RoseWater Posted October 12, 2015 Share Posted October 12, 2015 As a woman in her 30s some of the guys I've dated have had children. It feels like they fall into one of two camps. There are the fathers who are involved and responsible but who clearly have a life (as in career, a love life, personal time etc) beyond just being a father. These types of guys are great to date. I dated one man in this category who had sole custody of his teenage son. He was proud of his son and they have a strong bond but at the same time they both have their own lives. The second category is the single dad whose entire life revolves around being a father. I was approached by one of these today. The very first thing he said is "my son is my heart and soul!" and his profile pics ALL include his son in the photos. A person like this is not suitable for a relationship. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
glynnroy Posted October 12, 2015 Share Posted October 12, 2015 As a woman in her 30s some of the guys I've dated have had children. It feels like they fall into one of two camps. There are the fathers who are involved and responsible but who clearly have a life (as in career, a love life, personal time etc) beyond just being a father. These types of guys are great to date. I dated one man in this category who had sole custody of his teenage son. He was proud of his son and they have a strong bond but at the same time they both have their own lives. The second category is the single dad whose entire life revolves around being a father. I was approached by one of these today. The very first thing he said is "my son is my heart and soul!" and his profile pics ALL include his son in the photos. A person like this is not suitable for a relationship. Disagree ! Sounds like a proud father , if he had said my sons an ass I hate him , he still wouldn't have won Don't judge a book by its cover , every guy is different and a few minutes chatting doesn't tell it all People do have preferences and I understand that , but better to have a loving father than a looser who won't see him Link to post Share on other sites
losangelena Posted October 12, 2015 Share Posted October 12, 2015 The second category is the single dad whose entire life revolves around being a father. I was approached by one of these today. The very first thing he said is "my son is my heart and soul!" and his profile pics ALL include his son in the photos. A person like this is not suitable for a relationship. Ehn. That's quite the sweeping generalization. Augment this sentence and say, "A person like this is not suitable for a relationship WITH ME." That is more accurate. 7 Link to post Share on other sites
Miss Peach Posted October 12, 2015 Share Posted October 12, 2015 IMO I think the only single dads that are not good match for me are the following: 1. Still hung up and not over the marriage/divorce 2. They have no REAL interest in their kids. They like to act like they do but are perfectly happy to let the ex do all the parenting, don't take the time they are allowed to see their kids, etc. 3. Can't figure out how to make time and juggle their responsibilities 4. Their life is filled with constant drama that takes judges and lawyers to resolve every little thing. This list doesn't really apply to just dads but this is what I look for when I date people with kids. Link to post Share on other sites
Author RoseWater Posted October 12, 2015 Author Share Posted October 12, 2015 Ehn. That's quite the sweeping generalization. Augment this sentence and say, "A person like this is not suitable for a relationship WITH ME." That is more accurate. Fair point. For me having all the profile pics featuring the kid and the first thing they say in their very first message is how their child is their "heart and soul" is very honest but also very off-putting for me personally. I am sure that if I had a young kid I'd feel the same way about my child and also that certain free (as in childless, unattached) men might not want to date me. Link to post Share on other sites
jeffmeyers Posted October 12, 2015 Share Posted October 12, 2015 The second category is the single dad whose entire life revolves around being a father. I was approached by one of these today. The very first thing he said is "my son is my heart and soul!" and his profile pics ALL include his son in the photos. A person like this is not suitable for a relationship. Imagine a dismissive topic like this one but about single moms 5 Link to post Share on other sites
MightyPen Posted October 12, 2015 Share Posted October 12, 2015 Imagine a dismissive topic like this one but about single moms Quoted for truth. Link to post Share on other sites
Siquijor Posted October 12, 2015 Share Posted October 12, 2015 As a woman in her 30s some of the guys I've dated have had children. It feels like they fall into one of two camps. There are the fathers who are involved and responsible but who clearly have a life (as in career, a love life, personal time etc) beyond just being a father. These types of guys are great to date. I dated one man in this category who had sole custody of his teenage son. He was proud of his son and they have a strong bond but at the same time they both have their own lives. The second category is the single dad whose entire life revolves around being a father. I was approached by one of these today. The very first thing he said is "my son is my heart and soul!" and his profile pics ALL include his son in the photos. A person like this is not suitable for a relationship. So for doting on their children your basically saying these dads make unsuitable partners? Do I detect a hint of jealousy? Link to post Share on other sites
Author RoseWater Posted October 12, 2015 Author Share Posted October 12, 2015 So for doting on their children your basically saying these dads make unsuitable partners? Do I detect a hint of jealousy? No. It's not possible to be jealous of the child of some guy you once exchanged one online message with Link to post Share on other sites
oberkeat Posted October 12, 2015 Share Posted October 12, 2015 I personally would never consider dating someone with kids from a previous relationship. That's serious baggage. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author RoseWater Posted October 12, 2015 Author Share Posted October 12, 2015 I personally would never consider dating someone with kids from a previous relationship. That's serious baggage. I'm ok with it if the child is a teen or grown up and they are not the guy's entire life 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Siquijor Posted October 12, 2015 Share Posted October 12, 2015 No. It's not possible to be jealous of the child of some guy you once exchanged one online message with So why is he unsuitable? Link to post Share on other sites
