Xiomn Posted October 9, 2015 Share Posted October 9, 2015 (edited) Been dating this girl for just under 3 weeks now, been on 5 dates and have a 6th set up for next Thursday. We've slept together 3 times and have had 3 sleepovers, once at mine and twice at hers and even spent full days together. Over at her place. This gives me the impression she likes me otherwise she wouldn't keep agreeing to dates and hanging out together. However, she never initiates anything, I always initiate text messages and whenever I do she takes many hours to reply, sometimes even up to half a day. She's an unemployed student so it's not like work keeps her busy and she only has lectures twice a week. From what I have seen staying over at her place 3 times now she uses her phone a lot and always has it by her side which makes me doubt her real interest in me. No one is that busy as it only takes literally like 5 seconds to reply to a text. She has told me she is not much of a texter in the past but still don't feel like that is a good enough excuse personall given how easy it is. While getting to know her too she said that majority of the time she spends in her room just watching TV on Netflix so it doesn't sound like she has a busy life or anything. I'm also always the one to initiate setting up dates, always the one to initiate a kiss and/or a cuddle, when I put my arm around her she doesn't return the gesture but also doesn't object. She hasn't really kissed me or hugged me on her own initiative yet. I'm always the one to initiate before sex, I always ask her if I'm coming off as too strong but she says I'm not so I'm confused, is she just really shy? She hasn't took her top off once during sex despite having done it 3 times now, I asked if I could take it off the first time but she said she wanted to keep it on so haven't bothered her about it since as I don't want to make her feel uncomfortable with something she doesn't want to do. Also when I asked if I could kiss her for the first time on our second date she said yes and we've obviously kissed multiple times since then which she also hasn't objected to. Anyone got any ideas? Edited October 9, 2015 by Xiomn Link to post Share on other sites
road Posted October 9, 2015 Share Posted October 9, 2015 Shy? Does not want to appear needy? I do not text. I will not text. She does not like to text then this answer is so simple pick up the phone and call her. Not interested? When I was young and single I wished I had a GF that was not that interested with me, yet have sex with me, sleep overs with me, still accepting dates with me. Lots of single men wish they had women that were not interested in them the way your GF is "not" interested in you. 5 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Xiomn Posted October 10, 2015 Author Share Posted October 10, 2015 (edited) Well a few more hours and it will have been 2 days without a reply. First time she hasn't responded to my texts. We had sex earlier on in the day that I sent my last text so I'm confused. Will wait 2 more days then call her to ask if we're still on for Thursday, need to set up a time also because I only set up the day. Could be that she is shy, she said she has only ever been with one other guy and it was mostly a long distance kind of thing that only lasted 6 months, she told me it didn't really feel like a proper relationship so maybe she is inexperienced and doesn't know how to react in these situations. Edited October 10, 2015 by Xiomn Link to post Share on other sites
losangelena Posted October 10, 2015 Share Posted October 10, 2015 Sounds inexperienced/shy, for sure. How old are y'all? Maybe she's a bit insecure with her body, which is why she hasn't taken her top off. Also, that's a LOT of contact for having dated barely 3 weeks. Cripes. You barely know one another, yet you're already super-intimate with your time, sex, etc. Taking days to reply is maybe a bit much, but I can understand holding off a little; you guys have gone from zero to 60 in like no time at all. Also, also, as far as her not initiating, women are practically conditioned in the early stages of relationships to let all the men do all the work. She is probably afraid of "coming on too strong," or appearing too "clingy," so is holding back for that reason. I know that maybe sounds counterintuitive because you've already slept together and had so much contact, but she probably thinks she needs to remain some sort of shrinking violet until y'all discuss exclusivity. Have you done that yet? