DanielleSmith56 Posted October 13, 2015 Share Posted October 13, 2015 So I've been with my boyfriend for a year and a half (I am monogamous & he says he is as well)... He's 27 & I am 26. I asked him to help me with the cost of birth control due to the cost increasing because I plan to change from pill to shot.. He said he doesn't mind helping but didn't want to get into a habit of taking on another person's financial burdens... He also said he wasn't looking to sponsor anyone... He says he loves me but sometimes he seems reluctant in helping me with simple things... Such as handy things around my apartment, he even through a fit about getting a grocery item out of my car I asked to get because I forgot it.... He comes over and doesn't mind eating my food, using my shower, utilities, etc. (he spends the night maybe about twice a week)... Sure we go out here and there and he pays but he does expect me to go dutch too... I'm in a hard spot because I do care for him but I don't want to feel like I am wasting my time.. I would NEVER not help him if I could and I would never throw it in his face... I would think after a year and a half I should be able to ask him for anything if I needed help without feeling berated... I hardly ever ask him for him anything BUT to not think he has to help with birth control cost is absurd. What do you think? Link to post Share on other sites
Vintage79 Posted October 13, 2015 Share Posted October 13, 2015 If this is really just about birth control - it's a bit petty to complain too much about it as it's $50-100/year (a rounding error in a budget, which is about an hour of work over the course of the year. Sure, he could help, but that turns into a ridiculous conversation pretty fast (splitting gas, utilities, hand soap...where does it end), so better to avoid unless he offers unsolicited, unless you want to be keeping expense journals. If the cost is changing due to changing format - that's really your issue, as it's your choice to change. Again, yes, he could help, but again - it could digress to a stupid conversation pretty fast. I have a feeling this isn't just birth control. If just birth control, stop being stingy and just deal with a few dollars a month... 7 Link to post Share on other sites
Rephinican Posted October 13, 2015 Share Posted October 13, 2015 So I've been with my boyfriend for a year and a half (I am monogamous & he says he is as well)... He's 27 & I am 26. I asked him to help me with the cost of birth control due to the cost increasing because I plan to change from pill to shot.. He said he doesn't mind helping but didn't want to get into a habit of taking on another person's financial burdens... He also said he wasn't looking to sponsor anyone... He says he loves me but sometimes he seems reluctant in helping me with simple things... Such as handy things around my apartment, he even through a fit about getting a grocery item out of my car I asked to get because I forgot it.... He comes over and doesn't mind eating my food, using my shower, utilities, etc. (he spends the night maybe about twice a week)... Sure we go out here and there and he pays but he does expect me to go dutch too... I'm in a hard spot because I do care for him but I don't want to feel like I am wasting my time.. I would NEVER not help him if I could and I would never throw it in his face... I would think after a year and a half I should be able to ask him for anything if I needed help without feeling berated... I hardly ever ask him for him anything BUT to not think he has to help with birth control cost is absurd. What do you think? This sounds like it's about a lot more than birth control, and that birth control isn't even necessarily the main issue. It sounds more like you're upset with your boyfriends unwillingness to help you out both physically and financially than you are worried about how much birth control costs. If your issue is solely birth control, then I agree with vintage79. From my initial research (a quick google search) it seems like a birth control shot costs about $60 for a three month supply. That means that in total, birth control should cost you about $240. And most health insurance plans cover these shots as well, so you may even pay significantly less. If you have any income coming in and not many debts to speak of, that should be relatively doable with or without your boyfriend's help. If you are really in a bind financially, perhaps you could suggest that he buy groceries more often, or ask him to pay for some petty expenses that you would generally cover. Or you could even consider delaying your switch from pill to shot until your financial situation improves. On the contrary, I kind of find it a little absurd that you expect your boyfriend to help you pay for this switch if it's not necessary and something you can cover for yourself. If he asked for it, then that's a different story and of course he should help out. But otherwise, I really think that it's more your concern than it is his. As for the broader issue of your boyfriend