thecrucible Posted October 12, 2015 Share Posted October 12, 2015 I couldn't date a guy with kids. But I'm in my early twenties. My opinion would be different with more life experience, I am sure of it. Link to post Share on other sites
losangelena Posted October 12, 2015 Share Posted October 12, 2015 If we are being honest, I think her findings are similar to what I have seen with single moms. I have met many of moms who have absolutely zero interests, hobbies, or even life outside of their children. While it is admirable that they focus so much of their time and effort to being a great parent, that doesn't mean they are fun to date. Which MAY be the case (hell, I would not personally date someone whose whole life revolves around kids, either), but that doesn't mean OP need generalize and say that ALL men who have such mindsets are unfit for dating. SHE may be turned off, but not EVERYONE will be. Link to post Share on other sites
Author RoseWater Posted October 12, 2015 Author Share Posted October 12, 2015 So why is he unsuitable? because his life is completely centred around and focused on his kid. As it should be. But I'm not interested in entering that sort of set-up. I don't think that's unreasonable of me really. I want a guy who can be spontaneous, has no ties etc. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
losangelena Posted October 12, 2015 Share Posted October 12, 2015 With all due respect, enigma, I disagree. OP literally said, "A person like this is not suitable for a relationship." What a statement! Their relationship suitability is practically unknowable, by either us or the OP, since she doesn't actually know the person she's referring to. My point is NOT that she should feel obligated to date someone like that (I would not either); but there is no need to say that someone who presents themselves in such a way is patently "unsuitable" to be in a relationship, because A) that's untrue, and B) who are we to say? Sure, find it off-putting and boring—I do, too!—just cut the blanket statements. Yes, I'm harping and yes I'll stop now. I just happen to think that precise language only enhances discussion. How you say what you say is important. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
joseb Posted October 12, 2015 Share Posted October 12, 2015 If we are being honest, I think her findings are similar to what I have seen with single moms. I have met many of moms who have absolutely zero interests, hobbies, or even life outside of their children. While it is admirable that they focus so much of their time and effort to being a great parent, that doesn't mean they are fun to date. Yeah I was about to write this. I've seen so many profiles where the women immediately go into an essay about how much the kid means to them. That's great and all, but a bit off putting, for a lot of guys. I've actually dated single moms that loved their kids and still had a life though. They get the balance right. Regarding the OPs original statement, I disagree that these guys are not ready for a relationship. But I do think that a lot of women would not be able to date a guy like that. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
gaius Posted October 12, 2015 Share Posted October 12, 2015 The latter is a sign of low testosterone. =/ So I don't blame you for not wanting to date them. Testosterone and Fatherhood: Do 'Manlier' Men Make Worse Dads? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
menyou Posted October 12, 2015 Share Posted October 12, 2015 I think it's a great thing for your children to be a huge part of your life. But not your entire life. That is not a good balance. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
alphamale Posted October 12, 2015 Share Posted October 12, 2015 As a woman in her 30s some of the guys I've dated have had children. It feels like they fall into one of two camps. There are the fathers who are involved and responsible but who clearly have a life (as in career, a love life, personal time etc) beyond just being a father. These types of guys are great to date. I dated one man in this category who had sole custody of his teenage son. He was proud of his son and they have a strong bond but at the same time they both have their own lives. The second category is the single dad whose entire life revolves around being a father. I was approached by one of these today. The very first thing he said is "my son is my heart and soul!" and his profile pics ALL include his son in the photos. A person like this is not suitable for a relationship. this also applies to single women with kids Link to post Share on other sites
phineas Posted October 13, 2015 Share Posted October 13, 2015 because his life is completely centred around and focused on his kid. As it should be. But I'm not interested in entering that sort of set-up. I don't think that's unreasonable of me really. I want a guy who can be spontaneous, has no ties etc. They have a filter for that on the dating websites. I don't even know why this is an issue. Link to post Share on other sites
bluefeather Posted October 13, 2015 Share Posted October 13, 2015 just cut the blanket statements. Yes, I'm harping and yes I'll stop now. I just happen to think that precise language only enhances discussion. How you say what you say is important. I've been noticing and pointing this out every once in a while throughout a couple of threads lately. THAT is off-putting. Link to post Share on other sites
Maggie4 Posted October 13, 2015 Share Posted October 13, 2015 What is off putting for me is when a man says those things and he's really over emphasizing how important his kids are to him, it makes me feel like he sees himself and his kids united against any newcomer who dares to think she might one day have a place in his life too. When he goes out of his way to make this clear, it sounds like he's giving a warning, and that he thinks women would try to take him away from his kids. Maybe he had such a problem with a previous gf? Would be different if the guy says those things to everyone he meets at work and shows his kids' pictures all the time to strangers, (and some do!), in which case, it's off putting because he's awkward in social behavior. There should be some moderation. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Popsicle Posted October 13, 2015 Share Posted October 13, 2015 Single (divorced) mom here and even I find it off putting. I mean, we know you love your kids, what parent doesn't? But we're trying to make a connection with each other here, not hear about your love for your kids. Say something else. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
bluefeather Posted October 13, 2015 Share Posted October 13, 2015 Maybe there are some dads out there who think since it's good for them to come off as great dads, they push that image to the max and over-do it. Say something else. This made me lol so much. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
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