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How long do you think 2 people should date before becoming exclusive?


MsHopeful0208201689

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MsHopeful0208201689

I made it exclusive about 2 weeks after going on my first date/meeting my boyfriend...

 

I think he's a good guy but somethings I am having a hard time dealing.. Like me asking for financial help with my birth control (in which I never ask for help but should be able to since he is my partner and he should be able to ask me anything too... He became rude with me and told me his isn't trying to make a habit of helping me nor is he looking to "sponsor" anyone.. I felt belittle.. So I asked him for my key back... I go to school, work, volunteer.. He makes way more than me and I never hound him for money and have even did things for him when I could but never would I say such rude words even if I was in the position to do something for him...

 

What do you guys think?

 

I care about him but what if things just get worse.. It's not even about the money but also about initiating to help me when it comes to something as small as putting something together in my house or on my car.. He's even complained about me not putting something together in my home but it's like why won't he do it if he's a man and it bothers him so much. He's good in certain aspects such as he surprised me the other day with flowers and pays for dates a lot of times (in which I have before as well)

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This is a bit confusing, there are a bunch of questions, but they don't really relate to the question you have as your subject?

 

As for your subject question I think it varies couple to couple. I'd say around a month, but it depends on how many times you see each other in that time etc. My relationship before this one we didn't make it official until 2 months in because we were only able to see each other once a week. My boyfriend now and I made it official 3-4 weeks in, though he first asked after a week or two.

 

Two weeks is too soon for me to know enough about a person's character and whether or not I want to commit to them or not. which i suspect is the case here, maybe you jumped into things before considering whether or not the two of you wanted the same things from a relationship. Everyone is different and has different expectations and roles that they'd like to take on. It sounds like you would like a somewhat traditional gender dynamic where the man does the building and manly things and helps out financially. But maybe he prefers less traditional gender roles?

 

However his attitude in how he told you those things makes me think he may also be a bit of a jerk. why is he complaining that things aren't done in YOUR house? and the sarcastic "sponsor" comment is kind of unnecessary. Even though personally I think it's a bit soon to initiate a 'shared expenses' sort of thing. But if birth control is expensive where you are he could pick up tabs on other things I guess?

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MsHopeful0208201689
This is a bit confusing, there are a bunch of questions, but they don't really relate to the question you have as your subject?

 

As for your subject question I think it varies couple to couple. I'd say around a month, but it depends on how many times you see each other in that time etc. My relationship before this one we didn't make it official until 2 months in because we were only able to see each other once a week. My boyfriend now and I made it official 3-4 weeks in, though he first asked after a week or two.

 

Two weeks is too soon for me to know enough about a person's character and whether or not I want to commit to them or not. which i suspect is the case here, maybe you jumped into things before considering whether or not the two of you wanted the same things from a relationship. Everyone is different and has different expectations and roles that they'd like to take on. It sounds like you would like a somewhat traditional gender dynamic where the man does the building and manly things and helps out financially. But maybe he prefers less traditional gender roles?

 

However his attitude in how he told you those things makes me think he may also be a bit of a jerk. why is he complaining that things aren't done in YOUR house? and the sarcastic "sponsor" comment is kind of unnecessary. Even though personally I think it's a bit soon to initiate a 'shared expenses' sort of thing. But if birth control is expensive where you are he could pick up tabs on other things I guess?

 

I agree, very Jerkish to say. If he didn't have it he could e just said "babe, I'd help you with anything if I had it & when I get it I will help, I just don't have it at the moment"... I'd say that to the one I claim to love and care for..

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MsHopeful0208201689

It really just hurt my feelings. I am trying to let it go but I don't care for the qualities.. I care about him but I just don't want it to get worse..

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There is no calendar to exclusivity. It should occur before sex IMO.

 

 

Exclusivity & giving somebody a key are vastly different issues. Exclusivity comes relatively early. Keys come waaaaayyyyy later, like maybe a year after you have been exclusive.

 

 

If you are on BC, it's your responsibility to pay for it. Period. If you can't afford it, switch to a cheaper method or pick abstinence. Because if you can't afford BC, you really can't afford a kid.

