ktragers Posted October 9, 2015 Share Posted October 9, 2015 I've just had the fifth date with the guy I've been seeing and I noticed that although he's still very gentlemen-like and interested in pursuing things further, he started letting me split the check with him since date four, and I wonder what's up with that. Don't get me wrong, I usually give off an impression of an independent woman and I'm not a spoiled brat who believes that men should ALWAYS pay for dates, but I feel like men should still pay for MOST of the dates during early stages of dating. I guess it can also depend on who invited whom out, or income differences. He was very attentive during our first few dates - dinners on him, bought movie tickets in advance, called for reservations, etc. He's still attentive now but I guess we're getting more "stable" and we both know that things are headed toward more serious directions. These last two dates I tried to be nice and offered to split the bill, and he gladly and quickly went with an "OK!" and truth be told I'm not quite used to that. Of course if we get other small things (e.g. ice cream) after dinner or other random purchases, he'd still pick up the tab. Just wondering if anyone has any insights on this or similar experiences. Link to post Share on other sites
Parker26 Posted October 9, 2015 Share Posted October 9, 2015 To put it bluntly - you should have offered to pay the entirety of a bill by now. His gender does not make him an ATM. 17 Link to post Share on other sites
ManyDissapoint Posted October 9, 2015 Share Posted October 9, 2015 I've just had the fifth date with the guy I've been seeing and I noticed that although he's still very gentlemen-like and interested in pursuing things further, he started letting me split the check with him since date four, and I wonder what's up with that. Don't get me wrong, I usually give off an impression of an independent woman and I'm not a spoiled brat who believes that men should ALWAYS pay for dates, but I feel like men should still pay for MOST of the dates during early stages of dating. I guess it can also depend on who invited whom out, or income differences. He was very attentive during our first few dates - dinners on him, bought movie tickets in advance, called for reservations, etc. He's still attentive now but I guess we're getting more "stable" and we both know that things are headed toward more serious directions. These last two dates I tried to be nice and offered to split the bill, and he gladly and quickly went with an "OK!" and truth be told I'm not quite used to that. Of course if we get other small things (e.g. ice cream) after dinner or other random purchases, he'd still pick up the tab. Just wondering if anyone has any insights on this or similar experiences. The dream of every man is to be loved for who he is, not for the things that he does for his partner. 7 Link to post Share on other sites
LoveLady Posted October 9, 2015 Share Posted October 9, 2015 I'm not sure what is "normal" I guess it depends on the guy. The last guy I dated made a passive aggressive comment about me not paying for dinner on the third date. So I paid bc he seemed so angry. Come to find out he was a broke, alcoholic and his business was in jeopardy. The guy I'm dating now won't even let me buy my own ice cream and its been 3 months. And I have a great job I can easily pay for my own things but he refuses to let me. I can say it may depend on the level if interest and if he is able to do so financially. But...if a guy is dating a few girls I guess that can get expensive lol 1 Link to post Share on other sites
chapter44 Posted October 9, 2015 Share Posted October 9, 2015 As an older member on this site I may be a bit old fashioned but I still think that a man should pay. With that being said I am not opposed to a woman I have been seeing to plan and ask me out (and pay as well) once in a while after dating for a period of time. I know many of you will think that's sexist but that's just the way I was raised. 5 Link to post Share on other sites
Shining One Posted October 9, 2015 Share Posted October 9, 2015 he started letting me split the check with him since date four, and I wonder what's up with that..There are lots of different beliefs around this. While I've had a lot of bad luck in dating women who don't even offer, my closest female friends start picking up the entire tab (not just their half) by the third or fourth date. My girlfriend also believes in paying for alternating dates. but I feel like men should still pay for MOST of the dates during early stages of dating.He paid for the first three dates, so would that not be the early stages? I personally believe the opposite: Costs should be split or alternated during the early stages. You're still getting to know each other and you don't know where things will go. Why should the investment be disproportionate at this stage?I guess it can also depend on who invited whom out, or income differences.When I get into the relationship phase, then I let income differences factor in to who pays for what. Typically, this means I end up paying for most dates, but I'm okay with doing that for a girlfriend (as opposed to a date).These last two dates I tried to be nice and offered to split the bill, and he gladly and quickly went with an "OK!"If you offer to do something, don't be surprised when people accept your offer.Just wondering if anyone has any insights on this or similar experiences.You'll find a lot of different opinions and experiences on this topic. I'm now in a relationship with a woman who paid for our second date and every alternating date until we were exclusive. She didn't offer, she simply did. I've also dated women who go on 8+ dates without even looking at their purse. For me, a woman who believes in fair contribution is more attractive than one who does not. There is no "normal" per say, just what each individual prefers to do. 5 Link to post Share on other sites
