celebrity crush, but this is a guy she knows she has access to and met in person (on a deep level at that). She makes sure to remind me that she would never act on the feelings that don't even compare to what she feels for me.

Should I really be worried, or do you think this is normal and she truly wouldn't act on any little crush? Also, does this say anything about her love for me?

I dont know you, but i am worried about you.

 

You sound like a nice guy, not in a negative way.

 

You sound confident and you sound like you are going places.

 

You only know this girl for 1 year, or at least, dating her for 1 year.

 

She felt for someone else.

 

Happens to anyone.

 

Dont jeapordize your future.

 

Focus on you.

 

Best of luck.

[whodat11]

She told me that she talked about me with him and that she would never act on those feelings. Is this a normal thing, for people to develop feelings for someone else like this? Or is this a sign that I should move on?

[Rydo]

She told me that she talked about me with him and that she would never act on those feelings. Is this a normal thing, for people to develop feelings for someone else like this? Or is this a sign that I should move on?

 

I would say move on. Very superficial and she sounds like she is inventing problems for the relationship. Who has the patience for that?

[LoveRefreshed]

If it were me, I'd call it off. Honestly, it's jnot like she did anything immoral but I'd feel like **** and probably shut her out anyway.

 

I need to be a girls only love.. and if it was a silly crush there wouldn't have been two days of talking about him and her distance. She seems to be keeping her heart free and her options open.

 

I'd step way back with my emotions.

[thecrucible]

I don't know the answer to this but I think crushes on other people while in a long-term relationship are more common than people think. The key is to put boundaries in place and she should make sure she isn't around him alone. She has been straight up about it so that's the start of some good communication.

[soyou]

I'm a woman and once I'm in love in someone, I'm in love witg that person. I dont have crush on anybody else.

 

If I ever do, its time for me to break up because that just means I dont love and respect that person enough.

[oldshirt]

So my girlfriend (22) met some guy (41) who is actually a real big shot. I mean millionaire and highly respected on a big scale. Now I can't say I'm insecure because I'm confident that I am making something big of myself as well and know my current worth as a person.

 

He doesn't live around us, but she does have his contact info and all that. She met him at some business conference and ended up opening up to him about very very personal stuff that she had only told me about. I gave her the exact same advice, but she listened to him when he said it.

 

But anyways, it was odd because she was so impressed with what this guy is doing/accomplishing and kept talking about how important he is and what not. After a day or two of this I asked if she liked him and then I saw a red flag in the shape of her face. She didn't want to admit it but eventually did. This guy is married and has kids, but my gf was just SO impressed by him. She said she would never ever think about trying anything with him, and I wouldn't worry if she did because he wouldn't reciprocate and I'd leave her. I can;t say I don't think she would try if she could.

 

Anyways, she broke down big time and has tried to make these nice gestures and puts effort into proving to me that she wants me and only me.

Now I don't care about what's happening with this guy particularly, but I am worried about the fact that she developed some feelings for him after 3 days while her and I have been together for over a year.

 

 

A little background.

She comes from a broken home (what she opened up to him about).

She jumped from guy to guy pretty fast before me but never had 2 at once.

Did have a **** buddy at one point.

 

*About a week or two before meeting the guy she mentioned that she felt like we were drifting and our communication wasn't as good as it used to be. Now, she hasn't been in any serious relationship before me. I have been in multiple serious relationships and seen many more from the outside. Our relationship is going really well and I still pretty directly communicate my feelings towards her, but her not so much towards me.

 

She worries that I am going to leave her, end up getting mad at her for everything, or become very controlling. Though I have never shown any signs of that and when I ask her if I have she says no and her worries dissipate.

I wonder if the fact that I'm her first can be causing her to not know how to handle the limerence wearing off.

 

 

She says it's like a celebrity crush, but this is a guy she knows she has access to and met in person (on a deep level at that). She makes sure to remind me that she would never act on the feelings that don't even compare to what she feels for me.

Should I really be worried, or do you think this is normal and she truly wouldn't act on any little crush? Also, does this say anything about her love for me?

 

Just a few factoids in random order -

 

-People have little crushes, infatuations and attractions to various people throughout their entire lives. You'll never be someone's one and only crush forever and ever.

 

- just because someone has a crush/infatuation/attraction to someone, doesn't mean that they will have sex with them or ride off into the sunset with them.

 

- However, every person that has gotten it on with someone else that they had a crush on, has at one point said, "but I would never act on it."

 

- never assume a man won't screw your chick because he has a wife and kids and abundant other opportunities. Many guys will screw whoever they can whenever they can even if they have a wife/kids at home and even if the new chick is a big step down from their other woman.

 

- a man who is a "big deal" now, always outranks a man who might be a big deal later some day.

 

- a 22 year old female is at the peak of her prime market value and will be targeted by everyone from 18 to 80 year olds.

 

- women always listen to the advice and input from other men more than their partners. That's just part of being a chick. Get used to that. That won't go away.

 

- only dump chicks that actually commit some kind of offense or actually do something inappropriate or something cruel, disrespectful etc. If you dump every chick that gets her panties wet by some big talking, promise making, rich dude, you'll never date anyone more than a week. It's the same thing as chicks dumping guys that do a double take at some super hot looking chick. People react to people of high status and high attraction. We all do it. It's when people actually cross a boundary with their actual behaviors that you need to put a smack down on. In others words if she soaked her panties but never does anything with this dude, then let it go. But if get together and hook up for reals, that's a different story.

[dragonfire13]

I come from a broken home. Doesn't mean I lose all common sense and decency if I meet a MARRIED guy, millionaire or not.

 

Admiring someone's work ethic is one thing. Being a groupie is something else. Sounds like she needs to grow up.

 

The fact that she's in a relationship as well makes it worse.. I don't know about other women, but when I'm with a guy, all others kind of become invisible.

 

Sure, I can notice if someone is nice looking, but it doesn't develop into a crush esp. if the guy is taken too.