4 months in red flags from gf?

[Hughes101]

Hi.

 

Im a 32 year old male and have been with my 24 year old girlfriend for 4 months.

 

I really like everthing about her, she has got lots of qualities that I've never had in a girl.

 

A few things are really bothering me about her and in getting a bad gut feeling about investing any more emotion into this.

 

Obviously there's a lot of good things about her, but here are the things that worry me;

 

1. She openly talks about sex with ease to guys. I took her to meet one of my friends and within a couole of minutes she was telling him how her Jewish (platonic) friend does not go further than oral sex before marriage and did he think it was weird.

2. On her social media her guy friends seem to make sex based jokes to her (eg see you when you get back to the uk for copius amounts of spanking, or where are the r18 pictures)

3. I've walked in on her grabbing my friends nipple in a playful/what i thought was quite provocative way

4. Last night we met some of her friends out. She hasn'tknown any of them for that long. I noticed this one guy was flirting with her (just making playful touches) and she touched his chest right in front of me. (Her girlfriend even commented "you were coming on to him"). When we were on the way out she hit him lightly on the butt and then hugged him to say goodbye. She later claimed that she meant to pat him on the back but accidentally hit his butt.

 

The guy from last night just happened to be a guy that shes been instant messaging a lot who i queried before. They dont know each other that well (met up 3 or 4 times).

 

She hasnt really tried to hide anything from what i can see, but she did tell me he had a gf. When i was chatting to him last night i got it out of him and this "gf" are actually #### buddies.

 

Its important to also note that a couple of times i have made it very clear to her that i find that kind of thing (above) completely disrespectful and I'm not comfortable with it. When i confronted her about her behaviour last night she claimed to be completely unaware she was doing it (not concious behavior ).

 

Why does she need this validation. Shes a natural flirt is it possible she can change for me.

 

Strange thing is she seems to be very attached to me.

 

Any chance this relationship can work given the difference in beliefs in boundaries?

 

Thoughts would be appreciated. Thank you

Edited October 10, 2015 by Hughes101

[ExpatInItaly]

She likes the attention, and has problems with boundaries. If you've already talked to her about it and she hasn't done much to change, it probably won't change. The fact that she claims she isn't aware she's behaving inappropriately is troubling; I don't buy it.

 

I would be cautious moving forward. See how things the next couple weeks, but you might need to cut this one loose.

[Hughes101]

Thanks for the reply.

 

The mind seems to play tricks on you when you're infatuated with a girl. Some people would tell you that you need to alpha male your way out of this but if that's not me then what?

 

It's not that i think she will cheat on me..It just feels bad, and i will then get obsessed about it, feeling more and more sick at the thought.

 

I was a but suspicious when the guys who she met recently who were obviously trying to bang her hadn't dropped off at the 2-3 month mark

 

The real shame is that this girl is really cool and clearly is serious about me. She does my washing, shopping, takes me to concerts (offers to pay for the tickets). I'm quite lazy and left to my own devices i can be pretty content doing nothing.

 

Also sexually we are having an amazing time.

 

What a mess.

[mystikmind2005]

Do you lack self esteem?

 

I suffered from a lack of self esteem, it can be hard to spot in men sometimes.

 

General laziness is the big clue, was for me at least.

 

When i learnt to value myself, i started taking more interest in looking after myself... shaving, eating rite, wearing nice clothes etc etc but especially taking care of my environment - cleaning the house, dishes, chores.

 

Insecurity is another symptom of low self esteem.

 

How many stories involving insecurity end well? Let me give you some advice, possibly the best relationship advice you will ever hear.... it is far better to believe in your relationship and your partner and possibly end up surprised by failure than it is to live in fear of failure.

 

Accept and embrace her for who she is, good and bad, that's the path to relationship bliss

[Hughes101]

Do you lack self esteem?

 

I suffered from a lack of self esteem, it can be hard to spot in men sometimes.

 

General laziness is the big clue, was for me at least.

