was i the rebound guy?

[imtheone]

so my ex was with her ex from start of this year, and i got with her after they split up in june, and i was with her till sept. was i the rebound guy? she has now gone back to her ex but do i have any chance at all with this one? during our relationship she did tell me she loved me, and i know her feeling are true. but is her feelings for her ex stronger than what it was with me? as they were together longer and created more memories. thanks in advance

[Disconnect]

My feeling - I think you answered your own question in your last two lines.

[glynnroy]

Yes is the answer ...

 

Rebound ! If she was with him a long time and he ended it , or she regretted it , chances are they are trying to make it work

 

I have a rule , never date a girl who had just or recently come out of a long term relationship! It always ended in tears , give a girl Space , sounds like she wanted a bit of fun and she was playing hide the sausage with you

 

Move on ! Plenty more out there

[imtheone]

we still text alot, she has never mentioned him, what does this mean? is she making herself available or just dont want to hurt my feelings? if this helps i friend zoned her just before she could do it with me cause i see it coming and they did to stay in control. but ive text her today and asked if shes with anyone, and she neither said yes or no, and then i asked if she wants us to keep going on with whatever we have going, and she said yes.

im so confused!

[kendahke]

so my ex was with her ex from start of this year, and i got with her after they split up in june, and i was with her till sept. was i the rebound guy? she has now gone back to her ex but do i have any chance at all with this one? during our relationship she did tell me she loved me, and i know her feeling are true. but is her feelings for her ex stronger than what it was with me? as they were together longer and created more memories. thanks in advance

 

So, she was in contact with him basically the whole time she was with you, lying to you and using you to mark time til she could get her ex to take her back?

 

Yes, you were rebound guy.

 

No--you don't have any chance with her if she's with who she wants to be with--and that's not you.

 

You were her means of distraction.

 

Never deal with anyone who is fresh out of a break up--for this exact reason that you've laid out here. She wasn't over her ex and ran back to him at the first opportunity. So much for "love".

 

Her feelings may have been true in the moment, but they're not true now.

[kendahke]

we still text alot, she has never mentioned him, what does this mean? is she making herself available or just dont want to hurt my feelings? if this helps i friend zoned her just before she could do it with me cause i see it coming and they did to stay in control. but ive text her today and asked if shes with anyone, and she neither said yes or no, and then i asked if she wants us to keep going on with whatever we have going, and she said yes.

im so confused!

 

Stop texting with her. Stop dealing with her. That'll clear up all confusion.

 

Would you be cool with her texting her ex behind your back like she did? Of course she's not going to mention him--that's what sneaky people do.

 

It really doesn't matter if you friendzoned her first--you're still not in the priority position in her life. Her ex, or should I say current boyfriend, is.

 

It's not up to her if you two keep going, so why ask her? Why do you want to be with a cheater? Are you really that hard up for a girlfriend that you'll just gut your own esteem like this?

 

No. The way you deal with cheaters is that you block them and stop dealing with them. You don't text someone who doesn't want to make you their priority---or more importantly, someone who has chosen someone else over you.

 

You are going to get hurt more if you keep dealing with this sneaky, deceitful, cheating liar.

[glynnroy]

we still text alot, she has never mentioned him, what does this mean? is she making herself available or just dont want to hurt my feelings? if this helps i friend zoned her just before she could do it with me cause i see it coming and they did to stay in control. but ive text her today and asked if shes with anyone, and she neither said yes or no, and then i asked if she wants us to keep going on with whatever we have going, and she said yes.

im so confused!

 

Think you are going to get hurt here

 

I'd just put this one down to experience , your in the friend zone and that's where your staying ,

Tuff love mate but I'd leave this one ! Wondrying if it's ever going to be more serious , go no contact and be done

[imtheone]

she ended it with him, and she was the one who approached me for my number and was chasing after me.

 

is there any way i can get her back? maybe no contact? cause she still texts me all the time.

[kendahke]

she ended it with him, and she was the one who approached me for my number and was chasing after me.

