CT98 Posted October 8, 2015 Share Posted October 8, 2015 I'm 26, she's 24. I've had two dates with this girl now, second one last night which ended with a very passionate kiss..and I'm seeing her again in a few days. Even to me who is fairly crap at reading women it seems that she's into me. I normally text her in the evening just to keep some sort of conversation going, she replies quite swiftly and we normally talk for a good hour if not more. It's not really a problem per se, but she never initiates any texting I can't decide whether I like it or not, I kind of like it because it means we get to talk when I'm ready, but I guess it would be nice to know she's thinking of me too. I understand that as a man it's my job to pursue, and I kind of like it. But I've never been with a girl where this sort of thing hasn't been a 50/50 split...I realise how daft I sound and it's not majorly bothering me, I was just wondering if this was the norm for a lot of young women? Link to post Share on other sites
thedish Posted October 8, 2015 Share Posted October 8, 2015 A LOT of dating advice geared towards women says, "Let him initiate" evvvvverything. It's lame, but the idea is that if she lets you chase, then you'll love her all the more. So it might be that she's following that advice. As your relationship deepens, maybe you could say something about it. Like, "Sometimes i worry that you don't like texting with me because you never text first." HOpefully, if she's not obsessed with playing games, this will be her cue to hold up her end of hte deal! Link to post Share on other sites
Jinx01 Posted October 8, 2015 Share Posted October 8, 2015 If it's been only two dates don't panic, she could still be hesitant about the acceptable amount of contact. Just casually ask. "Hey why don't you ever text me first?" Make sure you're not texting too much. Link to post Share on other sites
Author CT98 Posted October 8, 2015 Author Share Posted October 8, 2015 If it's been only two dates don't panic, she could still be hesitant about the acceptable amount of contact. Just casually ask. "Hey why don't you ever text me first?" Make sure you're not texting too much. Hmm yeah, 'tis a fine line it seems between showing that you're interested and being an annoyance. I make sure to only text in the evenings, the good thing is she does seem genuinely interested in keeping the conversation flowing. Link to post Share on other sites
Oregon_Dude Posted October 8, 2015 Share Posted October 8, 2015 Personally I think that post-date (GOOD dates), women should be initiating most with the texting, i.e., "I had a really good time with you". Then the guy agrees, and sets a place and time for the next one. If she's not, she is probably on the fence. In most cases where I had to send the aforementioned text, she wasn't sure about me and it didn't end up panning out. Link to post Share on other sites
Celeste.Carol Posted October 8, 2015 Share Posted October 8, 2015 Because all the advice is to never initiate with a man because you come off looking desperate, too willing, needy, a stalker, etc., but they can intitiate with women with no problem. Go figure. I never play games, if a guy doesn't like me contacting him, or has issues with these bs games, then I do not need him in my life. Texting has become a big problem with communication between men and women. Link to post Share on other sites
SSM3 Posted October 8, 2015 Share Posted October 8, 2015 Depends on the woman my friend. As we know women are difficult creatures to understand and people read too much into texting I think. Each woman is different, and how they think and act will be entirely based on their personality. Don't look too much into this texting thing. Words (in person) mean much more. Good luck man 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Miss Peach Posted October 8, 2015 Share Posted October 8, 2015 I don't initiate anything at the beginning. What a guy does on (and outside) of a date tells me a lot about his intentions towards me. Plus I don't like to put myself in position I'm leading until we get to the point we're in a relationship and working out which areas we each want to handle. IMO if you like her and she seems interested you should ask her out again. Link to post Share on other sites
thecrucible Posted October 8, 2015 Share Posted October 8, 2015 You should ask her out again if you're interested in seeing her. Maybe you can bring up the conversation about communication in a casual way, and see what she thinks? Because While I prefer to let the guy initiate initially due to being burned in the past, I don't think it's the "guy's job" as such. If we both liked each other enough, I think there should be a balance. But it's really hard to get myself to do that in the early stages because I don't want to give up my power to the guy and for him to like me because I'm easy to get. A lot of dating blog wisdom tells you to let "the guy chase" and it's hard to know when to start putting forth more effort. Plus it's nice to be wooed Link to post Share on other sites
thecrucible Posted October 8, 2015 Share Posted October 8, 2015 Personally I think that post-date (GOOD dates), women should be initiating most with the texting, i.e., "I had a really good time with you". Then the guy agrees, and sets a place and time for the next one. If she's not, she is probably on the fence. In most cases where I had to send the aforementioned text, she wasn't sure about me and it didn't end up panning out. That's true. That can be the case too but it depends on the woman as people have different reasons for doing things. With some guys, I've taken a step back when I haven't been sure enough whether we're a match. That doesn't last long because people need to know where they stand soon enough. Link to post Share on other sites
