BF dumps GF because she is poor??

[Terry8889]

So my best guy friend was dating this girl who I also became friends with. Months into dating my guy friend was having second thoughts about her because of her "financial situation". He has a pretty good career, job and house and he says he is ready to settle down and wants to find the right woman. His girl was younger and was also independent but sharing an apartment with two other people and driving an old car. She is still in school finishing up a bachelors, She has a decent job but limited finances. In part I think because of paying for school, etc, idk. Well my guy friend doesn't mind buying expensive stuff but his gf usually says no to buying stuff she considers no necessary. Anyways, because of this my friend assumed she was "broke" and he ended up breaking up with her because of it. I felt bad for her and in my opinion I think it was a big mistake from his part because I know he liked her a lot and had so many things in common. I have never heard of the guy dumping a girl because of her economic situation at the moment. It was not like she was homeless or in huge debt. As I said she goes to school, decent job, but can't blow money. I have usually heard that some women would dump the guy because he is broke but never saw the opposite. Any opinions, thoughts, or similar stories?

[scooby-philly]

@Terry

 

I think you mentioned the most important thing in this discussion right at the end. There's no stereotype against women who dump men who aren't financially healthy, or who are not financially smart. It does sound weird to hear it the other way round.

 

However, I think in the situation you described the key isn't necessarily her own financial status, but the way she reacts to his. I mean, this is really about money & "lifestyle" then just money. It seems like he wants to enjoy certain things and she says no. It wouldn't be different than someone dumping someone because they don't agree on how much to save, or how often to go out, etc. The key is why he dumped her. If he did it because they're not on the same page, that's fair enough and may have been a smart thing for them both. However, if he did it because she doesn't have money now that's a dumbass reason.

 

I think it would be better to know a little more detail before offering up any more advice

 

For me, I ended a year long relationship 3 months ago because she was a total crazy bitch, who was 40k in debt, with 14k owed on her used car, who wasn't really in love with me- she just wanted someone to be responsible and to fill in the gaps in her schedule. The debt situation is scary in and of itself - the question is always why/how you get there.

[Siquijor]

Very shallow of your friend, Terry, but it's his loss and somebody else's gain.

[stillafool]

There's nothing wrong with wanting an equal partner in every way. This didn't work for him and there is nothing wrong with that. It doesn't matter if it's a woman or a man. This is why some men only marry women with a college degree which may have something to do with earning potential especially in todays economy. Good for the girl he dumped that she is trying to improve her financial situation by going to school.

[J21]

Different socio-economical rankings and different financial standards of living, different financial livestyle--IMO that's an area of compatibility people often ignore or don't pay attention to.

 

Sure it's messed up he broke up over that, but his happens all the time. I'm really not surprised one bit.

[Shining One]

He has a pretty good career, job and house and he says he is ready to settle down and wants to find the right woman.

You'll find many men online complaining about how much they get screwed in a divorce. The reality of the situation is that the person with the higher income and assets takes the risk. If he's looking for a wife, it's smart to look for someone in an equal financial situation.

[katiegrl]

You'll find many men online complaining about how much they get screwed in a divorce. The reality of the situation is that the person with the higher income and assets takes the risk. If he's looking for a wife, it's smart to look for someone in an equal financial situation.

 

Fair enough. But since she's in school studying for her bachelor's, once she gets her degree, chances are she WILL be in an equal financial situation, maybe better even!

 

I mean she's in school for heaven's sake, plus she works!

 

I don't think that's the real reason he ended it, it makes no sense...since again, once she graduates, she *will* be in a position to get a great job, and may end up making MORE $$ than him.

 

It's a few years tops. Heck, most men would totally respect and admire a chick for going to school AND working! Assuming he was attracted to her and into her. NOT break up with her! That's nuts.

 

Her actions indicate she is no slacker, that's for sure. To the contrary, they indicate she is quite ambitious! And ambitious people know how to land good jobs, with good salaries. Once they graduate and have their degree!

 

Either his expectations are way too high and frankly unreasonable ....or there is another reason he broke up with her, he didn't want to admit.

 

Could it be he met someone else? And THAT is why he ended it?

Edited October 11, 2015 by katiegrl

[Shining One]

Fair enough. But since she's in school studying for her bachelor's, once she gets her degree, chances are she WILL be in an equal financial situation, maybe better even!

 

I mean she's in school for heaven's sake, plus she works!

Well, the original post indicated he wants to settle down. That tells me he is looking to marry soon. The woman in school may be perfect later, but if he's looking to marry soon, later may be too late.

 

I know I personally would not want to absorb someone's college debt with the possibility (no matter how high that possibility is) that it will even out in the future. However, since I'm in no rush to get married, I'd be okay with waiting until that financial state evens out before considering marriage.

 

In any case, it's just a theory.

[kendahke]

he's free to be with or dump whomever he chooses.

 

Chances are, she's not going to be in financial straights for the rest of her life--she sounds quite frugal and smart with her money at this point in her life and will most likely be the kind of woman who's got an amazing retirement saved up and wont' have to worry in her sunset years about who will be able to support her because she'll have her own. Kind of stupid to dump such a smart, practical woman like that. Hopefully a man who can truly appreciate her will scoop her up immediately.