 

is there any way i can get her back? maybe no contact? cause she still texts me all the time.

 

SHE'S BACK WITH HIM NOW. Doesn't matter who chased whom or asked for whose number first. She's with her ex now.

 

No contact isn't used as a ploy to get people back. No Contact is for you to retrieve your esteem, heal and get whole for someone else who deserves you not being fragmented over a lying sneaking cheater. Is her kitty really that good that you'll venture this far afield of your good sense?

 

Block her. The reason why she texts you all the time is because you let her because you think you can sneak your way back between her legs. Look at yourself! She's turning you into a sneaking, lying cheater who goes after other guy's girls. She has absolutely no loyalty to anyone or anything but her own selfishness.

[imtheone]

Stop texting with her. Stop dealing with her. That'll clear up all confusion.

 

Would you be cool with her texting her ex behind your back like she did? Of course she's not going to mention him--that's what sneaky people do.

 

It really doesn't matter if you friendzoned her first--you're still not in the priority position in her life. Her ex, or should I say current boyfriend, is.

 

It's not up to her if you two keep going, so why ask her? Why do you want to be with a cheater? Are you really that hard up for a girlfriend that you'll just gut your own esteem like this?

 

No. The way you deal with cheaters is that you block them and stop dealing with them. You don't text someone who doesn't want to make you their priority---or more importantly, someone who has chosen someone else over you.

 

You are going to get hurt more if you keep dealing with this sneaky, deceitful, cheating liar.

no i wouldnt be cool with it at all, but does that mean shes making herself avalible to me or not?

 

i basically said to her if she has someone else in her life than we should stop texting each other as i dont want to waste my time, and she basically said she wants to keep things going between us.

 

i dont want to be with a cheater and i do deserve better im just in love i guess and i would do anything to get her back!

 

please is there any way i can? she gave me so much hope in my life what i never had before

 

sorry to sound like a whining little girl but this one has got to me like this

[leafguy]

Dude...as a guy that has been in your exact same scenario. Run for the bloody hills....and I mean RUN!!!!!

 

I was with my ex for 5 years, she cheated on me and kept texting me while she was with the guy she left me for...I still loved her and couldn't detach for 6 months. All the while as soon as things went to hell with him and things weren't greener, which ironically was also me telling her to stop contact as I wanted to leave the situation at bay, guess who tried to come back.

 

I rejected her and she has since carried on with said guy she left me for like nothing ever happened.

 

Bottom line is you are dealing with someone who:

A) Doesn't like to be alone

B) Craves the attention

C) Doesn't give a crap about anyone's feelings but her own.

D) Lacks confidence in herself and gets it from guys like you.

 

Again to sum it all up...RUN for the hills!!!!! It is ultimately up to you what you do, but once you get burned again, you will figure it out for yourself. Best of luck mate, I feel for you.

[kendahke]

no i wouldnt be cool with it at all, but

 

But nothing. Act like it.

 

does that mean shes making herself avalible to me or not?

 

No. Tell you what. Today... no, right now--sign off, call her and ask her to spend all of Friday night into Saturday morning with you. See what she says.

 

i basically said to her if she has someone else in her life than we should stop texting each other as i dont want to waste my time, and she basically said she wants to keep things going between us.

 

because that's what selfish, self-centered and self-absorbed people do: care only for their own comfort and no one else's. If that chick really cared about you, she'd be at your door apologizing for what she did, be willing to atone for the pain she put you through and would be talking to you about getting back together with you---with you in the priority position in her life, not some secret she has to sneak and talk to. She'd be upfront about what is going one because she would feel you deserved the truth. She doesn't feel you deserve the truth.

 

i dont want to be with a cheater and i do deserve better im just in love i guess and i would do anything to get her back!

 

If you dont' want to be with a lying cheater, then don't give one entree into your life. She had you then threw you away because she didn't want to be with you as a lover. There can be no hope to be had when you're dealing with a sneaking, lying cheater. She refuses to be transparent and you think that's a cute look.

