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Why am I entertaining a taken man? never been my jive!


Unicorn1982

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I met this guy and ya all the stuff you feel when you like someone were there. As we were getting to know each other I got this odd feeling that he was maybe seeing someone. So I asked, he didn't lie he said yes he and his gf of three years have been having problems and they seem un-fixable. Given that I got the feeling I shouldn't have been so surprised. I inquired as he would get a little flirty, and he explained that she wants a kid (she is 47) but he eggs are no good so she would need to spend 20000$ to get a donor egg and its not 100%. He is 43 but every career focused like me, and is not ready for kids, (he also doesn't like that she is 47 as he feels that's too old especially cuz he is up there too and it's not her egg and that doesn't feel natural to him) so I got used to the idea that they were for sure ending it. She gave an ultimatum, do it or she is gone, and then she went away, which is when we reunited after 10 years. And got flirty. I am always turned off by taken men. We have not crossed a line, I have felt pissed off though and that I won't talk to him anymore and he respects my space, but then I reach out... WHAT THE HELL AM I DOING!!! I was happy being single! I am a hot 33 year old, no problem getting a man in fact, I often have to run from them. Small island fever? Or I just am attracted to him but never has it been enough to make me wish one's relationship to fail. Gosh no way!!! I have integrity. Please help serious answers only please!!

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shoot sorry for that and the typos, i knew him ten years ago we went on a date he tried to kiss me i was like 22 and like ran away lol fast forward ten years i move back to this area and bumped in to him randomly and sparks flew and then i found out about the GF whom he started dating 3 years ago.

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Unicorn1982, it's probably a bad idea to pursue a taken man but I think you already know that. As for why exactly you like this guy, I haven't the faintest idea. If he's 43 after the ten years have passed then he's also ten years older than you. Granted while I tend to agree with the whole "age is just a number" statement in terms of dating, if you really are beating all the men off with a stick then I don't understand why you would have fallen for this guy so hard. You can probably do better in terms of men than this guy.

 

As for why you reach out to him even though you don't want to flirt with a taken man, well that's much easier to answer. You sound like you're somewhat addicted to the attention he gives you, or at the very least you are unwilling to stop because you enjoy flirting with him and have had none or very few consequences for doing so. If you really want to stop, you need to cut contact with him as much as possible. Block his number, delete him off your contacts list, don't go to places he frequents so you don't accidentally bump into him, unfriend him on social media (or delete your accounts if you prefer) etc. It's incredibly difficult to deal with feelings of attraction and or lust when you are still in close contact with the person you are attracted to/ lusting after. If you really want to end this, you need to do it all the way. No just ignoring his messages anymore-- that obviously doesn't work. You need to go further. Your integrity and character will thank you for it.

 

-Reph

Edited by Rephinican
Saw recent post, clarified ten years thing
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i like what you wrote thank you for the solid answer. attention ya and it got me thinking maybe even goes so far as to say taking my attention away from my narcissistic ex who keeps trying to get back in my life and this helps me, keep moving further away from my ex with out looking back, not even that I want to jump into anything either so its a safe bet so to speak, that he is taken and I will not cross that line, makes me sick to even picture my self doing that. just gross and weak and well pointless as everyone knows no one leaves cake when they can eat it too. ha ha

 

thanks

 

gave me a lot to think about

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i like what you wrote thank you for the solid answer. attention ya and it got me thinking maybe even goes so far as to say taking my attention away from my narcissistic ex who keeps trying to get back in my life and this helps me, keep moving further away from my ex with out looking back, not even that I want to jump into anything either so its a safe bet so to speak, that he is taken and I will not cross that line, makes me sick to even picture my self doing that. just gross and weak and well pointless as everyone knows no one leaves cake when they can eat it too. ha ha

 

thanks

 

gave me a lot to think about

 

You might be right here. I've heard of people using relationships to cope with being fully drained as narcissistic supply (or otherwise leaving narcissistic partners ) before and that could very well by the reason why you began to enjoy this man's attention in the first place. I'd still suggest that you find a single guy to build yourself back up with- oftentimes relationships with taken men have a similar effect to a relationship with a narcissist in that they tend to reduce self-esteem as opposed to raise it. And good point about the cake! I too find that's true more often than not.

 

And I'm glad that I could be at least somewhat helpful

 

-Reph

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got to be it then!! I thought he was single or I would have never, as for him being narcissistic or have the tendencies well maybe, tbh i am already feeling a shift in my emotions since I realized what it may be stemming from. he and I are friends and if I ask him not to flirt he would listen he is also a good support in the way that he is a very positive person. I plan on keeping him at arms length, I had no interest using anyone to get over anyone else, TBH it just made my ex more present in my life which turned me off. im pretty turned off of it all now, I get what is happening and I dont need someone to aid me in this I can do this on my own.

 

few im still a good person!! lmao

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