being less than helpful, have you told him your concerns in the same way you just told all of us here? If you haven't, I would highly recommend you do. And if you have, do so again. Your boyfriend might be unaware of how you feel about his behavior and may not even know or suspect that there is a problem. Also, your boyfriend might feel like you ask him for help a lot more than you think you do-- which would explain his reaction to the groceries without straying into "he was just being a d***" territory. And if it turns out that he doesn't care or you have mentioned these things to him before and he hasn't done anything, you may be fundamentally incompatible in this realm and you should think about whether or not you are okay with his behavior or if you want to look for a boyfriend that might be a little more helpful. -Reph 1 Link to post Share on other sites
fitnessfan365 Posted October 13, 2015 Share Posted October 13, 2015 Gotta say OP. You sound REALLY stingy. Not just what has been said over the BC. But actually holding it against him for using your shower? Also, what amount of utility use could he be doing to jack up your PG&E a substantial amount? Next thing you'll be saying is that you mark the bathroom soap bottle w/a line to monitor how much soap he uses when he washes his hands, or you count the sheets of toilet paper that are left on the roll. 6 Link to post Share on other sites
clia Posted October 13, 2015 Share Posted October 13, 2015 I agree that there are bigger issues here, but I don't think you are being unreasonable to ask him to contribute to the cost of contraceptives. Why does he feel this should solely be your financial burden? (And what do you mean when you say he doesn't want to sponsor you?) Anyway, I would probably just tell him I don't feel it's all my responsibility to pay for birth control, since both of you are benefitting from it. And I would suggest using condoms going forward, and you can take turns buying them. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
sandylee1 Posted October 13, 2015 Share Posted October 13, 2015 I don't like his attitude TBH. I mean if you fell pregnant he'd have to pay child support, so why not help with the contraception. I don't think he's marriage material, as people tend to show their good side in the courtship, but you've seen what he's like. He's not helpful and marrying him would just make him even lazier. I find that my husband did more helpful stuff when we dated that he doesn't do now , he's showing you what marriage to him would be like. I'd end it personally. 8 Link to post Share on other sites
guest569 Posted October 13, 2015 Share Posted October 13, 2015 I don't think it's stingy at all. It sounds like he is not pulling his weight. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Els Posted October 13, 2015 Share Posted October 13, 2015 I was about to say "So he spends the night twice a week at your place but has never ever offered to bring over food or groceries, or paying for dates to offset the cost? That's a pretty big red flag IMO, unless you are spending time at his place and behaving the same way as well. Everyone knows that if you're spending the night at someone else's house you should bring or do SOMETHING in return." But then I read your other thread: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/romantic/dating/cheating-flirting-jealousy/552492-asking-married-man-borrow-money-ok Yeah... I think you're being absurd. Link to post Share on other sites
TaraMaiden2 Posted October 13, 2015 Share Posted October 13, 2015 So I've been with my boyfriend for a year and a half (I am monogamous & he says he is as well)... He's 27 & I am 26. I asked him to help me with the cost of birth control due to the cost increasing because I plan to change from pill to shot.. He said he doesn't mind helping but didn't want to get into a habit of taking on another person's financial burdens... He also said he wasn't looking to sponsor anyone... He says he loves me but sometimes he seems reluctant in helping me with simple things... Such as handy things around my apartment, he even through a fit about getting a grocery item out of my car I asked to get because I forgot it.... He comes over and doesn't mind eating my food, using my shower, utilities, etc. (he spends the night maybe about twice a week)... Sure we go out here and there and he pays but he does expect me to go dutch too... I'm in a hard spot because I do care for him but I don't want to feel like I am wasting my time.. I would NEVER not help him if I could and I would never throw it in his face... I would think after a year and a half I should be able to ask him for anything if I needed help without feeling berated... I hardly ever ask him for him anything BUT to not think he has to help with birth control cost is absurd. What do you think? The bit in bold would make me celibate overnight.... 1 Link to post Share on other sites
RoseWater Posted October 13, 2015 Share Posted October 13, 2015 The bit in bold would make me celibate overnight.... You think he is lying about being monogamous? Why? Link to post Share on other sites