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Xiomn Posted October 10, 2015 Author Share Posted October 10, 2015 (edited) Sounds inexperienced/shy, for sure. How old are y'all? Maybe she's a bit insecure with her body, which is why she hasn't taken her top off. Also, that's a LOT of contact for having dated barely 3 weeks. Cripes. You barely know one another, yet you're already super-intimate with your time, sex, etc. Taking days to reply is maybe a bit much, but I can understand holding off a little; you guys have gone from zero to 60 in like no time at all. Also, also, as far as her not initiating, women are practically conditioned in the early stages of relationships to let all the men do all the work. She is probably afraid of "coming on too strong," or appearing too "clingy," so is holding back for that reason. I know that maybe sounds counterintuitive because you've already slept together and had so much contact, but she probably thinks she needs to remain some sort of shrinking violet until y'all discuss exclusivity. Have you done that yet? We're both 20 and yeah we have spent loads of time together, probably far from what the normal dating people would do so had lots of time to talk and get to know each other a lot quicker too. Really not sure why she didn't reply to my last text 2 days ago now, it wasn't a question or anything so maybe she didn't feel the need to reply but she has replied to all of my other texts in the past before, even if she does normally take 4-5 hours to do, so I was a bit confused. Yeah I just would of thought if she felt comfortable enough to have sex with me numerous times already, saying yes when I asked whether I could kiss her and saying no when asking her if I'm coming on too strong, then she would have felt comfortable enough already by now to start initiating things with me. It would just be really nice to get something back from her instead of me having to do it all the time because it's making me question how interested she really is in me now. We haven't discussed exclusivity yet, when I took her on the first date she said it was the first date she has ever been on so I don't believe she is dating anyone else, and I'm not either. I was thinking about bringing up on our next date though if it still goes ahead what she thinks about us or where this is going, not sure on exact wording but something which will confirm to me how she really feels about me or whether i'm wasting my time or not. Edited October 10, 2015 by Xiomn Link to post Share on other sites
xcupid Posted October 11, 2015 Share Posted October 11, 2015 She's inexperienced with dating and probably sex, too. Could be she's overwhelmed with everything since there has been a lot going on in the few weeks you've been dating. Slow things down. Romance her and woo her. 6 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Xiomn Posted October 11, 2015 Author Share Posted October 11, 2015 She's inexperienced with dating and probably sex, too. Could be she's overwhelmed with everything since there has been a lot going on in the few weeks you've been dating. Slow things down. Romance her and woo her. Yeah, true. What is really annoying me now is she hasn't replied to my last text for 3 days now and at the same time I don't want to lose her interest in me by not communicating enough in between dates since our next date (6th date) isn't set up until Thursday. She was going home for a few days on Thursday (Thursday just gone, not next Thursday) but needed to get her car fixed, so I texted her later on in the day just generally showing interest as to whether she managed to get her car fixed, she said yes explaining what the problem was. My last text (which she hasn't responded to for 3 days now) was 'That's good I hope you didn't miss the opportunity to take your washing home for free ' Maybe she misinterpreted it or just didn't find it funny or worth responding to, it was supposed to be put forward as maybe a little joke since we're both university students and usually when students go back home to their parents they take their washing home with them because they can get it done for free instead of having to pay. She's responded to all my other texts in the past though. Link to post Share on other sites
losangelena Posted October 11, 2015 Share Posted October 11, 2015 Well, there wasn't much to respond to in that, though. At a certain point texting can be a bit banal, I mean I would have maybe replied to that with a smiley face, but that's about it. She's also been home for the last few days, and as always, let's keep this in perspective—you've know each other three whole weeks. I would try and text her again and ask her a question. I understand that always having to initiate is probably getting annoying, but maybe bring that up to her the next time you see her, that you'd like her to initiate. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Disconnect Posted October 11, 2015 Share Posted October 11, 2015 She's lazy; you said she doesn't do much beside watch Netflix every day; so why is it surprising she's lazy at texting and initiating. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Lois_Griffin Posted October 11, 2015 Share Posted October 11, 2015 (edited) She's lazy; you said she doesn't do much beside watch Netflix every day; so why is it surprising she's lazy at texting and initiating. I agree with this. This girl does the absolute minimum in li[f]e. Who's supporting her while she does minimum schooling, doesn't work, spends her day watching TV and having her phone connected to her hip? Who's funding this enterprise? She's got tons of free time yet she won't text or take it upon herself to make the effort to contact YOU and let you know she's thinking about you. I don't chalk this up to inexperience at all. I chalk it up to complete laziness and total apathy. If she were any less motivated in life, she'd be in a coma. Edited October 11, 2015 by a LoveShack.org Moderator 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Xiomn Posted October 11, 2015 Author Share Posted October 11, 2015 I agree with this. This girl does the absolute minimum in li[f]e. Who's supporting her while she does minimum schooling, doesn't work, spends her day watching TV and having her phone connected to her hip? Who's funding this enterprise? She's got tons of free time yet she won't text or take it upon herself to make the effort to contact YOU and let you know she's thinking about you. I don't chalk this up to inexperience at all. I chalk it up to complete laziness and total apathy. If she were any less motivated in life, she'd be in a coma. She's had a job before but only moved to this city a few weeks ago. I asked her at one point whether she was looking for a job or anything (because naturally majority of students need some sort of part time work in order to survive alongside their studies) but she didn't seem that motivated as you say. I casually brought up that I know someone who just rings up their parents and asks for money all the time, they don't know how lucky they are etc. and she said she does that a lot too. (Although it's understandable given her circumstances as all her money goes on her rent, the way student financial support is done over here is rubbish) I've messaged her again now with a question after having not messaged her for just under 3 days now so we'll see if she responds to this text now. Would seem weird of her to just lose interest all of a sudden, on the day I sent the text which she didn't reply to we had sex earlier on that morning and she did reply to one of my texts that day too just not the last one so maybe the text she ignored was just a one off. Time will tell. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Xiomn Posted October 12, 2015 Author Share Posted October 12, 2015 Well I got her replying to my texts again, also rang her up today just confirming whether she is still up for our dinner date this Thursday since I was starting to think she was losing interest so that doesn't seem like the case as she was still up for it. I had to schedule a time for the day anyway so that was my main motivation for calling. Also asked if she preferred calling over text since I know she has told me in the past she isn't a big texter, surprisingly she said she prefers text over call but said I can call her too if I want. She hasn't initiated any calls or texts with me yet so I just put it casually across I'm the same way in that I prefer texts over calls but feel free to text or call me too. Said I was looking forward to seeing her this Thursday. So there we have it. Link to post Share on other sites
smackie9 Posted October 12, 2015 Share Posted October 12, 2015 So is it ok she never initiates communication? or are you hoping it will change? Link to post Share on other sites
losangelena Posted October 12, 2015 Share Posted October 12, 2015 So is it ok she never initiates communication? or are you hoping it will change? I think he'd like it to change, because her lack of initiating makes him wonder how into him she is—which is natural. I suggested he tell her that. He seems to have mentioned it in a roundabout way. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
smackie9 Posted October 12, 2015 Share Posted October 12, 2015 IMO if you have to tell someone how to act around you, you should be looking for someone else. Like I always say you date those who treat you the way you want to be treated. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
CalvinM Posted October 12, 2015 Share Posted October 12, 2015 Op, why are you texting so much? It's coming off as very beta. You should be texting to set dates, then to confirm them. Save the mindless chatter for the dates. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Xiomn Posted October 12, 2015 Author Share Posted October 12, 2015 Op, why are you texting so much? It's coming off as very beta. You should be texting to set dates, then to confirm them. Save the mindless chatter for the dates. Honestly, I have only been texting her to set up dates really, only over the past week have I started texting for other stuff (not a lot though, you make it sound like i'm texting her every day multiple times a day, hardly.) because there was a long time between dates due to her schedule this week so I wanted to make sure I sustain interest if I'm not going to be seeing her for a while than what we normally are used to. I know for sure not to go into in-depth conversations because it's best to save them for dates, don't worry brah. p.s why you not at bodybuilding forum brah? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Xiomn Posted October 12, 2015 Author Share Posted October 12, 2015 So is it ok she never initiates communication? or are you hoping it will change? Hoping it will change but can't see it happening. To be fair it's only been 5 dates in 3 weeks though so maybe I'm expecting too much. Just thought because we've slept together 3 times now and had multiple sleepovers and lots of time hanging out together for even full days sometimes then she would feel comfortable with me enough now to at least initiate a text or anything for that matter despite it only being 3 weeks. Guess not. Link to post Share on other sites