[katiegrl]

Well, the original post indicated he wants to settle down. That tells me he is looking to marry soon. The woman in school may be perfect later, but if he's looking to marry soon, later may be too late.

 

I know I personally would not want to absorb someone's college debt with the possibility (no matter how high that possibility is) that it will even out in the future. However, since I'm in no rush to get married, I'd be okay with waiting until that financial state evens out before considering marriage.

 

In any case, it's just a theory.

 

First off, a prenup would prevent him from absorbing her college debt. So that excuse is lame.

 

Second, if he ends it with her, it may take him months or years to meet the "right" woman, then he has to date her for awhile anyway, so it may take YEARS for him to find someone else to *settle down" with and marry.

 

By then, Terry's friend would have graduated and possibly making more money than him!!

 

Bottom line, when a man loves a woman, he supports her ambitions, and is happy to contribute more until she graduates, lands a great job, and then they can live the lifestyle he prefers.

 

My guess is he has already met another woman he wants to settle down with, and THAT is why he dumped her.

[kendahke]

 

My guess is he has already met another woman he wants to settle down with, and THAT is why he dumped her.

 

 

I think this is the case, too.

[Shining One]

My guess is he has already met another woman he wants to settle down with, and THAT is why he dumped her.

Our theories are not mutually exclusive. The woman in college is not a smart financial choice right now. The theoretical new woman may be a smart financial choice right now.

[katiegrl]

Our theories are not mutually exclusive. The woman in college is not a smart financial choice right now. The theoretical new woman may be a smart financial choice right now.

 

Another fair point, and if that *is* the case, I would venture to guess the real reason he left was because he loves theoretical new woman more than he loves Terry's friend.

 

Because when a man loves a woman, he doesn't leave her because her financial situation isn't what he wants *right now.* Especially since he knows it is only temporary.

 

And they don't base their decision on how financially stable a woman is.

 

Unless he is a shallow, superficial arse, which is quite possible I suppose.

Edited October 11, 2015 by katiegrl

[Shining One]

Another fair point, and if that *is* the case, I would venture to guess the real reason he left was because he loves theoretical new woman more than he loves Terry's friend.

 

Because when a man loves a woman, he doesn't leave her because her financial situation isn't what he wants *right now.* Especially since he knows it is only temporary.

 

And they don't base their decision on how financially stable a woman is.

 

Unless he is a shallow, superficial arse, which is quite possible I suppose.

The word "love" is not mentioned in the original post, so I'm not factoring that in.

[katiegrl]

The word "love" is not mentioned in the original post, so I'm not factoring that in.

 

I realize that, which is why I said there is *another* reason why he ended it.

 

He is claiming it's because Terry's friend is poor, but that's not the real reason...for reasons outlined in previous posts.

 

I suspect the real reason is because he met and fell in love with another woman, who just so happens to be in a better position financially *right now* than Terry's friend is *right now.*

 

But the financial aspect is secondary.

 

He's in love with someone else. He may have even been seeing her while dating Terry's friend, which obviously he would never admit, hence his excuse he is ending it because she's poor.

 

Just speculating of course, but in any event, he sounds like a douche.

Edited October 11, 2015 by katiegrl

[Terry8889]

I have never dated a guy because of how much money he makes or his "socio-economic rank". When I date a man it is because I like his personality, the things we have in common, values, etc. His finances wouldn't bother me unless we were actually already married or living together, but that's just me my friend doesn't think that way I guess. He did mentioned to me his doubts in the beginning of their relationship he said he does like her a lot but she is still in school and she still has to worry about many things, things tha he already went through (I guess he meant like finding a job on her field, getting a house, new car etc.) he said he is in different stage in life and ready to settle down, and that "sometimes you meet the right people on the wrong time". He actually told her all this and they broke up for few months but then he reconnected with her and kept pursuing her. I asked him why would he continue seeing her if he thought she was not ready for him? He said they have too many things in common such as religion, values, views/opinions, both are family oriented and even birthdays on the same month. So he decided to give it a try to only end up breaking up with her more than a year into their relationship. Idk if he had someone new but he is very picky and maybe that is why he had only had a couple girlfriends in his entire life. I think if he is looking for the perfect girl in the perfect situation he might end up alone.

[katiegrl]

I have never dated a guy because of how much money he makes or his "socio-economic rank". When I date a man it is because I like his personality, the things we have in common, values, etc. His finances wouldn't bother me unless we were actually already married or living together, but that's just me my friend doesn't think that way I guess. He did mentioned to me his doubts in the beginning of their relationship he said he does like her a lot but she is still in school and she still has to worry about many things, things tha he already went through (I guess he meant like finding a job on her field, getting a house, new car etc.) he said he is in different stage in life and ready to settle down, and that "sometimes you meet the right people on the wrong time". He actually told her all this and they broke up for few months but then he reconnected with her and kept pursuing her. I asked him why would he continue seeing her if he thought she was not ready for him? He said they have too many things in common such as religion, values, views/opinions, both are family oriented and even birthdays on the same month. So he decided to give it a try to only end up breaking up with her more than a year into their relationship. Idk if he had someone new but he is very picky and maybe that is why he had only had a couple girlfriends in his entire life. I think if he is looking for the perfect girl in the perfect situation he might end up alone.