 

 

Yes it would be nice if your BF offered to share that expense with you but he was under no obligation to do so & you were wrong to ask.

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There is no calendar to exclusivity. It should occur before sex IMO.

 

 

Exclusivity & giving somebody a key are vastly different issues. Exclusivity comes relatively early. Keys come waaaaayyyyy later, like maybe a year after you have been exclusive.

 

 

If you are on BC, it's your responsibility to pay for it. Period. If you can't afford it, switch to a cheaper method or pick abstinence. Because if you can't afford BC, you really can't afford a kid.

 

 

Yes it would be nice if your BF offered to share that expense with you but he was under no obligation to do so & you were wrong to ask.

 

I totally agree. He also is not responsible for fixing up your house or buying things for your house and car despite how much money he makes. You're not married. You are responsible for yourself.

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The entire post you wrote has literally zero bearing on the question you asked.

 

What does him being an as.$hole have to do with how long you wait to make a relationship exclusive?

 

You posted a thread about this guy already, and I think you're asking all the wrong questions.

 

First you ask if guys should help pay for birth control, and then you ask how long it takes to make a relationship exclusive.

 

Your question should be: Should I break up with my boyfriend?

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The entire post you wrote has literally zero bearing on the question you asked.

 

What does him being an as.$hole have to do with how long you wait to make a relationship exclusive?

 

You posted a thread about this guy already, and I think you're asking all the wrong questions.

 

First you ask if guys should help pay for birth control, and then you ask how long it takes to make a relationship exclusive.

 

Your question should be: Should I break up with my boyfriend?

 

And she already knows the answer if that's the question she is really asking...

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Okay first of all, it's YOUR birth control. That means YOU pay for it. He should not have to be responsible for your method of birth control.

 

Now as for your main question, it varies from couple to couple. My ex and I were exclusive very early on and I think most if not all of the reason was that we had known each other for over fifteen years. We knew so much about each other that we were able to skip past all that "getting to know you" stuff.

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mystikmind2005

What i find, wealthy people are often very oversensitive about money because of all the people in the past that they cared about but who then turned out to be using them.

 

Fair or unfair - You don't want to put yourself in any kind of position that could make you look like a user, ,,, you will not like the reaction you get, that i guarantee.

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I'm going to say something similar to what I said to your other post. It's rather petty to beg for financial help about birth control, when it costs just a few dollars/month. If you're begging for that kind of help, truthfully, you're not ready to be dating as you really need to get your life figured out out. The fact that you're becoming publicly exclusive at 2 weeks says something isn't quite right, or you should at least be aware that you don't know each other. Regardless of whether or not you're exclusive - dating for 2 weeks doesn't really make him your partner - he doesn't know you yet and he doesn't owe you anything, begging for money that's the equivalent of bread scraps says you're not ready to date and that you really need to figure your life out. Anyhow - you've already effectively broken up with him - you really need to call this quits, he probably has already (or is pretty close), you should then take a breather, get your life together, and try to figure out how to be a mature dater so you don't do these ridiculously petty things with the next guy you try to date...

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MsHopeful0208201689

To all of those that think it is not his responsibility to help! How is it not? We are in a serious monogamous relationship & ive even went half on condoms with him before so what's wrong with helping with something that benefits the BOTH of us. I won't get myself pregnant nor am I screwing myself.. Excluding financial things he just doesn't seem the most helpful at times.. There are qualities I admire about yet there are a lot of things I'm seeing that are red flags for me.. Guess I just gotta decide what I can live with.. I wonder if I were to marry him would it get worse..

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MsHopeful0208201689
If you want a generous and helpful man, he is not the one.

 

This is something much of my family, acquaintances, and friends said. Think I need to take heed to these warnings

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MsHopeful0208201689
I totally agree. He also is not responsible for fixing up your house or buying things for your house and car despite how much money he makes. You're not married. You are responsible for yourself.