 

When i learnt to value myself, i started taking more interest in looking after myself... shaving, eating rite, wearing nice clothes etc etc but especially taking care of my environment - cleaning the house, dishes, chores.

 

Insecurity is another symptom of low self esteem.

 

How many stories involving insecurity end well? Let me give you some advice, possibly the best relationship advice you will ever hear.... it is far better to believe in your relationship and your partner and possibly end up surprised by failure than it is to live in fear of failure.

 

Accept and embrace her for who she is, good and bad, that's the path to relationship bliss

 

I have some of the symptoms of low self esteem including depression.

 

I appreciate the concept of what you're saying, but i don't think I've quite reached that level of "being" if you will.

 

Yes i do need to work on personal development like everybody,

[Hughes101]

My thoughts? I think she is full of crap. I think she knows exactly what she is doing, and is just pleading ignorance. That is much easier than admitting to you that she knows her actions are disrespectful to you and your relationship, but she is going to keep doing them anyway.

 

Can your relationship work? Possibly. My question to you would be, why do you want it to work? I mean, i get that she is cute, young, and fun, but those qualities alone do not make a good GF. She lacks the things that are really important, like loyalty and respect. I say have fun with her, but don't bother trying to have a committed relationship with her.

 

Wish I'd heard this a few months ago. We're planning for her to stay in australia with me (she's on a temp visa)

 

I will have to scale things back drastically and spend less time with her/more time doing things that i get pleasure from, at least for now. Part of me says just move on it takes courage though as we've been each other's life for 4 months

[madjac74]

The mind seems to play tricks on you when you're infatuated with a girl.

 

It's probably more likely you are infatuated with her youth and free spiritedness but those same things are starting to annoy you.

[Hughes101]

It's probably more likely you are infatuated with her youth and free spiritedness but those same things are starting to annoy you.

 

Good point

 

Edit: maybe

Edited October 10, 2015 by Hughes101

[phineas]

Do not move this woman in with you.

She is either incredibly stupid or incredibly manipulating if she is behaving this way while counting on you to provide a roof over her head.

 

it seems to me you are just thinking with your dic now.

[kpl]

She is 24!!!!! And very immature and you are 32 and probably I hope "get" relationships more. Maybe date someone a little older and they will act like an adult (hopefully).

[Disconnect]

You're infatuated and having great sex, difficult to let go of, although 4 months is very little time, it probably won't be as tough as you fear. Going on her behavior, she is not a keeper. I would just let it go before it further dents your self esteem. I think she sounds a bit of a mess really, and I agree with phineas.

Edited October 10, 2015 by Disconnect
Correction

[road]

She is an attention addict. Dump her before this ends badly for you.

[smackie9]

That is why you really like her because she IS a very sexual girl, hot body, young 24 year old, BUT there's a trade off to dating someone like this......everyone else wants her, she loves it, loves attentions, and again is very openly sexual. Guys will always be orbiting around her.

 

Let her go and find someone more mature and age appropriate.

[smackie9]

My old boss (he was 38 at the time), said to me that he wishes he could have a slut GF that was only a slut to him. I thought....well that would a hooker that will give you the GF experience, lol.

[Hughes101]

My girlfriend is an active slut. *****!

 

We live together in a share house already that's how we met.

 

I tried to break it off last night, she asked me for one more chance etc and we slept together.

 

I've suspected that she may have had sex witg at least one other guy while we've been together. This would have to happen either in the bathroom of her work or for her to sneak out of work to do it and lie about her hours.

 

Is there any real likelyhood of this (f^$king guys without even spending much time with them ) or is her slutty behavior just making me ultra paranoid??

 

Iwent down on her the other day and it tasted like latex condom (i know insecure but it's bothering me). Want to know if this is really possible.

[xcupid]

My girlfriend is an active slut. *****!

 

We live together in a share house already that's how we met.

 

I tried to break it off last night, she asked me for one more chance etc and we slept together.