 

So .....he starts dating her, knowing she is poor.

 

He then breaks up with her *because* she is poor.

 

Then, after a few months, pursues her and gets back together with her, again knowing she is poor.

 

Then a year later, despite having so many things in common, things of value that actually matter, he breaks up with her AGAIN because she is poor. Even while knowing her *poorness* is only temporary until she graduates.

 

Like I said, there is definitely something else going on with him. Not sure if it's another woman, but it's definitely something beyond her being *poor.* Obviously!

 

He may have commitment issues who knows.

 

Commitment phobes are notorious for saying they want to *settle down*....but they never do because there is always something *wrong.*

 

And that something *wrong* is usually something they were well aware of from the get go!

 

Like in your friend's case, he was well aware she was *poor* right from the start, but pursued her regardless.

 

Then breaks up with her because of it!!

 

I maintain my earlier opinion, I know he is your friend Terry, but with respect to how he treats women and relationships, he sounds like a douche.

 

I hope your friend is okay and that she is not taking any of this personally.

 

The guy's got issues, and frankly I think, even though he ended it, SHE dodged the bullet.

Edited October 11, 2015 by katiegrl

[anna121]

What is her degree in? How likely is it to work out to a better job right now? I know that the stats still indicate a positive correlation between post-secondary and lifetime earnings (and I have three degrees so obviously am not biased against them!) but the fact is that not all degrees are a springboard to better job prospects.

 

I agree this guy doesn't sound particularly nice, but I don't know that taking a hard look at someone's current financial sitch necessarily catapults one into dirtbag territory.

 

Maybe he tried to overlook it, and ultimately found that he couldn't.

 

And, while not as common as the reverse, I definitely know guys who would be less interested in someone who wasn't an established professional.

[Terry8889]

What is her degree in? How likely is it to work out to a better job right now? .

 

She is majoring in Molecular Genetics and he is an Engineer. I agree with you perhaps he really tried but couldn't overlook the situation. But still.. it is not nice what he did to her. :confused:

Edited October 12, 2015 by Terry8889

[MoreAmore]

You'll find many men online complaining about how much they get screwed in a divorce. The reality of the situation is that the person with the higher income and assets takes the risk. If he's looking for a wife, it's smart to look for someone in an equal financial situation.

 

My boyfriend was married to a woman with a master's who made more than him, and pays a much higher percentage income to her than my ex husband (who makes a very good income) pays me (who has no degree). Let's say my ex husband makes five times what my current beau does, and his ex wife makes eight times what I do, and he pays only two hundred a month less than my ex.

She got a vicious lawyer. My ex and I talked out what we found fair.

 

 

There's much better characteristics to look for if your idea is not being screwed over.

A good job isn't going to make her a good person, or protect you.

[Krieger]

Woman do that all the time dump a guy because he has no money .

[LostOnes05]

If the person is working toward a goal, it wouldn't matter to me. Now if they are just lazy and don't want to better themselves that's no good for me. Jobs these days can be here today and gone the next. Although I hope he never does, your friend could fall on hard times no matter how lucrative the career. All it takes is one accident, one bad investment, or lack of control in spending and you've dug yourself a ditch. She sounds like she is working toward a goal, and I would've given her a chance. He could easily end up with someone with money that spends every dollar he makes.

[Krieger]

People need to stop dating people that have less than them IMO .

 

Also if your a man never date or marry a woman that makes more then you do she hold over head when she mad at you.

[katiegrl]

People need to stop dating people that have less than them IMO .

 

.

 

That is really good advice.

 

I will be sure to let one of my BFFs know what you said.

 

She makes around 40k as a teacher, and has been seriously dating a man studying to be an orthopedic surgeon, he's in his final year of medical school.

 

Once he becomes a doctor, he stands to make in excess of $250,000 ..... but *right now at this point in time* he makes about 30k working part time while in school.

 

But I will tell her what you said ...that she needs to stop dating him, cuz right now he makes less than her.

 

What a bunch of malarkey ....LOL!

Edited October 12, 2015 by katiegrl

[Krieger]

That is really good advice.

 

I will be sure to let one of my BFFs know what you said.

 

She makes around 40k as a teacher, and has been seriously dating a man studying to be an orthopedic surgeon, he's in his final year of medical school.

 

Once he becomes a doctor, he stands to make in excess of $250,000 ..... right now he makes about 30k working part time while in school.

 

But I will tell her what you said ...that she needs to stop dating him, cuz right now he makes less than her.

 

What a bunch of malarkey ....LOL!

 

It is her life I just will not date a female that makes 2 to 3 times as much as me it will never work out.

 

I am all for doing my part around the houses and looking after the kids and all but if I made 250k a year my wife or Gf did not make as much as me she should be willing to do more cooking and cleaning .

 

Yes I feel the same way if a woman made 250k and the guy did not make that much he should man up and do 75% to 80% of the cleaning and cooking and look after the child .