SammySammy Posted October 13, 2015 Share Posted October 13, 2015 So I've been with my boyfriend for a year and a half (I am monogamous & he says he is as well)... He's 27 & I am 26. I asked him to help me with the cost of birth control due to the cost increasing because I plan to change from pill to shot.. He said he doesn't mind helping but didn't want to get into a habit of taking on another person's financial burdens... He also said he wasn't looking to sponsor anyone... He says he loves me but sometimes he seems reluctant in helping me with simple things... Such as handy things around my apartment, he even through a fit about getting a grocery item out of my car I asked to get because I forgot it.... He comes over and doesn't mind eating my food, using my shower, utilities, etc. (he spends the night maybe about twice a week)... Sure we go out here and there and he pays but he does expect me to go dutch too... I'm in a hard spot because I do care for him but I don't want to feel like I am wasting my time.. I would NEVER not help him if I could and I would never throw it in his face... I would think after a year and a half I should be able to ask him for anything if I needed help without feeling berated... I hardly ever ask him for him anything BUT to not think he has to help with birth control cost is absurd. What do you think? You all missed what's really going on here .... 1 Link to post Share on other sites
kendahke Posted October 13, 2015 Share Posted October 13, 2015 So I've been with my boyfriend for a year and a half (I am monogamous & he says he is as well)... He's 27 & I am 26. I asked him to help me with the cost of birth control due to the cost increasing because I plan to change from pill to shot.. He said he doesn't mind helping but didn't want to get into a habit of taking on another person's financial burdens... He also said he wasn't looking to sponsor anyone... he's not in this for the long haul. He's marking time with you. He says he loves me but sometimes he seems reluctant in helping me with simple things... Such as handy things around my apartment, he even through a fit about getting a grocery item out of my car I asked to get because I forgot it.... He comes over and doesn't mind eating my food, using my shower, utilities, etc. (he spends the night maybe about twice a week)... Sure we go out here and there and he pays but he does expect me to go dutch too... I'm in a hard spot because I do care for him but I don't want to feel like I am wasting my time.. I would NEVER not help him if I could and I would never throw it in his face... I would think after a year and a half I should be able to ask him for anything if I needed help without feeling berated... I hardly ever ask him for him anything BUT to not think he has to help with birth control cost is absurd. What do you think? I think it's quite clear--at least it is crystal clear to me from what you've written here--that this guy is not the man you need to be with if you are moved to the point of writing to strangers about him not being the kind of man you need to be with. Seriously. Getting something out of the car for you causes him to have a 3 yr old's tantrum? Honey, you are wasting your time if you cannot accept him for what he is and be quiet and content with him. He is who he is and you either love him for that or you reject him and find someone else. That is the fair thing to do here. Expecting something out of him that you've known for the last 18 months he isn't going to deliver is counterproductive and a waste of youth and time. If you need for a man to do/be more, you're going to have to toss him overboard and keep rowing. As for your birth control cost: do you pay for his condoms? I don't think he should pay for your birth control. I also think that you should stop having sex or find another form of BC if the cost of birth control is impacting you to the point where you're asking him for money to pay for it. I never asked any man to pay for my BC. That was all a part of my being an independent woman--to not lean on anyone for any financial help and to live within my means. Link to post Share on other sites
Art_Critic Posted October 13, 2015 Share Posted October 13, 2015 other than he should be bringing the condoms, and you should also have some... that is it... you should pay for any other contraception method... Do you really want your BF to pay for your BC pills ? 3 Link to post Share on other sites
TaraMaiden2 Posted October 13, 2015 Share Posted October 13, 2015 You think he is lying about being monogamous? Why? I never said he was lying. (Funny how people's perceptions differ). I'm focusing on her distrust, actually. Why would she be with someone if she doesn't trust he's being honest, after all this time? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
TaraMaiden2 Posted October 13, 2015 Share Posted October 13, 2015 Contraceptives are FOC in the UK. Just thought I'd mention that..... Link to post Share on other sites