icebreaker1 Posted October 9, 2015 Share Posted October 9, 2015 Kudos to Parker26! Is it normal for him to stop picking up the tab after awhile? Yes! As someone who almost always have to pay, I think it is just plain self-centred, selfish and sexist to expect a man to pay for everything. I know I’m being rather blunt, but you should thank him for being thoughtful all this time and start paying for the entire bill, starting now. And I mean paying for it, not offering to pay. Do you ever put yourself in your love interest’s shoes? Doesn’t ever occur to you that if the tables were turned, you would probably feel used? Or feel like you’ve been taken for granted? I really don’t understand why you would let this go on for this long. Don’t you even feel the least bit guilty? 6 Link to post Share on other sites
python23 Posted October 9, 2015 Share Posted October 9, 2015 If a girl hasn't offered to pay at least half of a date by date 3 she's gone. I've stuck to that rule the last two times. Link to post Share on other sites
StocksnBlondes Posted October 9, 2015 Share Posted October 9, 2015 (edited) Did you contribute to the manicure pedicure nice clothes hair blah blah blah ...believe me ...I'd be presenting you with a bill at the end of the night ...you'd be surprised at the amount. 2 words ...man up If a guy goes on 8 dates and doesn't know if a woman is seriously into him as opposed to taking him for a ride ...you probably need to be on the reality check forum Edited October 9, 2015 by a LoveShack.org Moderator 1 Link to post Share on other sites
python23 Posted October 9, 2015 Share Posted October 9, 2015 (edited) Would you personally not offer to pay for any of the first 4/5 dates then? Not even splitting the bill occasionally ? Edited October 9, 2015 by a LoveShack.org Moderator Link to post Share on other sites
StocksnBlondes Posted October 9, 2015 Share Posted October 9, 2015 And guys ...if a woman doesn't invite you for a home cooked meal or maybe tickets to a concert to see your favorite band or whatever some kind of gesture/gift of her admiration for you ...you're being taken for a ride. Link to post Share on other sites
StocksnBlondes Posted October 9, 2015 Share Posted October 9, 2015 If a girl hasn't offered to pay at least half of a date by date 3 she's gone. I've stuck to that rule the last two times. Python ...I offer. If a man refuses I take that as a gesture he is a gentleman. I respond in kind ...home cooked meal (I'm quite the chef) or tickets to concert gift etc etc. A date is not a business deal. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
python23 Posted October 9, 2015 Share Posted October 9, 2015 Python ...I offer. If a man refuses I take that as a gesture he is a gentleman. I respond in kind ...home cooked meal (I'm quite the chef) or tickets to concert gift etc etc. A date is not a business deal. Well then that's fair enough, it's the girls that don't offer that get the boot, especially if there's no loving going on Link to post Share on other sites
losangelena Posted October 9, 2015 Share Posted October 9, 2015 If I have the means, I personally like footing the bill for my man after a while. I don't see anything wrong with it; it shows a literal investment in the relationship. Why should he have to pay for everything, and I just show up looking pretty? No. He works hard but so do I. When my now ex and I went out for our anniversary dinner, it was MY treat; he'd been so good to me over a few month period of unemployment that it was the least I could do. He offered to split it when the bill came, but I said no, I wanted to. I don't remember what the first check I picked up was, but like I said, I enjoyed doing it. It made me happy to contribute, because he was more than just a man to go out with, he was my partner for a time. Home-cooked meals or other reciprocal gestures are also good. I think it's totally fine for a guy to start expecting a woman to help contribute after dates 4, 5 or 6. Especially if you're already having sex at that point. C'mon. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Grumpybutfun Posted October 9, 2015 Share Posted October 9, 2015 Men are very straightforward...we don't do things to be nice so we don't understand when women do this just to be "nice"...it seems manipulative to us....so you offered to pay...therefore after a while he thought maybe you wanted to pay. Don't offer if you don't want to do something or if it doesn't hold with your personal values. You tried to manipulate him into thinking you are "nice" and what he got from it was that you wanted to pay your half on dates...simple. Be a straight shooter in life...it will serve you better than fake niceness. Good luck, Grumps 8 Link to post Share on other sites
Justanaverageguy Posted October 9, 2015 Share Posted October 9, 2015 First few dates I normally do something low key and I don't really mind but would normally expect the girl to split the bill or at minimum offer. (most girls I date actually don't like the guy to pay on early dates) I make good money and am quite well off - but to be perfectly honest first couple of dates are about getting to know each other. If a girl just expects the guy to pay .... I've gotten to know a certain side of her I probably don't like very much and maybe there wouldn't be further dates. Conversely if we are 4-5 dates in and I've gotten to know her, really like her and am interested in moving things forward then I am likely to do more serious dates where I pay. Why ? Because I don't pay just because she is a girl. I pay because she is a girl I have gotten to know, really like and want to do something special for. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
python23 Posted October 9, 2015 Share Posted October 9, 2015 For most guys the gesture of offering to pay goes a long way. Link to post Share on other sites