 

I've suspected that she may have had sex witg at least one other guy while we've been together. This would have to happen either in the bathroom of her work or for her to sneak out of work to do it and lie about her hours.

 

Is there any real likelyhood of this (f^$king guys without even spending much time with them ) or is her slutty behavior just making me ultra paranoid??

 

Iwent down on her the other day and it tasted like latex condom (i know insecure but it's bothering me). Want to know if this is really possible.

 

So why are you still with her?

[smackie9]

My girlfriend is an active slut. *****!

 

We live together in a share house already that's how we met.

 

I tried to break it off last night, she asked me for one more chance etc and we slept together.

 

I've suspected that she may have had sex witg at least one other guy while we've been together. This would have to happen either in the bathroom of her work or for her to sneak out of work to do it and lie about her hours.

 

Is there any real likelyhood of this (f^$king guys without even spending much time with them ) or is her slutty behavior just making me ultra paranoid??

 

Iwent down on her the other day and it tasted like latex condom (i know insecure but it's bothering me). Want to know if this is really possible.

And why bother sleeping with here again?? Thinking with your penis? Dude seriously, if it doesn't feel right, it's not going to change, get the f uck out.

 

OR you can keep banging her but see other women.

[Hughes101]

So why are you still with her?

 

It's quite hard because we live together in a share house situation.

We have made lots of plans together and have weekends away booked etc

[smackie9]

Find a new place to live and cancel vacations or take it with someone else.

[phineas]

Find a new place to live and cancel vacations or take it with someone else.

 

Stop.

we will have none of that common sense non-sense around here.

 

His only choice is to stay with the village bicycle and take her on vacation so she can be that village's bicycle.

 

Oh and he MUST continue to have sex with her until he contracts ChlamydaherpasyphilAIDS and his ding-a-ling falls off.

[Stage5Clinger]

24 year old girls these days don't want relationships, they just want meaningless sex. I swear to god this one girl I know doesn't even have a soul (could be the ginger in her tho). Move on before you get your heart torn out, brother. Look for someone more mature than this.

[joseb]

My old boss (he was 38 at the time), said to me that he wishes he could have a slut GF that was only a slut to him. I thought....well that would a hooker that will give you the GF experience, lol.

 

I went to a hooker and asked for the GF experience. It was super expensive, I had to buy her a bracelet and a gucci bag first. Then she folded her arms, and when I asked her what was wrong she said nothing. I went down to management to complain, but when I got back she was sleeping with another guy. Then she blamed me for it because I didn't tell her I loved her enough.

 

I'm never ordering the GF experience again

[Hughes101]

Stop.

we will have none of that common sense non-sense around here.

 

His only choice is to stay with the village bicycle and take her on vacation so she can be that village's bicycle.

 

Oh and he MUST continue to have sex with her until he contracts ChlamydaherpasyphilAIDS and his ding-a-ling falls off.

 

I agree that the relationship doesn't have a future but how can you be sure shes sleeping around? With a combination of paranoid mind and complicated womens bodies it's possible she's telling the truth about this. I'm not saying she definitely is but thats a bit presumptuous.

 

Anyone had the condom taste where no foul pay was involved?

[Hughes101]

I wont get impartial response from p.

[Hopeful30]

It's hard to tell in writing. I would have to see her in person to truly be able to formulate an opinion.

 

I've pinched men's nipples before and it was all in good humour, honest. But the action itself doesn't necessarily reveal the intention. She is either very open and comfortable with her sexuality (only you can judge that of all of us) or she doesn't care if it bothers you because she isn't that interested anyways.

 

I suppose a next step could be asking her to be a little more discreet, because you don't feel comfortable, and see what she does. Even if it's a little bit excessive, she will tone it down if she genuinely cares about how you feel.

 

Then again, she might be the type who refuses to compromise for anyone, and could simply acknowledge your comments and continue to be the same. The only way to know is to try.

 

And when you know, you can make an informed decision.