RoseWater Posted October 13, 2015 Share Posted October 13, 2015 I never said he was lying. (Funny how people's perceptions differ). I'm focusing on her distrust, actually. Why would she be with someone if she doesn't trust he's being honest, after all this time? Oh I see. OK. Link to post Share on other sites
Lois_Griffin Posted October 13, 2015 Share Posted October 13, 2015 So I've been with my boyfriend for a year and a half (I am monogamous & he says he is as well)... He's 27 & I am 26. I asked him to help me with the cost of birth control due to the cost increasing because I plan to change from pill to shot.. He said he doesn't mind helping but didn't want to get into a habit of taking on another person's financial burdens... He also said he wasn't looking to sponsor anyone... He says he loves me but sometimes he seems reluctant in helping me with simple things... Such as handy things around my apartment, he even through a fit about getting a grocery item out of my car I asked to get because I forgot it.... He comes over and doesn't mind eating my food, using my shower, utilities, etc. (he spends the night maybe about twice a week)... Sure we go out here and there and he pays but he does expect me to go dutch too... I'm in a hard spot because I do care for him but I don't want to feel like I am wasting my time.. I would NEVER not help him if I could and I would never throw it in his face... I would think after a year and a half I should be able to ask him for anything if I needed help without feeling berated... I hardly ever ask him for him anything BUT to not think he has to help with birth control cost is absurd. What do you think? He sounds extremely stingy and downright cheap. Dating involves giving on BOTH ends, not just one. You're getting ridiculed for feeling he should share in the cost of your birth control but I completely understand where you're coming from. You're saving him the responsibility of always being prepared, and I'm sure he much prefers not to have to wear a condom. What utter NERVE to claim he's not going to 'sponsor' someone. That'd be the LAST time he'd have a chance to say something that degrading to me. The last. When someone brings nothing to table - but is only too happy to continue taking what YOU bring to it - it's time to re-think things. I had a boyfriend a few years ago who really brought nothing to the table. I knew he was on a budget but so was I. Neither one of us was in a position to afford to do much dating. HOWEVER, he'd come to my place usually on Saturday nights and more than not, I'd cook him dinner. All he'd bring was a 6-pack for himself. He never brought anything to contribute to dinner or even a bottle of wine or whatever for me to drink. He'd bring NOTHING. I eventually stopped cooking dinner for him. I was sick and tired of being the only one to contribute to that relationship. And then, I eventually stopped wasting my time with a parasite. You'd be real smart to do the same. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Michelle ma Belle Posted October 13, 2015 Share Posted October 13, 2015 The only thing that screams at me when I read this post was your opening line where you felt the need to clarify that YOU are monogamous but you're trusting he is as well. Whaaat???? I mean, who announces in parentheses such a thing unless THIS is the bigger issue going on in the relationship? Very odd. Personally, I think you're both wrong. You sound overly entitled and he sounds like a bit of a$$. Which came first, the chicken or the egg, who the hell knows but it's not healthy and speaks very much to your (yours and his) immaturity. The happiest and most fulfilling relationships are RECIPROCAL and do not require a score card. Link to post Share on other sites
TaraMaiden2 Posted October 13, 2015 Share Posted October 13, 2015 I'm reminded of the (true) incident of a doctor I knew, who prescribed contraceptives for a young couple, who were in an arranged marriage; both virgins, not from the UK, not good English, or it seems, an adequate grasp of what conception and pregnancy actually involved. As is standard practice, he provided 6 months' worth of pills. But they were back in 3 months, requesting more. Turns out that, under the obvious impression that it takes 2 to make a baby - he had been taking them as well.... In a good, well-functioning, responsible and equal relationship, it would seem logical that if there is a definite desire to prevent pregnancy, both should be responsible and accountable for ensuring that preventative measures are implemented - and when it comes to paying for the pill, then actually, why not have the guy contribute? He would certainly have to fork out a lot more dosh should plans go awry. Life would never be the same again.... In THIS situation.... I am not prepared to comment really.... Link to post Share on other sites