Justanaverageguy Posted October 9, 2015 Share Posted October 9, 2015 (edited) It's about getting to know the other person - so as it's not a business deal money shouldn't be top priority should it 1960s are long gone I'm afraid equality is here to stay. Sisters that expect a free ride can go to the back of the queue. Men have just as many quality suitors lined up as ladies these days and if you think the guy is the only one who needs to do the impressing ..... your going to be hard pressed to find a high quality man who will take you. Being a gentleman does not equal paying for every date. That expectation equals a lady who is more interested in a mans wallet then the type of person she is dating and most gentlemen these days are not interested in that type of girl. Edited October 9, 2015 by a LoveShack.org Moderator Quote of deleted post redacted 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Leigh 87 Posted October 9, 2015 Share Posted October 9, 2015 It depends. I personally need a guy who genuinely prefers to pay for dates. To me, dates are s romantic thing does for his woman; there's nothing romantic to me about splitting the bill While I don't date guys who believe in splitting dates, I also compensate for dates; I totally spoil my menrl rotten in other ways. It's only dates for me where I still subscribe to chivalry; I believe woman should contribute to household bills commensurate to their level of income. Dates out are a nice treat, but it's no longer feasible for a man to totally support his woman...... 3 Link to post Share on other sites
RedRobin Posted October 9, 2015 Share Posted October 9, 2015 Listen, lady. If you're halfway serious, you need to take a good hard look at yourself and how reality is. If you're vain enough to want to go get a mani/pedi, you should pay for your own appearance. If you need that much to look good, then you foot the bill. I don't even know why I'm wasting my time with someone as ignorant as yourself, I suppose you will learn the hard way that men do not exist to pay for you - and any cost you incurred in your primping is entirely your own. Also - it doesn't surprise me how much the cost is. I am female. Which makes your ridiculous comments I am being misogynistic even more hilarious. I second this. I am a woman too. It's those kind of attitudes that make it tougher for women like us who are looking for a partner, not a cash cow... I am soooo glad that it is finally sinking in with guys that offering to split the check is a sign of interest...not some passive aggressive wierd mixed message from a princess wanna bees. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
salparadise Posted October 9, 2015 Share Posted October 9, 2015 Python ...I offer. If a man refuses I take that as a gesture he is a gentleman. You offer... with the expectation that he will not accept... and if he does you hold it against him? Well, isn't that special? If ...as my boys are older and are in a relationship ...and the girl /woman doesn't reciprocate in some manner ... You mean "put out?" That's basically the flip side of this sexist issue. The whole rationale behind the man always pays is... you own the vagina, and expect him to pay for access, or for the possibility of access... someday. It's an archaic attitude of sexist entitlement, nothing more. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
python23 Posted October 9, 2015 Share Posted October 9, 2015 You offer... with the expectation that he will not accept... and if he does you hold it against him? Well, isn't that special? You mean "put out?" That's basically the flip side of this sexist issue. The whole rationale behind the man always pays is... you own the vagina, and expect him to pay for access, or for the possibility of access... someday. It's an archaic attitude of sexist entitlement, nothing more. Well said, far too many women think it's the mans duty to wine and dine his lady until he's done enough for her to give up her legs. In reality it doesn't work like that. Although I think the man should make he effort and pay for the first couple of dates and make the night special. If she doesn't follow up soon after and show interest with plans of her own and her paying for something then it just makes her Come across as a cash cow. Dating should be 50/50 overall. It's about getting to know each other, if it doesn't work out then at least the two of you both made the effort when dating . Link to post Share on other sites
Leigh 87 Posted October 9, 2015 Share Posted October 9, 2015 Well said, far too many women think it's the mans duty to wine and dine his lady until he's done enough for her to give up her legs. In reality it doesn't work like that. Although I think the man should make he effort and pay for the first couple of dates and make the night special. If she doesn't follow up soon after and show interest with plans of her own and her paying for something then it just makes her Come across as a cash cow. Dating should be 50/50 overall. It's about getting to know each other, if it doesn't work out then at least the two of you both made the effort when dating . Except some men are really generous and prefer to treat their woman. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
salparadise Posted October 9, 2015 Share Posted October 9, 2015 Python ...I offer. If a man refuses I take that as a gesture he is a gentleman. I respond in kind ...home cooked meal (I'm quite the chef) What if the man is the one doing all the home cooking? My amazing new girlfriend has a tight schedule, and I have more flexibility. During the week we typically get a several hours one day (when her ex has the kids). So last night she walked into my place after work and found the table set and the meal ready... homemade soup, salad and bread. And wine. I think that was the fourth time I cooked for her. And I do mean cooked, not supplied food. Does that mean she should've paid me in cash for the sex afterward, or does she merely owe me restaurant meals for the rest of my life? 4 Link to post Share on other sites
python23 Posted October 9, 2015 Share Posted October 9, 2015 Except some men are really generous and prefer to treat their woman. Each to their own but I'm less likely to carry on treating my woman if she's not at least offering to pay. Link to post Share on other sites
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