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Should I contact him or just leave him alone?


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Old 26th October 2015, 9:47 AM   #1
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Should I contact him or just leave him alone?

My boyfriend just turned 28 and Iím 26. My boyfriend and I had a conversation this past Saturday about his finances. This conversation comes up alot between us because his financial situation sucks. I'm sticking it out, but I am quite frustrated as he, because we keep talking about our future together, but it's pointless to talk about it now with his current situation. So on Saturday he said, "by the top of next year if my financial situation is the same then we should take a break so i can go through this alone. I also have to make sure that personal situation is okay before I can think about us". My response to that statement was, "I understand where you're coming from, but i don't believe in taking a break because we already did that in the beginning of our relationship for something else, and I can't do that again. If you feel like you're situation is too much of a burden on me then itís not selfish to go through it alone, but itís not fair of me to wait until the top of next year to see if things get better. Time is something you can never get back so if you feel that way now then you should make your decision now too. We spoke a little more in the car ride, but then we were just really silent until I got home. He was going to spend the night with me. So when we got upstairs, I was still feeling emotional and distant and he realized that and asked me what was wrong. I told him again that I should not have to wait until January for him to make his decision or for him to see if things will get better by then; I donít want to invest more time in us if heís just going to end it soon if his financial situation doesnít get better and that Iím also frustrated by his current state too, but itís normal for me to feel that way because we can hardly go anywhere if I donít pay for us. He understood where I was coming from and he even told me ďI really doní want to loose youĒ, and I know he doesnít. After this, we both were in the process of falling asleep while he was holding on to me, but then about 5 minutes later he got up from the bed and just left my house. He didnít tell me why he was leaving. He didnít even tell me ďbyeĒÖhe just left. Maybe he was upset because I said Iím frustrated too, but thatís how I truly feel and I never hide how Iím feeling from him. So yesterday (Sunday), he didnít contact me all day and now itís Monday and I havenít talked to him since Saturday.

Did I say something wrong to him? I fee like I just told him how I felt. I cannot go days without knowing the situation between us. Weíve done that so many times in the past, and I refuse to go through that now. At least him saying that he doesnít wants to end this now instead of him just walking out on me will make me aware of where we are. Now, Iím so confused and I feel so sad. Iím not really sure what I should do in this situation?
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Old 26th October 2015, 10:02 AM   #2
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You may have to take your answer answerless.

Him getting up and leaving and not saying anything tells me that he's figuring out how to distance himself from you so that the breaking up is not quite so painful for him.

He's giving you what you asked for.
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Old 26th October 2015, 10:05 AM   #3
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Distance & silence only make things worse. However, I'd give him 24-48 hours. Then call him & try talking again.


Do you need his financial situation to be "fixed" or would you be happy if he was actively working to correct it? You need to tell him that.


There is a lot of pressure on the relationship right now. If you can take some of it off, that might help
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Old 26th October 2015, 2:45 PM   #4
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Quote:
Originally Posted by d0nnivain View Post
Distance & silence only make things worse. However, I'd give him 24-48 hours. Then call him & try talking again.


Do you need his financial situation to be "fixed" or would you be happy if he was actively working to correct it? You need to tell him that.


There is a lot of pressure on the relationship right now. If you can take some of it off, that might help
I completely agree with this.

Financial stress can be a lot for anyone to deal with. I can understand why he feels so stressed right now. What I don't understand, however, is why he would even consider breaking up with you due to his financial situation?

Are you putting pressure on him to improve his situation? Does he, for some reason, feel like you wouldn't want to be with him if he isn't financially stable?

Being in a committed a loving relationship means you should be there for him when things get tough. Try explaining to him that regardless of his situation, you still want to be there for him.

Reassurance goes a long way.
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Old 26th October 2015, 3:12 PM   #5
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Give him space and call in a few days. Moreover, outside of a few very odd situations, he should have a very good idea if things will be figured out financially in a few months...get clarity on how he plans to get it resolved, what resolved looks like, and the associated timelines, bearing in mind it's a best guess. If his plan is to win the lottery, run. That said, it sounds like this type of situation is frequent - I may be tempted to leave, not necessarily because the situation exists, but because of how thinks it influences the relationship, which translates into instability. If he needs/wants a break - give it to him, but realize yourself, and make sure that he understands as well, that you're under no obligation to return.
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Old 26th October 2015, 4:44 PM   #6
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He might just be overwhelmed with the entire situation and needs some time to think. He's probably just embarrassed and doesn't want to burden you. I was in a similar situation a decade ago with my ex-gf. I had lost my job and couldn't find work for 3 months. Even though I had saved up enough to hold me off for awhile, she stepped into help, so it wouldn't stop the momentum in our relationship. Of course it created some tension as well (more from my end ) because I would get upset that I was in a situation like that and embarrassed she would pay for stuff like lunch, dinner, movie nights, other activities. Made me feel like less of a man pretty much.

Definitely give him a call. If you both care about each other and have a good understanding of each other's needs, then it should work out. My ex-gf and I broke up years ago for other reasons, but it's different for everyone I guess. There may be other reasons he is not sharing with you. You should find out, and If that's the case then maybe you should both move on. Good luck.
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