dummyround Posted October 9, 2015 Share Posted October 9, 2015 A little bit of background about myself.. When me and my wife first married, there has been lots of problems and till now, we have been quarreling a lot until it has been affecting my little daughter. We can’t even have a proper conversation now and that’s why we agreed for us to live apart (she’s from another country) and it has already been 2 years.. I can’t continue like this anymore and that’s when I have decided to move on and proceed with a divorce. That’s when I also happen to meet a gal. We are both in our 30s (she is 5 years older than me) and she is a divorcee herself and we met up, text each other every day and enjoyed each other’s company. I fell for her and told her my situation and she also revealed that she had a bf for 2 years but broke up about 1 year ago as her bf cannot commit to her. And she also told me she cannot get over her ex and she can’t let go and she doesn’t want to get into a new relationship for now. I told her I appreciated her being honest with me and I thought I was fine with it. We continue meeting regularly. texting each other every day, and video calling regularly. She even introduced me to her parents, siblings and children.. And she tells me that other than her ex, I am the only one that can make her feel so loved and pampered. And that’s when reality slowly sets in.. and I know I am not feeling good myself when she still agrees to meet her ex whenever he says he wants to meet her and they are still regularly contacting each other. Whenever she tells me she is meeting him, I go crazy because I know she will “disappear” when she is with him.. My feelings for her are clouding my judgement on how to proceed so usually after they meet, I ignore her, cancels our date and tells her that I want to let her go.. and then there is another part in me that wants her back and I will contact her again, and we will be fine again.. this has been happening for 2-3 times already and it’s driving me crazy. It just happened again today and I told her I am serious this time in letting her go to give her space and time and think about it.. She then replies saying that I have been telling her that I will always be there for her, and will never leave her and how can she trust me now when I am so fickle minded..I understand her need of the sense of security but at the same time I want to give our relationship a healthy beginning.. so I told her I will not stop caring for her.. but I will keep my distance too.. but I just have this feeling that she is misunderstanding my intentions.. I also know that I have to settle my own divorce first and she did also mention that I am still legally married and she doesn’t want to make a decision until I am divorce.. I know myself that she is already in my heart and I want her so badly.. but it seems that it is not the case for her and seems to me that she is investing more in the old relationship than the new relationship.. It’s all the mixed signals that is very confusing and it’s causing me sleepless nights and appetite loss.. some advice and insights will be appreciated.. thanks. Link to post Share on other sites
Vintage79 Posted October 9, 2015 Share Posted October 9, 2015 It's hard, but it probably won't change - leaving is probably the best bet for your sanity. That said - I'd chat with her first - tell her that priorizing her ex concerns you and see what she says/what happens...she clearly has baggage - you need to figure out if you can deal with it and see if she is willing to take actions to get rid of it... Link to post Share on other sites
Yookie Posted October 9, 2015 Share Posted October 9, 2015 Wait you're still married and you're upset that she's not over the ex-boyfriend? Well hello POT I'd like to introduce you to the KETTLE.... Link to post Share on other sites
Author dummyround Posted October 9, 2015 Author Share Posted October 9, 2015 Wait you're still married and you're upset that she's not over the ex-boyfriend? Well hello POT I'd like to introduce you to the KETTLE.... Yookie, i completely understand what you mean. I know I am still legally married but I know my heart has already died.. and the divorce proceedings will start next week. Link to post Share on other sites
lolablue17 Posted October 9, 2015 Share Posted October 9, 2015 (edited) At first i thought that it is a complicated situation without only one answer, until you mentioned that she's tried to convince you to stay, by saying that "you will always be there for her, and will never leave her and how can she trust you now when you are so fickle minded" Well, i changed my mind! Only a manipulative B!tch can say words like these. What!??!! After she plays with your deepest feelings for a long time, while she's totally aware how hurt you are, she says "you promised me"? and the worst is "How can I trust you"? Really? You're dealing with a manipulative, selfish woman who will always ignore your feelings. There will always "only her her her" in your relationship. Come on!! She sees that her man is suffering, and she doesn't even care!! She looks through you, she doesn't see you at all. Tell her that you trusted her to develope a little understanding and empathy to your feelings, but since she has shown you that she doesn't care for you even just a bit, you lost your trust in her, and she's free to search her happiness and you're going to do the same. I still can't believe how selfish can she be. She actually said "But you promised to let me abuse you and hurt you constantly. How can I trust you if you want happiness?" UGGGHHHHHHH!!!! Edited October 9, 2015 by lolablue17 Link to post Share on other sites
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