Redhead14 Posted October 13, 2015 Share Posted October 13, 2015 So I've been with my boyfriend for a year and a half (I am monogamous & he says he is as well)... He's 27 & I am 26. I asked him to help me with the cost of birth control due to the cost increasing because I plan to change from pill to shot.. He said he doesn't mind helping but didn't want to get into a habit of taking on another person's financial burdens... He also said he wasn't looking to sponsor anyone... He says he loves me but sometimes he seems reluctant in helping me with simple things... Such as handy things around my apartment, he even through a fit about getting a grocery item out of my car I asked to get because I forgot it.... He comes over and doesn't mind eating my food, using my shower, utilities, etc. (he spends the night maybe about twice a week)... Sure we go out here and there and he pays but he does expect me to go dutch too... I'm in a hard spot because I do care for him but I don't want to feel like I am wasting my time.. I would NEVER not help him if I could and I would never throw it in his face... I would think after a year and a half I should be able to ask him for anything if I needed help without feeling berated... I hardly ever ask him for him anything BUT to not think he has to help with birth control cost is absurd. What do you think? First of all, what are/were each of your dating goals? In other words, were you both looking for a long-term committed relationship? Are you moving toward marriage? Does he intend to marry you? Secondly, it's been a year and half and if he is enjoying the "benefits" and protections afforded by using birth control and the cost is burdensome to you, he should contribute or you can tell him that he can start using rubbers from now on because you aren't willing to spend so much on birth control or perhaps abstinence will be appealing to him I don't like his attitude -- "He also said he wasn't looking to sponsor anyone..." Paleeze. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
road Posted October 13, 2015 Share Posted October 13, 2015 So I've been with my boyfriend for a year and a half (I am monogamous & he says he is as well)... He's 27 & I am 26. I asked him to help me with the cost of birth control due to the cost increasing because I plan to change from pill to shot.. He said he doesn't mind helping but didn't want to get into a habit of taking on another person's financial burdens... He also said he wasn't looking to sponsor anyone... He says he loves me but sometimes he seems reluctant in helping me with simple things... Such as handy things around my apartment, he even through a fit about getting a grocery item out of my car I asked to get because I forgot it.... He comes over and doesn't mind eating my food, using my shower, utilities, etc. (he spends the night maybe about twice a week)... Sure we go out here and there and he pays but he does expect me to go dutch too... I'm in a hard spot because I do care for him but I don't want to feel like I am wasting my time.. I would NEVER not help him if I could and I would never throw it in his face... I would think after a year and a half I should be able to ask him for anything if I needed help without feeling berated... I hardly ever ask him for him anything BUT to not think he has to help with birth control cost is absurd. What do you think? What I think is it is time for you to dump him and it has nothing to do with not paying for birth control. Link to post Share on other sites
Shining One Posted October 13, 2015 Share Posted October 13, 2015 In a good, well-functioning, responsible and equal relationship, it would seem logical that if there is a definite desire to prevent pregnancy, both should be responsible and accountable for ensuring that preventative measures are implemented - and when it comes to paying for the pill, then actually, why not have the guy contribute?I agree with this sentiment with one caveat: If you're going to split this expense, then all dating expenses should be split. There are a lot of costs associated with dating that are often absorbed by one party or another. If the guy does all of the driving, then she should pay half of the gas. If the woman does all of the cooking, then he should pay half of the ingredients. Link to post Share on other sites
Lansing Posted October 13, 2015 Share Posted October 13, 2015 You should ask him to pay for your makeup too. Link to post Share on other sites
TaraMaiden2 Posted October 13, 2015 Share Posted October 13, 2015 I agree with this sentiment with one caveat: If you're going to split this expense, then all dating expenses should be split. There are a lot of costs associated with dating that are often absorbed by one party or another. If the guy does all of the driving, then she should pay half of the gas. If the woman does all of the cooking, then he should pay half of the ingredients. I would have thought that was Sequitur.... 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Shining One Posted October 13, 2015 Share Posted October 13, 2015 I would have thought that was Sequitur....You are correct. Link to post Share on other sites
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