Oregon_Dude Posted October 8, 2015 Share Posted October 8, 2015 Yeah I dunno. If either gender finds they're doing all the initiating, it gets real old, real fast. You need to have mutual interest to have a relationship. I don't keep bothering women who don't show said interest. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
joseb Posted October 8, 2015 Share Posted October 8, 2015 Yeah I dunno. If either gender finds they're doing all the initiating, it gets real old, real fast. You need to have mutual interest to have a relationship. I don't keep bothering women who don't show said interest. I agree. I won't keep forcing someone if they never seem to want to initiate. I think a lot of people on here complaining about "ghosting" are actually causing the problem by never initiating themselves. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Oregon_Dude Posted October 8, 2015 Share Posted October 8, 2015 I understand that as a man it's my job to pursue, and I kind of like it.Also, I think you have this wrong. It's a man's job to make and set dates. It's a woman's job to text him cute sh*t during the day. A man texting a woman saying "hi" is a man with not much going on. Link to post Share on other sites
thecrucible Posted October 8, 2015 Share Posted October 8, 2015 It's a man's job to make and set dates. It's a woman's job to text him cute sh*t during the day. I hate texting . And I'm not cutesy enough to text cute sh*t. Guess I'll be single for a wee while then? Link to post Share on other sites
thecrucible Posted October 8, 2015 Share Posted October 8, 2015 I agree. I won't keep forcing someone if they never seem to want to initiate. I think a lot of people on here complaining about "ghosting" are actually causing the problem by never initiating themselves. Never thought I'd say this but I realise in the past I've caused guys to lose interest in me because I haven't been initiating enough. So I completely know what you're getting at. However some of those guys were only after casual so it was actually a good thing that they lost interest. Not my job to pump up their egos . I think one of my exes wanted me to look up to him but I can't do that lol. I see a man as my equal - I am not kissing his feet! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Oregon_Dude Posted October 8, 2015 Share Posted October 8, 2015 I hate texting . And I'm not cutesy enough to text cute sh*t. Guess I'll be single for a wee while then?I love that you hate texting. Fly to Oregon. I've got an amazing garage you can live in. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Ami1uwant Posted October 8, 2015 Share Posted October 8, 2015 How is she on a date? Does she initiate conversation? See if in a week or so things change. Link to post Share on other sites
fitnessfan365 Posted October 9, 2015 Share Posted October 9, 2015 1) It's only been a few dates 2) You're not even sure if you like her or not. So there really isn't any need yet for daily communication yet IMO. I mean if you keep having dates, start to really like her, things get more serious, etc. then it's understandable to want to talk more often. But for right now, why not just focus on planning dates and touching base every 2-3 days? If anything, the more texting you do can wind up being a disservice. Things either get misinterpreted or people start to over-analyze and freak out over response time and who initiates (like you're doing now..LOL). You also have to remember that it can take a woman time to get more invested where she initiates. Especially since they have more options to pursue. I mean let's say she's currently dating a few other guys besides you. It would make sense that it'll take her longer than two dates to decide which way she wants to go. So plan dates, be patient, and keep the texting minimal until it starts to get more serious. If anything, keeping space will make her miss you more and raise her attraction. But if you continue to act like her phone buddy on a daily basis, it could make her see you as friendship material. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Stage5Clinger Posted October 9, 2015 Share Posted October 9, 2015 major major major red flag. Imagine you're married to this girl -- you have to do everything and she puts zero effort in? Yeah, I don't think so. Peace out girlscout. Link to post Share on other sites
Author CT98 Posted October 9, 2015 Author Share Posted October 9, 2015 I should have known posting on LoveShack was going to bring many differences of opinion All input is appreciated though. Man this dating game is complicated, or maybe I just make it more complicated than it needs to be.. I suppose it's all meant to be a bit of fun really, but when you're 26 and thinking you'd like to make moves towards settling down with a future wife, you can't help but judge people on little things like this. I think I need to make a concerted effort to lighten up a bit, just take things for how they are & try and have fun. Link to post Share on other sites
guest569 Posted October 9, 2015 Share Posted October 9, 2015 HOW and WHEN would she possibly get a chance to initiate anything if you're texting her every evening? After just a few dates? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author CT98 Posted October 9, 2015 Author Share Posted October 9, 2015 HOW and WHEN would she possibly get a chance to initiate anything if you're texting her every evening? After just a few dates? Suppose you have a point.. Link to post Share on other sites
MidwestUSA Posted October 9, 2015 Share Posted October 9, 2015 HOW and WHEN would she possibly get a chance to initiate anything if you're texting her every evening? After just a few dates? I consider there to be a difference between 'two' and 'a few'. Way too much thinking going on in here! Link to post Share on other sites
guest569 Posted October 9, 2015 Share Posted October 9, 2015 I consider there to be a difference between 'two' and 'a few'. Way too much thinking going on in here! Ah. FF threw me that's even worse then Link to post Share on other sites
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