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He's distant, cold and probably lost interest?


liz098

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Hi! I'm new here, this is my first time writing.

It's going to be long, sorry in advance, lol.

 

So, I met this cute single 27 y/o gemini guy in May this year, who followed me on Instagram and is from my city, I followed him back (we had mutual friends in common), he liked plenty of my pictures and sent me a direct message saying hi and introducing himself, complimenting my pictures and being kind.

Eventually he told me he had been searching for me on Facebook weeks earlier and sent me a request, it took me some time to accept it cause I usually don't accept strangers so I told him I didn't accept his request cause I didn't know who he was back then, I eventually accepted his request and we started talking there.

 

He was about to go to another country for the summer cause of a temporary job till August, so we didn't have time to meet up in person and he went away. We exchanged our phone numbers and started conversating everyday on WhatsApp. He always initiated, complimented me all the time, we had nice conversations, there wasn't probably much chemistry at first but that was because at the beginning I'm always quite shy so I don't really open up that well, we were just amicably talking and weeks went by, we both gained trust, he started dedicating me love songs on my profile and commenting with hearts on my pictures and being sweet. We had skype calls and he told me how crazy he was about me, that he couldn't stop thinking about me and liked me a lot, wanted to see me soon... He talked about me to his friends, showed them my pictures, etc... We kind of started falling for each other and decided that when he would come back in August we would meet up and spend time together, even going on a trip together, blah blah. The cute stuff y'all know. He seemed really into me and so was I.

 

During July, I noticed some things I didn't really like on his social media, he had a couple of girls commenting very sexual stuff on some of his IG pictures in a flirty way and I decided to just ask him politely who they were, as to what he responded, were just close friends of him, which I then decided to let slip as if it was nothing cause it were just jokes of his female friends. He would btw also act quite jealous and rude every time a guyfriend of mine commented on my pictures, (but they would never comment anything sexual though cause my friends aren't that way with me). I instead always stayed polite to him while he would get very jealous. But anyway, I also realized during that time that he had around 2000 friends on FB and most of them were females. He's a very social guy, used to party a lot and study at many places and knows a lot of people. He's kinda "popular". He has more female friends than male friends which I didn't find a problem at all, some guys have that. My friend started telling me I had to be aware and careful cause she saw him as a player...

 

August came and we decided to meet up in person for the first time after talking daily for almost 3 months. We were nervous but it was sweet, we gave each other gifts, talked, he then kissed me. He brought me home after, a couple of days later we hung out again, then again, again, everything went great, eventually after some hangouts we ended up drinking a bit, he took me to his house and we slept together, I wasn't used to that, normally it would take me some time to get to that point so "quick", but we enjoyed the moment so there was no turning back and no regrets. He brought me home that night and wanted to see me the next day, we still hung out together plenty of times, and invited me to sleep at his home every often (he lives with his mom though). Days went by and he also slept at my house, we would sleep at each others house often and watch movies, he also introduced me to his closest friends, his mom obviously... Everything okay.

 

Then one day I decided to ask him some questions about his ex relationships, just to know more about his past, but he seemed nervous/defensive and wanted to change subject so we did. He then all of a sudden told me he wasn't looking for a relationship atm, because his life wasn't in check (doesn't have a job anymore, looking for one, lives with his mom, etc), doesn't feel like having a girlfriend atm, blah, blah... Which disappointed me cause he had been flirting a lot with me during the summer and telling me he wanted me to "be his girl" "make me his" and stuff like that... Btw, he's also the type of guy that says "my friends before girls" He adores his friends and are the world to him, more than any relationship/girl. His friends all have partners though, he's the only single one. I felt kinda fooled...

 

Anyway, a week later I introduced him to my friends at my bday party, he that day told me he was falling in love with me but was afraid that I would hurt him (lol). We had an amazing night, he went home with me and we cuddled till we fell asleep. Then that week we were both busy but still talking daily, he always initiated still... And I then saw on instagram that he had liked some sexual pictures of a friend of his. I found it kinda weird, not really relevant though, so I joked about it and we both laughed and let it go.