 

Never did I say he was responsible.. But birth control benefits BOTH parties.. I have went half for condoms with him. I am not selfish and believe in being a team and helping my partner in anyway I can and not throwing it in their face

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MsHopeful0208201689

Deep down I think he is a wonderful guy and I don't wanna give up so quickly but we'll see what happens.. Don't wanna bad mouth him but he was rude.. I'm just going to pray to my higher power about it.. I just need guidance on what I should do

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MsHopeful0208201689

But to cut the arguing down I decided to stop taking BC and we are back to square one in using condoms in which he doesn't care for.. But it's for the best at this point for a number of reasons but I won't give him static if he asks me to go half on the condoms because it's BOTH our responsibilities

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MsHopeful0208201689
I'm going to say something similar to what I said to your other post. It's rather petty to beg for financial help about birth control, when it costs just a few dollars/month. If you're begging for that kind of help, truthfully, you're not ready to be dating as you really need to get your life figured out out. The fact that you're becoming publicly exclusive at 2 weeks says something isn't quite right, or you should at least be aware that you don't know each other. Regardless of whether or not you're exclusive - dating for 2 weeks doesn't really make him your partner - he doesn't know you yet and he doesn't owe you anything, begging for money that's the equivalent of bread scraps says you're not ready to date and that you really need to figure your life out. Anyhow - you've already effectively broken up with him - you really need to call this quits, he probably has already (or is pretty close), you should then take a breather, get your life together, and try to figure out how to be a mature dater so you don't do these ridiculously petty things with the next guy you try to date...

 

We have been together now for a year and a half... The issue didn't start until a few months ago so at this point we been together over a year.

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I made it exclusive about 2 weeks after going on my first date/meeting my boyfriend...

 

I think he's a good guy but somethings I am having a hard time dealing.. Like me asking for financial help with my birth control (in which I never ask for help but should be able to since he is my partner and he should be able to ask me anything too... He became rude with me and told me his isn't trying to make a habit of helping me nor is he looking to "sponsor" anyone.. I felt belittle.. So I asked him for my key back... I go to school, work, volunteer.. He makes way more than me and I never hound him for money and have even did things for him when I could but never would I say such rude words even if I was in the position to do something for him...

 

What do you guys think?

 

I care about him but what if things just get worse.. It's not even about the money but also about initiating to help me when it comes to something as small as putting something together in my house or on my car.. He's even complained about me not putting something together in my home but it's like why won't he do it if he's a man and it bothers him so much. He's good in certain aspects such as he surprised me the other day with flowers and pays for dates a lot of times (in which I have before as well)

 

Has anything changed since last week when you first posted this?

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I would kick his sorry @ss to the curb.

 

First yes he should help with the contraceptive. You take it so he doesn't get you pregnant and you both don't end up with a lifetime responsibility. You are also the one putting hormones and god knows what else in your body for the benefit of the relationship so he could at least come up with half the $ of the pills each month. Especially he makes much more than you do.

 

Second he's lazy. It's in men's nature to help the woman they love. If he sees the toilet is broken, if he knows how to fix it, and he doesn't initiate fixing it for you then it's pure laziness. It's not the kind of man you want to spend a life time with. You see yourself with an Onslow in 20 years!

 

And third, I would drop him like a hot potato for the way he spoke to you and belittled you. The words he chose, his way of thinking of a 1 1/2 year girlfriend is inconsiderate and rude.

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I made it exclusive about 2 weeks after going on my first date/meeting my boyfriend...

 

I think he's a good guy but somethings I am having a hard time dealing.. Like me asking for financial help with my birth control (in which I never ask for help but should be able to since he is my partner and he should be able to ask me anything too... He became rude with me and told me his isn't trying to make a habit of helping me nor is he looking to "sponsor" anyone.. I felt belittle.. So I asked him for my key back... I go to school, work, volunteer.. He makes way more than me and I never hound him for money and have even did things for him when I could but never would I say such rude words even if I was in the position to do something for him...

 

What do you guys think?