 

please is there any way i can? she gave me so much hope in my life what i never had before

 

sorry to sound like a whining little girl but this one has got to me like this

 

It's just so sad to watch a grown man making a meal out of crumbs thrown to him by a lying, sneaking cheater who's playing him.

[imtheone]

But nothing. Act like it.

 

 

 

No. Tell you what. Today... no, right now--sign off, call her and ask her to spend all of Friday night into Saturday morning with you. See what she says.

 

 

 

because that's what selfish, self-centered and self-absorbed people do: care only for their own comfort and no one else's. If that chick really cared about you, she'd be at your door apologizing for what she did, be willing to atone for the pain she put you through and would be talking to you about getting back together with you---with you in the priority position in her life, not some secret she has to sneak and talk to. She'd be upfront about what is going one because she would feel you deserved the truth. She doesn't feel you deserve the truth.

 

 

 

If you dont' want to be with a lying cheater, then don't give one entree into your life. She had you then threw you away because she didn't want to be with you as a lover. There can be no hope to be had when you're dealing with a sneaking, lying cheater. She refuses to be transparent and you think that's a cute look.

 

 

 

It's just so sad to watch a grown man making a meal out of crumbs thrown to him by a lying, sneaking cheater who's playing him.

i know im acting pretty pathetic at the moment but thats just the way i feel, even staying in contact with her makes me feel better but i think cutting her off is the best thing for me, thank you and to everyone else for your opinions its helped me alot.

[kendahke]

You will be stunned and overjoyed when you find a woman who wants to make you a priority in her life to the point where she hides nothing about your relationship with her and is transparent in all of her intentions as far as you're concerned.

 

People who sneak and hide are deceitful and they traffic in lies.

 

But seriously---give her a call and set up that Friday night/Saturday morning date.

[Terry8889]

Listen kid people already told you you have no chance with this girl, she is not texting you because she wants you back. She is still texting you because she likes the attention she receives from 2 guys at the same time. She sounds selfish/self-centered, she doesn't care about the other guy's feelings or yours. She only cares that she can have fun with both whenever she wants. Even if she comes back to you one day most likely she will leave for someone else. Cheaters never change! Why? Because there are emotionally weak people like you who let them get away with it. She has to learn there are consequences for her actions but you let her get away with it so she thinks you're okay with the situation and has made you her doormat. If you continue letting her she will loose any respect left for you because you don't stand up for yourself and tell her enough is enough. Why would a girl want to be in a relationship with someone who doesn't even respect himself and let others walk all over him? You have to stop contact with her and stop feeding her ego. Or you will end up hurt and lonely in the end. As I said cheaters NEVER change.

[imtheone]

You will be stunned and overjoyed when you find a woman who wants to make you a priority in her life to the point where she hides nothing about your relationship with her and is transparent in all of her intentions as far as you're concerned.

 

People who sneak and hide are deceitful and they traffic in lies.

 

But seriously---give her a call and set up that Friday night/Saturday morning date.

theres no point setting up that date cause i know what the answer will be NO!

were texting now as i type and she says she still cares about me.

im still none the wiser..

 

sorry if im being difficult everyone

[imtheone]

Listen kid people already told you you have no chance with this girl, she is not texting you because she wants you back. She is still texting you because she likes the attention she receives from 2 guys at the same time. She sounds selfish/self-centered, she doesn't care about the other guy's feelings or yours. She only cares that she can have fun with both whenever she wants. Even if she comes back to you one day most likely she will leave for someone else. Cheaters never change! Why? Because there are emotionally weak people like you who let them get away with it. She has to learn there are consequences for her actions but you let her get away with it so she thinks you're okay with the situation and has made you her doormat. If you continue letting her she will loose any respect left for you because you don't stand up for yourself and tell her enough is enough. Why would a girl want to be in a relationship with someone who doesn't even respect himself and let others walk all over him? You have to stop contact with her and stop feeding her ego. Or you will end up hurt and lonely in the end. As I said cheaters NEVER change.

as harsh as it sounds i know deep down your correct, im just not in the right frame of mind at the minute to acknowledge everything your saying.