CalvinM Posted October 12, 2015 Share Posted October 12, 2015 She told you she's not really into texting. Are you expecting that to change with your weak "hope you brought your clothes home for free laundry"? Call her. Wear the pants in the relationship. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Xiomn Posted October 12, 2015 Author Share Posted October 12, 2015 She told you she's not really into texting. Are you expecting that to change with your weak "hope you brought your clothes home for free laundry"? Call her. Wear the pants in the relationship. Yeah that was pretty rubbish admittedly, hands up brah you got me. I did call her anyway, I called her to confirm our time for the date this Thursday and if she was still up for it. Then I went to go ask whether she had a good time back at home and apparently the phone cut off because she was all like "hello? hello?" then cut off so we just happily carried on via text instead. Besides, she said she prefers texting when I asked her. Link to post Share on other sites
losangelena Posted October 12, 2015 Share Posted October 12, 2015 OP, just give it some time. Get to know each other a bit better, OUTSIDE the bedroom, and let her get comfortable with you. If she still is like this in another few weeks, then revisit. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
CalvinM Posted October 12, 2015 Share Posted October 12, 2015 Some women like texting, others don't. Frankly, I can't stand having to initiate, so I feel your pain, but it probably isn't going to change. I'd suggest the standard texts in between to keep in touch and continue confirming dates. If the sex is good, do what you're doing. In the mean time continue to look for a better match, unless you're happy with the lack of communication. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Strength in Healing Posted October 12, 2015 Share Posted October 12, 2015 I'd be really shocked if she wasn't using you and talking to other guys. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Xiomn Posted October 12, 2015 Author Share Posted October 12, 2015 I'd be really shocked if she wasn't using you and talking to other guys. Well considering she told me I'm the first person she has ever been on a date with and she has only ever slept with one other guy, only been in one other relationship which she said she didn't feel like was a proper relationship then I doubt it. (but then again some guys like you are probably naturally sceptical of what a girl says am i right?) Link to post Share on other sites
Maxtor Posted October 12, 2015 Share Posted October 12, 2015 Been dating this girl for just under 3 weeks now, been on 5 dates and have a 6th set up for next Thursday. We've slept together 3 times and have had 3 sleepovers, once at mine and twice at hers and even spent full days together. Over at her place. This gives me the impression she likes me otherwise she wouldn't keep agreeing to dates and hanging out together. However, she never initiates anything, I always initiate text messages and whenever I do she takes many hours to reply, sometimes even up to half a day. She's an unemployed student so it's not like work keeps her busy and she only has lectures twice a week. From what I have seen staying over at her place 3 times now she uses her phone a lot and always has it by her side which makes me doubt her real interest in me. No one is that busy as it only takes literally like 5 seconds to reply to a text. She has told me she is not much of a texter in the past but still don't feel like that is a good enough excuse personall given how easy it is. While getting to know her too she said that majority of the time she spends in her room just watching TV on Netflix so it doesn't sound like she has a busy life or anything. I'm also always the one to initiate setting up dates, always the one to initiate a kiss and/or a cuddle, when I put my arm around her she doesn't return the gesture but also doesn't object. She hasn't really kissed me or hugged me on her own initiative yet. I'm always the one to initiate before sex, I always ask her if I'm coming off as too strong but she says I'm not so I'm confused, is she just really shy? She hasn't took her top off once during sex despite having done it 3 times now, I asked if I could take it off the first time but she said she wanted to keep it on so haven't bothered her about it since as I don't want to make her feel uncomfortable with something she doesn't want to do. Also when I asked if I could kiss her for the first time on our second date she said yes and we've obviously kissed multiple times since then which she also hasn't objected to. Anyone got any ideas? I read one thing here, once, it was something like this: "If you were Brad Pitt or Leonardo DiCaprio, she would text you and initiate things all the time." Now, you dont have to be one, but that shows she has little interest. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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