 

I care about him but what if things just get worse.. It's not even about the money but also about initiating to help me when it comes to something as small as putting something together in my house or on my car.. He's even complained about me not putting something together in my home but it's like why won't he do it if he's a man and it bothers him so much. He's good in certain aspects such as he surprised me the other day with flowers and pays for dates a lot of times (in which I have before as well)

 

I would move on from this guy. He's not interested in having a girlfriend, otherwise he would offer to help with your car or house, etc. He just wants sex, without any other "obligations".

 

You made another thread about this guy and as I recall, most of us told you he should help pay for birth control and that his attitude about that and other things in general was poor.

 

If you two are having sex, you should at least be exclusive. In my book, exclusivity is about only being sexual with one person until things develop to the point where the couple decides to declare themselves as boyfriend and girlfriend. Some people feel exclusivity is boyfriend and girlfriend. I used to date in stages in order to manage emotions and expectations. Exclusivity to me was the stage between just dating and the time intimacy came into play. Then I would guage the relationship from there and watch how it developed after sex became involved. We all know how that sometimes changes things :)

 

Anyway, if I were you, I'd dump this one. He's putting in minimal effort. Have you ever discussed what it is he wants for himself out of his dating experience? Does he even want a relationship for himself?

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At 1.5 years into the relationship it's less obnoxious that you asked for help paying for the BC. Your 1st post made me think that you asked 2 weeks in. Still asking for money is a big no no. Handle your own affairs.

 

 

Like it or not, as the woman you are the one who will get pregnant. To my way of thinking that always made me more cognizant of the BC responsibilities.

 

 

For the way this guy spoke to you -- like you are some kind of leech -- 1.5 years into the relationship, you really need to examine whether he truly is Mr. Wonderful.

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MsHopeful0208201689
Has anything changed since last week when you first posted this?

 

Nope. Second time we've had this argument.. We are speaking at the moment but too many red flags besides the contraceptives issue.. Trying to figure how to ease out of the relationship and possibly maintain a friendship in which is what we should've built in the beginning before making it official.

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MsHopeful0208201689
At 1.5 years into the relationship it's less obnoxious that you asked for help paying for the BC. Your 1st post made me think that you asked 2 weeks in. Still asking for money is a big no no. Handle your own affairs.

 

 

Like it or not, as the woman you are the one who will get pregnant. To my way of thinking that always made me more cognizant of the BC responsibilities.

 

 

For the way this guy spoke to you -- like you are some kind of leech -- 1.5 years into the relationship, you really need to examine whether he truly is Mr. Wonderful.

 

Nope. We became an item after 2 weeks. Now it's been 1.5 years.. Glad you see where I am coming from

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To all of those that think it is not his responsibility to help! How is it not? We are in a serious monogamous relationship & ive even went half on condoms with him before so what's wrong with helping with something that benefits the BOTH of us. I won't get myself pregnant nor am I screwing myself.. Excluding financial things he just doesn't seem the most helpful at times.. There are qualities I admire about yet there are a lot of things I'm seeing that are red flags for me.. Guess I just gotta decide what I can live with.. I wonder if I were to marry him would it get worse..

 

Of course it would. Marriage doesn't solve problems: it amplifies them.

 

You two are hundreds of thousands of lightyears away from being in a position to marry. For one, he considers you to be a nuisance and a burden of which he doesn't want the responsibility to help, even down to helping you take things out of your car. It's a level of selfishness that's not good, no matter how great you think other areas of your relationship are.

 

Second: sorry, but I'm of the mind that if you consider yourself to be an independent woman and the man you're spreading your legs for doesn't want to pay for your birth control, then you've got some things you need to rethink and it's not trying to find a way to make him pay for your birth control. If he's not offering of his own volition and suggestions from you cause him to tell you that he considers your request to be him sponsoring you like you're some "save the children" waif, then there isn't enough good in your relationship to cover this smack down to your esteem. He told you everything you need to know about how he esteems you by not only saying this, but how he acts when you ask him to do a simple favor.

 

But if you need him that badly, I'd suggest you find somewhere else in your budget to cut back spending so you can afford to keep screwing him or don't have sex.

 

And BTW, birth control fails. Abstinence is 100%; sterilization 98% (plenty of people get pregnant after having been snipped).

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