 

thanks for the replies though

[glynnroy]

theres no point setting up that date cause i know what the answer will be NO!

were texting now as i type and she says she still cares about me.

im still none the wiser..

 

sorry if im being difficult everyone

 

This is difficult to read

 

Your gonna get hurt big time !

 

The sooner you go no contact and start healing the better you will

Feel

 

 

The loneliest feeling in the world is loving some one who won't love you

 

Take one on the chin , we've all done it ! Learn from this other wise you will get hurt again

[kendahke]

theres no point setting up that date cause i know what the answer will be NO!

were texting now as i type and she says she still cares about me.

im still none the wiser..

 

sorry if im being difficult everyone

 

Hey, you know what? My blood pressure is 120/70... I ain't going to be suffering over this feat of stubbornness.

 

You want what you want no matter the consequences... kind of like that dude from White Star Line who wanted the Titanic in New York in record time. Lot of hurt went on that night for a lot of people behind someone wanting what they wanted, damb everything else.

 

Her caring about you is really meaningless---it's not buttressed by action and you being in fear of setting up a Friday night date with her says everything. If she cared about you, she'd be spending time with you as much as she could, not doing the lame texting BS. Christ, she can't even talk to you on the phone--texting is used to manage difficult people when you don't want to get into a protracted conversation about the effery you're trying to pull over on them.

 

but like I said, you being difficult isn't cramping my day.

Edited October 12, 2015 by kendahke

[lino]

You were definitely a rebound.

 

I have been in that position a few times before and can smell it a continent away

 

You were the pass time while she waited for him to take her back.

 

Yes is the answer ...

 

Rebound ! If she was with him a long time and he ended it , or she regretted it , chances are they are trying to make it work

 

I have a rule , never date a girl who had just or recently come out of a long term relationship! It always ended in tears , give a girl Space , sounds like she wanted a bit of fun and she was playing hide the sausage with you

 

Move on ! Plenty more out there

 

Hide the sausage? Be careful, that may be deemed 'pornographic' in here

 

she ended it with him, and she was the one who approached me for my number and was chasing after me.

 

is there any way i can get her back? maybe no contact? cause she still texts me all the time.

 

That makes it even clearer.

 

Rebound chasers are very aggressive because they can't be single.

 

I doubt you can get her back but you could keep her around as a possible booty call if you feel up for that.

 

She's still messaging you a lot because of 1) boredom and 2) to keep you around in case the boyfriend shoots through again.

[imtheone]

Hey, you know what? My blood pressure is 120/70... I ain't going to be suffering over this feat of stubbornness.

 

You want what you want no matter the consequences... kind of like that dude from White Star Line who wanted the Titanic in New York in record time. Lot of hurt went on that night for a lot of people behind someone wanting what they wanted, damb everything else.

 

Her caring about you is really meaningless---it's not buttressed by action and you being in fear of setting up a Friday night date with her says everything. If she cared about you, she'd be spending time with you as much as she could, not doing the lame texting BS. Christ, she can't even talk to you on the phone--texting is used to manage difficult people when you don't want to get into a protracted conversation about the effery you're trying to pull over on them.

 

but like I said, you being difficult isn't cramping my day.

i know deep down you talking complete sense, everyones responses have helped me more than you know, theres two ways i can go about this a) cut off all contact for good b) get what i want out of her ie. sex, friendship etc. and not put my feelings into it, and use her for what she is!

[kendahke]

i know deep down you talking complete sense, everyones responses have helped me more than you know, theres two ways i can go about this a) cut off all contact for good b) get what i want out of her ie. sex, friendship etc. and not put my feelings into it, and use her for what she is!

 

a--is the healthiest option, both mentally and emotionally, not to mention the health of your ethics and integrity.

 

b--is you allowing yourself to be used by a cheater and a liar for really no gain whatsoever. It also proves that you can't let go of what is damaging to you, and that is really a sad thing to see in a grown man.

 

Like I said.... 120/70. Life is good.