 

We kept on meeting up every 2 days and spending time together and everything was going great until I one day saw that he started following a bunch of girls of our city and adding 1 of them to FB. Which made me confused... I thought if he did that same thing with me, he's probably doing it with other girls? So I politely called him asking who she was and he became all nervous/defensive and panicky saying it was just a girl he had a fling with a couple of years back and that they were just friends now and she had a boyfriend now, blah blah... He felt "pressured" all of a sudden and told me he was going to block me from IG so I wouldn't see his activity. I got quite mad and told him he didn't have to, I said "I'd rather unfollow you, which is easier" and so I did. (I haven't followed him since till this day). I tried staying calm and he decided he wanted to meet up that afternoon to talk, so we did. He then said he thought we "went too fast" and should "slow down" etc. Fine, I agreed. We still kissed though, he brought me home.

 

We kinda started seeing each other less since then, we met at a concert I invited him to a couple of days later, he kissed me but then he sorta regretted it, that night we had another talk and he said "he liked me and would love to kiss me and make love to me all night, but wants to remain to his words from the other day of going slow and just being friends" cause he didn't want to be hypocritical... He wanted to "get to know me better just as friends and then seeing how things would go". He also said "maybe we could be something in a future but wants to know me better first". Hurt and disappointed, I said okay after all. He also disappeared all of a sudden that night, leaving me with my friends at the concert, not even saying goodbye to me or them, which I found disrespectful and pissed me off tbh.

 

3 days later he invited me to his house to eat and so I did but just like friends. We had a nice time and he ten layed down on his bed wanting me to lay next to him and massage him, I did, but nothing else besides that. He was flirty and playful with me and I was kinda distant, because if he's supposed to be just a friend, I'm just going to be treating him as one, duh. He seemed to be into me at that point, holding me, but anyway, he took me home and I decided to open up and say "I find it weird that you want me to lay down with you in your bed and massage you when were supposedly just friends... And I don't get why you seem so uninterested all of a sudden, you don't even want to kiss me anymore after all this time. If you just want to be friends then say it so I can move on". As to what he responded "Why do you think that?" Then said "Yes, I just want to be friends at the moment, we don't know what the future will bring" So, I just thanked him for the food and went home kinda serious. He noticed it and texted me hours after asking if I was okay and I just answered yeah.

 

Since that day, we didn't see each other for about 2 weeks, we did meet up one day to drink something, just as friends, although he was cold and distant, but we had a nice time I guess, idk. Thing is, that was a week ago, now he barely talks to me anymore, sometimes 2 days go by without us conversating, he is distant, doesn't seem intersted in me at all. I feel hurt, lied to and played. Because there were feelings coming from my side and I feel like he's forgotten me all of a sudden so easily after these months. I opened up 2 days ago telling him honestly how he made me feel lately and he felt really sorry telling me he had been busy and will talk to me more, promising me he would be more thoughtful and attentive and that he didn't forget me, etc.

 

And he has indeed been more attentive these days, but he treats me as a friend still, he even treats his own female friends better than me. And I just find it generally sad that after all, he acts this way, after saying he was falling in love with me, after spending all summer skype calling me telling me how crazy he was about me and how he was falling for me and couldn't wait to meet me, etc. That he just acts this way as if it was all nothing. As if he forgot what we had so fast.

 

What's wrong with him? Do you guys think he's a player?

I sometimes don't understand people, or love. It can be so complicated.

Sorry for the long ass thread!

Edited by liz098
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Heh, I had a very similar 25 year old gemini playing totally hot over the summer that dropped to subzero temperatures come September. Must be something about how the planets are aligned. Even the way your guy answered a serious question with a question sounds EXACTLY like him, as well as the whole keeping you as a backup with some crumbs 'just in case', instead of being a man and giving it to you straight. "We don't know what the future will bring?" WTF?!

 

And no, I have no idea what the hell is their problem :D I would say drop him, but I know that's easier said than done. Then again, maybe you're stronger than I am. Hugs, sister!

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